Coaches What to do?? Negativity and bad sportsmanship

[Splash123]

Hi guys, was hoping for some advice on how to handle a few of the girls in my squad group.
We had our club championships competition today - a couple of groups were doing a mock comp for future competitions.
One of these was my group aiming to do the elite compulsory grades (uk). We had 3 doing comp 5 (the first level) and 1 doing comp 4 (the next level up).
When results were announced the girl doing the higher grade was 3rd (which was last as we had a joint second placement and don't do gaps at club comps).
The problem is she refused to wear the medal (she said she didn't want it because it wasn't gold), said it was unfair that they beat her because they had easier routines, cried, wouldn't talk to the other girls in her group or have a picture with them after the results.
As a club we don't like this kind of attitude, we expect the gymnasts to be a good sport - yes they can be disappointed with their performance - but shouldn't put the performances of others down.

So the question is, how should I handle this? I'm her main coach, and although she definitely stood there were a few girls that reacted to their placements in the same way across all the groups at the comp...


Sorry for the long post

 

[Aussie_coach]

Wow, it is a big concern if that is the type of behaviour she is going to take with her to a competition when she represents your gym.

I would be taking her aside for a talk, she may have been so overwhelmed in the moment that she had never thought about the impact her words would have had on others around her. It may just take a little talk to remind her how deeply words like that will cut others around her. I would also be making it clear that if she behaves like that at an external competition, she will lose her medals and me removed from the competition floor, as well as banned from participating in the next competition.

 

[txgymfan]

Did her or their parents see the behavior? I think this warrants a parent conference with clear expectations laid out. I would also have a team meeting setting clear meet expectations but not calling anyone out.

 

[Aero]

I would have a talk with the girl and parents together, with the intention of sorting it out. However, if the issue did not resolve, I would remove this girl from the team.

 

[xrachx]

Yep this wouldn't fly at our gym. Any medal is valued regardless of colour, and if you don't win one, you should still be cheering on those that did.

Definitely a conversation with the gymnast, and then with the parents. If she's going compulsory route, she needs to learn how to lose graciously, because there is no way that she will always win gold. At her age (assuming 8 at the moment, 9 next year?), she should be able to understand that conversation, that you need to cheer on everyone, and that if you don't win a medal, then use that disappointed feeling to motivate you to work harder and concentrate more in the future.

 

[Splash123]

@Aussie_coach - that's the thing. She is on her second year of competing compulsory elite grades and never reacts like this at external comps. She was over the moon when she got bronze at our last external competition. Which is why the behaviour came as a shock.

@txgymfan - Both myself and the other coach for the elite grades group spoke to her and her parents after the competition to talk to them about the correct way to behave even if you are disappointed at a competition, and also to try and get to the bottom of why she wasn't happy. Unfortunately, it appears the parents are supporting her in her behaviour. Saying things like "you're too hard on yourself" "you had an amazing day" "you were doing harder routines so you should've scored higher"

 

[Splash123]

We (myself and the other coach and maybe HC) are also planning to talk to the group tomorrow at training in a generic way about competition etiquette and positive behaviour.

 

[Splash123]

Yes @xrachx - we are of the same beliefs at our club. Any placement is amazing and we look for the gymnasts to be supporting their team. For example, our most advanced group at the comp yesterday pretty much knew who was going to win (unless she had a bad day), but the girl who came second said that that was a win for her because she was second to the girl who won and after the podium photo they went back to the edge of the floor as a group (4 girls) gave each other a hug and said well done. Which makes us proud as coaches to see how positive the girls are and how happy they were for each other.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well,,, if you can't act like a team member then you are not a part of the team.

 

[Splash123]

Thanks @coachp this is part of the problem. I feel like even if we don't actually remove her from the squad team that is doing elite grading we should tell her and her parents privately that if she doesn't change her behaviour she will not be allowed to compete her elite grade. But on the other hand she is really hard working and talented it's just the attitude that's wrong...

 

[eucoach]

How old is she? I'm guessing around 9?

I would talk to the parents and the girl separately and tell them the same thing (in different words). Explain why this is not acceptable and what kind of behaviour you expect. Tell them that should she ever show this type of behaviour at a competition again, she will not be allowed to compete for the rest of the year/at the next competitions/next season/... (whatever you find appropriate). I guess she does not behave like this during practice?
However, I think it's important to allow a gymnast to be disappointed in herself and also show that disappointment in an appropriate way at an appropriate time. Also, I definitely believe in 2nd and 3rd changes, especially with young kids who do not have enough experience yet to deal with uncomfortable and unexpected situations.

In any case, lay out a clear path for future behaviour, otherwise you might end up with a 17-year-old you have to physically drag out to a medal ceremony at a national championship in her street clothes because coming 2nd to her rival is the worst thing that could ever happen to her, ever.

 

[Splash123]

Thank you @eucoach
Yes she is nearly 9. That's what I think I'm going to do at training tomorrow. I'll talk to parents when they drop her off and talk to her when I take her to bars (this is a piece we go to with just her as she has a different bar set up, so the others go to chalk bar and I take her to strap bar). Unfortunately because of the way it works in our area/the uk in general. We don't really have seasons. First competition is early/mid September. Last competition is end of July.

However, I spoke to HC and we agreed that if she reacts in the same way in this weekend at the individual comp or at the team comp (also does individual places because it's finals) we will discuss with her parents about pulling her from her elite grading early next year. Because although we give 2nd/3rd chances, competing at an elite qualifier grading competition is a privilege that very few gymnasts are ready for to compete in age in our area!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Thanks @coachp this is part of the problem. I feel like even if we don't actually remove her from the squad team that is doing elite grading we should tell her and her parents privately that if she doesn't change her behaviour she will not be allowed to compete her elite grade. But on the other hand she is really hard working and talented it's just the attitude that's wrong...

I am sure if you lay it out in front of her she will adjust. On the flip side, don't be surprised if the parents actually agree with her... good luck with that. If that is the case I would cut all ties, she will just quit anyways once she gets to 12ish.

 

[Splash123]

Thanks @coachp that was part of the original issue when we tried to speak to her after the competition, the parents were 100% supporting her behaviour. I would even go as far as saying they were encouraging such comments :/

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Thanks @coachp that was part of the original issue when we tried to speak to her after the competition, the parents were 100% supporting her behaviour. I would even go as far as saying they were encouraging such comments :/

Cut her loose.... Hard to do, but you are just setting yourself up for years of confrontation and sadly at the end,,, disappointment and "I should of known better".

 

[Splash123]

Ok thanks for the advice @coachp I will talk to the second coach for this group and HC tomorrow to see what they think about this, or if they have any other (less drastic) ideas. Thank you

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Another way to deal with it, is sit down with that parents and tell them this isn't the program for them. (since they are raising the child). Let them ask why. Then unload on them. Tell them you are sorry but you think they(parents) are not a good fit for your program. Let them reply, see what they say. Put them on notice and see how they react. Be prepared for them to walk out, but if they stay,,, problem could resolve it's self through the parents. You have nothing to lose.

 

[Splash123]

Thank you for the above suggestion @coachp will talk to HC when I get to the gym in 45mins and ask her which path she would rather take in dealing with it and then talk to the parents when they arrive about 30mins after me

 

[eucoach]

Tell us how it went!

I find some of the suggestions of making her leave the program a little extreme. As far as I understand, this incident was a first-time thing. It's far too early to see a pattern of behaviour.
Also, you never know why a kid might act that way.

Personally, I remember lashing out on a schoolmate I had to do a presentation with when we got a D for our (very bad) effort. Being 10 years old, just having startet secondary school and totally clueless about what a presentation was supposed to be like, we did not realize it was bad until the teacher told us our grade. I had always been a straight-A student and did not know how to react to getting a D. It did not fit with the image I had of myself and that others (classmates and teachers) had of me. Therefore I put the blame on the other girl and threw a fit. I knew it was wrong but it was my very immature attempt to safe face.

I'm not saying this is the reason your gymnast acted that way, but it might very well be. If she thought she would be the best in her group, coming 3rd might have given her a big shock because it went against what she expects of herself and what she thinks others expect of her. As for the parents - maybe they were just as shocked (by the result and the behaviour) and didn't know better than to defend their daughter's behaviour.

 

[Splash123]

We spoke to them (parents and gymnast separately) and said that we understand she was disappointed in the result/her performance. But explained that there are ways to express that without hurting others.

She apologised to the girls in her group (had to be pushed a bit but did it) - parents didn't agree with us saying she should apologise for her behaviour.

We said to her that we expect her to be positive and kind to the girls at their competition this weekend and next weekend, and that if she doesn't she won't be allowed to be a runner (for scores) at the next in house competition in 3 weeks as we consider it a privilege to be chosen