Parents To Push or not to push...that is the question

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My DD is a 9yr lvl 6. I recently have become unhappy with my DD's gym. There is a lack of consistentcy in coaching to the point we don't know who is coaching the girls on any given night, I have watched practices where I watch the coach on a cellphone instead of coaching and I don't feel there is a strong push to get the girls to their potential. They are content with middle of the pack scores and move the girls to the next level regardless if they will never be on the podium. Up training is seldom done at all until the girls move into the next level. The head coach has been spoken to but nothing seems to really improve.

As a parent, I am ready to move on.


The closest other gym is 40mins away and I have resigned to the fact that this will change our family's lifestyle. DD tested in the new gym. She seemed to like it and said everyone was nice but she does not want to switch. She doesn't want to leave her friends. (most of which are in a level below and next year she will be in the optionals and they don't travel much in the same circles)

Do I just let her stay and pray something improves OR do I make her change to at least give the new place a chance?

I don't want to push her to where she hates going or gives up on the sport but I also don't want to feel like her time and my money is wasted at the current gym.

What advice do you give when the parents are ready to move on but the gymnast is not?
 
My question is this, how do they do in optionals? I have been learning that many gyms only look at compulsories as a necessary path to get through in order to get to optionals. The new gym Midget is at would be one of these. they want to get the girls through levels 4-6 as quick as they can with no stops in between in order to get them to level 7. Our old gym was not focused in that way at all and it is quite a change but one I like.

Beyond that I think that if your DD is not up for the move it will only cause problems down the road.
 
Welcome to the Chalkbucket!

Firstly have you addressed to owner or head coach with your concerns. THey are very clear and perhaps she is unaware of anyone being unhappy with the way things are. I would schedule a meeting, or send a polite email stating the issues you are having and giver her a chance to fix or explain. If that gets you nowhere, your answer will be a lot clearer.

Now onto your question, sadly by the time you have thought about leaving this long, you probably should've left. Deal buster for me would be coaches on cell phones in class time, sure one emergency every few months, but habitually, not a chance. THe gyms philisophy will not change.

However this does not mean that the new gym will not have issues, I would say most gyms have issue from a parents perspective. It just depends what they are and how much they bother you.

Deciding to leave and change your families whole life is huge, that gym commute is long and may require one parent to be away from home for hours on end. Can you afford it financially, child care for the kids who stay home or another driver for other sports. Long term she will train more hours and that will cost more time and family wise. Not trying to put you off, but as a mom who drives the 40 minutes to gym for two girls.

Lastly, and this one depends on your parenting style, I say of you as a parent decide to move gymmie to a new gym, then you tell her it is happening, list the reasons and move on. She will make new friends and they do not have to be 9. My girls are in a group of 8 aged between 8 and 15, they all get along great. A 9 year old will not want to change, gym is very social and should still be fun with the hard work. HOwever she will make new friends and adapt, kids generally are very gregarious at 9.

I see the biggest issue is can you and the whole family manage the new financial and emotional lifestyle changes the gym change would bring?
 
I agree with Bog. It's not only your gymmie that would be affected by a change, it would be your whole family. I don't know how many other children you have or if you work or not. There are a lot of things to consider in that respect.

As far as her not wanting to leave her friends ~ I can honestly say she'll make new ones. My dd just switched gyms a few weeks ago. She had been with most of her old teammates for almost 5 years. My dd's an 8yo level 6 and the coaching was inconsistant as well. I would recommend taking a week off from your current gym, just tell them you're taking a vacation or just a break, let her try the new gym for a week. You, and she, may be pleasantly surprised. I know we were and we're so glad we made the change. We still keep in touch with her old teammates because they are her friends, too. Fortunately we have 3 pretty good gyms in our area and the one we moved to is definitely the best option for us. You'll never know until you try.

Good luck! :)
 
IMHO, I think you need to give some serious thought to whose sport this is, what your dd's goals for gymnastics are (and they may not be the same as your goals for her gym are) and what you mean by the word 'wasted'. If she is healthy and happy and wants to stay where she is, then perhaps that is the best place for her. It might not be worth the extra expense and life style changes the distant gym would require unless she truely wants to make this a long term sport (and has the talent to do so).
 
To add to what I said before, I do agree with Bog. Especially about the inconsistent coaching and using a cell phone while on the floor is a major area of concern.

we just went through a lot of that and did make a move and couldn't be happier. But you should talk to the owners/head coach first.
 
Well, we are in the midst of the exact same situation. last year we thought we should leave, but decided to stay. All her friends were there, she loved it, etc. Fast forward a year and we constantly regretted not switching. Her team dropped in numbers drastically when they moved to senior 4's. By the middle of the season we knew we needed to switch. As soon as the meet season ended people started switching.

I needed to tie up some lose ends before we could switch and honestly I was still hesitant. The current gym is 4 minutes from our house, the new gym is 30 minutes away. Suddenly it is not so convenient for anyone to have her go. But, in the end, we knew we didn't want her to stay. She tried out at the new gym last weekend and made the level 5 team. She starts Tuesday. I can't wait for the switch to happen officially and be done with our current gym. Way too many issues.

For us switching is the right decision. You do need to realize there will be issues at every gym. YOu just have to weigh the pros and cons. When I went through with my daughter and did a pro/con list, the only reasons to stay were her friends (except most of them switched already) and she liked the coaches. When it came down to doing gymnastics, all the pros were for the other gym. BUT you have to make sure your daughter is on board, if you force her to switch then it won't go well.
 
I agree with most of what has been said, especially the part about if you're questioning a gym change, it's probably a year overdue.

One thing I have a difference of opinion on is the gymnast being on board with the change...my daughter fought me with the gym change three years ago but said to me last summer that she was so glad that I made her make the move because as she puts it "I'm a much better gymnast, and I know I am going to do well when I compete and I never had that feeling at our old gym...I hoped I'd do well but I was never trained TO DO well and now I am". When I made the decision to move her I just said to her that this is a gymnastics/business decision and it's final..that I was not paying for anymore lousy coaching and we were moving on. As she saw the pros of the new gym, she came around and has been much more confident and happier than she ever was in the old gym , and we were there 5 years. We still see and socialize with friends from the old gym so she did maintain that aspect of it.
 
I think I have decided to just let her stay put and see what happens. I will definitely meet again with the head coach and voice my concerns but I then think I am going to step back and just let my DD enjoy her friends and her surroundings.

Earlier this week after mentioning that we need to let the other gym know what we are doing, DD "shutdown" on me. After about an hour of no discussion she said she knows she might improve at the other gym but she was actually thinking she might just quit all together because she wants more time to be with her friends. At that point it hit me, I need to step back. Am I the cause of this new change of heart? Before all of my discussions about switching gyms, she loved the sport, the gym, and was planning next years routine in her head. I don't want her to quit what she truly loves because of my desires to improve her scores or skills. She has to be ready to make the move herself. My child is NOT a social butterfly and can be very shy. I don't want to add to any anxiety she has and make things worse.

All I can do at this point is hope she finds love again in her sport and that her head coach can make some changes in the gym for the better.
 
DarlingDiva - your last post reminded me soooo much of my DD. I have found that conversations we have about her gymnastics or swimming often get her emotional or she shuts down. I am not exactly sure why that is, but I think that whether she initiates the discussion or I do it forces her to think a little more long-term about things. My DD just turned 10 and while she is a pretty responsible/mature kid, I finally realized that she is not ready to think ahead that way. I have asked her about her goals for her sports and honestly she can't articulate any long-term goals. She is able to say that she wants to nail a certain skill, have a best time in a race or something like that more immediate. But she isn't yet capable of looking at the next year.

So, I guess maybe you should let your DD just "stay in the moment" a little more. Switching gyms is a hard decision but it also requires kids to know how they think it is going to be different, what they might get out of it, and if they think it will make them improve more than the gym they are currently with. My guess is it is just too much for her to be able to predict or comprehend.
 
Your last post makes so much sense--so glad that you've decided to let her enjoy her gymnastics and not push.
 
I think it sounds like you made the right decision for your DD.

Since this is a message board and I like to play devil's advocate sometimes I'm going to say this just to hear other people's opinions. My DD is young so this isn't my perspective as a mother, but my perspective from my own childhood.

I think a strong healthy push out of their comfort zone is good sometimes. I really wish my parents had pushed me a little bit. I'm a very shy person and I hated to try new things. My parent's were so laid back and never pushed even one tiny little bit with anything I did. I wish they had pushed me to try new things and give things a chance. I have tried with my DD even at this young age to give her a little shove in the right direction. She's very shy and doesn't like change (doesn't fall to far from the apple tree huh?) so sometimes I have to really make her try things. I'm talking little things like when we went on vacation the place had horseback riding and she refused. I made her try and she LOVED it. Just a thought.

I think if things don't improve at your gym in the future I would make her try a trial at another gym. If after a set period of time she really doesn't want to then let her make the decision. At least you will know you tried and she will see there are other options out there.
 
I agree with you somewhat--as a child I took dance lessons early on and apparently disliked it and begged my parents to let me quit after just two times. They did and I SO wish they had made me stick with it!

In this case, the gymnast is loving her current gym and her level. The mom thinks she could do better. Maybe she could, but she's liking the sport and her coaches--why move unless the gymnast has a goal to really excel?
 

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