Why don't they TELL me their kids have special needs?

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CoachGoofy

(put this here because I'd imagine that multiple groups have insight).

Dear parents of child with special needs who is starting at my gym,

Please, PLEASE answer the registration form questions. All of them. Especially the one that asks if your child has any physical, emotional, or educational issues that we should know about. Answer as honestly as possible, PLEASE. If your child has challenges, I need to know so I can provide appropriate instruction in meeting the challenges the gym brings.

We don't ask that question to exclude your child. I promise. My first calling was special education-I look forward to working with children like yours, children who need a different approach. Many kids with exceptional needs are among my favorite people on earth. Help me help them-let me know that they need help! Everyone has so much more fun that way. That question is there so that we know where to start, at least, in tailoring our instruction to each athlete.

There is not a single thing you could write on there that would make me hesitate to invite your child to team, should she have the ability. NOT. A. THING. I am not going to see your child as a label, but as a person who may need things presented differently. We are not asking to find a way to look down on anyone's kid; we want all our athletes to be successful with a minimum of frustration.

Sincerely,

Coach Goofy

It drives me up a tree when they write 'none' in that box, a child struggles (be it with blood sugar crashes or not being able to translate words into movement or being distracted by corrections given verbally while they're still in motion), and then the family gets mad at me because their child has XYZ condition. And I feel bad because it turns out my expectations were not completely realistic and it isn't the kid's fault we had no idea.

Anyone know why someone would omit that sort of thing?
 
I also wonder the same thing. I am a tennis coach and I get it all the time. It is so annoying.
 
Not all coaches are as willing to work with kids with difficulties, sometimes it happens because a parent has been burned before by people who only want to coach easy kids.

Also not all parents recognize that their childs difficulties will also affect their gymnastics. They realize their child has a learning difficulty but forget that gymnastics is learning too.
 
There are also many parents who do not believe that there is anything wrong with their children. So while you might see it, the parents may possibly be in denial or do not believe there is anything wrong.
 
Why dont' they tell - reply

I omit because all coaches are not created equal. The only person my child is going to be able to consistantly trust to deal with her specific "special need" is herself.

My daughter BeeBee Loo has albinism (translation - she's an albino) but has a fair amount of pigment with her strawberry blond hair and hazel eyes. She looks like your normal caucasian ginger only she's from China. She has low vision because of the albinism, is night blind, and a slight depth perception problem. To watch the little daredevil, you would never know she has problems except she falls off of the beam more often than others. If she forgets and looks at the beam she falls because the beam has a tendancy to look like it curves. She has learned to trust her feet and not her eyes. Tumbling - no problems, just get out of her way or she will mow you down ninja style. Vault, if you have a blue floor and your spring boards are the same color, she's going to have a problem until she figures out how many running steps she needs to take. Oh, and she doesn't do hand signals across the gym. These are skills you cannot teach, she has to learn them herself and she needs to be held to the same expectations everyone else is. I never mentioned her low vision at gymnastics because 1. She has learned how to adapt herself and doesn't need help figuring it out. 2. People have a tendancy to treat her differently if they know, thinking they are trying to protect her - trust me, she doesn't need the help. 3. She has to learn to advocate for herself. At 9 years old, she knows to ask the coach to position themselves a certain way at the vault or to mark a spot on the tumbling track with a bright colored foam block so she knows she's getting near her mark. Because of her personality/drive, she went from the lowest rec level at her old gym to the highest rec level (4 level jump)over the course of the last school year. She's the best in her class despite her "special need" and the coach is none the wiser because she covers it so well.
 
As a coach, I once had a girl in my pre-team class for almost a year who was deaf in one ear. Finally, the mother told me...I was so frustrated! That would have been nice to know so I could change my approach with her to ensure she could hear me.
 
I'm conflicted on this issue. Partly because, as a coach, I've had kids come in who very clearly have problems that directly impact their performance in the gym, that I would love to know up, simply so I can approach these children accordingly and adapt lessons and coaching style to their needs. It can also be difficult when a child has difficulty comprehending corrections, following directions, or any number of other difficulties that could present safety problems or make the gym a more stressful situation for both athlete and coach. I had a child with autism who had great difficulty respecting boundaries, following directions, making corrections, and a whole host of other difficulties. His mom never approached us about this, or how to appropriately deal with it, and when I asked another coach if the child did indeed have autism he told me he did not, that he was just a little difficult. It was a rough go of trial and error that could be made a lot easier if the parent would have just told us.
However, thinking back to my years in the gym and my experiences with an "invisible" disability, I would have been mortified if my mom had brought it to the attention of the coaches. It did not have a huge impact on my gymnastics, and I much preferred developing my own ways of dealing with the challenges I faced than making it known to others. Maybe some coaches would have dealt with the information and helped me, but I honestly feel the vast majority of coaches I worked with would NOT have used that information to their advantage when working with me and would have, in some instances, used it against me. So it's a difficult issue to navigate.
Generally, I think that if an issue will make itself apparent in the gym, the child is not able (developmentally, cognitively, whatever) to compensate for their issues independently, or the problem has the potential of causing safety concerns for the child or others in the gym (ie. the child has a tendency to wander) it should be brought to the attention of the coaches.
 
If someone is going to judge a child because of that information, do you really want them coaching your kid anyway?
Generally, no. But this information is often requested before the child even takes a class or meets his/her coach. Many parents prefer to feel out the situation before surrendering such information, especially when the child is dealing with mental or emotional problems which often carry with them some degree of stigma.
In my situation, my parents did remove me from one of the situations which would have been unreceptive to my challenges. Ultimately, they took me to the only other game in town who painted a fabulous picture of their program. My parents, not knowing anything about gymnastics, did not really see the very well hidden red-flags. And I believe they were able to disclose a little more information in this setting. I was ultimately removed from that situation as well, but my parents wish they had done things differently.
And honestly, it was information my parents would not have been willing to disclose to some of my school teachers unless absolutely necessary, because it was an issue that most do not respond to in a productive way. So if well educated public school teachers were unable to handle this information effectively, how could my parents expect high school students or adult coaches with no formal training in child development to use this information for my good? So I definitely believe your question is valid, and certainly the ideal, but in the real world many people are unresponsive to certain conditions. So if it's not going to cause a risk or significant stress to the child, coaches, or other children in the gym, or require specific accommodations, I can see why parents are hesitant to disclose certain information.
 
I am two sided

I am really close friends with a girl with a slight physical disability and is slightly mentally challenged. This is quite clear to anyone who sees her. The problem is that it is so minor that she is perfectly capable of knowing what she can do and what she can't. For example, at a school camp we did the giant swing and she wanted to go all the way to the top but the teacher claimed it may jolt her spine. Another girl who is not disabled in any way, has a broken back (Permanently, don't ask me why its permanent because i really don't know) and not once did they mention that it may jolt her spine.

The fact remains that if most people find out someone has a special need they tend to talk down to them and treat them differently.

Also on this side, if like in dinkalina's case she is perfectly able to manage her disability on her own then why not let her although some people would argue that the gym should know as it is potentially harmful to her safety.

On the flip side, It could make coaching someone a lot easier if they did know. I am going to use dinkalinka's example here. I don't know if she is but if her dd was competitive and they went to the competition and the board was the same colour as the runway and she couldn't immediately tell the difference between the board and the vault strip, she only has 2 goes to figure it out. If the coach knew the judges might allow her to figure out exactly where her board and run needs to start from
 
I think parents absolutely have a responsibility to tell their child's coaches/teachers whether or not they think their kids needs special accomodations. Generally gymnastics coaches do not have any kind of training to deal with special needs children because of this the coach may want to meet with the parent and simply ask if the child needs anything special to learn, maybe they would like to gather more info on the condition to see what helps kids with a certain condition and I know I am going to probably get flamed for this but some coaches may not be able to work with children with special needs. We have a lot of dramatic teenage coaches at our gym that may not have the patients or ability to coach certain kids. Of course that is not to say another coach can't but that is something to be aware of of front so that your child gets everything they need and has a super positive experience.

A little example we have a boy that takes private lessons at our gym, he is severly autistic. His regular coaches know how to handle him and I had to sub one day. No one told me how to handle him just that he is grabby. I have a skin graft with a lot of nerve damage I cannot tolerate being touched and the whole lesson he kept trying to grab it. It was unproductive. Afterwards his regular coach told me all you have to say to him is "quiet hands" and he stops. It is not something I ever would have thought of myself and would have much liked to have the info.

My advice would be if you have a child with a condition you would rather not write on the form and would rather discuss and even simply say "Sally has a vision issue but she needs no special measures to learn" that is fine. Maybe write "Will discuss with coach" in the box rather than leaving us to guess. Because it is frustrating when you have a kid who keeps falling off beam and she looks like she isn't trying and you get annoyed only to find out the beam looks like a C to her. Because as much as I am afraid to admit it while I would not give that child an out as far as trying I would get a lot less frustrated with her than a kid who just isn't trying for the sake of not wanting to try.

Also forgot to add it can be a safety concern. Not that your child will be treated "different" in the way of learning the same things for instance it would be good to know if a child has vision issues so that maybe we work more on the low beam until she learns her way rather than going right up to high beam and risking a fall while she figures it out. Or maybe it is nice to know she is hearing impared so that I can be sure I communicate the proper thing and that she understand it.

That's my take :eek:
 
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As a mom of a special needs child it is a tough call. I really don't want to write a bunch of information that may be held against my child. There is nothing visibly wrong with him. In fact many people can't believe the diagnosis until they get to know him. Many times he does great, many times he doesn't. I never know whether I should say something or not. I want him to be treated equally and for coaches to expect the same of him as other kids. I frequently leave it blank. If I see him struggling or think it is essential the teachers/adults know then I will say something.
 
I would likely leave that blank on an enrollment form. I imagine the enrollment form gets filled out before taking classes. If so, I don't know what kind of information I feel comfortable sharing. When we first started at our current gym, I had no idea how long it would last. I am not going to share somewhat sensitive information if I am only enrolling for one session.

I have talked with my DDs coach and said such things as "my daughter struggles with anxiety," and "we are trying some new things to help her with anxiety." This is code for my daughter has pretty severe issues with anxiety and I am working with a team of psychologists and psychiatrists for finding the best ways to work with it. I am not sure the coaches my daughter works with truly understand. But, for right now, it seems to be enough information.

I feel like the original poster has a good heart and is coming from a place of wanting to work with every child. Many gyms and coaches are not quite as open. Also, as a parent, I feel like mental health issues are still sometimes misunderstood. I want to share, but I also know a whole lot of people make judgements without understanding--my own family included. So, I am cautious. I use "code" phrases. And, I will likely keep most information to myself unless the situation warrants the coach(es) knowing more specifics.
 
I use to be the director of a day camp with a limited volunteer staff and that same issue is common for all camps too. I actually asked parents when we found out of special needs why they didn't list it. The most common answer - We don't list it because we don't want him/her treated differently from any other kid.

my answer: Ok that's great but a program can't properly serve your child if we don't have all the facts to make sure if he/she need extra help we have it available. Most of the staff is volunteer parents and don't have the training that your child requires. If I had known prior to camp starting I could have made sure that the staff working with your child had the training they need for that specific special need.

My favorite is the ADHD/ADD child who the parents have decided to "take a break from meds" during the camp week. that way they don't have to deal with their child out of control.
My Answer: Sorry if your child is going to be at camp then this is not the week to take that "break" from meds. the staff is not trained to deal with that issue.

I also go crazy when you ask for ER information - someone to contact that IS NOT the parent and not living at the same phone number (we want another phone number other than parents or home). what do they put down the home numbers as the parents and say its grandma that lives with them. We called one of those once for a sick kid to go home and who came a 90 yo grandmother driving up and come to find out she had Alzimers (sp?) to the point that she 1/2 the time knows where she is or who she is.

My Plea to Parents out there:

PLEASE PLEASE give all these programs as much medical information on your child as you have. If something happens to your child and they go to Hospital then the DR's at Hospital can properly treat your child. Also PLEASE PLEASE make some friends you can trust - to use as an ER person that can pick up your slightly ill child other than the sick grand parents or numbers of yourself again.
 
I am a mother of an adhd child who is on the gymnastics team. I work as a speech pathologist with preschool age children. I also strongly encourage parents to fill out the form. At the very least, put something vague and ask that the coach or owner contact you for more information. The coaches at my dd's gym are very understanding. I do not medicate her during the summer unless she has a structured activity (like gym or vacation Bible school). Because we get off schedule in the summer, there are days that I forget to give her medicine in the mornings. By the time I realize it, it's too late. I always go in the gym and smile and say I'm so sorry, I just forgot. If she gets out of hand, call me. They have never had to call me and I'm pretty sure they just give her some extra "moving" time. I will say that she is not a child that goes crazy without meds, she just CAN NOT stand still! Her little body is in constant motion. As a special educator, there are times, that parents don't tell me everything. I am here to help their child. There is very little that I haven't seen. Once you tell me something, I may have lots of questions to ask, but at least I feel like I can ask them and get honest answers. So, I say, please share this information, even if it's with the gym owner or head coach. I can almost bet there is very little they haven't seen. Most that I know will be more than willing to work with your child--they just want to do it in the best way possible. Some days there are smaller classes, some days there are stricter coaches, somes classes are just crazy because of the combination--a good coach will work with you on the best placement for your child.
 
I'd like to thank everyone for their insight--especially people who have pointed out legit reasons that someone might NOT disclose.

And I have individual replies all stored in my head, but that'll take a while so it's going to wait. I appreciate everyone's perspectives.
 
So....

... in this vein... should I tell my DD's L3/preteam coach that my DD has a diagnosed anxiety disorder when in 3 years, it's only been an issue once? When L4 tryouts are in December and she'll be up against 80+ kids trying out for approx. 15-20 spots on our first competitive level?

I'm not trying to be a jerk. I am being honest here. It has only noticeably affected my DD in gymnastics for one month out of the 3+ years she's been going. And it was after what she perceived was her coach's failure in spotting her on a drill... (again, perceived failure, not an actual failure). DD had been working on her cast to handstand and wasn't quite getting vertical. Coach gave her a gentle nudge, DD went just past vertical, panicked, let go of the bar, landed on her back, and had the wind knocked out of her. She was terrified of that drill AND handstands on the beam for a month. It WAS a nightmare. Thankfully, she seems to be just past it.

So, do I take the chance that DD will be overlooked in fear that she'll have anxiety at competitions? I don't want her discriminated against. In reality, just because she has an anxiety disorder doesn't mean she'll panic before/during a meet. But I am sure it would be assumed, to some degree. Now, I can hope it would NOT be the case, but if it were between her and a girl WITHOUT a known anxiety disorder, I'd say it would have to be common sense to pick the girl without anxiety.

Confronting her anxiety in a meaningful way will assist her in gaining some coping skills. Plus, she simply adores gymnastics. It would kill her to not be chosen. At this point, I think she's got a pretty good shot at making the team (most pre-teamers do at our gym).

Sorry for the rant here, but really it's an honest question and thought it may help contribute to the discussion. Again, not disagreeing necessarily. It's something I'll continue to watch and have considered mentioning with her first fear episode. I let coach know DD was anxious about the skill, and explained her tears, etc, and coach said she knew she was afraid of the drill, etc. Thankfully, DD recovered from it and no further discussion has been necessary. But I am not sure I WANT my DD treated any differently. I think her being just one of the girls may be helpful to help her through this. At the very least, to tell the coach would lead to coach likely treating her different or making accommodations. I think it would achieve the OPPOSITE effect and reinforce the anxiety.

But, I admit I am no specialist in this area, so I could be very wrong. Sorry for the novel (and hope it made sense and I got my point across).
 
I'm sure others will offer different perspectives, but I would say no, don't feel pressured to tell the coaches. If the problems she faces do not pose a risk to her, her coaches, teammates, or other gymnasts or require special accommodations on a regular basis, I think it should be left to your discretion. If her anxiety problems have not presented a significant issue in her years in the gym, I don't think you should force that label upon her. If problems arise, such as in the case presented above, approach the coach about the specific issue with as many or as few details as you feel comfortable sharing.
 
Also wanted to quick add: When DD began gymnastics at age 4, she had no diagnosis. Therefore, there's been no issue of "should I leave the form blank?". The renewal registration forms do not request the full information. So, the info was accurate nearly 3.5 years ago, when completed.

Further, I must assume, on some level, that when considering a good coach, coaching a certain child over a period of time, that they'd likely pick up on the "bigger" things over time. In our case, DD's coach has been with her 1.5 years now. It's been mentioned to me that my DD is "cautious" by nature (by DD's former rec coach, who apparently discussed it with DD's current coach when debating whether to have DD tryout for L4 last year. It was determined "no" to let her build confidence. It was a good decision.).

With previous coaches, she'd refuse to learn a skill if she wasn't "ready". Thankfully, she trusts her current coach and has never refused to learn anything. She's never the first to volunteer to try a new skill. She usually heads to the end of the line and goes last so she can watch all of the other girls first. But darn it, she does it, every time. Coach accepts it as simply being my DD's nature. I am sure that my mentioning the anxiety would NOT come as a surprise to her coach, but I am hesitant nonetheless.
 
Thanks, coachmolly. I feel quite a bit better about it. :) If it needs to be said, I'll say it. If it's in my DD's best interest. At this time, I don't really feel as though it is.
 

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