Update: the coach and I have exchanged a few emails and then spoke after her class tonight. Basically, when my dd was invited to pre-team, she was on the same level as the other girls invited at the same time and showed potential. In the last 5 months, the other girls have excelled and are even doing level 3 skills, whereas my daughter is sort of half way through level 2 skills. This confirms my suspicions that this was all my fault for not signing her up when I had the chance! These girls had double the classes and better coaching than my dd and it shows. I’m kicking myself! The good news is, through our conversation the coach realizes my dd is interested in more and she said she will keep an eye on her and how she progresses. She said she definitely wouldn’t count her out for competitive gymnastics in the future. I’m also going to sign her up for another class per week, so hopefully that will help her catch up to the current pre-team girls! If I don’t see much of a change over the next few months I may look into other gyms. We are planning on moving to another side of the city in the Spring so we may want to switch anyway. I’m open to any more advice you ladies might have!
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John
Proud Parent
I am not a lady but I will tell you what I would do in your situation.
I would sit my DD down and have a conversation about the commitment that is competitive gymnastics. When I was confident she understood I would ask her what she wanted to do, team or rec? If her response was team and our family agreed I would find her a gym that would put her on the team path ASAP. I would not pass go nor would I collect $200. After watching gymnastics for almost 6 years I have realized gym time has a very large contingent that is social aspect, being with like people. At my DD first gym, she was always the youngest of her level and was socializing with girls normally 2 to 3 years older than her, some awesome girls. The age difference was fine as it was elementary and middle school. We moved gyms and found girls more her own age and skill level. She couldn't be happier.
Take away: Get her to a gym that believes in her and a place she can grow in for years to come.
I would sit my DD down and have a conversation about the commitment that is competitive gymnastics. When I was confident she understood I would ask her what she wanted to do, team or rec? If her response was team and our family agreed I would find her a gym that would put her on the team path ASAP. I would not pass go nor would I collect $200. After watching gymnastics for almost 6 years I have realized gym time has a very large contingent that is social aspect, being with like people. At my DD first gym, she was always the youngest of her level and was socializing with girls normally 2 to 3 years older than her, some awesome girls. The age difference was fine as it was elementary and middle school. We moved gyms and found girls more her own age and skill level. She couldn't be happier.
Take away: Get her to a gym that believes in her and a place she can grow in for years to come.
FlippinPrincess
Proud Parent
CLgym
Proud Parent
I'll jump in (and I am a lady, lol). I think it is good news that the coach said she wouldn't "count her out" for competitive gymnastics in the future. That means the door may still be open at your current gym -- assuming this coach is someone in a position to make decisions. However, I lean towards skeptical when it comes to these things. (At my first gym, when the HC wasn't sure you had "it" -- that special something, body type, etc. that the coach was looking for -- then it meant you would never get "picked" for her team; only once did I see a change of heart).
If I were you, here is what I would still be wondering.... When do they make pre-team and team decisions next? Sounds like it may be once a year, in late spring/early summer? Will they consider her for pre-team at that time? Will she be "too old" for pre-team in the eyes of your gym (e.g. what is the age range of pre-team at your gym)? At our first gym, age 7 turning 8 would have probably been too old -- but at our current gym, probably not. Or, will she be considered for the Level 3 team at that time? If so, is it reasonable to think she will get the skills/form/strength/flexibility necessary for L3 in a rec class, even if twice per week? Does your gym hold open tryouts for team? Both gyms we have attended never held open tryouts for L3 -- instead girls were selected from pre-team only. And I assume she will be competing for a L3 spot against all of the pre-team girls who are now supposedly far ahead?
All that being said, my advice is to stay put until the next round of decisions are made. See what happens. Your DD is still super young, so you have time on your side. Sounds like the current gym is convenient and she is happy. We stayed put at our first gym for a season of Xcel Bronze -- even thought the "writing was on the wall" that my daughter would never be selected for the JO team there -- simply because she was young and it was convenient. I appreciated having that year to see how she progressed and whether she was truly dedicated to gymnastics. We had no problem moving after that year (she was age 7 -- almost 8 -- and moved to a JO L4 team). Start doing some research on other gym options now. If things don't go as hoped in the spring, then summer might be the perfect time to make a change!
PS -- The advice from John is good too (as always!!). I just tend to be a little slower in making big changes -- and honestly don't think you should feel rushed. At age 6, it is definitely not "now or never" for your kiddo! Good luck. I hope you stick around, ask questions, and keep us updated...
If I were you, here is what I would still be wondering.... When do they make pre-team and team decisions next? Sounds like it may be once a year, in late spring/early summer? Will they consider her for pre-team at that time? Will she be "too old" for pre-team in the eyes of your gym (e.g. what is the age range of pre-team at your gym)? At our first gym, age 7 turning 8 would have probably been too old -- but at our current gym, probably not. Or, will she be considered for the Level 3 team at that time? If so, is it reasonable to think she will get the skills/form/strength/flexibility necessary for L3 in a rec class, even if twice per week? Does your gym hold open tryouts for team? Both gyms we have attended never held open tryouts for L3 -- instead girls were selected from pre-team only. And I assume she will be competing for a L3 spot against all of the pre-team girls who are now supposedly far ahead?
All that being said, my advice is to stay put until the next round of decisions are made. See what happens. Your DD is still super young, so you have time on your side. Sounds like the current gym is convenient and she is happy. We stayed put at our first gym for a season of Xcel Bronze -- even thought the "writing was on the wall" that my daughter would never be selected for the JO team there -- simply because she was young and it was convenient. I appreciated having that year to see how she progressed and whether she was truly dedicated to gymnastics. We had no problem moving after that year (she was age 7 -- almost 8 -- and moved to a JO L4 team). Start doing some research on other gym options now. If things don't go as hoped in the spring, then summer might be the perfect time to make a change!
PS -- The advice from John is good too (as always!!). I just tend to be a little slower in making big changes -- and honestly don't think you should feel rushed. At age 6, it is definitely not "now or never" for your kiddo! Good luck. I hope you stick around, ask questions, and keep us updated...
John
Proud Parent
@CLgym has some great advice, I am a person who sees things as black or white with no grey. I read your original thread and I decided that the coach made a decision based on your daughter not joining pre-team when asked. @CLgym makes great points that I do not ever consider when making decisions. Ultimately I think you should do what is best for your Daughter and your Family.
given everything you have shared from your posts, I feel like the coach is likely pacifying you and has no intentions of placing her on preteam or team. Why? The coach originally felt that she was a good candidate for pre-team, which means she was on par for what they were looking for but then after the summer, the coach says she is not a good candidate. Did she lose skills? doubtful. So what is it? She is now too old for their next year's preteam. Therefore, the coach is most likely talking about seeing how much she can develop to rejoin the current pre-team girls. However, as clgym noted, the coach will know that it is unlikely that your dd will be able to progress to that level in a rec class. There will be little in the way of strength, conditioning, flexibility in those classes and the skills she may be learning will likely not be to the level of form they will be teaching the pre-team girls. Depending on your gym, those girls may even begin learning all their L3 routines, which will place your dd further behind.
This is not to say you need to switch gyms now. There is nothing wrong with her staying in rec until you move and find another gym. She is still developing in the rec classes, just not to the level that this gym would place her with the other girls who have been in preteam all year. I would be looking for another gym that shows more flexibility.
And place stop blaming yourself. Take a breath. You have not ruined her future in gymnastics. You can and will find a solution that works for her and your family.
This is not to say you need to switch gyms now. There is nothing wrong with her staying in rec until you move and find another gym. She is still developing in the rec classes, just not to the level that this gym would place her with the other girls who have been in preteam all year. I would be looking for another gym that shows more flexibility.
And place stop blaming yourself. Take a breath. You have not ruined her future in gymnastics. You can and will find a solution that works for her and your family.
Oh man, shortly after I made my last post I realized I shouldn’t have said “ladies”! Lol. I’m used to mom groups I guess! Sorry about that!
After reading John’s advice, I did email another gym that’s sort of halfway between where we live now and where we are planning on moving and has a good reputation. Haven’t heard back yet- I seem to be good at emailing right before Holidays and weekends! I figured it won’t hurt to have another opinion.
I do ahave the same question @CLgym brought up. Will she have a shot at pre-team this May or will she be too old? That may need to be asked before I make a decision whether to stay or move on.
Thanks again ladies AND gentlemen. haha. I continue to be impressed with all your advice. It makes me feel like you really care and that means a lot!
After reading John’s advice, I did email another gym that’s sort of halfway between where we live now and where we are planning on moving and has a good reputation. Haven’t heard back yet- I seem to be good at emailing right before Holidays and weekends! I figured it won’t hurt to have another opinion.
I do ahave the same question @CLgym brought up. Will she have a shot at pre-team this May or will she be too old? That may need to be asked before I make a decision whether to stay or move on.
Thanks again ladies AND gentlemen. haha. I continue to be impressed with all your advice. It makes me feel like you really care and that means a lot!
- Moderator
- #28
I’m inclined to agree with gymgal, I also get the impression that the gym is just pacifying you. If she was ready for Pre team and now she is not because by staying in red the kids have gotten so much better, than if she continues to stay in rec the gap is just going to continue to widen.
not wanting to scare you but you need this info. be careful about what info you give to any potential gyms you contact. Owners and coaches often call up the present gym to see "what's up" with why the family wants to transfer. So what you may have considered a pretty innocent call or email could mean something different to your current gym. It is best to initially be vague about your situation so you can get the basic info and maybe visit it yourself to see if it might be a good fit before giving names and reasons. The fact that you may be moving your family is a good reason to switch gyms so it may be less of an issue and certainly with your daughter being in rec rather than team, but always best to err on the cautious side.
I didn’t name the gym we are currently at. I just said she had been recommended for pre-team but it didn’t work out for us at the time, and now there is no longer a spot for her. Think that’s okay?
yes, that's fine. If they really wanted to, they could go digging and figure out the gym but it is unlikely given she is currently a rec gymnast.
kimute
Proud Parent
I wouldn't say there is no longer a spot for her. If they wanted her on team they'd find a spot. I would just say she has done rec, is passionate about gymnastics and is looking for a team program near your new house.
When we joined our current gym we'd been in rec at another gym then moved. My daughter (then 5) was placed in a pre-pre team and three months later moved to pre-team. Our other gym (too far) sent us an invite to a three hour a progrqm right before we left so I just told the new gym we we're seeking something similar.
Perhaps you can just tell the prospect gyms that your DD was invited to pre team and that you are moving. Could she try their pre-team?
gymmom1
Proud Parent
She's not too old at all. One of my daughters started at age 8 and did about a year in recreation/Xcel level 3. When her gym closed, we went to another gym and they wanted her to compete in level 4 right away but we only had two days to come up with the unexpected fees. She did end up doing a year in pre team at age 9 then went to level 5 JO. Our yound
gymmom1
Proud Parent
Be encouraged, there is plenty of time for her. Many girls who were on my daughter's team and had been in since they were in diapers literally, got burned out and quit. You also may need to find another gym. Some of the more strict gyms are do dictatorial to parents expecting them to obey and obey WHEN they say that they punish them when they don't. This is one of the major things that needs to change in Gymnastics culture! It's part of the "Culture of Silence" dynamic.
You really don't have to end every post with that. I personally have watched the culture change for the better over the past 15 years. I'm not saying its perfect, but the constant negativity is getting to me. I love gymnastics, i love working with gymnasts, I love being in the gym. I love our coaches, our gym, our state's gyms, the gymnasts I see regularly and the ones I see on weekends. I know there's problems and I know things still need fixing, but as a whole, the culture has shifted from the Soviet Union way of training and continues to improve. I want USAG to come out of this wiser and better, and I think it can happen.
These things you describe also occur on most sports teams. I have a cheerleader and don't even get me started on the way they play favorites and how an injury affects the way they're treated and the expectations and demands to continue even when injured. I have a soccer player and again the favoritism and politics is so frustrating! I also have 2 in marching band. . . You haven't ever seen dictatorial and expecting complete obedience from kids and parents alike until you've dealt with a marching band instructor who expects the world and every family to revolve around marching band. Physical punishment (conditioning/running/etc) for missing or being late, exclusion from comps and football games for any absence, politics and heirarchy among the students themselves...it's not just gymnastics.
I'm just asking for less negativity, that's all.
Just a gentle comment- please don't refer to "soviet union way of coaching" as negative. My DD has been coached in the Russian method since age 3 and could not have been blessed with better, more open, more caring coaches than the ones at her gym. They care not only about her gymnastics, but who she is and who she will be after she has moved on from gymnastics. She and her team mates smile, laugh, cheer each other (and girls from other teams!) on at meets, etc etc etc. (in fact DD's coaches are on her to lighten up and have MORE fun- she is a naturally serious kid). This is all encouraged by the coaches. Do they work hard? Absolutely! But it is a healthy environment, and frankly it is a lot more positive than many American owned gyms (based on what parents tell you at meets). I am just asking that you please don't generalize a culture in that manner.
Russia is no longer the Soviet Union. I'm not talking about today, I'm talking about the past--USSR. The 70s and early 80s.Just a gentle comment- please don't refer to "soviet union way of coaching" as negative. My DD has been coached in the Russian method since age 3 and could not have been blessed with better, more open, more caring coaches than the ones at her gym. They care not only about her gymnastics, but who she is and who she will be after she has moved on from gymnastics. She and her team mates smile, laugh, cheer each other (and girls from other teams!) on at meets, etc etc etc. (in fact DD's coaches are on her to lighten up and have MORE fun- she is a naturally serious kid). This is all encouraged by the coaches. Do they work hard? Absolutely! But it is a healthy environment, and frankly it is a lot more positive than many American owned gyms (based on what parents tell you at meets). I am just asking that you please don't generalize a culture in that manner.
I appreciate the clarification. Of course many of those coaches are now coaching here in the US- and do it differently.
Update:
I asked our current gym if my dd will have a shot at the next pre-team this summer. Long story short, she will be too old for the next pre-team. So basically if we stay at our current gym her best hope is to double up on rec classes and hope she can catch up some day.
We had a trial at another gym today and it was almost the same story. My dd is at a level where she could be on a new pre-team, but unfortunately the current pre-team has been practicing together for 6 months now and she can’t just jump in. The best they could do is wait list for a class that’s for 5-6 year olds expected to make the next pre-team. Since that class is currently full the next best they could do is a class that basically sounds like the rec level 2 she is currently in! The only benefit to moving there would be that they do have an “older” pre-team, but I fear if she continues with that type of class she won’t progress enough to make it.
I’m torn on what to do! I also contacted a third gym tonight for a trial class. From their website it sounds like they may have different levels of pre-team. It’s also closer to where we will be moving so I kind of hope that may work out! I’m also kind of feeling rushed because if I stay at our current gym I really need to sign her up soon before classes fill up!
Agh! Any advice?
I asked our current gym if my dd will have a shot at the next pre-team this summer. Long story short, she will be too old for the next pre-team. So basically if we stay at our current gym her best hope is to double up on rec classes and hope she can catch up some day.
We had a trial at another gym today and it was almost the same story. My dd is at a level where she could be on a new pre-team, but unfortunately the current pre-team has been practicing together for 6 months now and she can’t just jump in. The best they could do is wait list for a class that’s for 5-6 year olds expected to make the next pre-team. Since that class is currently full the next best they could do is a class that basically sounds like the rec level 2 she is currently in! The only benefit to moving there would be that they do have an “older” pre-team, but I fear if she continues with that type of class she won’t progress enough to make it.
I’m torn on what to do! I also contacted a third gym tonight for a trial class. From their website it sounds like they may have different levels of pre-team. It’s also closer to where we will be moving so I kind of hope that may work out! I’m also kind of feeling rushed because if I stay at our current gym I really need to sign her up soon before classes fill up!
Agh! Any advice?
If you sign her up for classes, are you bound for a full year or just month to month? It may be worth losing a month of fees for your piece of mind so you have time to figure this out. I would be looking at other gyms in the area you will be moving to. If you put a general location of where you are (nearest major city and which direction away from it), others may be able to help you through private messaging. They will be better able to steer you toward gyms that are more accepting of "older" gymnasts, not that your gymnast is old - just too old for the super competitive type gyms. If your dd wants to try competitive gymnastics, I would move her and not keep her in the rec classes hoping she will catch up. That rarely happens because of the difference in the nature between rec and pre/team. Doing privates may help with developing the skills needed but she is still missing out on the number of hours that help build the discipline, form, and strength/flexibility
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