WAG Weight Gain and how to "address" it with DD

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Traci

Proud Parent
Hey, DD is level 10 senior who has put on a significant amount of weight. I am NOT saying she is fat. She is not. She is muscle. That said, her eating habits are horrible these days, which IS playing a factor.

Any suggestions on how to handle this delicate subject with a teenage young lady?

Thank you.
 
I would guess there is nothing you could tell her that she doesnt already know about herself at that age and much of anything you say would likely be taken the wrong way. If you feel like you must say something I would focus on food as fuel and say hey you may want to consider healthier food options especially before practice or you are going to find yourself tired and hungry and wont be able to accomplish the things you want in practice. I still feel like that conversation could go terribly wrong though. I would just try and get rid of unhealthy foods in the house and eat healthy things yourself at shared meals without talking about it. You wont be able to police what she buys herself thats going to have to come from her in the long run anyway. You could even say to her... Hey i have been feeling kinda crummy lately and I think its cause of the kinds of foods i am eating. I want to try and do x, y, z to feel better will you help me by not letting me eat junky food during the day help hold me accountable. Maybe she will be inspired and at least then its about you not her.
 
I find a Registered Dietician that is experienced with teen athletes and give her the gift of the meeting (or a set of three ) as a part of her senior year, getting ready to go to college, senior season. Food as fuel is important and will continue to be long after she leaves home. Let the message come from an expert.
 
A family member has had success convincing teens to read The Omnivore's Dilemma. I haven't read it and can't vouch for it personally, but the idea makes sense--let the kid learn how terrible processed food is from a book instead of tuning out endless lectures from a parent.

Otherwise, just serve healthy foods at home and make comments about how *you* feel after eating processed foods. Also, if she has recently gained more freedom to eat whatever she wants whenever she wants (driver's license + pocket money), she may get tired of junk food once the novelty wears off. My 12-year-old came home from camp this summer thoroughly sick of processed food and for the past couple of months has been actively avoiding anything she deems "gross" (while scarfing down large quantities of less processed foods in support of a growth spurt).
 
Do you really think a teenager who spends that much time in a leotard around a bunch of other fit young women hasn't noticed that she's gained weight? Or that she doesn't know that eating junk food contributes to weight gain? IF she asks for help with this issue, I think it's a great idea to offer to help her find a registered dietitian that works with young female athletes.

I understand the worry and the need as a mom to fix things and try to make your daughter's life easier, and I know your question comes from a good place. But please don't try to correct anything, or make a bunch of passive aggressive comments about how certain foods make you feel gross, or give her a surprise gift of dietitian visits (Imagine opening a gift from your significant other on your birthday and finding it was a scale you didn't ask for. This is worse than the cliche of a husband giving his wife a vacuum cleaner when she didn't ask for one - gifts should NEVER be backhanded insults or attempts to change people, and they stop being gifts when they are). Model healthy thought, speech, and action around food (judgement free, focused on the positive and what makes you feel good and what you and your body enjoy - Intuitive Eating is a good book to read for this), make sure healthy options are available, and help with logistical issues that make healthier habits harder to keep. And take a broader look at what's going on in your daughter's life. Is she stressed or anxious about school? College admissions? What happens next year? Social situations? Make sure you're providing support for her and opportunities for her to cope in ways other than food.
 
High risk of significant harm, small chance of minor benefit..... I honestly wouldn't address it at all.

If she is a teenage girl and a high level gymnast who spends significant amounts of time in a leotard around other athletes, then I 100% guarantee you any changes in her body have not escaped her notice. There is nothing you could tell her that she doesn't already know. Furthermore, I can also guarantee you that, being a level 10 gymnast, she is still in better shape than 99.9% of people her age (or any age)
 
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The best way to address it is not to address it at all. If she is not fat, but muscle, her weight actually doesn't need addressing. But even if it did, don't. Weight and size should never be approached as "bad" or the direct issue to "fix" because it never is.

Health and what she needs to stay strong, that she now has an adult body and metabolism, of course is different. You could approach from there and.......

She is nearly (if not already) a legal adult. That ship has long sailed.

Best to address the eating habits of the house or family. That is certainly something to consider.

Keep the stuff that is contributing to her "eating habits" out of the house, the place you have control over. After all everyone should walk the walk. That way she is not singled out. Because why would it be OK for everyone else's "eating habits" to be not so good but OK, except hers.
 
This was my original reply:

There are some good suggestions here. I am in the camp of, if she is a level 10 gymnast then her body is rock awesome and well prepared to support her in any future physical pursuits, no matter what it looks like or how it compares to the body she used to have when she was younger. I’m sure she also knows from personal experience that nutrition impacts performance. And if she doesn’t, she’ll figure it out soon enough on her own and either make changes, hint that she’s having a hard time keeping up or ask for help making changes (at which point you can wisely and carefully employ the above suggestions re: food as fuel), or decide she is ready to move on from a high-level training lifestyle. (Maybe sustained lesser food choices is her current release/way of escaping from the high level of discipline she has to employ in the rest of her life.) Either way in the grand scheme of things she is going to be just fine. I wouldn’t risk your relationship and/or her emotional health over this.

On further consideration, I should add:

Nobody taught me anything while growing up about how to keep my body healthy. I gained some weight as an older teenager and desperately wanted some way to just make it go away but I didn’t know how. I wasn’t active and didn’t have a lot of control over the type of food that was available to me. I was too afraid to mention this fear or ask anyone for help to change. The only way I knew to lose weight was to stop eating, so when I left for college that is exactly what I did. As you can imagine it didn’t go well, lol. In hindsight, all I needed was someone to help me make healthy food choices and help me find a type of exercise that I enjoyed. Some simple guidance and support rather than feeling alone in my fear would have made a huge difference for me, and really that’s what I was silently pleading for on the inside without knowing it. Sometimes that’s the state teenagers are in - because they feel like they should act independently but they don’t always know how and can’t ask.

I mention all of this only to say that if you think your daughter is the type of person who wouldn’t ask for help even if she wants it, then maybe offering it (in a wise careful manner) is what she needs. But otherwise, I would leave it alone. Chances are high as an experienced gymnast that she knows what she needs and will make changes when she’s ready - in which case I support my first reply :)
 
My education is in counseling with a specialty in eating disorders. I also was a gymnast and had 3 level 9/10 daughters myself. Please don’t address weight gain with your daughter in any way. This could cause life long damage that is difficult to undo. Show her unconditional love and support for who she is no matter what weight her body is at. This is her journey and I’m sure she is well aware of where she is at weight wise. If she wants your help she can reach out to you. One comment from my mom about weight gain when I was 14 spun my life into a 40 year battle with eating disorders and disordered eating that I still struggle with to this day. Trust me, it’s not worth it!
 
Don't address it. However, I wonder why, all of a sudden, as a senior, is there a change in eating habits and weight gain? Does she have a supportive coach and a healthy gym environment?
Exactly. Her weight, is not an issue.

If it is actually anything at all, it’s a symptom
 
Stop buying all sugary beverages and clean the house out of all sweets . Including flavored yogurt, power bars etc... small amounts a fruits each week in the house . no more chips in the house etc... I would do that first . See what happens
 
I would control what you could in terms of what you have in the house. You can’t control what she has when she isn’t with you (at school for ex), but you can limit what is in the house. We honestly don’t have junk in the house often, because I personally don’t want it around. My husband has no willpower, so I don’t buy stuff that he will inhale, we, eat in one sitting. It is also more fun to buy something for a treat once in awhile, because I want her to learn moderation. And if we do buy something, its a smaller version of a treat, for ex, a pint of ice cream to share with family, not a half gallon. Believe it or not, some fruits are better to have around than others. I remember a nutritionist compared grapes to a snickers bar! Buy fruits that are not as high in Sugar. I have no idea what kind of drinks are in your house, but juice and sodas are evils also. Buy bubbly water to ease the soda craving maybe? For us, bubbly waters are our soda treats.
 
I wonder why, all of a sudden, as a senior, is there a change in eating habits and weight gain? Does she have a supportive coach and a healthy gym environment?

Isn't that a pretty typical growth pattern? I am not a physician, but most of the teen girls I know have grown tall and gangly and then filled out later on.
 
Of course you want your child eating better, but one big question I have is, has the weight gain affected her gymnastics at all? If so, is it possible she may not fully realize the relationship?
 
Isn't that a pretty typical growth pattern? I am not a physician, but most of the teen girls I know have grown tall and gangly and then filled out later on.
Isn't that a pretty typical growth pattern? I am not a physician, but most of the teen girls I know have grown tall and gangly and then filled out later on.
I agree, it is very normal. However, the sudden change in eating habits raise some red flags for me. If coaches are commenting on the weight gain, it could be that the gymnast is developing some unhealthy eating habits as a result of always thinking about food and what she shouldn't be eating.
 
I agree that the sudden change in eating habits does raise some concerns, but in my experience this can also be normal as kids gain more freedom and access to junk food. Once the novelty wears off, they may moderate their eating habits.

If a lot of the junk food is getting eaten at school, the whole family could start doing meal prep to provide healthy, delicious packed lunches. My kid has actually requested prepped lunches this year in place of the 1,000 variations on chicken nuggets she was buying at school. She says packed lunches taste better, and she is eating better and coming home with more energy.
 
If it's muscle, why is it a problem? Weight is just a number.

Weight is just a number and it is probably all muscle but I can tell you many NCAA coaches are totally fixated on the number ....doesn't matter if they are the ones pushing lifting (that builds muscles) , and they seem to forget that young women are not waif thin like prepubescent 11 year olds who weigh 80 pounds . After my daughter finished with NCAA , and lifting, the bulk literally dropped off her and she's a size 0 , eating like a normal adult.

That said , I agree with exgymmomx3 and I would not harp on weight at all ...I'd offer healthy meals and snacks and try a family healthy eating approach .
 

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