Parents Taking a step back

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Just venting to people who understand. I really need to take a step back and not think about what DD is doing at gym and just let little things go. I really thought I'd never be one of those parents nitpicking every little thing and here I am doing it. DD is on preteam and it's been really frustrating for me because she has not been progressing, more like getting worse. I got especially irritated the other day because she took one turn on bars the entire 30 minute rotation. She wasn't exactly sitting in line like she is supposed to and she was just playing in the chalk and doing nothing. The other girls just kept going and she was in her own little world. I kept waiting for her coach to say something to her, but she never did. Who should I be upset with? My 4 year old or her coach? It's hard to know when you don't know the situation. Maybe her coach told her to pay attention or she'd miss her turn. I have no idea.

I keep questioning if she's in the right group, the right gym. Then today it just really hit me that this is her thing. She's still just a baby really. So what if she played in the chalk instead of taking her turn. Well my checkbook cares, but otherwise it's not a big deal. She'll mature and figure things like that out or she'll move on from gymnastics. There's no hurry. She can't compete Level 4 for 2 more years. She may not even be in gymnastics at that point. She's happy. I just need to chill.

Just wanted to share. Any similar thoughts to share?
 
I would at least ask the coach about the situation. Did they notice dd missing turns? Did they ask her to pay attention and she didn't? I'm all for kids having free time, but not when I am paying good $$ for it.
 
I think we all go there sometimes. MyDD is 9 and competing L4. I am also coaching at the gym and occasionally have to coach her ( not ideal ) and it has gotten harder for me to step back. I try not to bring it up at all - once we leave the gym, unless she brings it up I bitey tongue and don't mention gymnastics.

I think it is great you realize this early, but if she continues in gym you may find that she cycles in and out if stages of progressing and not.

I felt much like you this summer, the other L4's improving, my DD seemed to be backsliding at every turn. I pretty much wanted to scream every moment in the gym. She didn't appear to be trying, form was getting worse etc. Right now she is doing fine. Lik you said it's frustrating when you are paying and they are goofing off. But really, they are just kids - isn't that what they need to do sometimes?
 
A suggestion would be to talk to the program director to understand the gym's philosophy on how the developmental programs are executed. Do they have periods (usually once or twice a year) where they conduct assessments of the class kids to see if they're ready for pre-team/team? What do they look for in a child to be ready for the next level (whatever that may be - it could just be movement to the next "class".) Usually a more structured program looks for certain skills to move up the ranks - cartwheel, forward roll, back roll, etc. Is this what you want for DD? Is it what she wants? Is she ready for this?

Go with your gut - it's like anything else we do as parents - you don't know the first time around, but that's ok - it's all a learning experience. Maybe your DD isn't ready for gym right now - and that's ok too! But take it from a parent who's been where you are - in the bigger picture, this period shall pass and you'll laugh about it with DD one day - you should take video of her playing in the chalk for future reference sake!
 
I totally remember those days!!! Back when my DD was on pre-team. Her playing in the chalk while her buddies all got back in line & took more turns. Oh wait...she still does that & she's 14yrs old L7/8 now:D!
 
My youngest is just like that, except she's 10. She will gab her way through school and gym. SHe often misses her turn as she is distracted and she would never know what the girls before her did. But she loves gym and does progress, slowly.

I don't watch, which helps, but your DD is still young to be dropped off. How about taking a really good book or your laptop with you so that you don't watch everything she does. Unless of course you can't really afford gym, then it may be time for a break or a different activity.

Not every kid is a really hard worker.
 
I think you are very wise to have come to your understanding at this time. She is a child and she is 4. This is the time for her to play and have fun. If serious gymnastics is going to be her thing then she will get there when she is ready. If not, (and really, for most it is not) then you will have let her find her way and she will move on to what does become her interest.

I once belonged to a message board - might have been this one - that had a person with the username of "sheplaysinthechalk". I always thought it was appropriate.
 
Oh my goodness...I could have written the exact same thing you wrote in your first paragraph last week. We just did a cross country move and have been looking for gyms for my 4 year old (she just turned 4 a month ago). Her old gym was going to put her on pre-team if we had stayed in TN but since every gym is different we decided to just have her put in a regular preschool class here and if the coach wants to move her up, they will.

Anyway, she went to her 2nd class at the 2nd gym that we were trying last week and I was thinking that this gym would work for us, but, like your daughter, she ended up just disappearing to her own little world (she was pretending to be a mermaid and sat on a mat during an entire rotation/obstacle course thing). I don't know whether her coach didn't notice her doing that or what, but I was fuming. I wanted to talk to the coach but she had a class immediately after and I wasn't able to.

This past Monday we decided to do a trial class at yet another gym and I think we actually found a much better match...more individual attention, smaller classes and more structure...which I think is what my highly distracted daughter needs. I do absolutely want her to have fun, but if she's just going to wander around and not do anything I might as well save my money, right? So I think we just need to find some kind of good middle ground where she'll actually do what she's supposed to be doing while still having tons of good 4 year old fun!

Good luck to you!
 
I'm so glad that I'm not alone in my feelings. I don't watch very often honestly. I actually have my mom drop her off and I pick her up because I'm still at work. I think that has been part of my frustration. When I was watching her everyday I would see that she had good days and not so good days. Even good events and then bad events. When you only catch the last rotation every other week and all you see are negative things it makes me wonder what's going on.

I was just reading here and I can't even remember which thread I was reading, but it hit me that none of the things I was worrying about were worth worrying about. This is her thing and I need to butt out.

I don't think my kid is super talented or anything, but I often think she is misplaced at her gym. There aren't any kids her age at her level. She's by far the youngest on preteam and it shows. I wouldn't want to move her back because she would be so bored. I've thought about looking for a gym that has a class with kids her age doing the same skills. I know there are people on here that have kids her age doing the same skills so there has to be a gym that has kids her age/level. In the summer she was progressing rapidly and I think I've figured it that it's because there were only 3 - 6 kids coming because a lot were in and out. She did really well with all that attention. Now there are always 10 - 12 kids. She's just too immature to function well in that enviroment. They have 1 coach for Monday and 2 for Wednesday. They need 2 for both nights. The good thing is that level 4 is almost done competing and they are about to move kids up. I'm hoping that roughly half the group will move up. I hope the preteam class decreases in size. And if it doesn't then it doesn't matter. She's having fun and she enjoys herself.

I'm hesitant to question her coach about what happen on bars that day. I'm nonconfrontational. I know I have a right to ask and get an explanation, but I just don't want to bother anyone. I don't want to seem pesky or like a crazy gym parent. If it happens again I'll ask.

I'm a teacher and it seems so normal to me to communicate with parents and it often bothers me that this coach never talks to the parents. Many times my DD is late getting out because she has to redo her conditioning. I feel so often that it would be nice for the coach to let me know what the situation is. Is she misbehaving, did she miscount, what's the deal? I want to know because if she is misbehaving I'd like to deal with it. I never ask though. Instead I just come here and vent.

I feel better just writing it all out.
 
none of the things I was worrying about were worth worrying about. This is her thing and I need to butt out.

I don't think my kid is super talented or anything, but I often think she is misplaced at her gym.
You are doing the right thing by stepping back. All kids matures differently when it comes to focus. So, it's unfair to compare. You child is 4. That is the behavior you would have to expect. Like someone else already pointed out, her interest will kick in when she is ready. In some sports, kids don't even start for real (non-competitive) until much later in their young lives.

FWIW, my wife and I learned not to start our children in any activity until they turn at least 4 or 5. I'm talking about at entry level. In the earlier day, we observed that the only thing our first girl want to do in her dance class was to sit on the dance floor. She wouldn't even occasionally look at the rest of the kids. (Talk about a waste of $$$) And, when we thought our younger was "ready" to start gymnastics at 3.5, she came running out of the gym during her first hour. She was scared to death because she clearly wasn't mentally ready.

When the older one turned 7 she was ready to move up to the team. But, she was left behind in the pre-team by herself -- not because she wasn't ready skillwise but the coaches at the time just would not allow her to move up due to the lack of focus. Just imagine how disappointing and frustrating that was for both her and us.

If we were judging by their previous behaviors, you would never figure that they would turned competitive and very respectable atheletes and dancers.

I'm hesitant to question her coach about what happen on bars that day. I'm nonconfrontational. I know I have a right to ask and get an explanation, but I just don't want to bother anyone. I don't want to seem pesky or like a crazy gym parent. If it happens again I'll ask.
IMHO, there is nothing to question and there is no issue to be raised. Again, your child is 4. Her behavior has nothing to do with the program, however good or bad. You can't expect a coach to spend special time stimulating and babysit your child. Don't get me wrong. I feel your pain because I've been there and have done that. It's irritating as heck.

I feel better just writing it all out.
Yup, do so! That is what this forum is for.
 
I'm like you--I wouldn't want to talk to a coach in person either. But I DO e-mail and suggest that for you as well. I agree that at 4 yr old, it's normal to goof around, but if you're concerned and there are other issues--like her having to stay late for her conditioning, then ASK! As long as you're nice about it, the coach isn't going to label you as a trouble parent :).
 
You know I have been in the same situation. My four year old is at times the youngest by far in his power tumbling group. (Lately there have been some additions that have changed the dynamic for him I think for the better.) Changing gyms would be difficult / much more driving / expensive, though I love the coach with him and don't want to move. So ... I'm there tired usually 'cause the weekday practice is at night, I've driven 45 minutes to get him there and am standing around (and it is best for me to pay attention since he's so young and may need to come out to me for help with some personal issue at any point) and he is in there missing turns because he won't stand in line. Now I am thinking ... do I need to re-evaluate the trouble this family is going through to get him here? And more specifically the trouble my butt is feeling driving him here and sometimes sitting on the bleachers when I don't want to stand?

I gave the coach permission to do whatever he needed to do about the line but suggested perhaps he could assign one of the older girls to warn him when it was his turn. That seemed to work fine and was not the whining about me, me, me that I was frequently feeling in my selfish heart.
 
Definitely me not wanting to be at the gym was part of my frustration that evening. I drop my kids off at 6:20am and work a very long day and then get to the gym about 6:30pm. I'm completely exhausted, starving and haven't seen my infant in 12 hours. We won't get home until 7:30pm at which point I will have gone 13 hours seeing my little one. So sitting for half an hour watching my child do NOTHING did sort of piss me off. Luckily only Monday is that hectic of a day.

I'm sure every gym parent out there can echo what I'm about to say. I get frustrated with DD because she tumbles around the house nonstop and looks much better than she does at the gym. At the gym she is super hyper and crazy. I realized in my frustration that DD is actually having FUN! Gym is a blast for her. She loves being there and loves her little friends. She's not in school yet so they are her only social group. I should just be happy that my little one is having such a great time. I may feel at times that she is not learning anything, but when I really look at the things she can do and how much she has improved I realize I'm wrong.
 
I get frustrated with DD because she tumbles around the house nonstop and looks much better than she does at the gym. At the gym she is super hyper and crazy. I realized in my frustration that DD is actually having FUN! Gym is a blast for her. She loves being there and loves her little friends. She's not in school yet so they are her only social group. I should just be happy that my little one is having such a great time. I may feel at times that she is not learning anything, but when I really look at the things she can do and how much she has improved I realize I'm wrong.
Kids (even adults) behave differently in different settings and around different people (including the parents). It make no sense to compare what she does at home and her behavior at the gym.

If you want her daughter to have a circle of friends outside of the house, then focus on that. Your only objective should be for her to have fun while being there and spending time with the other kids. I maintain that you should not be expecting any more than that from a 4-year old.
 
Have not read all replies so sorry if I'm repeating what someone said.

I've faced this with my 12 year old who is more social and less focused than my 9 yr old. Kelsey will stand at the chalkbucket mulling over what she "wants" to do or doesn't want to do, or just generally BS-ing with the other girls, while certain girls take extra turns. I give these other girls credit for stepping up, while others like my DD are not. However, I do also partially blame coach for not keeping the girls "in line" literally and figuratively. We pay alot for their training and just as a teacher in class has to keep the kids attention and participation, IMHO so does a coach. If he/she sees excessive talking or just kids lagging in the background it is their job to call these kids to the mat. I know some coaches take the attitude that they will only train the kids who want to be trained but it's not fair to the child or the parents or even the other teammates. Also, I have talked to my DD to say it is ok to chat but you should be standing in line and taking your turns and not just skipping them. I realize it is different for a 4 yr old, but in that case, my opinion is it is more important for the coach to keep them in line.
 
Kids (even adults) behave differently in different settings and around different people (including the parents). It make no sense to compare what she does at home and her behavior at the gym.

If you want her daughter to have a circle of friends outside of the house, then focus on that. Your only objective should be for her to have fun while being there and spending time with the other kids. I maintain that you should not be expecting any more than that from a 4-year old.

I have to disagree here a bit. It does make sense to compare what a child is capable of doing and what they actually do. If DD can do a backwalkover at home, but goes to the gym and is so busy acting goofy that she's falling on her head I think there is a slight problem. I want my child to do her best while having fun. That is not too much to expect from a 4 year old. DD also takes ballet and is perfectly capable of standing still, being quiet, following directions etc. To not expect a child to do what they are capable of is not doing them any favors. Maybe some children at 4 are incapable, but mine is not. I've seen her in action. She is at the gym to have fun, but not just to have fun. She's there to learn. I think there has to be an appropriate balance.
 
Maybe some children at 4 are incapable, but mine is not. I've seen her in action. She is at the gym to have fun, but not just to have fun. She's there to learn. I think there has to be an appropriate balance.
Well, your child is a sample of one. And, I have also seen other children having the same ability (as I have already indicated). However, you still cannot expect all 4 yos to have the same focus. It's one's choice to send a child that young to a class (let alone a developmental class) but no expectation in terms of performance should be had. I can point you to numerous sources from other professional instructors and coaches that would side with me on this (as I'm sure you could to support you as well).

And, let's play nice here. IMHO, "immature" is an acceptable description for children less focus than yours but calling them "incapable" is so inappropriate.

Also, no one (certainly not me) is disputing your child's ability and interest. It's just that when she is at home she wants to tumble (or whatnot) at free will and in class when things are in an organized fashion she doesn't. Maybe she just isn't ready for a class setting in sports yet. Nothing's wrong with that from where I'm sitting.
 
Last edited:

New Posts

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

New Posts

Back