WAG What is perfectly acceptable in one gym is taboo in another...

[John]

We are given a vacation slip we are to fill out for vacations. When we are sick we are to email.

Not working hard is the biggest rule. The h. coach will call any girl out for not working hard. He is warm and caring, I witnessed him consoling a gymnast last night over a failed beam series. But should you not work hard you will hear it.

Leos only. Hair back but no rules or styles not even for a meet.

 

[duyetanh]

You know....I've never really thought about all of this. My kid's gym just flows along...coaches are avail before or after practice if you have a question, and some girls wear shorts, some don't....parents can watch (I really don't, I would lose my mind if I did), girls do community service projects and have regular get togethers, coaches are in tune with the different needs. If my kid has a need for something, she asks. If she is sick, I text. If we go on vacation, we tell them ahead of time.

 

[2gymkids]

It all takes so much getting used to! We were at a small, more laid back gym before we moved and now are at a somewhat stricter, more intense gym. I find it all kind of funny but am trying to just appreciate the good coaching and progress and let the rest be just details.

 

[rjb123]

I should clarify that they are only to contact the female head coach...they are NOT allowed to text or email or call our male head coach.

My DS is a club swimmer and individual contact with any coach via email/text violates safe sport policy. (Per USA swimming) any and all communication must have the parents included. His club is one of the top 3 in the country and they are Militant about safe sport. As a mom, I appreciate that and have learned a ton about protecting kids in sports from them.

 

[skschlag]

My DS is a club swimmer and individual contact with any coach via email/text violates safe sport policy. (Per USA swimming) any and all communication must have the parents included. His club is one of the top 3 in the country and they are Militant about safe sport. As a mom, I appreciate that and have learned a ton about protecting kids in sports from them.

This is exactly how our coach is. They are very much on board with the safe sport policies and are probably leading a lot of it....

 

[sewgood]

Kids are absolutely NOT allowed individual contact with coaches. I agree with that rule and am glad it is in place at our gym.

 

[Jard.the.gymnast]

What is it about contact with the coach you all hate? I have a group chat with my coach and teammates and we usually have a lot of fun in that, and the coach likes it as well. I also text with her in private, because I feel like I can trust her and she doesn't mind listening to my sometimes stressed mind (I think)

 

[FlippinLilysMom]

What is it about contact with the coach you all hate? I have a group chat with my coach and teammates and we usually have a lot of fun in that, and the coach likes it as well. I also text with her in private, because I feel like I can trust her and she doesn't mind listening to my sometimes stressed mind (I think)

I can understand our gym not wanting the girls to contact our male coach but I have no problem with the girls being the ones to have to contact our female coach when they are going to miss practice or be late.

 

[skschlag]

it just isn't a safe practice. As a teacher, I would not have private contact with students either, not in today's world. Male, female, whatever, there are many issues:

* an angry teen saying something was said inappropriate...whether you can prove it or not, can cause major issues.
* It is an excellent way for a predator to "groom" someone. (and before any of you say that you completely trust your coaches, etc, think about it. That is what almost everyone says when someone has been caught)
* least important is it can encourage actual, or perceive favoritism, causing issues for all.

2 deep leadership is an important concept to protect both the kids and the adults. this includes texting/emails. Never have kids alone with the adult, or one adult alone with kids. Always more than 1. So important. It eliminates any ambiguity. It allows everyone to be safe. This is something that has been going on in many organizations for decades. Gymnastics needs to step it up and require it.

Our CAP Policy specifically says:
Coaches should not have any private (one-on-one) contact with an athlete. This includes but i snot limited to, being friends on facebook, texting, emailing, private meetings, babysitting, tutoring, driving, or traveling. For private lessons, a parent MUST stay for the duration of the lesson. If a coach needs to have a meeting with an athlete, a parent must be present. If your child needs to text or email the coach, they need to copy you. Our coaches will do the same.

 

[Seeker]

What is it about contact with the coach you all hate? I have a group chat with my coach and teammates and we usually have a lot of fun in that, and the coach likes it as well. I also text with her in private, because I feel like I can trust her and she doesn't mind listening to my sometimes stressed mind (I think)

You’re not exactly a child though (if I recall, you work at the gym as a coach and are not in the US covered by the Safe Sport guidelines). Many parents here on CB have rather young children, so it makes a big difference. I wouldn’t want my 8-yr old being responsible for calling her school or coach due to an absence or injury.

It’s also a protective layer for a tween/teen child to have their parent in communication with the coach/gym. It is protective of the coach as well to not engage directly with children on social media or via cellphone. There are good reasons for these barriers being established; heartbreaking ones.

 

[CoachAlex]

We don't have a "rule" about letting the coach know if a child is going to be absent, but is appreciated. Our parents email the coach/coaches usually (and a few parents text). I love the idea of teaching kids responsibility by letting the coaches know themselves if they are not coming, but I agree 100% that it is definitely safer (if text/email/phone) for it to be through the parent. Most of the girls I coach are a little younger anyway, so their parents are the ones who contact me. HOWEVER, if the girls know they are going to be out ahead of time, they often tell me at practice before.

Hair color isn't an issue, neither is nail polish at practice. Glitter is not allowed as it gets all over the equipment, and if it gets on the beam it makes it slippery. I have also had teammates when I was competing who got it in their eyes while they were doing gymnastics. So no glitter, but our girls don't really seem to care (I feel like that hair trend is sort of gone anyway).

 

[sce]

The one major rule is if the gymnast is going to be absent or late for practice that the phone call or text come from the gymnast and not from the parent. That was a hard one for my DD when she moved to optionals as she was only 8 years old and was VERY intimidated by the coaches (I admit I was too at first), but it made such a difference. She's not afraid to approach them or communicate with them at all anymore.

How interesting, our gym has a firm rule of no texting between gymnast and coaches, only parents can text coaches.

 

[FlippinLilysMom]

This rule doesn't apply to the younger gymnasts (only optional girls and only the ones that are ages 10 and up). And again, they only text our female coach (they aren't even supposed to have the cell phone of our male coach). Neither coach follows any of the girls on social media and the girls aren't allowed to follow them either. The coaches do follow some of the parents accounts and vice versa. For those of you that have very limited contact with the coaches, what are your thoughts on team travel? Our gym does 2 travel meets every year, one of those travel meets is a team travel meet where the coaches (4 coaches, two male two female) and the gymnasts all travel via bus (usually only about 1 state away, so about a 3-5 hour bus ride away). The parents are allowed to come but must travel seperately and while are allowed to stay at the same hotel as the gymnasts and the coaches the interaction between the parents and the gymnasts is limited. They want it to be a bonding time between the gymnasts. They put 4 gymnasts to a room together (no coaches stay with any of the girls) and they try and make sure that at least one of older/upper level girls is in the room with each set of girls. Last year was the first time my DD did the team travel meet and she loved it. They are doing the same team travel meet again this year in January.

 

[sewgood]

What is it about contact with the coach you all hate? I have a group chat with my coach and teammates and we usually have a lot of fun in that, and the coach likes it as well. I also text with her in private, because I feel like I can trust her and she doesn't mind listening to my sometimes stressed mind (I think)

Because private/secret conversation is the first step predators use when selecting and then grooming their victims. It establishes trust while simultaneously erasing boundaries, which swings the door wide open for abuse.

 

[sce]

I just skimmed through USAG safe sport policies and any gymnast/coach communication must not be one-on-one. It should either be team wide or include the parent/guardian.

 

[FlippinLilysMom]

Maybe I am just way too trusting but

I just skimmed through USAG safe sport policies and any gymnast/coach communication must not be one-on-one. It should either be team wide or include the parent/guardian.

I'll be sure to start having her include me on any texts that she sends to her female coach, thanks for the heads up. I don't want to get anyone in trouble, neither the coach or my gymmie.

 

[sce]

Maybe I am just way too trusting but

I'll be sure to start having her include me on any texts that she sends to her female coach, thanks for the heads up. I don't want to get anyone in trouble, neither the coach or my gymmie.

You are welcome. I thought to look when Safe Part was mentioned on this thread. USAG only recently put the policies in place.

 

[z2akids]

The one major rule is if the gymnast is going to be absent or late for practice that the phone call or text come from the gymnast and not from the parent. That was a hard one for my DD when she moved to optionals as she was only 8 years old and was VERY intimidated by the coaches (I admit I was too at first), but it made such a difference. She's not afraid to approach them or communicate with them at all anymore.

I think it is unfair to assume that every child has his or her own cellphone. My 12 year old does not have her own phone, so any texts would come from my phone regardless. But, there is no way I would agree to a policy that encourages my child to have private one on one contact with a coach. Females can be pedophiles. Maybe not as common as men, but it happens. I cannot assume that the coach's sex protected my child.

Meanwhile, my DD and two male teammates get rides home from gym two nights a week from a female coach.. thank goodness too because I already drive on an endless loop to co-op-dance-gym-home. I welcome the help like you wouldn’t believe!

Honestly, I consider this a safety issue for both children and coach. All it takes is one ticked off teen to make an accusation that could ruin that coach's career forever. 2 deep leadership is so important.

it just isn't a safe practice. As a teacher, I would not have private contact with students either, not in today's world. Male, female, whatever, there are many issues:

* an angry teen saying something was said inappropriate...whether you can prove it or not, can cause major issues.
* It is an excellent way for a predator to "groom" someone. (and before any of you say that you completely trust your coaches, etc, think about it. That is what almost everyone says when someone has been caught)
* least important is it can encourage actual, or perceive favoritism, causing issues for all.

2 deep leadership is an important concept to protect both the kids and the adults. this includes texting/emails. Never have kids alone with the adult, or one adult alone with kids. Always more than 1. So important. It eliminates any ambiguity. It allows everyone to be safe. This is something that has been going on in many organizations for decades. Gymnastics needs to step it up and require it.

Our CAP Policy specifically says:
Coaches should not have any private (one-on-one) contact with an athlete. This includes but i snot limited to, being friends on facebook, texting, emailing, private meetings, babysitting, tutoring, driving, or traveling. For private lessons, a parent MUST stay for the duration of the lesson. If a coach needs to have a meeting with an athlete, a parent must be present. If your child needs to text or email the coach, they need to copy you. Our coaches will do the same.

Exactly. I have no reason not to trust DD's coaches, but my job is to protect my child. Ensuring that my child is never along with a coach, teacher, etc. (male or female) is part of protecting her.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Honestly, I consider this a safety issue for both children and coach. All it takes is one ticked off teen to make an accusation that could ruin that coach's career forever. 2 deep leadership is so important.

I know this is an unpopular opinion but I’m glad that we have (and have had in the past) coaches who make decisions about what’s allowed and appropriate based on the kids and circumstances. My daughter has visited (alone) with a former coach’s family..been driven long distances by a coach.. those coaches had my trust and my daughter’s, and we had theirs. No, I don’t advocate that as a blanket good thing, but it’s worked for us. As for the other kids this particular coach drives.. well that’s between her and their families. Those boys wouldn’t get to practice if she didn’t drive them. I’m cynical in my own way, but I’m also free range-y. Both sides in our cases were good with the arrangements.

ETA: definitely free rangers here. My kid has traveled and done things alone extensively, and there is just no way to ensure (nor would I want to) that she’s never alone with anyone. Instead I’ve cultivated a relationship where she would immediately tell me if anything was amiss and she would always trust her own instincts. I’m sure some people won’t believe our relationship is that good, but it is.

 

[z2akids]

I know this is an unpopular opinion but I’m glad that we have (and have had in the past) coaches who make decisions about what’s allowed and appropriate based on the kids and circumstances. My daughter has visited (alone) with a former coach’s family..been driven long distances by a coach.. those coaches had my trust and my daughter’s, and we had theirs. No, I don’t advocate that as a blanket good thing, but it’s worked for us. As for the other kids this particular coach drives.. well that’s between her and their families. Those boys wouldn’t get to practice if she didn’t drive them. I’m cynical in my own way, but I’m also free range-y. Both sides in our cases were good with the arrangements.

ETA: definitely free rangers here. My kid has traveled and done things alone extensively, and there is just no way to ensure (nor would I want to) that she’s never alone with anyone. Instead I’ve cultivated a relationship where she would immediately tell me if anything was amiss and she would always trust her own instincts. I’m sure some people won’t believe our relationship is that good, but it is.

I am not generally a helicopter parent. However, with 3 kids who have participated (safely) in several activities that have had horrible child abuse scandals, I am appreciative of the two deep, no exception, leadership rules. I have 3 children who have been Alter Servers, 2 Boy Scouts, 2 football players and a gymnast. Both the Scouts and the Catholic Church have had to wade through aweful situations. And, now USAG is embroiled in scandals of its own. As long as USAG fails to put into place and enforce similar protections, it will not come out the other side of this situation.

While your situation works for you, and is almost certainly innocent, I would bet that every parent of every gymnast treated by USAGs doc would have said the same. The problem is that for every hundred or thousand innocent relationships, there is the one that isn't. Because pedophiles are REALLY good at pretending not to be, I won't make the assumption. My comfort level changes as my kids get older, but my job does not end just because they are 10 or 12 or even 16.