WAG Watching Practice

[tpMom]

My 8 year old has been taking an advanced tumbling course with the HC for about 7 months. The practice is very late in the evening (8-9pm on Tuesdays) so the class is usually pretty small and sometimes she's the only one who shows up. I've made it a point to be there for this practice because when she's the only one in the class I feel like it's safer for her and for her coach to not be alone in the gym - I trust our coach completely, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate for him to be alone with my daughter at 9:00 at night. My daughter does fine at practice without me there with her lower level coach (an amazing woman who has the patience of a saint with the younger girls) but when she's with the head coach she really wants me there with her. I think it's because the HC is a much tougher and sterner than her usual lower level coach. She tells me that she likes him and trusts him, she'd just rather have me at the gym when she's practicing with him. This summer she is going to be doing some intensity training with the HC 4 hours a week with girls in the upper team levels. She's already begging me to be there but I feel like it's too much time having her mother in the gym. We are working on building her confidence to practice with the older girls and the HC without me there. Has anybody had any experience with this? Do you usually watch your children practice? Are there any suggestions about how to help my DD feel ready to work with HC and the older girls on her own?

 

[CuriousCate]

i don't watch practice except the last 20 minutes when I come to pick up and on rare occasion on a weekend, BUT I think that I only feel god bout that choice because there are many parents who choose to stay/switch off with spouses who do stay for the whole practice and I trust them to tell me if something seems off. Also, our gym is an open format so there would never be a time where she'd be alone or even one of very few.

My DD has on occasion asked me to stay and when she does, I always do. She's little (just turned 7) and the youngest on her team and I feel like if she is asking there must be a reason. Maybe she feels insecure or intimidated by a coach, needs the reassurance on breaks or just wants to show off what she is learning. Whatever the reason, I oblige.

Now if she asked me to stay for hours every time, I'd probably point out to her other parents that she knows, whom she can go to if she needs something. And I make sure to tell her that these parents have my phone number if they need me or if she wants them to send me a video. That has seemed to help. I also think that staying for 15-20 mins in the beginning and end makes her feels better about being there without me.

 

[Ali'sMom]

We had a different type of situation, but did have an issue where DD "needed" someone there to watch.

What eventually worked for us was "weaning" her off of someone there. My mom would take her, and started running her errands after DD was in the gym (with DD knowing), but woudl have a set time to be back. (and of course, DD would be checking the clock).
Once she was comfortable, we went to my mom dropping her off, but then me picking her up. Out of a 3 hour practice, the first week she was only alone for 1 hour. (mom stayed an hour, then I arrived an hour before pickup time). The next week we moved it by 30 minutes, etc.

I don't know how that might work for your DD, as I said, we had different circumstances, but just throwing it out there.

 

[MuggleMom]

My DD was fine being left at first then with some coaching changes she just switched and wanted someone there. We did what Ali'sMom stated and weened her off of it. I warned her this summer that its likely she would just be dropped off an picked up and she seems fine with it now. I know my daughter was just anxious about change (shes always been this way with big changes) and that could be the case with yours as well. I would try and stay the first few practices till she sees that there is nothing to be worried about then she likely wont care if you come or go. That and make sure she has a way to call you if need be (for us there is a phone outside the office the kids can use cause my little doesn't have a cell yet).

 

[e'smum]

for the tumbling class, totally fine to be there. my gymmie used to take a tumbling class, before she started gymnastics, and i would stay. it was only an hour 1x a week. so ok and fun to watch!
but for the hours she will be in the gym this summer, don't stay. most gyms don't like you staying anyway. if she is going to advance in gymnastics, she needs to be ok with you not staying. just my opinion.

our gym allows for team parents to watch the first 30 mins and the last 30 mins. which is all boring conditioning anyway, who wants to stay. lol. we are not allowed to stay and some have been kicked out of the waiting room.

 

[Rockygym]

I get that you trust your HC, but I agree I would not want to put either the coach or my DD in a situation to be the only 2 in the gym at any time. Too much bad stuff going on.

 

[tpMom]

I get that you trust your HC, but I agree I would not want to put either the coach or my DD in a situation to be the only 2 in the gym at any time. Too much bad stuff going on.

Yes I would never leave her alone in the gym with just the coach. I'm positive he doesn't want that either.

 

[skschlag]

Yes I would never leave her alone in the gym with just the coach. I'm positive he doesn't want that either.

Not allowed at our gym. There are always at least 2 employees at the gym. If, for some strange reason, there was one and my son, I would be required to stay if I wanted him to stay. Should be a rule EVERYWHERE.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

With the group, I haven't watched practice regularly in years.

But gym rule. If your kid is the only kid in gym you must stay. For the protection of both the child and coach.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Now regarding getting her comfortable with the group. My child was very anxiously attached when she was young. Time will take care of some of it. And you have to work at it.

Is she working with this coach and the group now? Now you start leaving for a bit, increasing time each week? Is there an older girl who is capable and willing to take her under her wing and mentor her????

Find out what exactly her concerns are and address them one by one. Things like you have a cell phone if something were to happen.

Finally sit down with her and tell her if she wants to continue it is not realistic for you to stay all the time forever and get her to help with a plan to practice with out you. Agree stay the first day, week etc.... Then perhaps stay the first 30 mins and come back the last 30 min. Then just the first 30 or last 30. Get it down to 15 mins. Or a one day a week to stay. Or a couple for 30 mins and one day not stay at all. Set up a schedule, a time line. You get where I am going here. Find something that gives her some control but is OK with you.

My girl is a visual kid. I actually made a photo book for her, it was about preschool. Her and I in the car, getting to school. Me saying good bye. Her having fun with teacher and friends. Me picking her up and going home. She and I also those Mom/daughter necklaces. She kept me with her and I kept her with me. And we would match them up at pick up.

She is now a champion at us leaving. And I don't even go in the gym at drop off.

 

[my4buffaloes]

First I think you are right to stay on the Tuesday night tumbling class. Every time, the whole time.

Second, I imagine it will be a gradual process. She will probably get comfortable and gain confidence after a few times going. I had a friend whose dd was like this. So after awhile of staying the whole time, she started leaving in the middle to run a quick errand or two. Gradullly being gone for more time each week. Then she started staying almost the whole practice and having me drive the girl home, so she could get used to being in a carpool and not having mom there at both drop off and pick up. Over the course of the summer it worked and mom no longer had to stay all the time.

 

[coachmolly]

You are absolutely right for staying now, and it probably will be an adjustment- both in the intensity of the class, joining older girls, the length of the class, and dealing with you leaving. While it could go very smoothly and she might surprise you, you should also be prepared for the first few weeks to have some ups and downs.
I agree with the other parents who mentioned a system of gradually working your way out of the gym for bits of time- make sure she knows when you'll be leaving and when you'll be back.
If I have a little one who is a little unsure I will often pair her with an older girl who can help her figure things out- remember stations, give her someone to stretch with and talk to, etc. until she can get acclimated. I did that with one little one last summer and she is still super attached to her 2 big kid buddies.
So if you know any of the girls she will be practicing with, or their parents, you could possibly ask for one of them to take her under her wing for the first few weeks until she gets settled. That way she at least has someone to look to if you aren't there and she is unsure of what to do, where to go, or just needs to feel welcome.
And I would also think about mentioning to the coach that she is feeling a little bit nervous. It's a big step and totally reasonable for her to feel a little unsure, I imagine the coach would be understanding and possible offer some advice.