WAG Why Are Parents the Enemy?

[H.J.]

Based on my (albeit limited) experience in our gym (we've only been in 1), and from what I've gathered from CB posts here and there, it seems that by and large, parents are seen by coaches as public enemy #1. Or at least the antagonist. Lip service is given to the coach-parent-gymnast triad with the coach and parent being the "base" of support, but where and how does this actually happen? It seems that we're bombarded with "bad gymnastics (or sports) parents" articles and blog posts (what not to do, what questions not to ask, etc.) and questions for coaches are not often welcome. In general, issues about coach-parent (or gym-parent) communication often come up in posts here in CB -- some gyms are good at this, many are awful, etc. How can this be improved??

Yes, there are truly awful sports parents who should be banned from all practices and competitions for all of eternity. I get it. I'd like to think, though, that these parents aren't the norm. Still, the reaction to this (i.e., above-mentioned blog posts about what not to do as a sports parent and coaches seeming to hate to talk to parents) seems to presume that most of us ARE like this. At my gym, at least, we really don't have any truly CGParents. We have parents who just are confused about why coaches seem to hate to talk to us. I'd like to believe that when we have questions, or speak up on behalf of our kid, or wish to provide insight about our kids' needs, we really just are honestly curious and are otherwise trying to be helpful. Am I living in a bubble? Are these kind of parents really that rare? The world of competitive gymnastics is such an unknown entity to most of us parents -- I, at least, had absolutely no clue what we were signing up for. I so wish coaches would help us learn what TO do as gym parents (beyond the same old adages of "tell your gymnasts you love to watch them nothing more than "have fun and work hard" or whatever). Also, frankly, I wish to better understand skills and how they work and what judges are looking for, etc. Why is that so awful? (yes, I know, b/c many parents have terrible motives when doing this, coaching starts to happen at home, etc.)

So, coaches or anyone else with insight: What questions from parents are appropriate? What questions aren't? What conversations are deemed helpful (and which ones aren't)? Can I ask a coach why Suzy got x score on beam without coming across as being crazy? Can't I just be asking out of innocent curiosity?

Again, I know -- many crazy parents have ruined it for us so now we're all suspect. I KNOW coaches have reason to see us as the enemy and run when they see us coming. I wish this could change though. (right -- pipe dream)

If you are in a gym that does this right -- where parents and coaches seem to have a great relationship and open communication happens without malice -- please share. I want to know what such a picture would look like.

 

[wallinbl]

I typed out a longer response, but deleted it. Why does there need to be more communication? If the kid's having fun, cool.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Based on my (albeit limited) experience in our gym (we've only been in 1), and from what I've gathered from CB posts here and there, it seems that by and large, parents are seen by coaches as public enemy #1. Or at least the antagonist. Lip service is given to the coach-parent-gymnast triad with the coach and parent being the "base" of support, but where and how does this actually happen? It seems that we're bombarded with "bad gymnastics (or sports) parents" articles and blog posts (what not to do, what questions not to ask, etc.) and questions for coaches are not often welcome. In general, issues about coach-parent (or gym-parent) communication often come up in posts here in CB -- some gyms are good at this, many are awful, etc. How can this be improved??

Yes, there are truly awful sports parents who should be banned from all practices and competitions for all of eternity. I get it. I'd like to think, though, that these parents aren't the norm. Still, the reaction to this (i.e., above-mentioned blog posts about what not to do as a sports parent and coaches seeming to hate to talk to parents) seems to presume that most of us ARE like this. At my gym, at least, we really don't have any truly CGParents. We have parents who just are confused about why coaches seem to hate to talk to us. I'd like to believe that when we have questions, or speak up on behalf of our kid, or wish to provide insight about our kids' needs, we really just are honestly curious and are otherwise trying to be helpful. Am I living in a bubble? Are these kind of parents really that rare? The world of competitive gymnastics is such an unknown entity to most of us parents -- I, at least, had absolutely no clue what we were signing up for. I so wish coaches would help us learn what TO do as gym parents (beyond the same old adages of "tell your gymnasts you love to watch them nothing more than "have fun and work hard" or whatever). Also, frankly, I wish to better understand skills and how they work and what judges are looking for, etc. Why is that so awful? (yes, I know, b/c many parents have terrible motives when doing this, coaching starts to happen at home, etc.)

So, coaches or anyone else with insight: What questions from parents are appropriate? What questions aren't? What conversations are deemed helpful (and which ones aren't)? Can I ask a coach why Suzy got x score on beam without coming across as being crazy? Can't I just be asking out of innocent curiosity?

Again, I know -- many crazy parents have ruined it for us so now we're all suspect. I KNOW coaches have reason to see us as the enemy and run when they see us coming. I wish this could change though. (right -- pipe dream)

If you are in a gym that does this right -- where parents and coaches seem to have a great relationship and open communication happens without malice -- please share. I want to know what such a picture would look like.

The craziest parents don't think they are crazy . That's what makes them the craziest. It's in a parents nature to place blame anywhere but on their precious DD. Some Parents are incapable of believing that DD would ever do anything wrong and would never embellish or tell a lie (gasp, how dare I use that word , my DD would never)...
Parents also contribute heavily to children losing interest in the sport. Having someone living vicariously through you is a buzz kill. (Oh I have a special relationship with my DD unlike any other parent has ever had in the history of man kind, I am the best parent in the world. Only I can talk to DD about fear issues and help her to solve them and push through because I am the beast , I mean best , lol did I say beast?).
Because paremtal pressure absolutely contributes to fear as well. (Oh not in my case I am willing to do anything including extra privates , one on one fear counseling on the way home, during dinner, church, talk to your uncle and I will Watch every workout and be there to help you through it. Just between us the coaches don't know I have this special relationship with my DD they are so wrong ).
Because no Matter how much a parent tries the child can see right through them. (Oh. Not me, I am the coolest parent in the world and I am really awesome, again I am the best parent in the history of man kind.
Because as coaches we really don't have time to deal with the above issues over and over and over again. We are here to help children not parents, particularly the large group of parents that fall into this category. Hope that helps and is not offensive to the OP , as I am just responding to the general post. .

 

[Flyaway]

I think what makes it so difficult (ie, appropriate coach/parent communication) is illustrated in the post above me. There is such a broad range of what parents are going to deem appropriate. Some need little to no communication. Some need their hand held through everything. Even if a gym falls somewhere in the middle with communication, there are going to be parents who think it's not enough. I imagine that time and experience has hardened coaches in a way towards the parents. Sort of a "if I can't make them happy, why try?"

 

[kecks]

from a coach and teacher: i was typing a response but then i read what coachp has written. he/she is right. let your kid be happy. stop helicoptering - that's the german word for parents who try to micromanage their kid's life. don't do anything beyond the above mentioned basics (love them and so on). they will be fine. let them make their own experiences and let the coaches and teachers create these for them as long as the kids are in their classroom or gym. watch out for your kid but do not interfere (as long as nothing catastrophic is about to happen which usually is not the case). it will be fine. relaxed parents are the best parents in my experience. and they have the happiest kids, mostly very well adjusted ones, too. the coach is there for the kids not for coaching, teaching or managing well meaning parents.

parents are not the enemy - parents are just not the majos part of a coaches' business. this is about your kid and not about you. your kid can do this on it's own. it does not to be monitored all the time beyond the kindergarten years.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

They're only the enemy in gyms that don't do a good job of setting out the expectations and then keeping open communication. That is to say, most gyms.

One of the things I really loved when I was working at CSC Cambrianna was that they did a fantastic job of communicating with the parents. When kids first joined the team, they and their parents were given an extensively detailed document to sign that outlined the respective roles of the athletes, the coaches, and the parents, and the expectations of each group, and these documents were frequently referred to in various parent meetings. Parents were told from day 1 that they were expected to be unconditionally positive and supportive in front of their athletes, that that they were not to speak ill of judges, coaches, or other athletes in front of their kids, and who to contact if they had any questions or concerns. Every parent on the team had my email address, and I checked it daily. When a parent had any sort of question relating to coaching/progress/etc, I would answer in great detail within a day; if they had any questions about organization/billing/etc, I would forward it to the office staff and they would give a detailed response within a day. The parents knew exactly what to expect from the coaches, and vice-versa.
There was no sense of enmity between me and any of the parents that I could pick up on ever (with the exception of one parent who was furious when she learned that I was leaving the gym).
This gym also had no hesitations about kicking problem kids/parents out, and was clear about this from the get-go.

Contrast this with another gym I've worked at which I will not name specifically. The parents were not given staff email addresses, and the staff were not given gym email accounts. When a parent had a concern, they would bring it to the front office (because they were available), who would then communicate it to the manager, who would then instruct the coaches on what they had to change about how they were running practice. Rather than make any attempt to educate the parents on why the coach might be doing things a particular way, and rather than providing easy pathways of direct communication, the gym took a "customer is always right" mentality and attempted to address every parent concern by changing what happened out on the floor. The result is that I often felt hamstrung by the concerns of uninformed parents which could have much more easily been addressed with an email or two in which I could explain to the parent why my practice was structured the way it was.

This may seem counter intuitive, but I think the "customer is always right" approach is based in a profound disrespect for the parents, as well as the coaches. The underlying assumption seems to be that the parents are stupid and irrational and can't be reasoned with, and that they exist simply to give us money in exchange for doing whatever they ask us to do. Thus, the coaches can't work optimally because anything that seems counter intuitive in the training (which training often is) would raise concern among the parents and have to be stopped; as well, the parents feel like they're being kept in the dark about everything, because they basically are. It creates an atmosphere of mutual distrust.
When there are extensive, direct, open lines of communication between the coaches and parents, and when the roles and expectations of everybody are laid out in detail right from the start, it creates an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect. At CSC, my parents always knew that whenever they had any questions or concerns, they could bring them directly to me and expect that I would have enough respect for them to give them a detailed and sometimes technical response; in turn, they quickly came to trust my judgement as a coach.

Earlier responses have discussed the problems with helicopter parents, but I think even that is problem that can be nipped in the bud with good communication. Sometimes this means that management has to stand up to parents rather than caving, and make sure the coaches know that their backs are covered if they stand up to problem parents.

All that said, unreachably-crazy parents do exist, and they are the enemy of both their kids and their kids' coaches. But I think they're fewer and farther between than most coaches realize.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

So many questions and thoughts. And I don't know your gym, kid, level, scores or you.............

Just to address a few. Your mileage may vary.

Your child's coaches job is to coach your child. Not coach/teach the parent.

Regarding why on scores? Using my kids gym as an example. 30 kid, 4 events. 120 routines per meet. It is unrealistic to expect a coach to drill down to the detail on the whys of individual gymnasts with each parent. Its just not going to happen. Also they don't necessarily know what exactly a judge took off for each tenth per kid. They do however know what the kids need to work on and they deal with the kids on that. Unfortunately if your kid is like mine, they are not very forth coming with information. But I know my kid is getting information and corrections from the coach. Having been to parent day (see below) I sort of know what those corrections are.

Our gym has a parent day at the beginning of the season. Love it. They go through each routine by level, and explain what the judges are looking for. What each skill should look like. The most common things in a skill/routine that cost points. We can video to our hearts content. But no they are not going to tell parents why Suzy got X on beam at a particular meet. I also have to say experience has taught me a few things. If I show my kid the video she can usually tell me what cost her. And at the end of the day, knowing exact details to the tenth don't matter. I can't fix it for her. It doesn't change the outcome. My daughters floor this year perplexes me, I know where her issues are. The perplexing part is it seems she is on par with her peers yet the scores are all over. And the reality is the season is over. Time to move on. I am sure her coaches know whats up and they now have all summer to work on it.

Communication in general. Depends on communication style both the coaches and your own. And yes I find coaches are good at coaching. Less so in communicating with parents.
I have found that I had to learn the best way and time to approach our coaches. I know with our coaches, email is best for an initial approach. I know meet season not the best time for details regarding my (or any) kids performance/training. This is especially true the week before a meet. State/Regional time of year, not even a brief chit chat........... They are busy preparing the kids. If its not life or death, we smile and wave. Once the season is wound down, or during the summer I try to get a face to face, more in depth how is she doing information conversation.

Again, I usually ask for a meeting by way of email. And coach is usually good about getting one scheduled. And no our coaches do not have individual parent meetings. I wish they would have them, a couple times of year, much like parent teacher conferences. I would save all my questions, take copious notes. Bring video. But at they 2 gyms we have been at that just doesn't happen.

 

[sevenatenine2]

It is totally the crazy parents that ruin it for everybody else. Also, the crazy parents have a knack for having the ability to get everyone else riled up. OR, the crazy parents say they they are speaking for "everyone" with their complaints, when in reality, they have crazily ranted and then the other parents might say, "Uh huh," because what else do you say to a crazy person?

Although no gym or coach is perfect, it is disheartening to work your tail off doing the best job you can, and walk in to getting your butt chewed by 2-3 parents who really (I'm sorry, but it's true most of the time) have no idea what they're talking about. There might be 20 other parents happily taking their kids home, but those 2-3 leave the coach with a negative feeling for the whole day. So sometimes, it's easier to just avoid.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

They're only the enemy in gyms that don't do a good job of setting out the expectations and then keeping open communication. That is to say, most gyms.

One of the things I really loved when I was working at CSC Cambrianna was that they did a fantastic job of communicating with the parents. When kids first joined the team, they and their parents were given an extensively detailed document to sign that outlined the respective roles of the athletes, the coaches, and the parents, and the expectations of each group, and these documents were frequently referred to in various parent meetings. Parents were told from day 1 that they were expected to be unconditionally positive and supportive in front of their athletes, that that they were not to speak ill of judges, coaches, or other athletes in front of their kids, and who to contact if they had any questions or concerns. Every parent on the team had my email address, and I checked it daily. When a parent had any sort of question relating to coaching/progress/etc, I would answer in great detail within a day; if they had any questions about organization/billing/etc, I would forward it to the office staff and they would give a detailed response within a day. The parents knew exactly what to expect from the coaches, and vice-versa.
There was no sense of enmity between me and any of the parents that I could pick up on ever (with the exception of one parent who was furious when she learned that I was leaving the gym).
This gym also had no hesitations about kicking problem kids/parents out, and was clear about this from the get-go.

Contrast this with another gym I've worked at which I will not name specifically. The parents were not given staff email addresses, and the staff were not given gym email accounts. When a parent had a concern, they would bring it to the front office (because they were available), who would then communicate it to the manager, who would then instruct the coaches on what they had to change about how they were running practice. Rather than make any attempt to educate the parents on why the coach might be doing things a particular way, and rather than providing easy pathways of direct communication, the gym took a "customer is always right" mentality and attempted to address every parent concern by changing what happened out on the floor. The result is that I often felt hamstrung by the concerns of uninformed parents which could have much more easily been addressed with an email or two in which I could explain to the parent why my practice was structured the way it was.

This may seem counter intuitive, but I think the "customer is always right" approach is based in a profound disrespect for the parents, as well as the coaches. The underlying assumption seems to be that the parents are stupid and irrational and can't be reasoned with, and that they exist simply to give us money in exchange for doing whatever they ask us to do. Thus, the coaches can't work optimally because anything that seems counter intuitive in the training (which training often is) would raise concern among the parents and have to be stopped; as well, the parents feel like they're being kept in the dark about everything, because they basically are. It creates an atmosphere of mutual distrust.
When there are extensive, direct, open lines of communication between the coaches and parents, and when the roles and expectations of everybody are laid out in detail right from the start, it creates an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect. At CSC, my parents always knew that whenever they had any questions or concerns, they could bring them directly to me and expect that I would have enough respect for them to give them a detailed and sometimes technical response; in turn, they quickly came to trust my judgement as a coach.

Earlier responses have discussed the problems with helicopter parents, but I think even that is problem that can be nipped in the bud with good communication. Sometimes this means that management has to stand up to parents rather than caving, and make sure the coaches know that their backs are covered if they stand up to problem parents.

All that said, unreachably-crazy parents do exist, and they are the enemy of both their kids and their kids' coaches. But I think they're fewer and farther between than most coaches realize.

This.............. a lot can be solved with good communication, setting expectations.

 

[BachFlyer]

Based on my (albeit limited) experience in our gym (we've only been in 1), and from what I've gathered from CB posts here and there, it seems that by and large, parents are seen by coaches as public enemy #1. Or at least the antagonist. Lip service is given to the coach-parent-gymnast triad with the coach and parent being the "base" of support, but where and how does this actually happen?

As a gym parent for going on 10 years now, I think your experience is more right than wrong. And a reasonable answer to "why" has eluded me and many of my friends for as long.

Why is that so awful?

Reasons.

Can't I just be asking out of innocent curiosity?

Nope.

"I'd like to think, though, that these parents aren't the norm" "I'd like to believe that when we have questions, or speak up on behalf of our kid, or wish to provide insight about our kids' needs, we really just are honestly curious and are otherwise trying to be helpful. Am I living in a bubble? Are these kind of parents really that rare?"

All sarcasm aside, no, these parent's aren't rare, and they become less and less rare as you go up the levels. Coaches would like you to believe they are like a unicorn, but if they'd chill out and give us a little more credit, they might know this. My theory is that many don't have the interpersonal skills to compartmentalize the few difficult parents and deal with them as needed, without penalizing the supportive-yet-curious ones. They usually go overboard and cut out everyone, or have no boundaries at all and create drama. I often wonder if it is because they learned the same culture of control from their coaches. Some coaches are better than others at finding a balance and being willing to engage with and (god-fobid) learn from, their parents. I believe that's what's rare.

I can tell you that even the youngest gymnasts pick up on the parents-are-irrelevant message, and it can lead to a internal struggle of trust for the child, even under the most innocuous of situations. I will continue to advocate against this coach-centric, controlling culture, as I believe it lends itself to a sport ripe for abuse. As we all know, our sport can do better. Parents are important, too.

 

[BachFlyer]

relaxed parents are the best parents in my experience. and they have the happiest kids, mostly very well adjusted ones, too.

Parents can be both relaxed and involved. We do it at school. We do it in other sports. They are not mutually-exclusive. Your willingness as a coach to communicate and not dismiss the insight or curiosity of a parent would go a long way towards the parents being more of the former, and less of the latter.

 

[BachFlyer]

At CSC, my parents always knew that whenever they had any questions or concerns, they could bring them directly to me and expect that I would have enough respect for them to give them a detailed and sometimes technical response; in turn, they quickly came to trust my judgement as a coach.

This.

 

[dancingimmie]

My dd is 9 and has been on team for 2 years. I have learned that no news is generally good news. When one of her coaches grabs a parent after practice it's usually not a good thing. It's only happened to me once to discuss a fear issue that I was completely unaware of.
When my dd first joined team I was appalled at the lack of communication. I had no idea what was going on. That first year was tough and I'm sure I was pegged a CGM. But I wasn't crazy I was confused. Now I get it. I have a meeting at the end of the season with the head coach to discuss the plan and goals for my dd going forward. It's quick and casual and we make sure we are all on the same page, done.
Dd's happy, healthy and progressing.

 

[MuggleMom]

I am not sure its the coaches job to educate the sport to the parents. I do my own research (which is how I found this lovely site). Now it helps I did this sport eons ago but so much has changed all I really know is the names of some of the skills. I compartmentalize my crazy and vent it out here...is a safe zone. I look at communication with the coaches as though I have only X times a year...so is this question really worth using one of my communication "turns" on? That steers me away from asking questions that they likely cant answer--like why DD got a certain score. There are just too many kids and too many meets and too many events for them to really give you specifics. What does DD need to work on could be a good question but what does it solve? Am I going to work on and fix those things? If I tell her to work on those things how is that helpful? All it does is add more pressure? Odds are the coaches are already telling them to work on those things and she is well aware.

Like other posters have said its your daughters sport so hopefully they are communicating those things to your kid, and if you aren't confident your kid knows whats required of them then they should be asking the coach. If they wont tell your kid then you have an issue. So really you should be asking your kid questions--did you have fun; do you know what you should be working; on do you like your coaches; what are your goals; do your coaches know your goals etc.

And I am sure as you go up the levels the level of crazy goes up as well. Parents get competitive--and you have to consider as the time and financial commitment goes up the more the parents feel like things may be "owed" to them and attitudes can get crazy. I have a friend at work who was on the national team and she told me some horror stories about the moms at the gym--Petty BS seems to be the norm.

Mostly I want to know when practice is, how much money do I owe, what will I owe when she moves up, when level changes are etc--logistics questions. I wish my gym was more communicative on that stuff and those are the questions I find myself asking without feeling like a crazy parent.

 

[Mish]

When the gym does not convey any pertinent info to parents about why and how it operates, that is, how your child is affected daily, then parents become information deprived. This, plus the elitist attitude of many (not all, so don't get riled up) coaches about "how dare you ask me XYZ", leads to all of the turmoil. It has nothing to do with "helicoptering", but everything to do with the RIGHT to know what is going on with your child. Just as I don't need to know every detail, nor would want to, of the school day, there is regular communication of what is being taught, and where the strengths and weaknesses lie. CGParents, aside, this is not too much to ask. When you get no info related to ANYTHING and have to rely on yourself and other parents, it breeds a contentious environment. Contrary to the opinions of some coaches above, we DO know our kids better than you do. I would never think twice about questioning something that was affecting my child in another setting, but the way it is so taboo in gymnastics land is ridiculous when you think about it. I am not even currently experiencing any issues with my child/gym, but the stories that you hear over and over are crazy.

 

[kecks]

why is there this need to be involved in your kid's lifes to such a huge degree? it is their life not your's. this is new, it was not a thing a generation ago. why is this? the world did not get more dangerous for kids, quite the opposite (at least here in europe, i don't know about the us). why do they _ and their coaches and teachers with them - need to be monitored all the time? give them space.

please excuse my perhaps very german bluntness. i do not mean to offend.

 

[Mish]

why is there this need to be involved in your kid's lifes to such a huge degree? it is their life not your's. this is new, it was not a thing a generation ago. why is this? the world did not get more dangerous for kids, quite the opposite (at least here in europe, i don't know about the us). why do they _ and their coaches and teachers with them - need to be monitored all the time? give them space.

please excuse my perhaps very german bluntness. i do not mean to offend.

No offense taken. It is not about being overinvolved. I don't think the sane parents are asking to be INVOLVED. They are asking for a little bit of common courtesy and not to feel shamed for asking a question. I'm not talking about "why did Suzy only get an 8.5 on bars?" I'm talking about zero info given beforehand about what to expect in a competitive season and virtually nothing about policies and procedures and communication. There seems to be a commonality in the gym world that this becomes the norm and we are supposed to blindly PAY and accept. I don't need to, nor want to monitor my child, however, do need to feel trusting of the place where she spends 15-20 hours/week.

ETA: My child is under 10, so while it is her life, it is my responsibility to ensure her well being.

 

[gymgal]

what Coachp said. but I also agree with Taucer that a lot of this can be avoided by providing good communication. An FAQ at the beginning of each season that is relevant to the gymnast's level/grouping, using specifics and generalizations: logistics of scheduling/payments/injuries/illness etc. these are the skills we will be working on. This is the typical time frame - some may learn faster, others slower. This is what will happen if she doesn't have all her skills by a certain time. This is what to expect at meets. this is what we expect of you and your gymnasts at meets. Judging often doesn't make sense even to the coaches at times ;-). No, it is not worth trying to it-pick a routine to figure out why she scored this. As coaches, we generally know what needs to be worked on and we are doing that at practice. No you shouldn't practice/coach at home and here is why. No you shouldn't badger your child about not getting a skill and here is why... you get the point. yes, praise your gymnast for her effort at practice and meets. It takes a lot of courage to get out there in a leo and perform these skills in front of an audience. You get the point.

I also think that coaches should have meetings with each parent (1-2x/yr) to discus progress and questions, even is there is an "open door" policy.

 

[kecks]

i totally undersand the need to get all necessary information about policies and competitions and stuff like that and i think it to be unprofessionell not to communicate stuff like that in an organized and timely manner. especially for paying customers as most of you in the us (vs. parents in europe) seem to be. still such imo very understandable needs are totally different from the parents i am talking about. i mean the ones who want to ask "just a short question" at least once a week, who bring kids age 10 and up to their classroom doors (needing school staff to complement them out), who think their interference in everything will make their kids happier, no matter if the thing of the day is a bad grade, another kid being not nice to their kid, a meal in the cafeteria being not tasty enough (no joke...), or in coaching the coach being too "demanding"...these parents live their lifes through their kids and this is not pretty for these young people. way too much pressure and not enough 'real' experiences of the real world in my opinion.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I'm not talking about "why did Suzy only get an 8.5 on bars?" I'm talking about zero info given beforehand about what to expect in a competitive season and virtually nothing about policies and procedures and communication.

Yes and these things are on total different sides of "communication" and they are not mutually exclusive.

Absolutely 100 percent, gyms should set expectations, let parents know how things go in a timely manner.

And yes, coaches can not simply address every gymmies score on every event. I think folks don't get that, because they are thinking I just want to know about 1 score. But they forget, if coaches do it for one score, next its 3 then its 10 and so on..............