Parents When to decide for your child they should retire?

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mag37

Proud Parent
My daughter is 12 and a level 7 gymnast (been a gymnast since 5yrs old). She is struggling and can't overcome her fear of double back handspring on the beam. She did not compete last year (missing skills at 7, bars and beam ). She says she loves it and does not want to quit. I feel like we are at the point where I need to decide for her? Is that wrong. She is never happy about the sport anymore, tears disappointment are the theme. She is adamant she does not want to stop, but I never see her having fun anymore, and she will not throw her beam skills. Does not want to switch to prep op either.... Lookin for advice.
 
If she hasn't competed level 7, is there an option for her to compete level 6?
Yes she can, however since she didn't compete last year she wanted to move with the rest of her team to 7's. If she does level 6 she will be on her own. And I am not sure if this is just delaying the inevitable if she can't get past her block?
 
I wouldn’t make her quit over a mental block. If she willing to keep working, let her keep working. If it helps, I know a junior elite on the national team that wouldn’t go backward for almost a full year! And this was after she was already an elite. She got through it and it doing amazing things!
 
I wouldn’t make her quit over a mental block. If she willing to keep working, let her keep working. If it helps, I know a junior elite on the national team that wouldn’t go backward for almost a full year! And this was after she was already an elite. She got through it and it doing amazing things!
Thanks for the info, When you say working it do you mean going for it? I think the frustration is because she wont even try it. Is this normal?
 
Yes she can, however since she didn't compete last year she wanted to move with the rest of her team to 7's. If she does level 6 she will be on her own. And I am not sure if this is just delaying the inevitable if she can't get past her block?
I don't think you can decide. She needs to decide.

However that doesn't mean staying with her team or quitting.

You offer options. The nature of gymnastics is not everyone necessarily moves together. Our current L8 team is comprised of kids who did 5-6-7-8-8.... 6-6-7-8..... 6-7-7-8-8. Some went ahead, some stayed back and they are all together again for the current year.

If she does L6, I doubt she will be on her own, as in the only L6 kid at gym, there will be other kids.

She also doesn't have to do BHS-BHS. Just like a giant is not required for bars at L7. It may be the gyms requirement but it is not the only option. Its optionals.

If Level 7 is important perhaps another gym where she can do a different connection, etc....
Or Xcel.

The point is if she really loves gymnastics and doesn't want to quit there are other options.

Change is hard. Leaving people you have known for a long time is hard. And it is inevitable.

I'd offer her other choices, L6, Xcel and a gym change etc.... before I would say quit or stay stuck.

She can be miserable where she is at. Miserable because she quit. Or she could try another option and perhaps actually like it again.

Also what are the coaches doing to help her with her block? Again, blocks are hard and they go when they go. But there are things that can be done, including going back (L6) for a time. So once I knew what they were doing and what the plan is....

Personally, I think dealing with change is an important life lesson. If she were my kid and professing she really loves gymnastics. I'd get rod of the specific skill pressure. And the decision I would make as a parent, is here are the options be it L6 where she is at, or a gym change, Xcel. Give it an honest effort and try. And if you are still miserable its time to be done.

Then its up to her.... but she needs to try something else and not just quit. My quarters worth
 
no they make her stand on the bean until she does it, and she just won't go for it.
Sorry that popped as I was replying.

She needs a new gym. She is miserable because she is not being supported. If she really loves gymnastics she needs a gym that will work with her not just have her stand on a beam.
 
no they make her stand on the bean until she does it, and she just won't go for it.

That is a terrible strategy for dealing with mental blocks! It’s not that she won’t go, it’s that right now, her body and mind won’t let her go. Which is very very normal. But, she needs coaches that know how to deal with blocks and have the patience for them.
 
Xcel, Acro, T&T. All of these are options for kids who maybe want a different path but want to stay in gymnastics. Also, don't stay in an abusive environment, like the other folks here said. It may be that when she gets new coaching her skills will line up.
 
A well run XCel program in a gym that supports and respects XCel athletes could give her a fresh lease on gymnastics life. My daughter switched to XCel after back problems made it impossible to progress past L8 in JO. The last two years she spent as a Diamond were her happiest years in the gym since she was very little. I think one of the biggest reasons was the ability to progress and learn new skills because she no longer had to master things that were giving her trouble and pain.

I also agree with everyone who's said that your gym's approach to backward tumbling blocks is wrong and damaging.
 
My daughter is 12 and a level 7 gymnast (been a gymnast since 5yrs old). She is struggling and can't overcome her fear of double back handspring on the beam. She did not compete last year (missing skills at 7, bars and beam ). She says she loves it and does not want to quit. I feel like we are at the point where I need to decide for her? Is that wrong. She is never happy about the sport anymore, tears disappointment are the theme. She is adamant she does not want to stop, but I never see her having fun anymore, and she will not throw her beam skills. Does not want to switch to prep op either.... Lookin for advice.
Nothing wrong with making a parental decision . The end
 
Nothing wrong with making a parental decision . The end

In this case, making a parental decision may have a negative affect. The daughter doesn't want to quit. Forcing her to quit could send the message of her not being good enough and when things get hard, you walk away. I believe showing her there are other options; (like mentioned above) level 6, Xcel, new gym, quitting, etc. might be more appropriate and allows her to have a voice.

That said, I would not bring my daughter to the gym crying all the time and being miserable. That's when I would 'force' a decision. Gymnastics is extracurricular and supposed to be fun. She needs to change her path in order to be happy at the gym again or move on to something else.
 
In this case, making a parental decision may have a negative affect. The daughter doesn't want to quit. Forcing her to quit could send the message of her not being good enough and when things get hard, you walk away. I believe showing her there are other options; (like mentioned above) level 6, Xcel, new gym, quitting, etc. might be more appropriate and allows her to have a voice.

That said, I would not bring my daughter to the gym crying all the time and being miserable. That's when I would 'force' a decision. Gymnastics is extracurricular and supposed to be fun. She needs to change her path in order to be happy at the gym again or move on to something else.

This for sure. I had to quit gymnastics at 10-11 years of age because we couldn’t afford it, and even though I knew it wasn’t my mother’s fault, I was still pretty bitter about it. It’s much better when kids can retire on their own terms.
 
Xcel, Acro, T&T. All of these are options for kids who maybe want a different path but want to stay in gymnastics. Also, don't stay in an abusive environment, like the other folks here said. It may be that when she gets new coaching her skills will line up.

I agree 100% with this. Our gym has both an acro team and a very large, competitive WAG team, and some very good WAG gymnasts from our gym and others have joined acro and are thriving there. I obviously cannot speak for any other acro team, and no team experience is perfect, but our acro appears to be a more supportive, fun practice environment than our WAG team.

I would also suggest asking your daughter to examine her feelings more specifically. You can see she is unhappy, you have given the option to leave the sport, but she insists she loves gymnastics and will not quit. Something it not adding up. What is keeping her going? Is it sheer determination? Are there rewards she connects with being on the gym team she fears losing (friends, social life, etc.)? Does she find it impossible to envision a life NOT in gymnastics? What?

Examining the deeper motives and fears your daughter is experiencing may help determine what approach in this situation will best help.

Our situation was very different, but a year ago I was dealing with a kid who fell out of love with gymnastics, wanted to try different sports, but still found it very hard to let go. He had grown up in the sport and the gym was his second home. Even when a kid is ready to move on, it can be really difficult for them to make that decision and actually leave. So you have my sympathy. This is a difficult situation for gymnast and parent.
 
I would make the parental decision that she needs to try a new gym. Her current one is neither supportive nor adept at dealing with girls with difficult blocks. It’s been going on too long at this point for them to still be doing things the same way in response. I would not force her to quit though, that’s just me.
 
At 12 we want to encourage kids to work through these desicions themselves. Of course there will be some circumstances where the desicions will have to be the parents (for example if the problem is financial). But working through tough decisions at this age will help prepare the, for big tough desicions in the future.

What you can do is open the lines of communication. Discuss the issues with her, have her talk to you about how she feels, what the different options may be (such as those listed here), the pros and cons and how she feels about them.
 
I would mostly discourage it for the fear of creating bad habits. They take a very, very long time to correct.
 
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Thanks everyone! I think it is a combination of friends, love of the sport, and not knowing anything else. We have talked a lot about all these issues and it always ends with "I do not want to quit or switch to Excel". We did offer another gym and she wasn't too interested in that either. That is why I am struggling so much with this. We will keep trying to talk about it and take it month to month I guess. When I met with the coach she did say I don't think it is time for her to stop yet. And that she would tell me when if/when we get to that point. Just not sure the $$ doesn't sway that conversation ;)
 

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