Parents When your child wasn't really ready to quit

[Texasmomof3]

My two youngest are/were both gymnasts and until last year, they trained at the same gym. Ds did T&T and dd did women's JO.

Due to issues on the JO team, we ended up moving dd to another gym. We tried to talk to the gym owner first, to address our issues and smooth things over, but it was a nightmare. The gym owner was pretty horrible when we moved dd, but agreed ds could stay. (They were hemorrhaging gymnasts and I think they couldn't afford to lose both kids.)

But now that the team has stabilized and regrouped, it has become very clear that ds was no longer welcome on his T&T team. The T&T coach stopped all communication with us. He cancelled two meets that were scheduled just to mobilize ds (and that we had paid for) without explanation. He moved ds down to a lower level training group and completely stopped up-training him on anything. We had zero problems with the T&T coach before we moved dd. It also isn't an issue of ds simply being no good. In fact, ds loved the sport and did well, winning first on two events at both state and regionals, and placing top three on two events at nationals this past season.

There is no other T&T team anywhere within a reasonable drive for him to move to. So two weeks ago, ds quit T&T. He is 15 and has been in some form of gymnastics since second grade. If we hadn't moved his sister, he would still be welcome on his team. So, of course, he resents his sister and us for ruining his gym experience.

I'm not sure how to help him through the loss of gymnastics. No one from the team has even spoken to him since he left. His coach didn't say a word to him nor have any of his teammates. (This is what we expected, as dd's teammates were told by the JO coach that they couldn't continue to be her friends once she left the gym.) But it still sucks for him. And I'm completely at a loss, except for my blind desire to inflict pain on everyone related to or involved in the old gym.

 

[txgymfan]

I would look for a professional counseling service. I understand that he is mad but he needs to learn how to deal with his anger and it clearly is directed in the wrong direction.

 

[trampolinemom]

That is a really sad story. I feel sorry for your DS. I hope he will find another sport that he can feel passionate about.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

I don't have any advice either, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry this happened. I don't know what in the world is wrong with some people?!? Grrr! I totally understand your desire to inflict pain on the old gym owners and coaches for the way they acted towards your son. I'm angry for you! I too hope that he can find another sport that he feels passionate about.

 

[bookworm]

Well this just sounds dreadful...but I guess I'm wondering what your idea of a "reasonable drive" is ? In a perfect world, the gym is down the street but more often, it is not...and given the circumstances of his leaving his original gym, I would be inclined to try to accommodate him with a gym change if at all possible...we have had an 80 mile commute ( each way) for several years so I get the commitment required but given the whys of his leaving the closer gym, and the fact he's being forced out of the sport he wasn't ready to stop because of it, I would see how another option might work for him..

And is your daughter still in gym? Anything close to where she's going?

 

[txgymfan]

Bookworm,

You earned the gold medal for longest consistent commute without complaint by a CBer a long time ago.

 

[GymCMLA]

I agree about offering him options, if the closest T&T program is drivable, can you make it work?
Is there a diving program he could try (lots of gymnasts dive and or swim)? Track And field (gymnasts tend to be great pole vaulters)? Mens gymnastics? (One of ds's teenage teammates just moved from a life of T&T to MAG this year and is loving it)
It is normal of him to mourn the loss of what was, but offering him choices and helping him find his new normal.

 

[gymdog]

What does your daughters new gym offer? Do they even have a tramp? Is there a coach that could work with him once a week or in a tumbling class, plus open gyms?

 

[sce]

I would look for a professional counseling service. I understand that he is mad but he needs to learn how to deal with his anger and it clearly is directed in the wrong direction.

I agree with this. It is your dd's fault that this happened. The gym had issues, she left because of them and the gym still had issues that then hurt your ds. He needs help in sorting that out. I wish adults would not put their issues in kids like this at all, how petty of them!

I like the other suggestions too. 1) how far way is the next T&t gym? 2) other possible sports like diving might be a great fit.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Maybe if you just inquired at another t&t gym, if its further away, you could ask about carpooling? You might be surprised. At that age, any child should be busy.

 

[gymdog]

Diving is a good suggestion - or dare I say it - cheerleading. They are always looking for males, there are even scholarship opportunities. Wouldn't be my first suggestion but in this situation - it may be a good option.

 

[Texasmomof3]

It is your dd's fault that this happened.

I really cannot agree with it being my daughter's fault.

But ds has agreed to talk to his high school diving coach about trying to convert to diving. Since he has double fronts, double backs and multiple twisting combos down, he just needs to learn how to do it and land on his head instead of his feet. He is actually excited about the prospect.

 

[wandrewsjr]

I really cannot agree with it being my daughter's fault.

But ds has agreed to talk to his high school diving coach about trying to convert to diving. Since he has double fronts, double backs and multiple twisting combos down, he just needs to learn how to do it and land on his head instead of his feet. He is actually excited about the prospect.

I hope he finds a new passion in diving! and he doesn't necessarily have to land on his head right away to be competitive. They need to have 2 dives of each type plus one extra any type (front,back,inward,reverse,twisting). And if you can do doubles, you can compete a front tuck and a double front, back tuck and double back, etc while learning the landing head first part.

 

[txgymfan]

"It is your dd's fault that this happened."

I actually thought this was a typo. It's not her dd's fault. It is the gym and the coaches fault.
If anything he should be mad at the gym for treating both him and his sister badly.

 

[Sasha]

"It is your dd's fault that this happened."

I actually thought this was a typo. It's not her dd's fault. It is the gym and the coaches fault.
If anything he should be mad at the gym for treating both him and his sister badly.

I also read that as a typo, given the rest of that reply.

 

[sce]

I really cannot agree with it being my daughter's fault.

But ds has agreed to talk to his high school diving coach about trying to convert to diving. Since he has double fronts, double backs and multiple twisting combos down, he just needs to learn how to do it and land on his head instead of his feet. He is actually excited about the prospect.

Just saw this and realized it is missing a very important not. Man I should reread what I type. So sorry for that. I really think eh needs help understanding that the adults at the gym are at fault and whether or not his sister left there may have been other issues that occurred dur to their issues. Does that make more sense.

Glad he is excited to look into diving though.

 

[wandrewsjr]

I also read that as a typo, given the rest of that reply.

I third the typo theory. I inserted a "not" when I read it in my head, because that is what make sense in the context of the rest of the reply.

 

[sce]

"It is your dd's fault that this happened."

I actually thought this was a typo. It's not her dd's fault. It is the gym and the coaches fault.
If anything he should be mad at the gym for treating both him and his sister badly.

Thanks yes, I am a numpty and missed a crucial word.

 

[Texasmomof3]

Thanks for the clarification sce. I should have realized it was a typo.

I really do hope he can enjoy diving, or at least see that there are some other options out there.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Numpty is such a great word and I am glad to be spreading it far and wide, it deserves a bigger audience, and SCE, whilst you may have had a "Numpty Moment" I can assure you you are NOT a full blown Numpty !