Parents The Perils of Rushing Young Gymnasts - LONG!

[ek2]

I just think 4 years of fear, apprehension and picking up and leaving 4 different times says less about the gyms and more about the choices. At 5 years old no kid should spend time looking fearful doing something that is supposed to be fun. Maybe its the child psych in me, but I see lots of parents making choices for their kids when it comes to sports that they would never do in any other area. If your kid cries every time you wanted her to go to bed, you probably would make her go. If your kid gets angry that you won't give her ice cream for dinner, you (I hope) would still make her eat a balanced meal. My younger daughter cried on practice days and then would pull it together, walk in and work out. But it wasn't fun. Now, she goes to cheerleading and soccer skipping. I know there are days she says she wants to try again but she's 7. (She did 2 years before this in lessons and was always worried, but insisted she didn't want to quit.) She has time try in the summer when if things are miserable, she can switch to a tumbling only class or take dance. And she isn't also trying to do homework, get up for school and be ready to learn. She can learn the value of hard work and determination in many other ways besides gymnastics. I keep thinking about the saying that a child's expression says a thousand things they can't voice. It sounds like that little girl was just waiting for someone to be the grown-up.

Whereas, my older is stressed out in a way I find healthy. She wants to be a 6. B-A-D. Her coaches want her to really nail it before they move her. So she is plotting ways to fine tune her freehip and connections. Maybe the word is drive and not stress. But she is going at it full-force. My younger actually did well compared to her teammates as a pre-team and was moving to 4 when I pulled her. She is one of the kids that internalizes, worries. I knew that it gets tougher bc I am friends with moms who have daughters that stand on the beam for 30 minutes before doing the bwo. Or the girl that hits every tuck on her bum, despite coming in 5 aa at states the year before. They just don't look like their having fun. And sometimes, kids do things bc they don't want to disappoint us. Again, that may not be MBT, it sounds like they were right there to support their daughter no matter what.

All I can say is that as parents we do the best we can for our children. I also think "pulling a kid" from a sport has way more implications than just making the current bad situation better. The OP has shared a very difficult situation, and I am so glad that she has shared their journey. More importantly I think it shows, incredible determination in her daughter to stick with a sport that at times was not so comfortable or easy. Gymnastics should be "fun" but it is also HARD work and I think to pull a child that is not as successful as the year before, or is not mastering skills as quickly as before, or because someone else's kid is having fear issues and you are concerned that (in the future) your kid might do the same is just plain wrong. My dd had an awful level 5 year, bottom of the barrel in two events, just not getting it. In all honesty I wanted her to quit. Life would have been easier, less stressful for everyone. But she wanted to continue, wanted to work through the issues etc. She is an optional gymnast now, and WOW! what a difference it is from that one year. She is in a great gym with supportive coaches. It would have been a huge mistake to pull her because of scores, her frustrations or what I saw happening with other kids fear issues.
Off my soapbox....

 

[mtbmom]

It really bothers me that in your case, your dd was lacking so many 4 skills and you, the parent, were not blind to this. Coach agrees with you to have her repeat 4 and then coach is on the 5 bandwagon. Were these the same coaches or different coaches? Usually it's the coaches moving a kid up because of the parents pushing, but in your case you were like hey, keep her 4. You weren't being a "crazy gym parent."

You're dd was doing the best she could and they so want to please everyone (parents, coaches and themselves). I'm glad to see that she is back on the right track.

I wish her many years of success in this sport!

Thanks for persevering in posting. Sometimes computers can be a pain in the neck!

Same coach, but keep her 5 was after the director got involved. I think Coach was just going along with the gym's program. Not sure if she even had a choice.

Bottom line, she's where she needs to be now and it is AMAZING the progress she's making physically, and esp. emotionally & psychologically!

 

[gymjourneymom]

mtbmom, Thank you for taking the time to post about your DD's winding road as she journeys along in this sport!!! She is obviously a very determine young lady! It is difficult for all the ins & outs of each situation to come through clearly when posting to a forum. I think you were able to give a good over view and I thank you!!! I don't think anyone needs to question your parenting skills. You did & are doing what you see as best for your DD! You realize that mistakes were made & you are sharing your mistakes with us here, in hope that others will learn from them. I commend you for that!!! That is what CB is all about in my eyes!!!! Best wishes to your DD as she continues her journey in the sport she obviously LOVES!!!

 

[Megley]

Thanks for sharing your story mtbmom! It's great to hear that your dd is now in a good place with her gymnastics, is enjoying gymnastics again and getting over all her fears.

I too really question the gym for putting your daughter on Level 5 when she was still missing Level 4 skills. It's the gym's responsibility to know what skills she needs and to move her only when she's ready. We are only parents and most of us don't know a whole lot about gymnastics so if a coach tells us something, we have a tendency to believe it. It sounds like Gym C did not have your dd's best interests at heart when they moved her to Level 5. A year repeating Level 4 and working on Level 5 skills would likely have avoided the troubles she has suffered. My daughter is very nearly the same age - just turned 9 last week - so your story sort of resonated with me. Luckily, my dd has been appropriately moved through the levels at her gym - certainly never without having the skills for the level she was competing.

Anyway, I wish your dd the best of luck this season. I hope she rocks it out at Level 5!

 

[Ingwe]

Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad that your DD is in a Gym that makes her happy and confident. I think it is awesome that she stuck with it after all she has gone through.

Best of luck this season and I hope she totally rocks it!!

 

[gymjourneymom]

All I can say is that as parents we do the best we can for our children. I also think "pulling a kid" from a sport has way more implications than just making the current bad situation better. The OP has shared a very difficult situation, and I am so glad that she has shared their journey. More importantly I think it shows, incredible determination in her daughter to stick with a sport that at times was not so comfortable or easy. Gymnastics should be "fun" but it is also HARD work and I think to pull a child that is not as successful as the year before, or is not mastering skills as quickly as before, or because someone else's kid is having fear issues and you are concerned that (in the future) your kid might do the same is just plain wrong. My dd had an awful level 5 year, bottom of the barrel in two events, just not getting it. In all honesty I wanted her to quit. Life would have been easier, less stressful for everyone. But she wanted to continue, wanted to work through the issues etc. She is an optional gymnast now, and WOW! what a difference it is from that one year. She is in a great gym with supportive coaches. It would have been a huge mistake to pull her because of scores, her frustrations or what I saw happening with other kids fear issues.
Off my soapbox....

Totally agree with you ek!!! Every situation is unique just as every child is unique. This is a difficult sport & I give credit to every gymnast who wants to stick it out at any level!!! I think many problems arise when parents expect too much return on their investment too soon. As we all know this sport is a marathon!!! Little Susie may not 'be as good as her sister or teammates' right off the bat. But if she wants to continue, wants to get better, why not give her the chance??? No matter how long it takes! Does she have to be on a JO team...NO! Does she have to be on the podium at every meet...NO! Why isn't preteam or even rec. classes good enough for some parents if the kid is happy there??? Some parents expect too much right off the bat! They think 'oh she's just wasting time & my money' if she's not on a JO team & winning & moving a level or more each year. I'm really getting sick & tired of that mentality!!!! I find that sooo sad!!!! If the child loves the sport & is happily going to class or practice she IS getting something out of it & they ARE getting a return on their investment. And yes Susie may get frustrated at times, struggle with skills...news flash...that's just part of this sport! If she WANTS to continue, why just pull her out against her will???? I think THAT would be sending a million wrong messages as a parent. Such as 'I don't have faith in you', 'I don't think you can do it', 'I'm not wasting my money on you' . Where as if it's handled properly & with time & patience, there is no greater joy then seeing your DD come through those struggles an amazingly strong & determin young lady!!! I have lived that part & it is AWESOME!!!!

The other scenario I hate to see is when a young gymnast does well in say...L4 & the parents get stars in their eyes & think winning L4 states = my DD is Olympic bound. And so the push & the pressure starts. Those parents can steal away a childs LOVE of the sport!!! I've only ever seen this one end poorly. Those kids usually quit around L7. But you didn't do either of these things! It was the coaches who pushed in your DD's situation. You just did your best as a parent, trusting your DD's coach.

I commend you mtbmom for realizing that mistakes were made your DD's journey AND for continuing to allow her to find her way in the sport she loves!!!! I wish her the best of luck this season!!! But most of all I wish her a continued LOVE of the sport!!!

 

[Azgymmiemom]

Thanks for sharing your story mtbmom! It's great to hear that your dd is now in a good place with her gymnastics, is enjoying gymnastics again and getting over all her fears.

I too really question the gym for putting your daughter on Level 5 when she was still missing Level 4 skills. It's the gym's responsibility to know what skills she needs and to move her only when she's ready. We are only parents and most of us don't know a whole lot about gymnastics so if a coach tells us something, we have a tendency to believe it. It sounds like Gym C did not have your dd's best interests at heart when they moved her to Level 5. A year repeating Level 4 and working on Level 5 skills would likely have avoided the troubles she has suffered. My daughter is very nearly the same age - just turned 9 last week - so your story sort of resonated with me. Luckily, my dd has been appropriately moved through the levels at her gym - certainly never without having the skills for the level she was competing.

Anyway, I wish your dd the best of luck this season. I hope she rocks it out at Level 5!

How true!! That is what I was going to say, too. We pay these "experts" to teach our children, and we trust that they know where our kids should be. You wanted to keep your dd at level 4, but when a coach tells you, Hey, she's ready for 5, you are gonna believe them-because, after all, they are the coach!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so glad that your dd has found a renewed love of her sport and that she is happy now! Good luck to her and you!

 

[gym monkeys mom]

I have always said there are many gyms and many differnt types of kids. I am so sorry to see a few of the ones you were at did not fit or even try to fit your childs needs.

I am so glad to hear Gym A took her back with love and care and is nurturing her as a gymnast. I do not believe sucess in gymnastics is measured by how many medals you get or even how far your child gets in Levels.

Many kids will never be top of the heap and this is ok. That does not mean their gymnastics journey is any less important. Kids learn many things in this sport that can be applied to life.

DD was hardley ever on the podium at level 4-6 and was on a team with a bunch of kids who were on the podium a lot. It was hard for her but she learned perserverance which has carried her well into Optionals. Her level 4 teammates have all quit except for her out of 8 kids and DD was the one least likely to suceed. I am so proud of her as last year she placed 10th on Vault at regionals who would have thought this possible!!

Sometimes the journey is hard and people are in a hurry to get to the top. Coaches are guility of this too. There is no harm in doin 2 - 3 years at a level. Not all gymnasts are going elite, level 10 or college for that matter.

I am so glad to hear you found a gym willing to nurture you DD and sounds like the gym cares about your DD also. DD's club is not ever top of the heap but, we have many gymnast who would have never been on team elsewhere and for this I am glad. It says a lot about the coaches and thier willing ness to give people a chance if they worl for it .

Gyms are not always good at communication. Your story reminds me we as seasoned parents of the gym we need to help the gym in this area if we can.

I wish you and DD the best. you have done the best job possible and should be proud none of us are perfect. We are all just doing our best to parent our kids.

 

[sportzmomov3]

To the OP, I too want to say thanks for sharing and for having the courage to do so in a public forum. Your story unfortunately isn't unique in the world of youth athletics. We have other sports covered in our family (!) and they too each bring the same issues, concerns and ups & downs.

I always say, trust your parental instincts - they rarely let you down, especially when it comes to your children.

Best of luck to your DD and your family as you continue on this adventure we call gymnastics!

 

[Midget's Dad]

I can t add much to what has been said except thank you for sharing this with us all. It is definitely true in this sport and others that people want to push as fast as they can and it often can cause more problems than not.

One thing I picked up though about your DD is the fear of fireworks. Midget is the same way, she loves to watch but hates the sound. Headphones can work really well, but also watching from inside or farther away seems to help. In Disney we have had good experiences by watching the fireworks from the Transit Authority PeopleMover (though you do miss stuff) as well as from the ice cream shop on Main Street (get there early and get a table and some Ice Cream which helps with being distracting).

 

[jdf]

Your post highlights the fact that we all struggle, sometimes daily with our child's gymnastics journey. Mine has gone through periods of crying at drop off, enthusiam, winning medals, and not medaling at all in a dizzying and sometimes repeated sequence.
She is going through the levels slowly because injuries. Her coaches are not in a hurry, even though she's the oldest on her level- 11 year old level 6.
I am appreciating her great coaches very much right now!

 

[nettyinpa]

Sue ~ I'm so glad to hear she's doing so well now! She has such an awesome spirit and drive. It really needed to be encouraged in a different environment. Sounds like you found the right fit! Tell her we said hi!!

How did the meet go? Was that last weekend or is it this weekend?

 

[mtbmom]

Sue ~ I'm so glad to hear she's doing so well now! She has such an awesome spirit and drive. It really needed to be encouraged in a different environment. Sounds like you found the right fit! Tell her we said hi!!

How did the meet go? Was that last weekend or is it this weekend?

Thanks Lynette!

She's like a different kid inside & outside the gym. Her meet is this weekend. I'll tell her you said Hi. How's Livs knee? Hope she's feeling much better. See you around!

 

[Sunobo]

Another great place to watch the fireworks at Disney is at the Polynesian Resort beach. You still get to hear the music but you don't get all the loud noise.

 

[mtbmom]

I can t add much to what has been said except thank you for sharing this with us all. It is definitely true in this sport and others that people want to push as fast as they can and it often can cause more problems than not.

One thing I picked up though about your DD is the fear of fireworks. Midget is the same way, she loves to watch but hates the sound. Headphones can work really well, but also watching from inside or farther away seems to help. In Disney we have had good experiences by watching the fireworks from the Transit Authority PeopleMover (though you do miss stuff) as well as from the ice cream shop on Main Street (get there early and get a table and some Ice Cream which helps with being distracting).

Both are great ideas. Our best time watching Wishes was when we rented a boat with another family. They had the music in the boat and snacks and it was a BOAT! Really fun!!

 

[mtbmom]

Another great place to watch the fireworks at Disney is at the Polynesian Resort beach. You still get to hear the music but you don't get all the loud noise.

I've always wanted to try that. Maybe next year we will have a nice dinner in Kona and then watch Wishes on the beach!

 

[Kiwi]

I don't think pulling a kid out of a sport they love and want to continue with is the right solution, it is just running away from the problem. One of the life lessons we hope our kids learn from gymnastics is to perservere and not give up. And also to learn that when we encounter problems, it is important to find and address the real cause of the problem, not give up and run away. It sounds like that is just what you have done - I mean you addressed the cause of the problem.

 

[cathiann]

Posting late to thank you for sharing your story--takes a lot of courage to put it out there knowing there will always be one who uses it to attack your choices. So glad things are working out for your daughter now!! Hope you'll be sharing meet video for her this year

 

[NGL780309]

Thanks for sharing your story and glad your DD is happy at her current gym.

One thing that struck me as I was reading is that it seems like the situation had less to do with your DD being pushed up levels at a young age and more to do with being pushed up levels where she wasn't ready to do the skills. So from my perspective, based only on what you wrote, it's really a warning to parents with gymnasts of all ages. I see it with older kids and higher levels too. They want to move a level a year and they really don't have the skills and they lose confidence and feel bad about themselves etc. Heck I even see it with Level 10's who want to move up to elite and really they just aren't ready and some never will be able to compete at that level. So they compete skills they really don't have and they end up quitting the sport.

 

[mtbmom]

Thanks for sharing your story and glad your DD is happy at her current gym.

One thing that struck me as I was reading is that it seems like the situation had less to do with your DD being pushed up levels at a young age and more to do with being pushed up levels where she wasn't ready to do the skills. So from my perspective, based only on what you wrote, it's really a warning to parents with gymnasts of all ages. I see it with older kids and higher levels too. They want to move a level a year and they really don't have the skills and they lose confidence and feel bad about themselves etc. Heck I even see it with Level 10's who want to move up to elite and really they just aren't ready and some never will be able to compete at that level. So they compete skills they really don't have and they end up quitting the sport.

You're absolutely correct! I think I wrote it from my perspective, the Mom of a young gymnast. But, this happens at any age, absolutely. Thank you for pointing that out.