Favoritism.

[lettrich]

What can you do when you notice favoritism in the gym? When the coach "pays more attention" to some kids & not others? It seems as though there are a few favorites who always get extra coaching/spotting. How would you bring this up with the coach? I am hesitant to bring it to the gym owner as I do not believe in "jumping the chain of command" & do not want her coach to be angry with me or my child. Any suggestions?

 

[Shewhodrives]

My suggestion would be to wait and sit with your feelings/thoughts for awhile. What may look like favoritism to you, may be a coach, coaching to a certain gymnasts abilities, which may be different from another child's abilities. For me, I've learned that what may bother me one day, doesn't seem like such a big deal, a day or two later. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

spot on ^^^. where is your child in the food chain of the team? if your daughter is doing fulls and someone else is doing tkatchevs, double backs, etc; i'm certain they got your child in to the groove of what she was to do and practice something relatively easy by herself that required little instruction.

the other child(ren) doing more difficult and complex skills need the attention and watchful eyes of that coach NOW.

this is how it works and is ages old. don't start trouble where there isn't any. if there is other info that is inconsistent with the above then please post that and we'll have another look.

 

[lettrich]

My daughter is training level 6 - will compete a few meets as a 5 & then starting in Jan compete level 6. This (my feeling that there are favorites) has been going on a while. The coach had said my daughters RO-BHS-BHS was weak & did not let her try tucks on the floor for months (coach did not spot her) Then after 1 30 min private my daughter is now doing them independently. Makes me wonder if she could have gotten this months ago if only given the chance. There are other girls who also seem to get less attention too. I realize this is a sensetive subject & do not want to upset the coach. On the other hand I want to make sure my daughter isnt lost in the shuffle.

 

[Granny Smith]

Has your dd spoke up to the coach and ask for the spotting? Sometimes if the kids speak up, they will get what they are asking for. As for the "favorites" well there will always be favorites, whether you speak up this time or not. Favorites will change too. Your dd my not be the favorite right now, but in a year's time, she could be the new favorite. Also one that I have noticed in my own personal experience - injury will change the favorite instantly. L6, you're not quite there, but as your dd rises through the levels you will start to see more injuries, the girls are doing harder skills and there is an increased chance of injuries. I, personally, would hold off on saying anything. If you can't do that, be selfish and only focus on your child. Don't talk about favorites, just focus on your dd. How she has been able to do the tuck after 1 30 minute private. Just stay focused on your child.

 

[drivingmom]

Sometimes it does take a private, that one on one for a good period of time is different attention than what they can get in a practice. I find when my dd's have struggled with a skill, a private is best.

There will ALWAYS be favorites! My girls have been on both sides of the coin. There was a girl that was a favorite and the coach had even said so to her mom. This girl got extra turns, more detailed corrections and it drove me nuts, but not my dd, so I let it go. I know what it's like. This is is ANOTHER reason I don't watch practices anymore. If it's not bothering your dd and she is still progressing, let it go. Don't say anything. It maybe as others have said some girls may just be getting more attention because it's necessary right now.

Coaches change, groups change, so it may only be temporary situation. Bite your tongue if you can!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

My daughter is training level 6 - will compete a few meets as a 5 & then starting in Jan compete level 6. This (my feeling that there are favorites) has been going on a while. The coach had said my daughters RO-BHS-BHS was weak & did not let her try tucks on the floor for months (coach did not spot her) Then after 1 30 min private my daughter is now doing them independently. Makes me wonder if she could have gotten this months ago if only given the chance. There are other girls who also seem to get less attention too. I realize this is a sensetive subject & do not want to upset the coach. On the other hand I want to make sure my daughter isnt lost in the shuffle.

you didn't answer my question. where is she in the food chain of your team? is she exclusively amidst other level 5's & 6's? or are there 8's, 9's & 10's in there also all during the same block??

 

[2gymmies]

I think when a coach is "playing favorites" as it appears to parents, it is often more complicated than that. As someone previously posted, different levels of gymnastics require different kinds of coaching. Also, each gymnast will take corrections differently - some gymnasts are given a correction and they make a change the very next time they try - some gymnasts take 30 tries to make any correction. Some gymnasts just don't "feel" the mistakes or don't have the body awareness to make huge corrections, so they need to take smaller steps. It is of course complicated. Most coaches will want to work hard with the girl who is working hard. Encourage her to do her best on everything, especially the conditioning and the boring stuff not just the new exciting things - that will get noticed. Hang in there - I can only imagine your frustration. The tide will turn...

 

[bookworm]

I think when a coach is "playing favorites" as it appears to parents, it is often more complicated than that. As someone previously posted, different levels of gymnastics require different kinds of coaching. Also, each gymnast will take corrections differently - some gymnasts are given a correction and they make a change the very next time they try - some gymnasts take 30 tries to make any correction. Some gymnasts just don't "feel" the mistakes or don't have the body awareness to make huge corrections, so they need to take smaller steps. It is of course complicated. Most coaches will want to work hard with the girl who is working hard. QUOTE]

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This is so true and I have seen it in my own 2 girls...my oldest can make a correction with minimal intervention (as her coach says, "I just tell her and she can do it") whereas my younger daughter needs more pointed corrections and then it happens. I also think that there are some gymnasts (and parents) who are (for lack of a better word) "needier" when it comes to coaching...they need to do things "only when X coach is standing there/spotting etc" so what might appear to be favoritism, is how a particular gymnast ticks so to speak. If your daughter is the type that doesn't need this then it may appear that she isn't coached as much as others who want/need the coach nearby to complete or even try a skill. And as others have pointed out (Dunno I believe) the bigger the skills, the more you need a coach with those kids ...

I know this isn't very encouraging to the OP but it's kind of just how it is in the gymnastics world so I would say sit tight for a bit and see how it all plays out...don't watch the practices so much, take a walk, go shopping but don't fixate on how much time the coach is actually spending with her. I know in our gym the girls get "assignments" each practice and that is pretty self directed so you may be seeing some of that.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^& with 2gimmies.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have noticed that from practice to practice it will appear that some gymnasts get tons more attention than others. But it changes and it depends on who is struggling right then. The coaches tend to take extra time with those that need it right then and this could appear to be playing favorites if a parent only watched one practice, or came in once a month and saw the same child being helped, etc. I honestly don't notice some kids getting more turns, etc - but I do notice when a gymnast and a coach seem to have a stronger relationship than others. A lot of times it is because they take privates and just know each other better, other times it is because they just connected on some level. I have not noticed it taking away from anyone else at practice though.

 

[gymgurl]

Ok, Favourites are a tough one, because, naturally, everyone has favourites. Having said that, more work with one gymnast doesn't mean they are the favourite. Ok so I just finished my level 5 season and hand all my level 6 skills before starting level 5. Next year I will be competing level 6 hence do not have al that many skills to work on. Others, do not have all their level 6 skills so they will need a bit more attention as i am practicing and they are learning. To an outsider, because the coach is not directly working with me that I am not a favourite. But I might just not need the attention at the moment.

Also I am a very independent worker and very very hard working hence I often work alone in the gym without direct coaching (this is also due to the fact that i don't do bars so coach myself on the others during bar time) while others need the coach to push them to get them to work. So again, favourites are not always as they appear.

 

[lettrich]

you didn't answer my question. where is she in the food chain of your team? is she exclusively amidst other level 5's & 6's? or are there 8's, 9's & 10's in there also all during the same block?? She is in a group of all 6s - with 2 or 3 girls (my daughter included) who will be doing 2 or 3 level 5 meets. They seem to be "split up" on bars (possibly for bar setting,?) with the coach paying a lot more attention to some & not others. It is very frustrating!

 

[cher062]

I haven't read the responses so - sorry If I repeat.
You have to look at why a coach may spend more time with one gymnast over another it may not be favortism. In our gym the coaching staff will spend what ever time is necessary so that all the girls at that level have all the same skills. So If one girl is taking longer to get a skill the coach will spend a bit more time with that girl over the girl who got it in 10 min. Basicly every gymnast gets the attention they need to succeed at the level they are going to compete at. some kids need more instruction to do that.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

The topic of favoritism toward other girls is SUCH a sensitive topic from a parent's perspective. Are the coaches working w/someone who's a bit behind and needs that extra boost to get that skill in place? If so, that's great! Next month, it could be a different girl! Are the coaches responding to a gymnast who is very vocal and outgoing and demands their attention for spotting/helping? Then I'm sure the coaches are aware of that and try to work around her by spreading the attention around to others, not just when "miss vocal" is demanding more. Then there are the quiet ones who will stand in line, do what they're told but don't "rock" the boat, so to speak. IF the gym has a relatively smaller gymnast/coach ratio, I don't think this would be an issue, because all the girls (or boys) would get a bigger chunk of the coach's time.

Then there are the more poorly run gyms where favoritism for a particular gymnast is rampant. Seen it happen, to the detriment of the other girls. From a business standpoint, the blatant favoritism doesn't make sense. This particular gym continually loses (more like an exodus) at the end of each season due to their favoritism for the few and lack of coaching for everyone else.

I haven't read through all the responses, so I may be repeating some of what's already been said. Take a deep breath, have some patience and really determine what's going on before bringing it up. Good luck.

 

[UnoMas]

It can definitely seem like they are playing favorites, and sometimes they are, but sometimes something else entirely is going on. I would not bring it up to a coach or an owner unless I was 100% sure that there was really a problem and an ongoing one at that.

 

[mustlovejumping]

I definitely agree with what most have been saying. Sorry to always use dance examples, but as I've been a dancer almost my whole life and am only recently a gymnast, that is where my experience lies :]

I helped teach a ballet class of mostly 6, 7, and 8 year olds a few years ago, and you really can't help but have "favorites". I know I tended to focus a little more on girls who I thought might have the potential to be good dancers in the future, and on the girls who I could tell were there to work hard and improve. It is really enjoyable to teach girls who try hard to apply corrections and obviously care about how they are doing.

The owner of my dance studio is firmly believes that we should learn to be in charge of our own success and dance education. She believes that the girls who really care about being great dancers will show that through work and attention they give in classes, and so would receive the right attention from teachers, or they will have the courage to speak up and ask for what they want. I completely agree with her, and I think it applies not just to all sports but to life in general.

 

[gymgal]

Are the two groups split by which level they will begin to compete? If I recall correctly, your dd's coach said she wasn't ready for level 6 yet because she didn't have her tuck and flyaway, right? Perhaps the coach feels that your dd's routines for 5 don't need direct spotting/coaching because they are competition ready. The other girls may need more direct input right now to get competition ready.

I really like "mustlovejumping"'s response - I see it in dd's gym as well - girls who are hard working and "demand" the coach's attention by their dedication and drive will almost always get more attention than other girls. that's not to say the other girls are being short changed - the coach will ensure that they are getting what they need to succeed. But the coach is going to naturally lean more toward the gymnasts who are more receptive and seek out the help. there is a clear difference between girls who are there for fun or just something to do and those who are there to work hard and improve themselves.

As for the private lesson for the tuck - I just read a great thread on here about how the foundation of robhsx2 is key before progression beyond this to a bt or lo. If this foundation is strong then the lo and bt will come very easily but if the foundation is not strong, the girl will have a much harder time learning it. Your dd probably was just ready. She may have had some fear issues or vestibular issues that faded with the one-on-one time.

I'm with the others - sit back and wait it out. However, if your dd is having a problem with this situation then you need to encourage her to do something about it - she needs to speak up that she needs a spot or she can ask how her routine was and what pointers the coach has. but all this needs to come from her - showing genuine commitment.

 

[txgymfan]

Most coaches are not showing favoritism on purpose but they are human and they do make mistakes. Usually they will correct themselves.

This may be an example used to teach the quiet girls how to be a little assertive and tell the coach what they need. As an adult my parents and I had an honest discussion and they admitted that it was easier to give my vocal sister what she wanted when we were kids because they knew that I would go along without arguing. It took a while before I learned to stand up for myself. Please teach your daughters how to be heard now.

Coaches and teachers here is an easy test to determine your favorites. Quickly write down the names of the students in your class/group. Do you know them all? If you wrote down all the names, the top names are most likely getting the most attention. Forgotten or the last names are getting the least.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Favoritism was very bad on my daughter's level a few years ago, it was VERY obvious to three of us parents that were there a lot. So I started keeping detailed notes to support our claim. But this wasn't the extra-turns-more-spotting-etc kind of favoritism, it went way beyond that. I can't be too detailed in case someone reads this that knows me. Anyway, we all separately talked to the owner, we didn't gang up, because we felt we would have a better conversation one-on-one. I showed my notes but just mentioned a few things. It was taken care of within days, and the change was obvious and such a relief! But if we had spoken to the coach, she would have dug in her heels, insisted we were jealous, and treated our daughters even worse. If you feel you have a legitimate concern about it, I would go to the ultimate authority in the gym, because the coach may only get defensive and it will just make it worse. But please make sure you're right about it first, you don't want to cause drama unnecessarily.