Parents someone PLEASE read me the riot act! I'm being a CGM!

[CuriousCate]

Ok, so I'm at work and gonna have to post and run here...but I have to get this off my chest and then come back to a serious CB a$$ whooping to get me in check before I leave for the day to pick up my kiddo!

So my ODD just turned 7 and is training level 4. She's never been the star, but she is the youngest on her team by a good bit and holds her own really well. She's humble and works hard.

Now my YDD just turned 5 and has been on the pre-team since August. She is tiny and strong and has potential but thinks that she's awesome and doesn't need to work that hard. She is really hoping to get moved up to lvl 2 this summer because her big sis did and bc most of her current team will be moved up. If she does, she will also be the youngest kid but not by much (there are a few girls who are within 4-6 months; the rest are 1+ years older).

Her coach is doing a check mark chart to show the skills the girls need by the end of May to move up (really they decide before that, though...) and YDD is falling behind the other girls despite having been one of the stronger ones just as of last month. When ODD tries to give her gentle advice, YDD gets all pissy about it.

I know she's young and I know that every child is different so I can't compare to my ODD, but MAN IS IT ANNOYING to watch her not work hard and not keep up when I know that physically she can. I try to keep my mouth shut, but watching that check mark chart skew more and more each practice when I pick her up, esp on skills I KNOW she can do, is driving me nuts.

Ok, y'all. Tell me to get over it. Tell me that she's 5 and I'm being a CGM. Tell me something! And also, give me some advice on how to talk to her about what she wants and how to help her work to her potential. I'm not used to having to do this part bc my ODD was basically born a grown up!

TIA!!!

 

[profmom]

Lol. Let the natural consequence of not getting the move up she wants do its work. And encourage big sis only to offer advice when it's welcome. I have loved watching the relationship between my two sib gymnasts evolve over the years. They provide great support for each other.

 

[notthatmom]

She's 5, she might not even like gymnastics....she has PLENTY of time to progress at her own pace if that's what she wants to do. She also may want to take up basketball tomorrow, and that's completely fine. You're not an CGM, just a parent who cares about her kids' success, and that's totally ok....just give it time, what happens happens, there isn't anything to can do to "fix" it.

Now have a margarita, I don't care how early it is

 

[duyetanh]

Lol. Let the natural consequence of not getting the move up she wants do its work. And encourage big sis only to offer advice when it's welcome. I have loved watching the relationship between my two sib gymnasts evolve over the years. They provide great support for each other.

I agree. She is 5. Could easily be a maturity thing, especially if she literally can see the check marks and doesn't seem worried. If I was in that situation, I would let the chips fall where they fall...I would make sure my child did know what the natural consequences would be, so she was aware, but that would be it. Life lessons are hard sometimes, but teach us volumes.

 

[duyetanh]

Now have a margarita, I don't care how early it is

Don't have one yet, you don't want to get fired, lol! Wait til you are off...and then have TWO.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Don't have one yet, you don't want to get fired, lol! Wait til you are off...and then have TWO.

Maybe a Shirley Temple this morning...

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Drink more wine

 

[GymDad9.9]

Never too early to try to explain and teach your child that if they want to achieve something they need to work hard for it.

 

[l.c.o]

I'd say she's sending a clear signal that she's just not quite ready. While physically she's ahead, sounds like she needs to mature a bit. That can take time (and she's got plenty of that), or it can happen almost overnight. I know it probably hurts to watch it happen, but I think that missing the skills cutoff would likely either inspire her to work harder or inspire her to maybe find another activity.

Being naturally talented at a sport (or anything!) sadly does not equal passion. Oh but how I wish that was the case for my own kids!

 

[GymDad9.9]

I'd say she's sending a clear signal that she's just not quite ready. While physically she's ahead, sounds like she needs to mature a bit. That can take time or happen overnight, and she's got plenty of time for that. I know it probably hurts to watch it happen, but I think that missing the skills cutoff would likely either inspire her to work harder or inspire her to maybe find another activity.

Being naturally talented at a sport (or anything!) sadly does not equal passion. Oh but how I wish that was the case for my own kids!

While all true and very good advice, there sounds like there may be some sibling rivalry at play here as well that may be impacting this particular situation.

 

[MILgymFAM]

She's 5. Don't talk to her at all about gym, even gently, other than to hear how much fun she had in class. She needs to earn her spot because she did the things they require- because she wanted to. What's the point of pushing her through the process and then being frustrated that she's not mature enough for the next level? You know she's strong enough, so let her mind catch up with her body naturally. The natural consequences here are absolutely just the right amount.

 

[l.c.o]

@GymDad9.9 I have two in gym who are several years apart in age. Even being different (one WAG, one MAG), there is definitely some rivalry even there... Just last night DD realized her brother's VT score at state was higher than hers, and got a bit annoyed. So yes, I agree there's probably some degree of sibling rivalry happening based on her post, but it sounded like OP was a bit aware of it, and I do think that maturity plays at least a small role even in that (sibling rivalry).

To OP, I also wanted to add: my DS was invited to team when he was a wee little thing, and he wasn't ready. He asked to quit and try something else, so we let him. Eventually he came to us and said "I want to go back to gym, I'm ready to work hard to make team". While my DS is no superstar, he just competed his second season after just going back to gym (almost) three years ago. Anything can happen.

 

[duyetanh]

Drink more wine

I WAS going to mention wine...but the Margarita had already been touched on....wth....just have a drink. Hah!

 

[Sasha]

Ah, the timeless "My child isn't doing enough to reach her/his potential!" stress - in so many areas of life!!

If it's not gymnastics, it's math, writing, or school in general, or relationships, that first job, or on and on....

How many of us have really been so internally driven to reach our full potential? Either within a specific passion, or life in general? I can't say that I have been flawless here. Not even close. So expecting this drive out of young kids is a pretty high bar. But of course, we always hope and try to push for our children to be better than us. It is the natural order of things.

As you clearly know, your DD may mature and decide to dig in and put her mental energy into gymnastics, or she may not. At 5, really hard to tell. I have 2 kiddos that did find the love and drive, and another that, though talented, decidedly did not find the motivation within. I did really stress over that at the time. The notion of one's child "wasting talent", and when to let that go, is a tough mental game for sure. Darn these little humans and their individual personalities! I'll have some wine with you.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Lol. Let the natural consequence of not getting the move up she wants do its work. And encourage big sis only to offer advice when it's welcome. I have loved watching the relationship between my two sib gymnasts evolve over the years. They provide great support for each other.

You took the words right out of my mouth. The natural consequences of not working hard is not moving up. Wonderful life lesson to learn......

That and we have much less control over them we think. Our life lesson.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Drink more wine

Or a mojito................

Or a chocolate martini..........................

 

[CuriousCate]

Don't have one yet, you don't want to get fired, lol! Wait til you are off...and then have TWO.

Maybe a Shirley Temple this morning...

Drink more wine

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Y'all are people after my own heart! Let's just say that I *may* have brought wine in a kiddie thermos to her pre-team meet! Maybe.

She's 5. Don't talk to her at all about gym, even gently, other than to hear how much fun she had in class. She needs to earn her spot because she did the things they require- because she wanted to. What's the point of pushing her through the process and then being frustrated that she's not mature enough for the next level? You know she's strong enough, so let her mind catch up with her body naturally. The natural consequences here are absolutely just the right amount.

I love this - another CBer used the same words "natural consequences" and it makes total sense. You are right, too about not talking about it. I don't know what got into me! With ODD, I knew NOTHING about this process so I stayed out of it be default. I was blind sided when she was put on the team. I know too much now and it is turning me into a crazy person. Yes. I will not talk about gym. I will not talk about gym. I will not talk about gym. 100x!

THANK YOU all.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I have 2 only (s), yes they are 12 yrs apart, it is 2 only(s).

But I hear great things about the book, Siblings Without Rivalry

 

[CuriousCate]

you know, it's funny. It does not seem to really be rivalry as much as it is that YDD sort of thinks that her knowledge base is better bc her ODD has done this. She sort of seems to thinking that she can ride ODD's coat tails without realizing how much work ODD did to get there.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

you know, it's funny. It does not seem to really be rivalry as much as it is that YDD sort of thinks that her knowledge base is better bc her ODD has done this. She sort of seems to thinking that she can ride ODD's coat tails without realizing how much work ODD did to get there.

Yeah, back to life lessons..............................