What do you wish your mom would say when you've had a bad meet?

[kayjaybe]

Dd just had a bad meet. It wasn't her first bad one and certainly won't be her last. I'm always at a loss as to what to say. She gets down on herself and says she is the worst on the team and that it is so hard for her.

So, I'd love to hear from those of you that have been there on the gymnast side - what do you want to hear? What do you NOT want to hear? Was there anything that someone ever said to you that you remember that made you feel better (or, at least LESS terrible)?

 

[Jabba]

I've been on the gymnast side! My mom used to say "its ok" or that kind of thing. Id reply something like "are you crazy? Did you see me?" (And probably in not such a nice tone) For me, honestly, I don't think anything she could've said would've made it less terrible at that moment. But knowing that she cared and at least said something helped in the long run. Looking back, i m so happy she said those things and believed in and supported me when I needed it the most, even if I may have snapped at her at the time. Your daughter will get through it, just be supportive and compassionate. Even if it doesn't seem like you have the perfect response, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Focus on the positive. Tomorrow's a new day.

Sent from my SCH-I405 using ChalkBucket mobile app

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

^^^i agree. Dont say "you were awesome!" That makes you feel worse. What was something she did good on?

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

I'm sure you already know this, but don't try to correct her on what she did wrong, that's the coach's job. Maybe you could point out something that she did well (I noticed you had nice straight legs on your dismount, etc.).

 

[gymgurl]

Realistically she knows she didn't do her best and maybe even did badly so you telling her that she did awesome is just going to make her feel like you're lying to her. So, if there is something that she did very well on or made a significant improvement on even if everything else went wrong praise her on that. Also make sure she knows that its not the end of the world if she doesn't perform well in a meet.

What sometimes worked for me when I was younger (wasn't in gymnastics but other sports) is ask questions like:
'Was your coach mad?'
'Am I mad?'
'Is the world going to end?'

Basically showing her that no one is upset with her and that there will always be other meets and nothing is going to happen if she's not perfect etc

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

Don't even talk about gymnastics, just tell her that you love her.

 

[All Chalked Up]

Mum & dad always give me a hug and say they love me after the meet. They mention the things I did well (First on bars! Wow! And you stuck your whole beam routine!) sort of thing. They don't compare me & my twin sister's performances.

Then we usually go out to eat somewhere or go to the Tim Horton's drive-thru, which me & my sister almost always agree on then I jam in my earbuds & get mad at myself/overanalyze my performances in the back seat.

I find it does not help if they say things like "don't be so hard on yourself" since I hear it ALL.THE.TIME.

 

[kittycatcat5]

Honestly, in my opinion, from a 13 year old girl and a 12 year old sister.
If we have a bad meet.....
I HATE hearing you did well, because mainly we know we didn't and it makes you feel worse.
Instead after i told her she comments on some elements i did better, and although its mean we laugh at other people who had the same problem and cried and their parents go to the judges.
Mum tells me i will do better next time and all those days i slacked off at training didn't help and it means i need to try 3 times harder.
And it helps!
hope i helped u

 

[kayjaybe]

Thanks, everyone. This is helpful.

I never tell her she did awesome (unless it was true for a particular event). She & I both know it isn't true. I do try to look for something she did well. Unfortunately, yesterday there wasn't anything I could really point to that stood out. She didn't do terrible, but it was very "meh." Low 8's on everything except beam with a 7.7 due to 2 falls off. No "thing that she has been working on and landed."

I tell her that this is just one meet and that she will have good ones and bad ones and to just keep trying. And that I know it hurts. And of course, I tell her how much I love her.

I'd love to hear from others, so don't hesitate to keep it coming!

 

[txgymfan]

Sounds like you are on the right track. Its true, we all have bad days. Maybe find something that you can both laugh about. Finding the houmor in a tough situation can be so helpful. Lately, I have been working with someone to face my difficult issues and we do a "monster check" because the issues I have are like the scary monsters under the bed. My monsters are different from yours. She should be proud that she faced one of her "monsters" , having a bad meet and the world did not end.

 

[bookworm]

well if my daughter had a lousy day or a great day at a meet, my response was always "so where do we want to go to eat?"...if she did well , we might talk about it and if she didn't, we didn't need to...

 

[gymgurl]

Finding something to laugh about is always good, one of my teammates did level 6 at a comp when I was level 5 (she repeated) and was the only level 6 at the comp, she didn't have her best comp and fell 3 times on beam (a fall here is 1.00) but she still came first on everything by default and she laughs because she has a 1st (and last) place trophy

 

[gymnastbaby15]

Just hug her. Don't say anything, it wouldn't matter anyway. She isn't listening. If I do horrible, I just want a hug and then to be left alone.

 

[fliptwisttwirl]

I agree. Hug her and don't say much. Let her talk about how she felt during the meet and vent on about how she could've done better. Sometimes you just gotta let them be.