Parents Twin Mom--need advice!!

[sunshine27]

Hi, I am new here and I am SO glad I found this site.
I have 7 year old twin daughters who adore gymnastics.
My problem is one daughter (I will call her A) was asked about a year ago to be on the team at her gym.
the other daughter (I will call her L) has not been asked yet. She wants to be on the team VERY badly and has been working her booty off to try and make it.
She takes 2 (and maybe upping it to 3) rec classes a week.
The team coaches who are WONDERFUL and I totally respect say she just needs to get stronger--many of the skills are there--she just needs more strength (I am assuming especially for bars--although she can do the basic skills for the Level 2 bar routine--but maybe not clean enough)

When A got asked to be on the team, we literally considered not letting her do it just because I was so afraid of how it would affect her sister's self-esteem. But ultimately we knew that just wasn't fair to do and let A go ahead with it. L has handled it AMAZING--she has gone to every meet to cheer her sister on and never feels sorry for herself. But I KNOW she truly believes that next year she will be out there competing. But I am SOOOOO worried that may not be the case.
I have talked a lot with the coaches--they totally know the position I am in and how badly L wants this.
I know they want it for her too--but they also have to look out for the best interest of the whole team and their gym--I totally get that and respect it.
They also can't make me any promises--they have said that if she gets stronger she can make it on--but they can't give me anything concrete.

But oh my goodness--I just want to help my girl achieve her goals. ;-)

both my girls are very tall for their age. I know this isn't helping much in this sport--being tall can be a detriment. and while A is very thin and light, L is bigger boned and heavy---not fat just solid.

I am desperately trying to figure out what to do.....
Do I continue encouraging my poor kid to work her butt off for something she may never achieve??

I absolutely LOVE our gym---it is AWESOME!!! I love the coaches and all the staff--I love the other families that go there. I would be SOOO sad to leave but should I look into other gyms?

but maybe a different gym may be a better fit for us.....
We don't have aspirations to go to the Olympics or anything even close---just want to have fun competing in a sport they love and work to get as good as they can at it.

but have I mentioned how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE our gym. :-(

or should I really try hard to get L interested in other activities? (we have tried swimming, cheerleading and basketball--all don't even compare to how much she loves gymnastics)
poor thing---the heart of a gymnast in a basketball players body.... ;-)

Any advice and comments are welcome.
I feel so stressed just wanting to make the right decisions for my girls.
Thank you so much!

 

[my4buffaloes]

I guess I would be looking for what she needs to be stronger at. What can she do to gain the strength she needs. Is it leg strength they are talking about, arm strength, etc. Does she need her press handstand, or something else? I would ask for specific things your child can do to help her meet her goals - just getting stronger is pretty vague. Good luck and I hope she can make it on team.

 

[emorymom]

Well, then have her train like she's on team even though she's not.
Rec they mostly do skills. It's just not ... recreational (fun) to do the other stuff for 40 minutes of a 55 minute class.
She needs to go ahead and start the part of team training that is what she's missing.

Crossfit Kids if available.
She should be running .75-1 mile 2-3x a week -- that's what most of the team girls around here would be doing in warmup before each practice.
She should have a doorway chin up bar and use it for pullups and leg lifts about every other day. Once she can do one, she will soon be able to do 2 if she does them consistently. Then three, working up to about ten clean ones.
If there is a good quality tumbling program not too far away (developing power tumbling, not cheer only), consider adding that as well for extra hours.

 

[mylittlemiss]

I understand how hard this must be! Is there by any chance a rec team at their gym, or an excel type program? That might be a better fit for L.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

When A got asked to be on the team, we literally considered not letting her do it just because I was so afraid of how it would affect her sister's self-esteem. But ultimately we knew that just wasn't fair to do and let A go ahead with it. L has handled it AMAZING--she has gone to every meet to cheer her sister on and never feels sorry for herself. But I KNOW she truly believes that next year she will be out there competing. But I am SOOOOO worried that may not be the case.

Thank you! I have had a similar situation with twins but I have ended up with the sister who was not ready because I told the owner she was improving in rec. The mother refused to bring one without the other, and the way she told us this was like an ultimatum (we should have said no to both kids after that). I will be sending the sister back to recreation and the other little one will get pulled out too because the mother identifies more with the twin who is not ready. A waste of time, I could have put two other kids in to get the training benefits.

As a coach I suggest you be open and honest about how you/your dd feel with the coaches. Ask if it is purely the strength holding her back. Ask if they think your DD will get there because you would like to re-direct her energy else where if team is not likely for her as she will be disappointed.

 

[ac7179]

Do they start competition at Level 3? If so, really, it wouldn't hurt the gym to allow her to compete, even if she'll never be a star. As long as she's fairly coordinated, I think she could do decently.

That's not to say every kid out there could do it, but I think with a year of team training, I could get an average 8 year old girl (not overweight, average muscle tone) ready to do decently at level 3. And certainly level 2! By lowering the starting level of competition, USAG is really trying to extend the opportunity to all.

If your daughter meets that criteria but they don't want to let he compete, it likely will never be the best place for her. The tricky thing is it could very well be the best place for your other daughter.

 

[sglemon]

Honestly I would encourage daughter L to try other things. I wouldn't 't give up gymnastics completely, just encourage her to do other things. I had two daughters in gymnastics at one time and it really can be a nightmare at times. My dds should like they are built like yours. My older dd, built like L had a difficult time. She was able to do the skills, but her form just never came. Younger dd, built like A had gorgeous form and when they competed the same level, younger dd out scored older dd by 2 points or more. Younger dd would always win medals, older dd would be lucky to get one. Emotionally it was so hard on her, it broke her down. It also made things difficult for the family, because we couldn't celebrate the successes of one without hurting the other. Older dd found soccer and is having success. As a family we can enjoy everyone's successes and my girl can be supportive of one another.

I would look at it this way, how would L feel, if A wins medals and she doesn't? If A moves up and she doesn't? A gets skills and L doesn't? So on and so on... Will she be happy being in As shadow, gymnastics wise? We as adults don't see it that way, but young girls do.

 

[2G1B]

we had a somewhat similar situation except that our twins are b/g. DS made it to team when they were in 2nd grade and competed in 2nd grade. His sister has always loved gymnastics; but didn't get invited to team. I'll be honest, at our old gym I think that they kind of just missed her and the HC later pretty much said as much to me. She was invited to training team at the end of 2nd grade and didn't get to start competing (at the new gym) until 3rd grade. She was great through 2nd grade - always cheering him on.

Honestly, if they are competing at your gym at the current level 2, I have to agree that most kids this age could pick it up. Do they have a training team or something that they could move her to? I bet with a little more practice she could get there.

Another thing to consider would be asking if she could maybe do a private once per week to help her out. Or if it is really only strength, see about a conditioning class.

I do with feel that especially with twins that we parents have to be sure to let the kids succeed at different things and sometimes that means that one twin will succeed and one won't. But it is something that is going to happen throughout their lifetimes and most likely it will be a different twin on top at different times.

 

[M&G'sMom]

I agree that helping L condition outside of the gym might be really helpful. Perhaps while A is at team practice, you and L can spend at least part of that time stretching and conditioning so that her rec class time can be spent tightening up her skills with her new-found strength. Even if she doesn't end up making it, she will look back and know that you literally did everything you physically could to help her reach her goal. She might just not understand how much extra conditioning A does every week, and how much that strengthens her skills and how necessary it is, beyond practicing the skills themselves.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

I had same problem...Actually I started our dd at 7 in gymnastics. I used to watch everything. Other moms used to say, oh your daughter is sooo good nd graceful, why isnt she getting picked for team. Hc nd hc dh were russian, my dh speaks russian, so off to gym I sent him. During this time we were having a lot of trouble with a too young coach(talking with an 8 year about her personl prob, mkup, boys, told my dd to do cheer) went to owner, she told my daughter she wasnt good enough. I ask if hc could take her she said ask. Hc russian did drama with my daughter said she wasnt strong enough. Told me not to get ahead of her. I went looking for another gym. Long story short, my dd is now 10 nd just finished her first year of bronze xcel with a 37 aa. I just asked new coach what to do to fix the problem. I also tell dd if she want something you have to work hard for it. It will come easier later. Btw shes doing front nd back tucks on trampoline. Im proud of her. I told her one day dd why cant you do so nd so, she replied dont look what I cant do, see how far Ive come. Shes a winner!!!

 

[ac7179]

If she loves it, find a way for her to do it. I started late, but gymnastics was totally my idea and my love. Two coaches argued about allowing me on the team ( first year l5 at 11) but they gave me a shot. I stayed with it all through high school and was a state champion in USAG.

All the kids who started earlier and had more talent didnt necessarily have the passion for it. I wished I had started younger, so I put my daughter in preteam at 5. She has done well and competed level 4 at 7, and I can honestly say she has more talent than I ever did, but I don't think she has that passion. To be fairC the champions are probably the ones who start early and also have or find that passion, but I hate to see older or less talented kids not given the opportunity to compete. If they love it, they may go farther than the kids pegged as talented.

 

[Kiwi]

Strength can be built. If they are being honest about it being a strength issue and she does really have a chance to move up to team - ask them what she specifically needs to work on, maybe they could even provide a home conditioning program for her to work on.

 

[MaryA]

No real advice, but I did want to send you a virtual hug ((())). I have twin daughters (just turned 12). Only one is in gymnastics (thank goodness... I don't think my nerves or my bank account could handle two gymnasts!) and the other is in dance. Even with them being in different activities, gymnastics causes issues. There is resentment from my dancer that her sister is never home (my gymmie practices every day after school... gets home in time to eat, do whatever homework she didn't manage to get done during school, and go to bed), resentment that so many weekends are taken up with meets (dancing DD rarely goes... she has Saturday dance classes that I try not to make her miss, but I'm gone, and her sister is gone), resentment that I'm so involved in gymnastics. The dance studio doesn't have fundraisers and booster clubs and meets to host. It's just pay fees, drop off, pick up, go to recital. So my involvement in her activity is pretty limited.

I know that when you have more than one kid, they automatically become the "fairness police" and when you have twins, it's even more so because you can't play the "but she's older/but she's younger" card to justify inequalities. And when one kid is doing competitive gymnastics, things are definitely "not fair" and when the other kid desperately WANTS to be doing competitive gymnastics but isn't being allowed, well, that's just got to be the least fair of all!

I think you've gotten some good advice here. Find out in what ways DD needs to get stronger. Maybe put a pull-up bar in a doorway (with some very strict rules about what can be done on it). Make her a list (or better yet, have a coach make her a list) of things she can do at home to get stronger. If nothing else, showing the coaches that she's willing to give 100% effort to accomplish her dreams should make a positive impression on them. If she is doing all that, while maintaining a positive attitude in class, and coaches still won't move her up to even the most basic level of team, then I would start not loving the coaches so much. After all, she deserves to have a chance to prove that she can do it.

 

[cbifoja]

No personal experience but some observations for you to do with what you will....

Our gym has two sets of twins on team (three pairs actually but only two are relevant to this post). One mother insists that the girls NOT be separated. One sister is noticeably better than other sister. Easily sweeps every meet because she has mastered their level. Other sister can barely do the required elements of their level. Now our HC has a hard choice to make. Does she move both girls up given that Sister A is more than prepared knowing that she is condemning Sister 1 to an impossible year? Or does she refuse to keep both girls together and make mom probably pull both girls out of gym? It isn't fair to EITHER sister that mom won't separate them. Sister A is not being allowed to push herself and Sister 1 is being forced to struggle for no reason. Plus it will look like our gym is sandbagging next year if Sister A isn't allowed to move up.

Other set of twins started gym together and were together all through compulsories. One twin really took off while the other has moved at a slower pace. Mom has allowed each girl the luxury of success in different levels. Twin A is in a higher level, learning harder skills, and working up to her potential. Twin 1 doesn't move as fast but still enjoys her time in the gym, still loves competing, and does what she can.

I can feel the pain you have for your little one that is struggling. Her hard work will pay off eventually.

 

[sunshine27]

Wow!! Thank you SO very much everyone for the awesome advice and support!!! I appreciate it so much!!
I'm even more frustrated I'm afraid. I asked what type of things L should work on. It's conditioning type things--especially bars. Be able to do chin-ups etc. I asked about private lessons and to be honest they didn't encourage that strangely. I feel like exactly what she needs is what she would get on team. They do mostly conditioning all summer 3 times a week. She would gain SO much strength over the summer.
I just don't get it. There aren't any competitions over the summer--why not give her a chance. She can do all level 2 (new level 1) skills. Not perfectly but by the Fall I think she would be just fine. I'm not at all asking for her to be moved to where her sister is. I know that wouldn't be good for her at all.
I'm sooo shocked that there are gyms and moms that would insist on that. (Although I will be totally honest and admit I'm wishing right about now my gym was more flexible like that!!)

Like I said before she's very coordinated. A very hard worker. Can do all the basics (cartwheel, handstand, forward/backward rolls, pullover on bar, hip circle, soul circle). But she definitely doesn't have a "typical gymnast body" so she isn't super light like I know is probably preferred.
They start competing level 2 (new level 1) and unfortunately this is the only route at this gym if you want to compete. She isn't a very competitive kid--neither of my girls are. But she sees how much fun and how special it is to be on the team. The friendships and relationships they have with the coaches. She wants that. And I want it for her!!!

She's smart and sweet and very hard-working. And she LOVES gymnastics. I'm a very supportive gym mom. Pay my bill on time. And with me they get a twofer. They are guaranteed double tuition.

I'm really starting to think this gym isn't the right place for us as much as I love it. Why in the world would they not give her a chance???
Should I post this in coaches group? Maybe I'm being unrealistic with what can be accomplished??

Thank you again for all your responses!!

 

[ac7179]

My personal opinion is that they are not interested in her. Even if she gained strength, I doubt they would move her. Especially if they didn't seem motivated to give her the extra ($$$) lessons that would help her!

Body type may be a reason. We have gyms around here that are very particular. One gym that I can think of has kids that look like clones. They are all almost the same height, all the same body type, all within a year or two of the same age (this is for the lower levels 2,3 and 4) and, I swear to you, they are almost all blonde!

It's each gym's prerogative to run team like they want to. That gym may be a great gym for kids who fit into that mold, but for kids who don't, they have the option to look elsewhere.

 

[ac7179]

I use myself as an example. I started gym at Karolyis, and he didn't want me for team. <\3 I'm sure I didn't have elite potential, but when given the chance I made it to level 8/9, coached in college, and had gymnastics as a huge part of my life. I'm so thankful for the opportunity my coach took on an older kid that many wouldn't bother with!

It's not about where you start, but where you finish.

 

[EastCoastGymMom]

I don't know much about Levels 1-3, but do any gyms in your area have an All Star or Prep-Opt team she could at least start out with?

 

[gymdog]

Is it possible to keep A at the current gym and move L to another gym? That might help avoid a lot of instances of direct competition, assuming it was even remotely possible to find two places where the schedule matched up okay.

 

[eryes]

If L really wants it bad, a kip bar could really benefit her. I got one used for my twin gymies when they turned 6. They loved it - still love it! Really has helped their strength and bars skills. Plus you can always sell it when the ladies outgrow it...

My twin "A" was also more talented at gym. She didn't have to work hard to get nice scores. Twin "L" had more of a struggle - but learned to fight for what she wanted. Once skills got a bit more tough, twin "A" decided she didn't want to continue and twin "L" has worked hard... Now doing some shining of her own! The work ethic that your "L" is learning is SO important to this crazy sport...or at least that is how I see it.

Good luck!