Parents Warning: pre-team rant/vent inside. Communication fail.

[mamaoftwo]

Had a whole long post and the CB ate it! Ack! It was probably too long or something, lol.

Anyway, I am extremely ticked at DD's gym, and could use some BTDT advice. Since my fingers are good and sore from my first attempt, I will try to summarize my issues in point format!

1. Have had communication issues at DD's gym from day 1, though not nearly this bad. DD has been in the team "system" for about 15 months now. Team is pretty competitive but not really an elite gym or anything. Our compulsories did pretty well at State last year, and our gym sent 5 of 8 Level 10's to National this year (I think that's good? I really have no clue).

2. DD is 7 and is currently on L3 preteam.

3. DD has had trouble with coach on and off (remember "loud coach" thread? that's us!). DD decided to "suck it up and stay" because she "loves her teammates" and she "wants to be a team girl" and "a new coach could be meaner, too". I agreed to it, for now, but told her I'd monitor the situation.

4. DD asked to do full day rec camp at our gym. I agreed (fun = good!) to let her. It is this week.

5. Pulled DD from rec camp after the morning session yesterday (just before lunch) due to pre-established playdate. Those are fun, too and darn it, it's summertime.

6. Drop DD off at camp this morning for a day of good times with new friends. Ask what the procedure was for her regular L3 class, as they conflicted at the end of the day. Was told that on Monday, only 1 L3 non-camper showed for class, so she joined the camp girls until the end of the camp day, then they worked with team coach for the remainder of the practice.

7. This should have registered as being "wrong" as I know neither L3 group practices on Mondays. But I don't think this til later.

8. DD's teammate's mom calls me in a panic around noon. She was stuck at work and asked if I could pretty please take her DD to practice, and she'd happily take my DD home. Said fine, was out and about in the area, anyway. Good deal.

9. Walked DD's teammate in, as I felt responsible for her and all. Saw other L3 moms huddled together. Ask "what's up". Am told the kids are working out later! Not usual time, but backed up a half an hour! Isn't that great!?!

10. Awesome mom working the desk asks us if we ever received anything about this weeks modified workout schedule fot the team girls.

11. Me = ?!?!?!?!?!?

12. Other moms = ?!?!?!?!?!?

13. Awesome mom rummages around for 10 minutes, and found the flyer that we never received.

14. Realize that not only did they change the workout TIMES, but the days, too! Oh, and we missed yesterday! They switched the kids from Tues/Wed to Mon/Tues! Surprise!

14.5. Am irritated, but convincing myself to let go. My DD wants to be a gymnast!

15. Awesome mom copies this sheet for us all, which is sweet, but not at all necessary anymore as, uh, there are no more practice times. Awesome mom calls L3 coach.

16. L3 coach finally arrives. Is not at all friendly, not that it's all that surprising. No apology. Just said she didn't know why we didn't get the sheet.

17. I get up the nerve to ask about TEAM camp, which was rumored to be just next week. Am told 3's don't do camp. I somehow get up the guts to ask if she's sure, as my paperwork says that NEXT WEEK they go two mornings per week for the team camp.

18. Coach not happy. She runs away without a word, into back room. Re-emerges about 8 min later with a form for team camp. 3's are mandatory 2 AFTERNOONS that week, on "new" days, and we can add an additional day.

19. Coach: "Please return RSVP today for next week. Did I not give these to you before?"

20. All of us moms: ?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

21. RSVP form has a deadline of July 15, so clearly, we should have received long ago.

22. Am increasingly irritated, but convincing myself to let go. My DD wants to be a gymnast!

23. Two moms, just arriving, admit they received a phone call about schedule change the afternoon before (but technically, as the practice was starting so they missed it).

24. I go home and do laundry! 2 hours later, DD is dropped off after class. Is not in a good mood at all. Asks why I didn't pick her up? I remind her that I told her she was getting a ride today since I brought gym BFF earlier.

24. She says, no mom, after CAMP? "Why did you make me sit there?"

25. Me = ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

26. Apparently, after camp was over, DD's coach never got her. She was never sent to her coach. DD, not knowing what to do, sat there for 60 minutes, all alone, crying.

27. DD has (diagnosed) childhood anxiety disorder and selective mutism, so no way is she capable of approaching someone and asking what is going on when she's worked up.

28. DD thought I forgot about her, and sat alone, watching her teammates (on way far side of gym) for an hour. No one called me. No one wondered why she was alone for an HOUR, crying.

29. Gym has always been a safe place for DD. She does not trust easily or feel comfortable easily. She lost some of that today.

30. I am beyond PO'd right now. I am so angry I don't know what to do with it. I want to approach the owner tomorrow about it (not attack him, but calmly discuss my concerns), but am terrified. Their attitude has pretty much been, if you don't like it, you can leave. They don't compromise. DD has to try out for L4 with 80 other kids in December. She needs nothing against her heading into that (esp. with her anxiety). If she doesn't make L4, she's out of the team program there and back into rec. She would be absolutely crushed. I don't want to get a black mark for questioning this, but at the same time, don't want to be steamrolled here!

31. They are so rude and condescending! I am a pretty tolerant person, but I do NOT care for DD's coach on a personal level. Not at all. And she doesn't really seem to enjoy her job, I have to say. (OK - personal rant now over!)

32. Closest other gym is an additional 25 minutes away on a good day, and I declined DD's spot on their team in June.

33. Communication does seem better for L4 and up, though still not perfect.

34. Aaarrrggghhhhhh! How many more years of this?

35. Thanks so much if you have any advice or just the ability to commiserate with me. Which, I have to say I hope none of you do (regarding the latter, anyway). Thanks so much for reading.

 

[ejgymmom]

Oh gosh, I don't know what I'd do in your situation since the next closest gym is an additional 25 minutes away. You're in a tough situation. The fact that your daughter had to sit there for an hour crying makes me want to cry. That's just terrible. Sounds like your gym has some really, really poor communication. I really don't have any advice but we recently left a gym with bad communication, though not quite as bad, so I kind of feel your pain. I hope you figure out some kind of solution and I'll cross my fingers and toes that your DD makes it on the L4 team!

 

[mayestra12]

I'm so sorry. My dd (age 7) also has diagnosed anxiety disorder so I can totally relate. I actually put my dd in her gym rec camp so she would be there when her team practice starts in the afternoon. Her anxiety sometimes stops her from going in for team practice due to her fears / worries. I'd be livid if they didn't send her or forgot to get her but I know that wouldn't happen at her gym.

 

[lhmom]

First, (((hugs))) to your little girl! Poor kid must've been miserable. :-( And just wanted to say that I am impressed that you are taking a moment to regroup and approach things calmly with the owner. Honestly, I think I would approach this as a safety issue for the gym. Maybe offer to be the parent that lets families know about schedule changes if the coach seems to be too overwhelmed. We have a parent like that at our gym who stays in contact with the HC and alerts everyone if there are changes. I have a 7 yr. old too and I would've felt sick at the thought that she was alone there at her gym for a long period of time. Good luck!

 

[jcs]

I am just getting started in this world of gymnastic, but this would not sit well with me at all. You are their customer. They need to let you know when practices are. They didn't think it was strange that no one showed up? Not sure who is responsible for that communication, the coach or an admin but someone needs to step it up.

As for the other gym, while it may be farther away it might be a better fit. I wouldn't worry about turning down the spot on their team, call and let them know things just aren't working out and I am sure they will work with you. And, if it alleviates the stress of trying out for L4 with 80 other girls, that might also be the best option for your DD even though she will be leaving her friends.

Good luck with your decisions, I know I would be not happy right now if I were you.

 

[bogwoppit]

I really think that this gym's communication style is going to be an ongoing problem, and with your DD's issues it may be detrimental to her mental health. SHe should feel safe and happy in the gym. NO 7 year old would be left unattended in a good gym. A good coach would know she was going to class after camp and would sigh her off with the next coach. A 7 year old unattended is asking for a bad accident and a law suit.

I would be gone with noexplanation to them, they are not respectful enough to earn your loyalty

 

[cher062]

I agree with everythign Bog has posted above.

the communication style probably isn't going to change. You could make an appoointment with the owner (assuming it isn't one of the coaches you are talking about) and voice all your concerns like you did here they may not even be aware of what is happening (don't assume they know - you would be suprised how often they dont and folks think they do).

from your post how ever I would rather suck up the extra 25 min drive and have my DD in a better environment than let this foolishness continue. I would take a week and have DD go back and try new gym. Kids bounce back quickly and she will make new friends and have new teammates she will love just as much as the ones she is with now. Don't worry about not accepting the spot in June. Many gymnasts try a new gym for the summer only to end up switching gyms before the fall comes.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I agree with Bog. And I want to commend you on keeping your cool, I would have blown my gasket. Disorganization drives me crazy!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I also agree with Bog! We HAVE switched gyms in the past... trust me, it's not a character flaw to have to switch. Given your daughter's issues as well as the lack of communication and then YOU being blamed for not knowing, I'd be hightailing it out of there! Yes, the other gym may be farther away, but you're in a cesspool right now and need to get out! Once you get settled at the new gym, you may be able to find a carpool. And if not, trust me, you'd get used to that longer commute in no time. Your daughter is the one who's being neglected here... the fact that NO ONE even noticed her sitting there crying for an hour??? I'd be gone in a heartbeat!

 

[flipper's fan]

Communication issues are not that unusual in the gymnastics world but I could not tolerate a place where my child could cry for an HOUR without SOMEONE responding to that. I have no faith or trust in your coach who didn't even know the kids were supposed to be at a mandatory camp the following week. A 25 minute drive would not keep me from finding a safer place for my little gymnast. And I bet the spot you declined in June would reopen with a little explanation. Good luck to you and your little girl!

 

[gym law mom]

For your daughter's sake, you need to leave. I can't imagine a gym letting a child sit alone crying and not question what was going on. Sounds like she was more or less ignored. Her coach should certainly been able to see her at some point or have realized she was missing from the group---she saw you earlier.
The pressure of competing with 80 others for a spot on the L4 team is ridiculous.
This certainly sounds like a big and impersonal program and your dd needs a gym that will care about her. If you talk with the owner, I wouldn't bring up the missed class or not getting the flier. My big concern would be my child left to sit alone. That is a liability issue for the gym---they should know what kids are in the actual gym at all times and what classes they are with.

 

[mayestra12]

I should have added that we switched gyms last December in part due to my dd's anxiety. The gym where she started rec classes was just not a good fit with her anxiety when she moved to team. A supportive gym and positive environment has made the world of difference for her.

 

[lhmom]

mamaoftwo-
How is your daughter feeling today? Was just thinking about her today and hope that she's OK.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[gymgal]

You may want to get some more input on the "being left alone" situation. I'd be inclined to ask other moms to talk to their dd's to get the full story. It is entirely possible that she chose not to go over to the team because of an issue she was having and that someone from the gym was watching her the entire time. Now, that doesn't excuse the gym not calling you to let you know what is going on and but I would want to know the full facts before talking with the owner.

Having said that, this is obviously not a good fit for your family. I would certainly talk to the owner but my purpose would be solely to let him/her know what happened so that it doesn't happen again (change of classes times, a child left alone). But in the end, you need to move this child. She obviously does not feel comfortable here (she wouldn't walk over to her teammates) and neither do you. You can't be certain that this coach will stay at level 3 either. Ours move around all the time.

 

[Jennemmy]

This a long reply but I can relate to gym communication fails. That has been a problem for us in the past as well. We have communication problems at all of the gyms my daughters have used. I know a few folks will disagree with me on this but I think in some ways that is gymnastics. Even USAG can be iffy. Think about the posts asking when TOPs scores will come out. That being said, one of the things I do is ask, email and text our coach/other parents whenever things change. Summer, holidays, meet week. Nothing seems set and I have dropped my kid off at the small gym when a practice was cancelled verbally the day before. Uh, my kid didn't go every day so that was a problem. At the big gym, times have been changed same day. We have a website that list times but if you checked at 7a you might miss it. I would go nuts in the very same way you did. Internally. I still get annoyed but even the best gyms have their faults. I think com fail seems to be more the norm. Our team even showed up to a meet after it started bc the coach never checked her vm from the night before. Talk about stress and anger. If you have good future coaches, stick with your gym and build a good network of gym moms. Our HC actually told us at a gym meeting that we should ask the other moms if we had questions. Lol! But she has a great heart and good intentions and now we just know that word of mouth is that best wat to stay on top of schedule stuff.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

please don't bring USAG in to any of this. USAG is the NGB. there are a handful of people in the office. they are dependent on the work of volunteers. every position held out of the national office is a VOLUNTEER position.

finally, USAG can not dictate policy or dictate memorandums to private business owners...namely private club owners.

 

[Jennemmy]

Dunno - I'm not saying its USAG at fault at all. My mention of USAG was one sentence about how the sport juggles many things, for ex - 7yo TOPs to 2 major natl meets all within a 2 month timeframe. Gymnastics is a time and people intensive complicated web of beauty. The primary goal is good gymnastics, accomodating schedules of many kids and sometimes parents. As you mnetioned, staff can be small for the office side of things at most gyms. Sometimes you have an owner coaching, managing the office and traveling with athletes to meets. Our gym has over 100 athletes, not counting classes. 2 full time staff members for office stuff and lots of parent volunteers. This doesn't include scheduling a dozen coaches. Sometimes a volunteer may make a mistake or a coach has a sick child and things change. The gym may not be as prompt as we would like about getting the word out but many times it is a result of trying to make it work. Our owner travels to the Ranch for training. Those dates can affect the whole gym. And things can feel disorganized esp around the training camp sessions. What i was trying to say is that after 3 years at this gym, it has gotten easier to go with the flow. Gymnastics can be unpredictable. But gyms and their owners and USAG do what they do bc they love the sport. I think on CB we are quick to villify a gym or a coach. (I've done it myself when we first began the sport.) Sometimes they have 20 parents in one ear, a crying child at their feet and a kid with a broken arm at the ER. At times it feels like as parents we hold the gyms up to a higher expectation than we would to our schools or ourselves. Mistakes happen, staff do the best they can to keep things rolling. I was trying to use USAG as an example that at the very best of the sport, things still can feel left open-ended such as when TOPS results get announced. I'm not faulting USAG for that, all of gymnastics from classes to practices to coaching can be somewhat fluid with time management. And that used to drive me crazy but with time I have learned to adapt to the gymnastics clock. My dd and I will say it's a gym thang when the grandparents want an exact time or day to come out for a visit. We kinda know but we don't know. And that's ok.

 

[Midget's Dad]

I agree with a lot of what Bog said. Except one thing, I would give an explanation, but it would not be a nice one. I was livid just reading about it and she isn't my child! Had that happened with Midget there would be no doubt she would be at another gym, and the owner, and coaches, would be very aware of my thoughts on the matter.

 

[mamaoftwo]

Thanks for your replies!

Wow, I am sincerely amazed by the support here. Thanks to everyone here for the great advice. I would have posted again sooner, but for some reason I wasn't able to access the forums yesterday evening. I think my computer/internet was all goobered up!

So, I let myself cool down Tuesday evening, though, truly, I did want to blow my gasket. Alas, I thought that perhaps that would not be something I want to model for my DD! Plus, I wanted to understand what truly happened in all of it. So my plan was to talk to the gym owner yesterday morning, or at very least the camp director.

Well, wouldn't you know that neither of them were there yesterday at drop off. The only staff there were the younger camp coaches, and while they are friendly and my kids love them, I thought talking to them would not be productive. While still cooling my jets, I called our #1 alternate gym - the spot we declined in June. The lady that answered happened to be the brand new L3 coach, and she amazingly spent 15 minutes talking to me on the phone. This gym competes their L3's, and DD will obviously NOT be ready to compete (missing mil circle for sure, needs cleaner bridge for sure, and doesn't know routines), but they are willing to take her on and let her compete later in the season. This said, I am not 100% sure the times will work, but once their "dance day" is set, she's going to call to see if it will work out, but DD is welcome to begin classes on Aug 30th on their end, so we choose to. It's nice knowing we have a back up right now.

Anyway, I knew that "awesome mom" would be working again when I picked up, and I felt comfortable speaking to her. The owner happened to walk in as I started the convo, but as soon as he was within earshot (and I know he heard me as we made eye contact and all while I was talking), he walked behind the counter and into the back room and closed the door (I have never, not once, in the 3 years we've gone there, seen that door closed). Apparently, he was not interested in hearing my concers.

So, I calmly and politely aired my concerns. The awesome mom (I really need to remember her name, lol) listened, and she was working the desk while DD sat there. With my DD's help, we finally pieced together that DD must have in the conference room/party room which cannot be seen by the desk person. The only people that can see in that room are those on the far side of the lobby and those on the gym floor (large windows). We discussed ways to keep this from happening again, and she talked to my DD for a good 5 minutes about being able to talk to her, and even if DD can't "talk", just her simply walking up and crying would let her know she needs help. We discussed the lack of coach interaction, and decided I'd talk to her coach next week should be stay and do the compulsory team camp (did not mention possibility of leaving).

There's one other L3 girl that is doing rec camp this week. Yesterday, her mom finally picked her up (she'd been being carpooled) - so I spoke to her and her daughter to try to piece the rest of it together. Apparently her DD and my DD were talking during the last hour of camp (open gym) about not wanting to do their class afterward... and the other L3 girl that is doing camp cried when camp ended and refused to join the group for the last hour of practice. Apparently this little girl was hysterical after camp and was checked on by their coach and it was determined that she was going home. Again, I suppose in that drama my DD could have been overlooked. At least I sure as heck hope so, and that it isn't that my DD ranks so low that she'd be ignored completely? It is, possible that perhaps her coach did not see her. My DD is smallish and the lobby and party room are rather large.

Anyway, DH and I need to talk about the situation in more depth and decide whether it's worth it to try team camp next week and talk to her coach, or whether we should give DD a break and take the spot at the other gym. I know we'll end up there eventually... but once the girls hit L4, they move to their other gym that's more like 40-45 minutes away without snow. Not that I mind the drive at all, but my concern is her missing too much practice - we cannot possibly get there "on time".

If DD does camp next week I'll talk to coach and remind her of DD's anxiety, etc and see what she says. It's not an extra fee for the camp or anything - I've already paid for the month (and they DID end up offering an extra afternoon, at no charge, for the kids that missed due to the scheduling snafu). Decisions, decisions.

I think that's it for now? Maybe? Tomorrow is DD's last day of rec camp. She's having a blast just goofing off without any sort of pressure. She has sore, sore quads from all the new fun things she's doing, so we've been needing some heat and ibuprofen. But, she is having enough fun that she doesn't mind! It's silly watching her walk down the stairs in the morning, she's just a little stiff. lol. I did talk to her camp coach and they're keeping an eye on it.

Thanks again for all of your wonderful words of wisdom.