What is the best way to handle this?

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k2bdeutmeyer

Coach
Proud Parent
Background info:

I attended gymnastics as a child at, we'll call it "Gym A". I progressed quickly to L5, but quit after only 2-3yr in the gym because I hated my coach. I later (about 5 years later) went back to Gym A as a coach. I coached for over 10yr before quitting when my 2nd DD (my gymnast) was born. I still sub occasionally and am well respected in the gym. When I realized DD was bored in her standard preschool class, I asked the HC/owner if I could move her up to the intermediate level when she turned 4, even though technically she was a year too young. I probably could have just done it, but thought I was being respectful by getting permission first. HC/owner responded by saying that he would keep her in the preschool class in the morning because the class size is smaller and there is no one else in the gym so she could get more one on one attention. Great theory, except that her coach knew basically nothing about gymnastics (though she was wonderful with the kids). When that was brought to his attention, he agreed and suggested I go in and work with the class to help with more of the gymnastics skills. It got to a point where I was wondering why I was paying for the privelege of coaching my own child......not to mention the fact that she doesn't take correction from me very well.

So, I called another gym. I was more trying to comfort myself by showing myself that nobody else would move her up either so that I wouldn't feel so frustrated. Well, the first place I called (we'll call it "Gym B") wanted to place her in their invitation only "Advanced Kindergym" class. I decided to drive the 25 min and let her try the class. I was scared to death. I feel a strong loyalty to Gym A and felt like I was betraying them in a way. I was really scared to be honest.

Malea loved the class and by the 2nd week was invited to move up to the TAG team (TOPs and L4 prep). I had not taken her to her preschool class at Gym A since we tried the kindergym class, because I knew she would bring up her "new gymnastics" and I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with the confrontation. I was hoping to just "take a break" and walk away. Maybe not the best way of handling it, but I'm a wimp and HATE confrontation, not to mention that I really didn't want to lose the relationship I have with Gym A.

I figured I had 2yr before it would really be an issue since she JUST turned 4 in Jan & can't compete until she's 6 anyway. I got a text from HC/owner of Gym A asking if DD was coming anymore and I texted back that we were taking a break (maybe mistake #1 - I'm feeling like maybe I should've been honest, but at this point, that's water under the bridge). Well, what I wasn't taking into account was that a few of the local gyms in the area do a small fun meet every year and DD will be participating with her new class.

AHHH!!! HC/owner probably won't be there, but staff that knows me (and DD) will be. So.....help!!! Now what? Do I wait until the day of and deal with things as they come? How? I hate this.

Thank you!
 
Let me give your some background info before I tell you what I think you should do. My DD started gymnastics at a gym that we had strong ties to. The gym owner was a long time friend because my DD's father coached her DD for years. The head coach was a very, very close friend of my DD's father. I'm talking 20+ year friendship. So close that the head coach was considered family, was their when DD was born, part of our wedding etc. VERY close.

When DD started gymnastics at age 4 I could tell immediately that the rec program was a mess. No organization or good gymnastics instruction. Luckily DD moved up to Level 4 within a year. I quickly found that the same problems existed in the compulsory levels. After about 7 months it became clear to me that I did not want to leave my DD in this place. The optional girls do well, but I don't like the coaching they get. The head coach is very mean to the girls and they train crazy hours. I really felt at a crossroads because of the friendship. How do you tell people that are close to you and your family that you want to go to another gym? I first had my ex talk to the head coach because they have a close relationship. The head coach agreed that the coaching in Level 4 was bad. The solution was that they would move DD to the morning program and the head coach would coach her. While I knew she would get quality coaching, I knew it wouldn't be positive coaching and I also didn't want my then 5 year old working out with mostly optional level kids. That's silly. She needs to be part of a team and have fun. It was a very, very hard decision because I felt like I was betraying them, but ultimately I had to do what was best for my child. So we left and it was the best decision. I'm completely happy with it. I have actually found that I much prefer having her somewhere that we have no relationship with the owners and coaches other than a business relationship. I also like it becasue I don't have to hear how my DD gets special treatment because of our relationship with the owner and head coach.

It definitely put a strain on the friendship with the head coach and my DD's dad, but that is coming around. If you really feel like the other gym is the best place for your DD, then take her there and be honest about it.
 
You need to come clean to the owner of gym A. He's going to find out anyway and better it be from you than from a coach that just happens to see you and dd at this fun meet. I think if you meet with him face to face and admit you should have been honest when he sent the text, it won't be all that bad. Yes, he might be hurt for ahwile and you may not get any calls to sub there, but at least it will all be out in the open. While this may be unpleasant, I feel its the adult way to handle the situation and also avoid any rumors getting back to the current gym about how things were left at gym A
 
I'm like you... hate confrontation! But this is going to hang over your head until you do it, and the coach at "Gym A" will be more hurt/upset if he finds out from someone else (as you know he will, probably sooner rather than later) than if he hears it from you. Last year a parent told the HC at my DD's YMCA team that they were "taking a break" when she was actually having her try out at the local private team. HC heard through the grapevine that she had switched teams, and has been known to refer to that family as "the traitors." Now, I'm not sure that the HC would have been particularly understanding about it either way, but it definitely made it worse that she wasn't up-front about it.

You don't have to appologize. The HC already knew you weren't thrilled with the instruction your DD was receiving so this won't be totally out of the blue. Just say something like, "My relationship with this gym means a lot to me so I wanted you to hear this directly from me. You know I wasn't thrilled with the preschool instruction my daughter was getting here, so I took her to try a few classes at Gym B and it seems to be a really good fit for her right now."

Good luck! Remember, like a bandaid... do it quick without over-thinking it! Let us know how it goes!
 
You need to come clean to the owner of gym A. He's going to find out anyway and better it be from you than from a coach that just happens to see you and dd at this fun meet. I think if you meet with him face to face and admit you should have been honest when he sent the text, it won't be all that bad. Yes, he might be hurt for ahwile and you may not get any calls to sub there, but at least it will all be out in the open. While this may be unpleasant, I feel its the adult way to handle the situation and also avoid any rumors getting back to the current gym about how things were left at gym A

I was afraid you were going to say that. Sigh. I suppose I even know that was the best all along. I just don't WANT to. LOL!
 
i know this may not be the right thing to do but it is a solution. you could say that you took time off for a while the looked at your options. you could also blame it on scheduling
 
you could say that you took time off for a while the looked at your options.

Well, technically you were taking a break from gym A. I think it would be fair to say that you felt DD needed something different to what she was getting and you have found another option that is a better fit for her. I don't think you need to go into a whole lot of detail or make a big deal out of it.
 
I am a whimp too, but gymnastics is still a bussiness and while you feel guilty about going to another gym in the end it has to be a good fit for your daughter. Chances are Gym A already knows, gymnastics communities are pretty small, word travels quickly. I would seriously confess ASAP and say what others have said, your daughter feels more comfortable with the coaches at Gym B and you feel it is in her best interest to maybe go to a facility that you her mom are not at as an employee so she benefits from coaches who don't know her! With your DD being so young still and only on rec, no real team comittment yet, I wouldn't feel that badly. You only feel badly because you didn't expect things to progress as quickly as they did and the opportunity to open up aften that one tryout...and you're about to get busted in a lie, LOL

Good Luck
 

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