Parents So upset and frustrated... what should we do?

[gymmommy123]

I'm just so frustrated right now. Maybe someone can give me perspective, or insight on what to do, but please try not to be mean, as I'm upset enough. My daughter moved to a new gym last January. She was supposed to come straight over as a new level 3 (they told me this BEFORE we moved), but a week after we moved gyms, they asked that she compete old 3 for 2 or 3 meets for experience. She had 2 meets, they said she wasn't scoring high enough, and needed to repeat at new level 2 again. Well, she did almost NO uptraining for 8 months, did endless level 2 routines (which became quite boring 9 hrs a week I must say), gave her 3 meets to compete at, at which, she medalled almost every event, took top 5 or 6 AA, and then at state, took 1st in bars and 4th AA. She has all her level 3 skills, and I thought surely now they'd move her up. They told me they want her to compete level 2 AGAIN, for an ENTIRE year. The whole time, they keep bringing in new little 4 and 5 yr olds and spending all their time teaching them handstands and cartwheels, and she is just bored out of her mind. This is a child who LOVES gymnastics, but when I asked her if she'd rather repeat level 2 for a whole year or quit, she said she'd rather quit. She thrives on challenge, but they never give her any opportunity to do so. She's been at a "developmental" level now for 4 years between her old gym and now this new one. We turned down her level 3 team invitation at her old gym to move to this great "new" gym closer to our house, and I feel like I made such an awful mistake. She's crushed, I'm crushed, my husband is crushed. I feel like I'm taking away the sport she adores, because I screwed up and we have no other options. Her old gym won't let her come back, even though we left on great terms. What do I do? Why on earth would they make her stay back at level 2 another entire year? They work no new skills, so we'd literally be watching her bored silly for an entire year. I feel sick about it all. I honestly think she has a moderate level of talent, she was always at the top of her group at her last gym and picked up new skills easily. She will be 7 y/o next week and I don't think she's "too young" anymore to compete level 3. Am I being a CGM to think she should move up?

 

[MeetDirector]

You ask why they would do this - because its money in their pocket. The current level 2, old level 3 - are you kidding me? I have said this before and I will say it again - these levels lead no where for higher gymnastics other than to line the pockets of the club.

What to do - run, not walk to another gym. If you don't want to do that, it is time for a heart to heart with the owner or head coach and tell them that it is not acceptable.

Why won't they let her back? You are a paying customer and they have to give you a reason.

You have to stand up for your dd and if she has talent then you can't let these kinds of actions squelch her and her desire.

Good Luck!!

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

That is exactly what I was thinking MeetDirector. Also maybe a little sandbagging to get a good reputation so more kids will join this gym. I would want a better reason since she has all L3 skills and from how it sounds killed it at L2. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

 

[raenndrops]

If she has all of the L3 skills and was 4th AA at State with 1st on bars, I don't think you are crazy. They LIED to you to get you to their gym! And now they are ruining the sport your daughter loves.
It would be different if they uptrained and were working on L4 skills with the intent to bypass L3, but that doesn't seem to be the goal.
Are you sure the old gym won't take her back? Are there any other gyms around? (Even, maybe a YMCA that has a gymnastics team... just make sure it is one that competes at Nationals every year - or also compete USAG- to guarantee that they take it seriously).
Good luck.

 

[gymmommy123]

It's not about not WANTING to leave, it's just almost no other options where we live, unless I drive 2 hrs to another city. Not possible :-( In the Spring, there was this other little girl, super talented that trained with my DD. They refused to move her up, and they went to another gym 2 hrs away that trains up to elite. The new gym skipped her 2 full levels, said she was being held WAY back from where she should be training. She just took off once she moved. Unfortunately, we can't make the drive, otherwise we'd move there in a second.

 

[flippin out]

Have you requested a meeting with owner or head coach? I'd request meeting (without your dd there) and explain to them how she feels (bored, and needs challenge). Let them know she's bored to the point of quitting rather than not progress, with no uptraining what is to challenge her? Do not be confrontational, just explain your dd's feelings, your feelings and ask for clarification/explaination as to what their goal is for her. You can then make a better decision as to your next step. Btw- I'm betting old gym would take her back....most gyms have a no return policy, but very few adhere to that unless things were strained and ugly when leaving. If a team member left in good standing, most gyms would take it as you learned a lesson and are willing to take them back (not all, but in this economy, most will)

 

[gymmommy123]

I should also say, this gym (they have 2 locations), sweeps every medal, every level, almost every meet. I thought it was because they were "good", but I see now, it's because they compete girls a level or 2 below their level :-(

 

[gymmommy123]

I tried to go back to the old gym a few months after we moved, and they declined. I didn't understand it, and the head coach didn't either, but the owner said no... I don't know that I'd want to go and beg any more. She was with old gym for 3 yrs and always did great there.

 

[krisnkids]

I would think the only thing that you can do is request a meeting with the owner of the old gym, state your case and ask what you need to do to have your daughter return to the gym.

 

[Committed]

OMG! I was about to post something similar! I won't hijack your thread....but I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!

 

[gymmommy123]

I really believe the old gym is not an option... they have never (that I'm aware of) allowed girls back after they left, even though we left before we'd ever competed on their team. The silly thing is, we moved mainly because it would save half the drive (30 vs 50 min each way) and not because we had any issues with the owner or coaches. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[IreneKa]

If switching gyms is not an option, then the only option I see is, as others said, request a meeting with the HC and demand an explanation. There is no reason to keep her in L2 for another year, that's just crazy!

 

[gymgal]

I should also say, this gym (they have 2 locations), sweeps every medal, every level, almost every meet. I thought it was because they were "good", but I see now, it's because they compete girls a level or 2 below their level :-(

most gyms that are "that good" are competing their girls 1-2 levels below where they could be/are training. It's just a different philosophy to training/competing, one that I personally feel goes against the mission of USAG, but that's a topic for another day. Unfortunately this philosophy is one that new parents just entering gymnastics don't understand. Even veteran parents don't get it sometimes. A Lot of times they just think it is better coaching or equipment, or talent. And many times it is also almost always because they drill to perfection, something that takes a lot of time - at least initially.

As for your situation, I would try to sit down with the current hc and discuss where your dd is, how she is feeling, and what her options are. It doesn't hurt to ask him/her for a trial period in the upper level. But just remember, this is not going to go away. Even if she moves up, you will be facing this again next year. They are a gym that strives for perfection in their gymnasts. Obviously their system works because they end up with gymnasts competing 10 with enough experience to get college scholarships (if recall that correctly from a previous post of yours). It just may not be the system that works best for you or your child. I know my dd would not thrive in that environment. She would much rather move up than repeat and get 38-39s.

 

[MeetDirector]

gymmommy -
Someone said not to get confrontational. Normally I would agree, but it is time to call them on thier lie and fight for your daughter. You have to do this in the right way. Be educated and meet during the business day, not during practice. Take a third party, you need another set of ears because I promise you won't hear everything. State the facts and work from there; don't bring in innuendo or compare to any other girls. You can do this; nobody else will. Be strong and calm.

Oh and I would also try and do a face to face meeting with the old gym. Lay your cards on the table.

Good luck.

 

[gymmommy123]

Yes unfortunately my daughter isn't the type that does well being held back. She's very very smart, but hates wrote, boring repetition. She will rise to a challenge, but if she's just left where she is, she'll spend more time goofing around than doing anything else. She will go insane working the same skills for another year. And honestly, I don't think she'll end up with 38's and 39's anyway, because she'll be too bored and disappointed to give it much effort. We thought we had this great new gym, but it's just a huge let-down for us all. I try really hard to let coaches make their decisions, but at this point, I just disagree so strongly. I know they'll make her repeat 3 as well, so we're talking 2 yrs at level 2 and 2 yrs at level 3, and hope she isn't bored and burnt out by the time it really starts to matter.

 

[gymmommy123]

Will I look like the "problem parent" if I sit down and have a meeting with them? Last thing I want them to do is move her up, and then resent her, and give her poor coaching in hopes that she'll fail so they can say, "I told you so". That's a big fear of mine.

 

[mouey77]

most gyms that are "that good" are competing their girls 1-2 levels below where they could be/are training. It's just a different philosophy to training/competing, one that I personally feel goes against the mission of USAG, but that's a topic for another day. Unfortunately this philosophy is one that new parents just entering gymnastics don't understand. Even veteran parents don't get it sometimes. A Lot of times they just think it is better coaching or equipment, or talent. And many times it is also almost always because they drill to perfection, something that takes a lot of time - at least initially.

As for your situation, I would try to sit down with the current hc and discuss where your dd is, how she is feeling, and what her options are. It doesn't hurt to ask him/her for a trial period in the upper level. But just remember, this is not going to go away. Even if she moves up, you will be facing this again next year. They are a gym that strives for perfection in their gymnasts. Obviously their system works because they end up with gymnasts competing 10 with enough experience to get college scholarships (if recall that correctly from a previous post of yours). It just may not be the system that works best for you or your child. I know my dd would not thrive in that environment. She would much rather move up than repeat and get 38-39s.

Our entire level 2 team at our gym is 7 and 8 yr olds, so at least where we are (seems counter to what I'm always reading in various posts), it is the norm for even a talented gymnast to compete level 2 at your daughter's age. But, if she has already spent almost a year at this gym competing level 2 and is medaling, I would certainly be frustrated too. We are at a gym that has the above philosophy, and they would rather instill perfect form at these low levels than have the gymnasts compete up a level and score lower. I have nothing helpful to add to what's already been said beyond if this is in fact your current gym's philosophy, you might be fighting an uphill battle.

 

[gymdog]

Well, as much as I hate to suggest this, it sounds like you are stuck in pickle. Maybe you could approach them saying your daughter was really looking forward to moving to level 3, and would private lessons with any of the coaches help? Sometimes it helps to play the game in some gyms. I'm not saying I agree with it, but it's one approach.

 

[txgymfan]

I would try to meet with both gyms. As others have said, be calm but honest. If the new gym does not move her up and the old one wont take her back then I suggest finding a new activity for her.

 

[gymmommy123]

Maybe you could approach them saying your daughter was really looking forward to moving to level 3, and would private lessons with any of the coaches help? Sometimes it helps to play the game in some gyms. I'm not saying I agree with it, but it's one approach.

I wish I could say I thought this was a skill related issue. If it were, we would absolutely do private lessons. I gave that up notion months ago, as we can't get a decent coach to teach privates to save our lives. The few good coaches are overloaded with work, the other coaches aren't worth the $50/hr, she doesn't need high-fives for doing easy skills poorly. And she has her skills for level 3, she just needs polish on them, and to learn routines. I sure wish it were that simple :-(