Time to quit?

[Mallory]

Okay, I'm majorly distressed here. My DD (level 8 age 10) has always been a devout gymnast--aggressive and committed. Usually gets 36s at meets and was usually the first in her group to obtain a new skill. Anyway, we moved to a new town several months ago and joined the only gym in the area. Since starting the gym, her skills have dropped off considerably and her scores have gotten lower. She's developed a genuine fear of the coach--even though she came from a large well-known gym in a big metro area. This smaller gym doesn't incorporate fun or team-building games into the program. They don't spot or help her work thru fears. They don't even do a proper job warming the girls up, and so my kids has had two back-to-back "overuse" injuries. Yes, we are in the position of "shut up or put up" since it's the only game in town.

Finally, my DD came home yesterday and said she wants to quit. When asked why, she said: it's no fun...plus, I'm scared of the beam now...and Coach @#%$ doesn't know how to help me get past it.

Do I make her go for several more weeks and hope she changes her mind? Maybe this is just more transition woes. I've already had two sit-down talks with the coach re: DD's need to develop trust with coach. Coach is nice---just sort of cold and dry in her approach. No enthusiasm or creativity in her style.

Or do I just accept her resignation? I can't envision forcing a kid into this type of lifestyle.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I guess what I'm asking is....HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO QUIT? IS IT A SUDDEN DECISION? OR SOMETHING THAT BUILDS OVER TIME?

 

[bogwoppit]

Hi and welcome to the Chalkbucket. Sorry it has to be about such a tough issue.

It sounds to me like the gym just isn't a good fit for your DD. She is very young and obviously has the talent to go far, but she needs to be in the right kind of coaching environment for that. No every club is capable of nuturing young gymnasts and it really sounds like your gymmie is not feeling safe and that she is losing skills because of it.

What other gym options are available to you? Because I am sure if you took her back to her old gym (not that that is a possibility) she would soon be back to her old self.

Very, very tough situation.

 

[nettyinpa]

I agree with Bog, maybe this gym just isn't the right fit for her. How far away is the next one? You're in the same region as I am. It's a relatively strong region. I'd keep looking. She sounds like she likes it but is now probably just frustrated with the new gym and isn't getting anywhere. Keep looking around, you're bound to find another gym that's a better fit for your dd.

Good luck!

 

[bookworm]

I guess it would depend on a few things...you say you are in Region 7 and that Region has a ton of good gyms but I have no idea what distance you are willing and able to drive her...at our gym, we have many who live within 10-15 minutes and we have many , like myself, who drive over an hour to get there each way. Are there gyms closer to my home? Sure, but they would probably have a similar effect on my daughter and she would quit so I make the drive (I did not start the hour drive until she was Level 9) So I guess you have to ask yourself if this one gym is truly your only option, then she probably will quit gymnastics and move on to another sport because as you say, why live like this? But if a drive is an option, and at 10 years old and Level 8 , be prepared , if she likes it, to make that drive for another 8 years, then I would try that and see how it goes.

People often ask me how I do the drive six days a week and I tell them , if she didn't love it, we'd be done. but she does love it so in the car I go....

 

[cher062]

Okay, I'm majorly distressed here. My DD (level 8 age 10) has always been a devout gymnast--aggressive and committed. Usually gets 36s at meets and was usually the first in her group to obtain a new skill. Anyway, we moved to a new town several months ago and joined the only gym in the area. Since starting the gym, her skills have dropped off considerably and her scores have gotten lower. She's developed a genuine fear of the coach--even though she came from a large well-known gym in a big metro area. This smaller gym doesn't incorporate fun or team-building games into the program. They don't spot or help her work thru fears. They don't even do a proper job warming the girls up, and so my kids has had two back-to-back "overuse" injuries. Yes, we are in the position of "shut up or put up" since it's the only game in town.

Finally, my DD came home yesterday and said she wants to quit. When asked why, she said: it's no fun...plus, I'm scared of the beam now...and Coach @#%$ doesn't know how to help me get past it.

Do I make her go for several more weeks and hope she changes her mind? Maybe this is just more transition woes. I've already had two sit-down talks with the coach re: DD's need to develop trust with coach. Coach is nice---just sort of cold and dry in her approach. No enthusiasm or creativity in her style.

Or do I just accept her resignation? I can't envision forcing a kid into this type of lifestyle.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I guess what I'm asking is....HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO QUIT? IS IT A SUDDEN DECISION? OR SOMETHING THAT BUILDS OVER TIME?

You know your kid best. It sounds like she still likes gymnastics but this gym just isn't a good fit for her and she is ready to quit this gym.

I would suggest you go back to the owner AND coach for a meeting and explain this again to both of them and see what happens for the next couple of weeks before school starts.

I would also re-check your phone book and see if there isn't another gym in the area even if its more of a drive than you were hoping for.

I would also have another talk with DD and ask her if there were another gym option would she want to try it. If she says yes then you know its not the gymnastics she wants to quit but the gym.

Find out what gyms your current gym would be doing meets with they can't be that far away. For my DD when we switched gyms a month ago I was willing to drive an hour just one way for her because she loves it so much. I guess it comes down to how far are you willing to travel for your DD to do gymnastics at a place she will thrive at? It can't hurt to look around and see what the drive would be like.

there may be gyms that are new to the area you might not be aware of or even older gyms in the area that you might not know about
This link is the USAG find a club page. You just enter in your information and it lists all the gyms that are USAG members. I wouldn't list the city but just the state and see what cities come up that way you can see what is available in nearby cities too.

http://www.usa-gymnastics.org/pages/finda/club.html?prog=ms

good luck

 

[taximom]

I also agree with the previous posters, this current gym isn't a good fit for your daughter. It sounds like there may be other gyms in the area but farther away. I'd bet that with the right coach your daughter would be back to her old self in no time. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Blackie6]

Hi, Welcome to CB!
I am in region 7 as Well, it's a large area (LOL) but I agree with some other posters that it may be time to look for another gym that may involve some travel. Your DD sounds like she is quite talented and I am sure this is frustrating for all of you now. Maybe the move out of town and into another gym was harder on her than you or new coaches think. She left a program that she was sucessful at, comfortable with and probably had a lot of friends, teamates and support. This new gym may not be a good fit for her or she may have just shut down because she is missing her old life right now and hasn't had a chance to get comfortable in her new surroundings yet. I think you should voice your concerns to HC. Maybe because she is so talented and already a L8 they are seeing her for her level and not for her age & emotional/physical needs.

Before you moved did she get a chance to really work out with this new gym/team? Are there any other gyms within a 45 minute radius? I wouldn't rule out other gyms, there are often others you could car pool with to make the travel easier. Maybe she could take a week off to go investigate with you? I noticed Cher 062 responded to you...she recently had to make a major change with her gymmie, and very methodically checked out several gyms and measured the pro and cons on all three to find the best fit for her daughter. She probably can give you lots of advice on how to pursure this. In the meantime, good luck!

 

[gymdog]

If you want to PM me with where in R7, maybe there's another gym, if not close, in a doable distance? You might find a family to carpool with, maybe?

Otherwise it sounds like the issues are pretty deeply rooted so you're kind of in a rock and a hard place. I would at least try to address it before leaving, but it sounds like she's having a pretty rough and maybe it just isn't worth it. Any interest in dance, cheer, rhythmic gymnastics maybe?

 

[Mallory]

Thanks guys for all the response. We came from a major metro area with tons of reputable gyms. Now we live in the middle of nowhere and the closest decent gym is almost two hours away.

I feel like a lousy mom, but I think I'm going to give her coaches a 30-day notice...and if it doesn't turn around, or if she can't rediscover her passion, I guess we will try competitive basket weaving????

(What exactly do we do when you are no longer defined as "gym mom"? Ha!)

 

[Mallory]

Opps! I say "lousy mom" because I'm basically not allowing my kid to quit for at least 30 days. I can't envision how to send a kid to the gym when they don't want to go....especially at this level.

 

[gymdog]

You're not a lousy mom. In the long run it is not worth the unhappiness just to stay in the sport. It's very frustrating because she worked hard to get to this point and it is sad to see that the gym change and unraveled a lot of her passion for the sport, but there is no sense in being unhappy just to stay in it.

I am guessing that at her level there is probably not much chance she will move to different coaches, right? (in most gyms the same coaches work with L8-up, so I am just guessing) How about older girls at the gym? Are there many girls in high school, or is the retention rate generally not favorable? Is there high school gymnastics in your area?

 

[coachmolly]

I grew up in Region 7 and while there are typically not many gyms in a close radius, there are a decent amount. I lived in a rural area as a gymnast and had a handful of options within an hour 1 way. Would you happen to live near a state line? I do, however, know of some areas that are VERY sparse in the way of gyms within the region. Like gymdog mentioned, if you would like to PM me with a general geographic location I can see if I can come up with something. The website US Gyms.Net -- The Gym Sports Resource Center -- is also a great resource for finding gyms. Maybe there is something in the next state over that you haven't looked into just yet but would still be a reasonable drive. That is what I ended up doing towards the end of my years as a competitive gymnast and my family and I wish we had thought of that MUCH sooner!
I think a good talk with your daughter to pinpoint the exact problems. Would she want to try another gym? Is it the coaches/gym or gymnastics in general? Is there a problem with teammates? Or does she just miss her old gym/coaches/friends? That might shed some light on the problem and present you with some topics to discuss with the coaches and gym owner. Let them know your exact concerns and those of your daughter. Make sure they are getting as many details as possible.
It's a tough situation to be in and I would hate for your daughter to have to leave the sport if it's something she really loves to do. But it's also better to walk away now than have her continue and be miserable. Best wishes to both of you!

 

[10.0]

That's rough. I am all about talking to the owner/coach, although it sounds like you've been down that road. Maybe a last ditch effort, tell them specifically what the issues are and ask how they can work with you. I do not think giving a 30 day notice is a good idea at all, if they are not the type of people that are willing to work with you, they are not going to care and if the coach your daughter is already afraid of knows about it they may treat her badly or even be nasty. If it comes down to having to quit, just quit, make a clean cut. She is a high level, I know travel is not fun and is hard especially if you work but maybe the gym 2 hours away would let her come once or twice a week and work out all day, or do privates. It is worth exploring your options if you can, who knows maybe there is even another disgruntled parent that would take turns carpooling. Whatever you do good luck.

 

[sportyspice]

Opps! I say "lousy mom" because I'm basically not allowing my kid to quit for at least 30 days. I can't envision how to send a kid to the gym when they don't want to go....especially at this level.

You are absolutely doing the right thing not allowing her to quit yet - I think transitioning out of this sport is a process and all aspects of why she has stayed in the sport and enjoyed it up until now need to be explored - so I think you'll need to put a psychologist's hat on, to make sure whatever decision is reached is right for her and she doesn't have regrets later on.

My DD and DS have both had less than perfect coaching situations over the years and one thing that has kept them going is their love for the sport - basically we have discussions along the lines of "are you going to let your problem with this person stop you from doing a sport that you love?" Its a big life question that a 10yr old might struggle to understand, but if she can get it now then the obstacles she faces in the future at work with a bully boss or a difficult co-worker will not stand in her way of success.

We can choose the journey which we embark on, but not always the people who take it with us! Please don't take this as advice to stay where you are - more to get you through until you find a better option.

 

[Sunobo]

Perhaps you could try one or more private lessons with the coach. It might give them a chance to get to know each other better.

When we changed gyms a couple of years ago, dd was doing okay but wasn't thriving. She is very shy, wasn't trusting very well and didn't know how to solve the issue. She became afraid of all back skills. We started doing some private lessons and as she got to know the coach better, she really started to trust her and that coach has since became dd's favorite coach.

 

[bookworm]

That's rough. I am all about talking to the owner/coach, although it sounds like you've been down that road. Maybe a last ditch effort, tell them specifically what the issues are and ask how they can work with you. I do not think giving a 30 day notice is a good idea at all, if they are not the type of people that are willing to work with you, they are not going to care and if the coach your daughter is already afraid of knows about it they may treat her badly or even be nasty. If it comes down to having to quit, just quit, make a clean cut. She is a high level, I know travel is not fun and is hard especially if you work but maybe the gym 2 hours away would let her come once or twice a week and work out all day, or do privates. It is worth exploring your options if you can, who knows maybe there is even another disgruntled parent that would take turns carpooling. Whatever you do good luck.

I agree with 10.0....if you know you are done, then just leave and don't give the gym the opportunity to treat her poorly. As you feel she hasn't clicked with them to begin with, they will not be interested in coaching her for the 30 days...they might go through the motions but I don't see how this would be a positive experience for your daughter.

 

[cher062]

I agree with 10.0....if you know you are done, then just leave and don't give the gym the opportunity to treat her poorly. As you feel she hasn't clicked with them to begin with, they will not be interested in coaching her for the 30 days...they might go through the motions but I don't see how this would be a positive experience for your daughter.

I'm thinking that maybe she is still in a transition period. It takes some girls longer than others to make the adjustment. It's hard to go from a gym you like, coaches you trust, and teammates who have been your friends since you remember to a new town, a new house, new neighborhood, a new school, new gym, new coach with new ways of doing things that you are unsure of, new teammates and expect in a few months everything to be going well. Thats why its so importan to see what her expectation are and convay them to the owner/coach and also to help DD make the transition to a situation that is very different than what she has become use to. I know I would also make an effort to stay and watch a few practices and see if I see what DD is saying is happening or if its just her own perception of events that it's not really happening the way she is describing it. Adjusting to new ways of doing things is hard and alot of kids just want to give up rather than adjust but learning that adjusting skill is important especially if mom knows DD really loves gymnastics.

I hope she continues and maybe some of the folks in your area who have offered to help with locating a new gym can help.

 

[Kiwi]

Good point about needing time to adjust. I remember when my DD wanted to give up ballet when her first ballet teacher left and the new teacher started. The new teacher's style is very different from the previous teacher, and she has quite a piercing voice and it sounded like she was yelling at the kids. After a while, DD got used to the new teacher, who did turn out to be nice in her own way, and she has never mentioned giving up ballet again.