Off Topic Cell phone rules

[MaryA]

So, if you listen to my children, they are the last 5th grade girls ON THE PLANET to get their own cell phones. I'm not buying that, but at the same time, I do think it would be nice for them to have them by summer... Dancing DD is probably old enough to walk herself to and from the dance studio, once it starts staying light out later. Gymmie is gone a lot, of course, and there will be camp this summer, etc. They have a late February birthday, so I think we're going to take the plunge as an 11th birthday present. My question is, for parents, what kind of rules have you established for cell phone use? Or for young people, what rules do you have have regarding cell phone use (or advice you were given or advice you would have for a kid getting her own phone for the first time)? Many thanks!

 

[GymSurvivor]

Speaking as someone who didn't get a cell phone until I was 14 years old and didn't get texting till I was 17.
My parents always said, be respectful. And as simple as that sounds and you'd think it would be obvious, once kids get texting that phone vibrates and their hand starts creeping toward it no matter what their in the middle of.
So no phones at the dinner table (or lunch/breakfast if we happen to be eating together or out) No phones out while having a conversation with someone or at a meeting/class.

Also if you're hesitating about giving one period (although I do see great benefits as for me it just gives me comfort know I have it incase I need to contact someone.) I personally would not give them texting just yet. That way they have it for the basic needs but don't spend all their time texting friends. Obviously I don't know you're girls personally so this may not be an issue for them but, just my suggestion. Plus no texting saves you a lot of money and could provide another Christmas/Birthday gift in the future

 

[cher062]

My now 19yo son didn't get his cell phone until he got his license. Waiting that long he didn't get into the habit of it constantly being in his hand and attached to his ear. He really only uses it for when he needs it.

My 14 yo DD won't get hers until she gets her lic and is driving too. lF we think she will be somewhere where she needs a cell phone for that time she gets my hubbys phone. So far in her 14 years she has only needed to borrow it twice. Alot of kids do have phones but there are kids that don't too.

I come from the thinking of where are they going to be that a phone isn't available? At school? the school had phones in the office she can use - after all it would only need to be used in an emergency. At Gym the gym has a phone. Over friends houses yup a phone is there. We live in an area where she would have to be driven and dropped off to get just about to anything so again a parent or adult is driving and yup you guessed it they have phones. And all these placed with phones I can call them and have them give her a message. If its a true emergency and adult would be calling me not her.

Some how parents were able to raise kids and keep track of them long before internet and cell phones. Sorry but I just don't think kids need cell phones but if you do I would recommend one that is simple and doesn't have all the bells and whistles.

 

[B&M's mom]

My oldest daughter got hers at age 11. She was getting ready for middle school and had just changed gyms to one much farther away. I like knowing that she can get a hold of me without angst. That really came home one day when we goofed on her schedule and she got dropped off for a class that wasn't meeting that day. She didn't have her phone on her and had to go into a store and ask to use the phone. They were very nice and let her and double checked with me on what she was to do, after verifying who I was but to this day, she talks about how traumatic that experience was.

Rules-we actually have a lot-no sending of pictures of partially or nonclothed bodies. Only polite texts (yes, she has text messaging. Around here, the kids text, not call). Don't say anything you don't want repeated. Parents have full access to phone and can see all messages/call logs. (We have a Virgin pay as you go phone and it's in my name, not hers. I can check online and see pretty much everything.) The phone must be left in a specific spot at night. No texts/calls after 9 pm on weeknights and 9:30 on weekends. No taking pictures of anyone who does not want their picture taken. No answering calls/messages from numbers that you do not know. They can leave a message if they are trying to get a hold of her and she can call them back.

I know that there are others but I'm drawing a blank. My daughter is really good about the phone and most of the rules are there so that she can point to them if she gets pressure from any of her peers to do something that she's uncomfortable with. After having the phone for 6 months, I don't check the messages much anymore as she's pretty upfront about them. My younger daughter will be the rule pusher!

 

[bluesocks]

I think it really depends on individual circumstances regarding cell phones. We don't have a home phone anymore, so as soon as DD starts to stay at home alone, she will be getting a cell phone (probably at the end of fifth grade, going into sixth grade). Also, she will likely ride the bus to/from middle school, so I would definitely want her to have a phone given that there would be days that I might not be at home when the bus would arrive. But, that is all a few years down the road. Just saying that I think there are definitely circumstances in which I would be getting a child a phone!

As for rules, I am not sure. For me, I would not allow the cell phone in the room at night--so maybe a charging place where they need to be kept from 10 pm to 8 am or something like that. Definitely communicate clear expectations about minutes / texts and set clear consequences for what will happen if they go over the minutes / texts allowed. That is the biggest one if you don't have unlimited minutes or texts!

Great questions! I will definitely following this thread as I think this is going to happen more quickly than not!

Blue

 

[gymgal]

For about a yr now, we have had a "family phone" that was used when the kids were out riding their bikes or if one was helping dh at a big convention. Dd took it to camp too. When the turned 11 a few months ago, they got their own phones. They have texting because that's the easiest way to communicate with us. But we have a great family plan that costs only $5 per phone for unlimited texting.

As for rules, they are kept on the kitchen counter in general. When at home, they have to ask to use them. No calls/text during family time. We haven't really talked much about other rules. In general, they ate both mature for their age and pretty responsible. I think as they get older and into the opposite gender, we will need more official rules but for now, texting is almost exclusively to us or grandparents. They are too busy to talk with others.

Sent from my ADR6400L using Tapatalk

 

[maryRS]

This is very interesting, cell phones are so commonplace here with kids. My daughter was late getting hers at 10 in 5th grade. I think there was one other girl who did not have one in her school.

It was different with my older kids, because cell phones weren't as big with kids at such a young age. I was initially not for cell phones with kids, but at some point, I asked myself what was I opposed to? I really didn't have a valid opposition other than I just felt it unnecessary.

As far as rules, no texting or obviously talking during meals. For the younger ones, phones stay downstairs at bedtime, we have a charging stations so they charge their phones. I have from time to time checked (especially at younger ages) to make sure the texting was staying "nice" I found sometimes, with my daughter, the watchful eye with a little reminder/talk about appropriate behavior was needed. It was never anything serious, just petty stuff.

I can't really say we have problems per se with the kids having cells. The big thing now is they all want Iphones. Apparently most kids at school have those! I will draw the line there, no iphone until you can pay the data plan. My older boys have them but they pay for them.

So, if you listen to my children, they are the last 5th grade girls ON THE PLANET to get their own cell phones. I'm not buying that, but at the same time, I do think it would be nice for them to have them by summer... Dancing DD is probably old enough to walk herself to and from the dance studio, once it starts staying light out later. Gymmie is gone a lot, of course, and there will be camp this summer, etc. They have a late February birthday, so I think we're going to take the plunge as an 11th birthday present. My question is, for parents, what kind of rules have you established for cell phone use? Or for young people, what rules do you have have regarding cell phone use (or advice you were given or advice you would have for a kid getting her own phone for the first time)? Many thanks!

 

[mustlovejumping]

I didn't get a cell phone until I was 13 and then only because my parents thought I should have one for the 8th grade DC trip. Same thing for my younger sister and then we didn't get texting until I was probably 16. Now obviously this was a few years ago before cell phones had internet and I believe texting was a fairly new thing also. Our rules were the same as what most people have said above...no texting at the table or in the middle of conversations and no phone use late at night.

Since we are kind of in the age of electronics, I think it's a lot harder to decide where to draw the lines. Although, I will say that if I had kids right now, I would have an awfully hard time figuring out why anyone under the age of AT LEAST 10 should need a cell phone. I can understand a younger child having a temporary one just while they are away at camp or something like that, but realistically, who can they possibly need to talk to when they're that young?? My parents didn't even allow my sister and I to have long phone conversations on the house phone when we were younger because she just felt it was unnecessary, and amazingly we're still alive and well today

I think I would start off with no texting and definitely no internet or anything like that. I remember when I was so excited to get a cell phone and then a laptop (which I didn't get until I graduated HS, btw), but now I can honestly say I miss the days of no technology!

 

[bogwoppit]

MY son got his when he was 16, going off to college, my DD got hers when she was 15 as she was going to be in hospital and bed bound for a while. 12 year old is waiting.

Rules are that they can text whoever they choose, they have unlimited plans for text. They both have a "fab 10" list of ten people they can call, each of them has all the immediate family members and some friends. Beyond that they cannot really call anyone unless they foot the bill. THough DS pays his own bill now as he works.

I don't let them use the phones in their rooms after bedtime. Youngest can borrow one if she has a need.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Well I'm an "old fart" and never use my phone. I keep it in the car and its for emergency use only. My sister on the other hand is one of those people who is perminantly attached to her phone.

TBH I think for my smalls there are very few circumtances when a phone is necessary. Eldest son is 13 1/2 and walks to and from school. All his friends have phones and he wants one. My reply is when you can pay for it yourself you can have one. Likewise he doesn't have a facebook account, I worry about inapropriate behaviour. An example, a friend of his wrote on his facebook account that he had lost his cell phone and could everyone tell him their numbers - so 20 odd children posted their cell phone numbers on a page anyone could view !

My husbands niece sent a semi-naked picture of herself to a boy ( don't even get me started on why she would do something like that at 13 ) who then forwarded it onto his friends who posted it on Facebook !

I also am worried about the research into the dangers of radio waves on developing brains. If he needs to call me he can usually borrow a phone, so no she's not the only one, my 13 year old doesn't have one and wont be getting one either I managed without one till I was 27 !

 

[cher062]

Iwanna I agree. I didn't have a cell phone myself until I was 43 and the only reason my hubby and I got one was because we were building a house and was living at different locations over the course of the build. (lived in 4 different places when our current house was being built) so instead of getting new phone numbers ever few months or so we got the cells. Hubbys work has a deal where its only $ 40 a month for the 3 phones and the computer chip phone with unlimited calling and texting. We still don't have those smart phones, or phones with keypads. Our phones just do phone calls and if we have to text its push the number buttons X amount of times to get the right letter.

 

[gymnastgets10]

My 14-year-old brother and I share a phone. It's basically only for emergencies or if we're going someplace and might need to call for a ride or to check in during an overnight or something. We don't have texting on our plan so it costs 20cents a text, and we're only allowed to text if we have to (for example, I work birthday parties at gym and the lady that coordinates the parties insists we communicate by texting). We never use it just to call or text someone to say "hi" and it's almost always off.

 

[MaryA]

Funny, my children asked me how old I was when my parents let me have a cell phone! LOL! I didn't have one until about 6 years ago myself, and my husband refuses to carry one. Maybe his refusal is part of the reason I don't mind the idea of getting them for the girls. It would be nice to be able to reach somebody when my husband and kids are off together. And I will admit to other selfish motives. Gymmie goes straight from school to gym and I don't see her till 7:30-8:30 in the evening. It would be nice to have a way to check in with her in between school and gym, hear about her day, etc. Yes, she could use the phone at school or at the gym to call me if she needed something, but she's not likely to use it just to tell me that she got an A on her math test or something.

 

[gymnastbeth]

I got my phone at the beginning of freshman year, but I had to pay for the monthly plan. (Actually, I still pay for the monthly plan.) Also, WOW, I didn't know 5th graders got phones these days! Where I live, most get one in 7th-8th grade.

 

[All Chalked Up]

I got my phone on my 14th birthday. I paid for it and I pay the monthly fees! Maybe if she had x minutes and x text messages a month you would pay, but if she went over she would have to pay the extra. I don't know, just a thought.

 

[Galadriel]

got my dc a basic very cheap not desirable model when they asked, and occasionally topped it up for them (around high school age) but the nice phones they actually wanted they bought and topped up themselves when they could afford it via jobs.

 

[GymnastJoy]

All I can say is, "wow, how refreshing!". I live in a nice metro area where all the kids have cell phones (iphones mostly) since they are like 8 years old. My 9 year old dd does NOT but feels like she is the only one. Like a previous poster stated, I personally don't have an issue with cell phones as my dd is very responsible but just don't find them necessary. She's either at school (must be in backpack turned off), at the gym (must be in gym bag turned off) or at a friend's house (family has a phone and friend likely has one too). Or she is home with the family and can use the house phone like we did in the good ol' days. It is nice to see how many other kids/pre-teens/teens don't have one and are fine with it. Maybe it's a gymmie thing as they seem to be super-focused and mature without a lot of time to waste. Another benefit of gymnastics!

 

[gymnast4life94]

I have an iPhone but have to pay for it myself, and if I dont pay for it one month then my dad will shut it off for a month and then reactivate it only if I pay 2 months worth of the bill, I havent missed but one month and that was 2 months into getting it after I swore I would pay for it and since I had a small job at the gym it was not a big deal because my parents knew i would pay for it. Most people where I live in California have iPhones, I actually was at the phone store and there was a 5 year old no joke throwing a fit on the floor pounding their fists because they were getting and iPhone 4 not an iPhone 4s...... I admit I have and iPhone 4 but I actually got it for free due to 2 year contract updates. Both my parents have iPhones along with my older siblings in college but all of us "children" pay for the phone ourselves. My little siblings my twin sisters and my little brother all want and iPhone but cant pay for it so they wont get it. The 3 younger ones have a common cell they all share, its a basic phone that slides to a full keyboard, it is actually my old phone that we got for free with a 2 year contract.

My rules are a little different because I have data and texting and calling, but my parents have complete control over all of it and they sometimes will randomly take my phone and check it which is ok because they are my parents and i have nothing to worry about since i dont do anything wrong.

My little siblings with the common phone can only use it downstairs but not in the basement downstairs (we had to clarify that) and only have 1500 texts per month so 500 per person which is more than enough but if we dont have that many they will charge us about $1 per text over and thats outrageous.

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

I got a phone the summer before going into junior high (grade 7) so pretty much 12 years old. I had a simple phone, it had a camera but no keyboard. The rule was I had to buy the phone myself and my parents would pay for it each month, there wasn't a contract just a pay as you go with a texting add on.
I walked to and from school everyday and used it mostly for talking to my mom or texting a few close friends. I have a smartphone now (16) on a family plan that I didn't have to pay for but have to pay if I go over on any texts, calls or data.
There are really no spoken rules other than not to go over or I will pay for it, but it is expected that I keep it appropriate and my parents can look at all my texts and browsing online anyways.

 

[2gymbratz]

Both of my DD's have basic cell phones with texting they are 4th and 5th grade. The oldest has had hers for 2 years. But, we do not have a home phone and neither did their dad. I wanted them to have them to have the phones basically to be able to reach me is case there were issues while at their fathers house. They do have them in their backpacks at school on vibrate. I occassionally check their messeges. They are not allowed to add anyone without asking me first. They are not allowed to access the internet, and they are not allowed to answer calls that come in that they do not know. They have both been very responsible with them and we have had no problems. It has been great for me, if I need to send them a messege or something though. Especially when they are not with me.