Anon Coaching Style abusive?

[marym]

HI
This might be a bit rambly......I'm really struggling with things happening at our gym....I knew we were losing several athletes at the end of last season but didn't know why - it was played off as they were done with gymnastics....but what I've now come to find out is it was largely due to the coaching style - our head coaches have always been tough but I feel like what they've been doing has crossed the line and is verbally and emotionally abusive.....
Some examples are
- telling athletes they are wasting their parents money and they should quit,
- getting mad at them if they don't master a skill or make a mistake and tell them they are not coachable or they wont' coach them anymore - the coaches have actually then walked away from the girls for the rest of practice and I've been told this happened once during a competition last year.
- telling an athlete they're going to scratch them just before a competition because they didn't do a skill the way the coach wanted.
- constantly yelling at the girls in the gym (not just raising their voice because it's loud)
- refusing to spot athletes when they ask because "they should know how to do it"
- talking to parents about other athletes (not their own) and how they won't be asked back next year because they're not motivated and not skilled.
- when parents or athletes try to raise concerns they are met with hostility, and are told it's the athletes fault and then are essentially ignored, mistreated and pushed out at the end of the season.
- athletes are forced to sit out on the sidelines at practice if the coach feels they aren't listening or working hard enough.

We have only been at this gym for a couple of years and my child isn't with the head coach yet but will be after this season - I've already made the decision to leave this club as in my mind this is abuse and it's not ok. We have the option to leave this club now and go to a different club which I am leaning towards doing - my daughter is sad to switch mid-season but she feels sick every time she goes into the gym. We tried to talk to the head coach this week about their communication and it went horrible - lots of pushback, blaming others, they called a board member a liar - this is the typical type of response from my understanding.

I'm shocked that this has gone on for so long and no one has reported it......maybe it's just easier to walk away from a gym rather than report the issues, but I feel an obligation to report this to our provincial body (we are in Canada). Maybe people are worried that reporting it could lead to suspension of the coaches which negatively impacts the girls, but in all honestly I feel like the current situation is more damaging....the morale is terrible, the girls leave the gym in tears most days...... Given we are leaving I have no fear of reporting them because they can't retaliate against my child.

I am feeling confident that moving gyms even if it's mid season is the best thing for my child, and I know reporting it is the right thing. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has encountered this or moved gyms mid season....I know deep down I'm doing the right thing but I feel sick about it.....

 

[Anonymous (9b3f)]

You are doing the right thing. Even if she can't move and misses half a season, it's better than being subjected to abuse. And reporting is essential too both the help protect other girls and to take the responsibility off of your shoulders. Look at it this way, you report it to the proper authorities. The responsibility is now on them to investigate and protect the other children. It is out of your hands.

 

[Anonymous (2923)]

Never teach your child how to accept and put up with an abusive relationship. Teach them how to walk away.

 

[Anonymous (b383)]

Leave now and report the old gym.

 

[superNova08]

This definitely sounds abusive. Having been in an abusive gym, get your kid out as fast as possible!

 

[Dahlialover]

You are doing the right thing by leaving. Best wishes for a smooth transition for your daughter.

 

[Anonymous (c0b6)]

this doesn’t happen to be in ontario does it?

 

[Anonymous (9abf)]

Learning to leave now will change her life. I grew up in an environment in which it was expected that people in authority would and could be abusive. It made it really challenging as an adult to recognize dangerous or unhealthy situations. A child who learns to trust their gut and leave before things get truly bad will be an adult who has the strength and awareness to leave a toxic job situation, an unhealthy romantic relationship, or a friend group that isn’t supportive.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Sounds abusive to me. I'd bail immediately, without even waiting to find another gym.

 

[Anonymous (c128)]

this doesn’t happen to be in ontario does it?

It does…..guessing you know which gym I’m talking about….

 

[Anonymous (6d0a)]

If the situation requires a change, then you are teaching your daughter what to do in unhealthy situations. She will forever recognize where the line is because you have shown her where it is. This will help protect her for life. Good job Mama bear.

 

[Anonymous (30b0)]

The same thing is happening at my gym with our head coach. I am in is group and he has said and done some of the same things you talked about. It went on for a year with me being scared of retaliation if reported. It was affecting other athletes so I reported him. Definitely report the head coach as it can help other athletes in the same position at the gym. Definitely leave it will help your daughter in the long run even if it is hard to switch gyms.

 

[Anonymous (de9b)]

We're dealing with something similar with a coach at our gym (very close, do these people have a script?), but our discussion with the head coach was actually helpful. They acknowledged the issue, made it clear that the behavior didn't fit in with the gym ethos, and they talked to the coach in question as well as offered a lot of support to my athlete about how to handle the situation if it ever arose again. My gymnast reports that the offending coach has shown a lot of effort in reworking their approach, so far so good. I am keeping a very close eye on it, though, and asking lots of questions. If the initial talk with the head coach went poorly, or if this situation continues, I'd sadly but absolutely move my athlete to another gym. No one should be talked to like that.