Parents We left, now what???

[Flip4funmom]

 

[raenndrops]

Sorry to hear the coach is too self-important to admit he doesn't know how to coach 5 year olds based on their developmental level. He apparently thinks a gymnast is a gymnast and can be coached the same whether they are 5 or 15.

Some gyms will accept gymnasts mid-season. Some might start him in rec classes, but something is better than nothing.

Good luck.

 

[trampolinemom]

Wow, that is some turn of events. I personally didn't think you should leave the gym necessarily but adjustments needed to be made to keep you DS happy in the gym. Because from your posts it seemed you were steering towards a clash. So now the coach decided to pull the plug and blame it on the kid and the parents.
Well... for your son yes you can tell him that you will look for a place where he can be happy at the gym, maybe in a low profile, not fast paced program preferably with kids his age. You don't have to worry about it being team, pre team or whatever. His talent will come out but for now that is not the most important part. So I think you can look for a gym because he doesn't need to be placed on team or even preteam immediately at his age (but don't know how this works in USA) Some time of rec gymnastics may do him well.
And then being kicked out and not being able to discuss it, just before a meet (and over a 5 year old??) that I simply cannot imagine. So what was the coach's plan with him then? Was he kicked out of class or out of the gym? I would try to speak with the gym owner if coach is not aproachable.
Best of luck!

 

[Faith]

He’s 5.

I’d take this opportunity to explore new things and make activities fun.

Rec gymnastics, trampoline. Find a new club, don’t mention his previous achievements, put him in rec and let them work things out with regard to how fast he moves to squad. It’ll give you both a bit of breathing space if he doesn’t go straight back into squad.

Swimming lessons, dance, climbing, lots of things to try which will condition and set up his physical ability and spatial awareness without the pressure of one sport.

Tramp isn’t particularly early start so there’s no need to push at this age. My dd started tramp a year ago at 9. She did have a bit of a gymnastics background, but mainly rec level- no bhs, kip, or any of those gatekeeper skills. Apparently she is aiming at elite grades this year, and that’s through good coaching and being given the opportunity rather than any major talent.

 

[trampolinemom]

He’s 5.

Tramp isn’t particularly early start so there’s no need to push at this age. My dd started tramp a year ago at 9. She did have a bit of a gymnastics background, but mainly rec level- no bhs, kip, or any of those gatekeeper skills. Apparently she is aiming at elite grades this year, and that’s through good coaching and being given the opportunity rather than any major talent.

Yes, this my DS started trampolining at 7 after about a year of rec gymnastics. He is now 11 and has been competing elite for a year now and he is one of the ones that started quite young. Other boys that started older than him at 8,9 or even 10, are starting to drip into the elite competitions now at age 13 or 14 mostly.

 

[skschlag]

I agree wtih the others. Find a new gym with developmentally appropriate instruction for your son. Don't mention anything else. Just sign him up for a class. It can be anything. and try other things while he is little. He obviously is athletically inclined and will have fun trying things with no pressure.

 

[LindyHopper]

This is not the fault of you or your husband. This is not the fault of your son.

This is a coach who is rude and doesn't know how to work with a 5 year old.

Didn't he have a meet this weekend? Coach dropped him the day before a meet? Absolute crap.

Is he the owner? If not, I would be giving the owner a (very calm, polite, and civil) earful about his employee. Owner may not be aware.

 

[stillhoping]

Honestly, I wouldn’t spend a minute of my life mourning the loss of this guy’s coaching.

Your son is obviously talented and has a passion for the sport. Any good gym would be delighted to have him. I suggest finding another program, and I bet that they would take him mid-season.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

He’s 5.

I’d take this opportunity to explore new things and make activities fun.

Rec gymnastics, trampoline. Find a new club, don’t mention his previous achievements, put him in rec and let them work things out with regard to how fast he moves to squad. It’ll give you both a bit of breathing space if he doesn’t go straight back into squad.

Swimming lessons, dance, climbing, lots of things to try which will condition and set up his physical ability and spatial awareness without the pressure of one sport.

Tramp isn’t particularly early start so there’s no need to push at this age. My dd started tramp a year ago at 9. She did have a bit of a gymnastics background, but mainly rec level- no bhs, kip, or any of those gatekeeper skills. Apparently she is aiming at elite grades this year, and that’s through good coaching and being given the opportunity rather than any major talent.

This.

And too add boys have much more longevity in this sport. They simply do not need to be competitive early.

I would also take the time to reset as a parent.

 

[MyBoysFlip]

Agree- he's 5. Try some other sports- do some rec gymnastics. Most of us with no gymnasts here did not have them competing at 5- maybe preteam- maybe not. Our gym will not let them start competing until at least 7- even if they have skills. It's just too much.

 

[duyetanh]

I am very sorry this happened to your child. There is always a reason for everything, sometimes it just takes time to find the reason. Maybe it would have been a really rough season that would have made him lose his love for the sport enturely. As it is now, there is still a chance he could come back to it in the future, especially if you have him try other things. At age 5, being committed to one thing solely is a recipe for burnout. I think the coach, while not handling it well, has been trying to tell you all season that he just isnt ready for this yet. I also feel that saying he was a prodigy back in the days of barely being a 5 year old has made the situation much worse for all involved.

It would be great to see this as an opportunity. A lot of us on the forum see it as just that, and I do think you value the opinion of the forum as a whole, because you post asking for advice. I am sure this will upset you to hear, but it probably is a good thing he isnt competing. All the signs pointed to him not being mentally ready, and that is ok--- he is 5!
Good luck to your family in the future.

 

[sce]

So sorry. It was clear there was a disconnect with that gym. Now that has been made even clearer. Find a gym that will work with him in a developmentally appropriate path.

 

[e'smum]

i'm sorry you had to deal with this. i don't know why there are coaches that take the blame the kid approach when the parents question anything.... to say that you are difficult parents too was unnecessary.
the good thing is that your son is only 5. it's not like he's 14. you can go anywhere. take your time. not sure your gym options but explore them all. go in and have him do a class at all your options. then look at their competitive teams and go from there.

the coach is a jerk. good riddance. the earlier the better. making a gym move later on is harder.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And I would be leery of any gym that would let a 5 yr old boy compete and do high hours. It is simply not necessary.

 

[Madden3]

Wow. Ok. I agree with what was said above about just finding another place your son can just do gym or some other fun physical activity without competition pressure. When and if he is ready for competing in any sport, you guys will know. But there is NO reason to rush right into something else. Take time to breathe and comfort your son.

Next- please, I know you are angry and frustrated, I get it, believe me. But try to keep things in rational perspective. Your son's "whole world" did not "break." At this age and level of investment in the sport, these are words appropriate for the death of or abandonment by a parent, not for being asked to leave a gym team. I think it is important to do what you can to minimize the upset at this point.

I suggest you and your husband discuss your frustrations and concerns about what happened in private with your son not there. Any communication with the gym or the coach should also be done well away from your son. To your son, do all you can to help him understand that this is NOT the end of the world. Because it isn't. Not in even in the short run. Yes I am sure he is very upset right now. He has a right to those feelings, of course. Let him express his own feelings. But try to not chime in on the outrage or increase his feelings of being wronged because of how upset and frustrated you are. Try not to talk about it too much. Instead comfort him by staying calm and at peace with the situation. Or at least appearing so. Basically this should be a disappointment he gets over rather quickly- in a matter of days if not sooner. Because of his age. If he gets the idea from you and your husband that this is a humongous deal, it will only increase his sense of being wronged- or, very likely, lead to him thinking he did something wrong, because kids tend to blame themselves when the adults around them are upset.

But I have questions. You do not have to explain it all here if you prefer not to of course. But I am just wondering what the communication was like.

Why on the eve of his first meet did the coach suddenly turn on your son, if that is what happened? It is just really odd.When you say the coach would not speak to you, what do you mean? How do you know your child is off the team if the coach did not speak to you? Did he tell your son? WHAT did he tell your son? This is important. If this coach is guilty of verbal abuse of your child or making him feel badly about himself, this is important info for you to have.

What about the cost of his competition uniform, meets, etc? Are you getting that back? Again, this is not something to discuss around your son, but I am just trying to gauge how poorly you and your son have been treated by this gym.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

^^^^^^ Madden3, a million times yes.

 

[duyetanh]

Wow. Ok. I agree with what was said above about just finding another place your son can just do gym or some other fun physical activity without competition pressure. When and if he is ready for competing in any sport, you guys will know. But there is NO reason to rush right into something else. Take time to breathe and comfort your son.

Next- please, I know you are angry and frustrated, I get it, believe me. But try to keep things in rational perspective. Your son's "whole world" did not "break." At this age and level of investment in the sport, these are words appropriate for the death of or abandonment by a parent, not for being asked to leave a gym team. I think it is important to do what you can to minimize the upset at this point.

I suggest you and your husband discuss your frustrations and concerns about what happened in private with your son not there. Any communication with the gym or the coach should also be done well away from your son. To your son, do all you can to help him understand that this is NOT the end of the world. Because it isn't. Not in even in the short run. Yes I am sure he is very upset right now. He has a right to those feelings, of course. Let him express his own feelings. But try to not chime in on the outrage or increase his feelings of being wronged because of how upset and frustrated you are. Try not to talk about it too much. Instead comfort him by staying calm and at peace with the situation. Or at least appearing so. Basically this should be a disappointment he gets over rather quickly- in a matter of days if not sooner. Because of his age. If he gets the idea from you and your husband that this is a humongous deal, it will only increase his sense of being wronged- or, very likely, lead to him thinking he did something wrong, because kids tend to blame themselves when the adults around them are upset.

But I have questions. You do not have to explain it all here if you prefer not to of course. But I am just wondering what the communication was like.

Why on the eve of his first meet did the coach suddenly turn on your son, if that is what happened? It is just really odd.When you say the coach would not speak to you, what do you mean? How do you know your child is off the team if the coach did not speak to you? Did he tell your son? WHAT did he tell your son? This is important. If this coach is guilty of verbal abuse of your child or making him feel badly about himself, this is important info for you to have.

What about the cost of his competition uniform, meets, etc? Are you getting that back? Again, this is not something to discuss around your son, but I am just trying to gauge how poorly you and your son have been treated by this gym.

Brilliant post.

 

[Flip4funmom]

Ok so to answer your questions...

why did he turn on my son?
For the last week there had been back and forth as to whether my son was competing or not. I never heard anything from him, I either heard from my son what his coach said, or from the office girl. I attempted to contact him via text (his preferred communication) for a straight answer, I didn't care either way buy if he was going I needed to book a hotel and travel. This in his words "made us his only difficult parents" and he couldn't deal with us.

How did I know my son is off the team?
When I went in part way through practice yesterday the office girl informed me that his coach had said he can't coach my son anymore. I at that point asked to speak with coach, coach would not so I collected my son and his belongings.

What did he tell my son?
I do not know all my son is saying is coach is mean.

Cost of uniform/meet fees?
I do not know what if anything we will receive back. We had not paid any meet fees as they were just that unorganized. I was due to pay for this weekend's meet yesterday, but only if he was attending. The gym owner is out for awhile due to a freak accident (which is how things got so crazy to begin with) so at this point I'm taking it as a loss.

 

[gymgal]

Ok so to answer your questions...

why did he turn on my son?
For the last week there had been back and forth as to whether my son was competing or not. I never heard anything from him, I either heard from my son what his coach said, or from the office girl. I attempted to contact him via text (his preferred communication) for a straight answer, I didn't care either way buy if he was going I needed to book a hotel and travel. This in his words "made us his only difficult parents" and he couldn't deal with us.

How did I know my son is off the team?
When I went in part way through practice yesterday the office girl informed me that his coach had said he can't coach my son anymore. I at that point asked to speak with coach, coach would not so I collected my son and his belongings.

What did he tell my son?
I do not know all my son is saying is coach is mean.

Cost of uniform/meet fees?
I do not know what if anything we will receive back. We had not paid any meet fees as they were just that unorganized. I was due to pay for this weekend's meet yesterday, but only if he was attending. The gym owner is out for awhile due to a freak accident (which is how things got so crazy to begin with) so at this point I'm taking it as a loss.

This is all very strange. Is he the owner? If not, I would be talking to him/her. As for not talking to you - if you requested that while he was coaching (which is sounds like, from your reply), that's understandable but he should have accommodated with a phone call or set up a time for you to come in to discuss. Was your son just sitting there waiting for you, since the coach wouldn't coach him anymore?

Madden3 is correct. As upsetting as this is, you have to stay calm and help you son through this upheaval. It is not the end of the world and you need to let your ds know that. You will either find another gym for him or another sport. Express that the old gym wasn't the right fit. I mean, he expressed that the "coach was mean". Use that in your favor.

And

 

[Madden3]

Well given that story and thinking back over all the problems you have reported about your son's experience at the gym, I think you and your son are well out of the situation even if the final break came in a very upsetting way. I also think you got away fairly cheaply if you have not had to pay any upfront meet cost. If you have a credit card on file or some other automatic payment situation, or signed a contract, I suggest be sure to take whatever steps are needed to keep them from coming after you for more money.

Assuming the uniform fits (I know you had a concern about that) it can be kept and used- if he continues in gymnastics, singlets and stirrup pants can be handy (although not at all necessary) for practice. But given how this all went down, I do not think it out of line to politely ask the gym to take the uniform back and refund that cost.

Since this last set of problems happened during the absence of the gym owner, I cannot condemn the entire gym without more info. But from what you report, that coach clearly has no business coaching children and it is great that your son no longer has to have contact with him. The "office girl" should not have been the one telling you that your son is off the team. While I agree with gymgal that a coach cannot be expected to drop everything whenever a parent wants to talk to them- this was not a typical situation! He had just kicked the kid off the team in the middle of practice...right? This is a big deal. My son's coaches have walked away from a practice group when they need to talk to a parent about an injury or serious discipline issues or some other urgent thing. This situation would qualify to my thinking. Anyway, if you want, you have every right to call the coach and ask them to explain what happened.