Parents Fitting in at school

[sjm2b3]

For those with kids on team, do you feel like your kiddo has trouble fitting in at school? Two of my kids are gymnasts on team. This year I feel like they dislike school a lot and don't have friends like they used to have there. It makes sense--most of the kids are on basketball teams together, baseball and so on.....and my kids have zero interest doing those activities despite our encouragement to try other things too. We have had a few play dates from school but hardly any this year and for their birthday parties both only wanted gym friends. DS deals a bit better because on the playground he just joins in with whatever sport or game kids are playing, but DD is just in this gymnastics driven state of being and just goes off on her own. They both beg to be homeschooled, but I work so that is unlikely to happen. I guess it's only going to get worse as they do more gymnastics. Anyone else have similar issues?

 

[gymmiemom]

Yes and no. Yes in the aspect that DD has no really good friends outside of gym and those friends are at least 2 years older than her because is the youngest on her team. No, in the aspect that she could care less. She has no desire to have any social activity outside of the gym. She's always been my one that just was not a "social butterfly." She is content to do her thing even at home she is usually doing her own thing while her brother and sisters play together. Her teachers for the last 2 years have mentioned how much she plays by herself at recess, but both admit that it doesn't seem to bother her at all.

My DD also begs to be homeschooled but only because she thinks she could spend all day the gym lol.

I'm sorry I don't really have any more advice for you, but I hope it gets easier for your kiddos.

 

[sjm2b3]

Well that makes me feel better, because I think it bothers me more than them!!! Hope that makes sense. They are happy with having friends just from gym, I just find it strange!

 

[Midwestmommy]

By any chance is your daughter in 4th or 5th grade? If so, it might have nothing to do with gymnastics, really. This is the time when some relationship aggression can start happening in cliques of girls. It can be brutal. If they don't join in with mean stuff, they can sometimes get left out. Tell her to seek out kids with similar values. It might not be a gymnast, it might be a friend who has a similar crazy schedule due to being in plays/music, or a hockey player. This is actually an age when those gymnastics (and church and family friend and neighbor kid) friendships come in very handy, as a buffer when things might be hard at school. If you haven't done it in a while, ask a church or gym buddy to come over for a movie and popcorn night. (Or if your area is anything like ours, ask them to bring their rainbow looms too and make some bracelets for their team--buy them some new bands in team colors).... Just an idea.

 

[Midwestmommy]

PS, ask her who she is sitting by at lunch. Ask her if there are mean girls. Make sure you know what is going on at school. Many kids are introverts, but I really think most kids want to have a pal to sit with at lunch. Don't be shy about talking to the teacher or school guidance counselor if there is some icky behaviour going on, they can help with some strategies to help kids in classes be supportive of each other and build friendships. Assuming you have caring teachers and counselors, that is....

 

[Midwestmommy]

An interesting article/interview on bully proofing girls...

http://content.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2013184,00.html

 

[GYM0M]

My DD to a 'T.' No friends at school aside from 1, maybe 2 on a good week! Doesn't really want to be home schooled bc she enjoys her gifted and talented classes. I think it has to do with maturity levels!!!

 

[wallinbl]

We're looking at middle school next year, and DD is begging for home school (we're not particularly pleased with the local schools, so it's a real option for us). We're also looking at private school, while cringing at the costs.

She liked school up until this year, and while she likes her teachers, she says they're handcuffed by the inability to handle certain kids who disrupt the whole day every day. Our school district is big on "mainstreaming" kids, which means that kids that can't handle a normal classroom are in a normal classroom because some administrators have decided it's better this way (it's really related to budget cuts and lack of funds to have separate classes for kids that require additional support or attention). While I sympathize with the budgets and everything involved, the current policy isn't working for anyone, probably moreso for the kids who have additional needs, who are now in crowded classrooms with teachers that have no additional training for helping them.

The social aspect definitely seems to be different for gymnasts. Soccer players abound, and gymnasts are stuck turning down most social invites over schedule. There are a few other gymnasts in her grade, but this year, they've been scattered into different classes, so they have little time to interact (even lunch is segregated by classroom - no free seating).

 

[Bajanswife]

My DD is a social butterfly - she has too many friends, at least it seems that way every time we go to plan a birthday party! It's just her personality.

I find that kids here don't participate in school activities to the same degree that they do in the U.S. Most kids do a wide range of year-round activities that are unrelated to school (ballet, jazz, music, gym, horseback riding, soccer, cricket, swimming, surfing, sailing etc.) and therefore you don't find that kids group according to a shared sport. Well, boys on the school team may, but those are only a few. The girls tend to be all over the place in terms of what they like, so cliques don't form according to sport/activity. There are cliques, of course, but her doing so much gymnastics does not make any difference one way or another to who accepts her.

There also has never been a problem with invitations. Most are on the weekend, and she's done with gym by 12.30 p.m. on Saturday. What's cramping her social style more than gym these days is her homework load (she's working towards a national school placement exam in May).

 

[lhmom]

It's interesting because we are going through something similar here. DD (4th grade) goes to a small private school with kids she has known since kindergarten. Since going back to school last week, DD has also been complaining and wanting to be homeschooled. She feels that she has nothing in common with the kids at her school, not like she does with her gym friends (any outside fun is usually with gym friends). I did check in with her teacher yesterday who said that last week she noticed DD pulling away from everyone. She's one who usually everyone wants to hang around with according to her teacher. I am hoping that all this is because school just started back but I guess we will see.

 

[iwannacoach]

Maybe they both feel enriched enough through gymnastics they have little need for more from school. That's not a statement in support of ignoring a child's social development, but attempts to show the benefit of allowing kids to pursue something in which they can safely immerse themselves.

I'd say that there's a point where a child's main interest requires just enough time to make socializing difficult, and to remain long term at that level could be frustrating. To them to remain at that level and be engaged at school is a lot to expect, so maybe hope they get more involved in the sport to enjoy all the rewards possible, or cut back to let them socialize.

 

[cbifoja]

By any chance is your daughter in 4th or 5th grade? If so, it might have nothing to do with gymnastics, really. This is the time when some relationship aggression can start happening in cliques of girls. It can be brutal. If they don't join in with mean stuff, they can sometimes get left out. Tell her to seek out kids with similar values. It might not be a gymnast, it might be a friend who has a similar crazy schedule due to being in plays/music, or a hockey player. This is actually an age when those gymnastics (and church and family friend and neighbor kid) friendships come in very handy, as a buffer when things might be hard at school. If you haven't done it in a while, ask a church or gym buddy to come over for a movie and popcorn night. (Or if your area is anything like ours, ask them to bring their rainbow looms too and make some bracelets for their team--buy them some new bands in team colors).... Just an idea.

ITA!!!! My DD is a 4th grader and oh my dear god!!!! The means girls are already there. One day 2, some little girl went to all the other girls in the class and said they had to choose right then if they were going to be friends with this little girl or my daughter. It was ridiculous!

My DD is hating this school year. The little girl mentioned above has absolutely tormented her for the past two years but for some reason, 4th grade is worse.

I think this little girl WANTS to take gymnastics because whenever she overhears my DD talking to her bestie about gym, she always claims that she can do that skill and more. She says she's one level higher than whatever my child is at the moment. It's funny/sad from an adult perspective but my DD is immature and hasn't learned to let things roll off her back yet.

 

[wallinbl]

I think this little girl WANTS to take gymnastics because whenever she overhears my DD talking to her bestie about gym, she always claims that she can do that skill and more. She says she's one level higher than whatever my child is at the moment. It's funny/sad from an adult perspective but my DD is immature and hasn't learned to let things roll off her back yet.

Make sure your DD knows not to get lured into attempting gymnastics at school! One of DD's good friends from gymnastics tried a round off back tuck to prove a point in PE, and wound up with a broken arm, learning the lesson that the ground isn't as springy as the spring floor.

 

[cbifoja]

They aren't allowed to do even a handstand on the playground. My DD and one of her teammates (not same level but almost same grade), are always asked to perform at the last Reward Assembly of the year and just do simple tumbling...nothing beyond ROBHSBT and even that is on a cheerleading mat.

The girls' coach designs their little routine so she keeps it very simple and honestly, the kids are more impressed with how far she walks on her hands than any tumbling! LOL

She has a YouTube channel she can share at school with her friends and teachers if she chooses.

She told me that she had a sub one day and the students told her that DD was a gymnast and the sub asked her to do a back handspring. Ummm....she's not a freakin' circus monkey and the floors are concrete. DD just told her the school says no gymnastics at school.

 

[gracyomalley]

DD is homeschooled (not for gym) and has friends through that, through orchestra, through church and through gym....always turning down playdates actually...

she is quiet but kind/friendly. Best friends equal between gym and other things - and with her "non-gym" friends there is less drama for sure (probably because no group dynamics ). I think school is school for many gymmies, though - and of course as a homeschool mom, that's all I think it should be !

Many of her "schooled" friends are similar - most social from gym or other interests. In fact, with most of them in 5-7th grade, I'd say those who stay out of the school stuff are definitely navigating this age better...

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

DD1 competed from grades 2-8. Always had a ton of school friends, in addition to gym friends. She preferred school friends for her 'down time'. Loved school, loved her teachers. But during grades 4-8, LOTS of drama! Not a gym thing, but a "girl" thing.

DD2 started competing in 1st grade, now in 8th. Even before gym, barely had school friends - very selective about who she wants to befriend, always has been, even now. She enjoys learning but at one point asked to be homeschooled because she thought it would get her more gym time, lol. She made her best (school) friend in the 2nd grade and although they spend little time together outside of school (BFF heavily involved in travel softball and basketball, trains year round) they are almost inseparable in school. She has a couple of other close school friends, but she prefers to be with her gym 'sisters' (ages 11-16, they do alot together).

 

[luvmygymdtr]

When given the choice between a school friend and a gym friend for a play-date my daughter will pick a gym friend 100% of the time. I think she fits in, I just don't think anyone other than her gym friends can keep up with her. I did stress about it last year, this year not so much.

 

[Deleted member 15064]

second grader here, and yes, i have been wondering if being a gymnast has either fulfilled or hampered the socialization @ school.

small charter school. same kids will be in her class from K-6, though there are 30 to choose from in her class.

the rational side of me who has raised several teens says it is the personality of my gymnast - she is content with things the way they are. but at the same time, she doesn't care much for school & we and the teachers have pinpointed friendships as a possible solution. she certainly loves learning & is intellectually bright enough.

so many variables it's impossible to pinpoint the devotion to this sport as a cause, but i share your "suspicions" ;-)

i also appreciate the warning in this thread about showing off or being challenged to do gymnastics moves @ school. one of LL's teachers expressed curiosity as to why LL wasn't joining in the playground activity of "playing gymnastics" that had recently taken hold in her class. Ummm, that would be because L5-6 gymnastics moves have NO place in your school setting. Urgh!

 

[gymmom8772]

It makes me feel better reading this because my DD in 2nd grade is exactly the same way. It sounds like it's pretty common with gymnasts. My daughter has always related better to her gym friends than the girls at school. She just doesn't seem to get them and tends to click with the boys more. That's not to say she isn't girly because she is but from what I've been told by her teachers, they sort of respect her more because she is really into her sport. Had her try Brownies this year because her schedule allowed for it but after one meeting she walked out and told me she never wanted to go back, it was so boring!