Parents How to stay positive when all the other parents are negative

[Haismom]

I am at my breaking point... Sitting here at practice about to lose it...
So last week we lost one of our 2 coaches, (he tore his ACL, and had a salary issue) and the other parents were very upset that he wasn't coaching ... I mean it's this mans health...
Ok this is a level 3 team and the parents in question this is their first season.
Now today we have a rec coach who I really like working with our girls, the girls are not very focused in the group working with this new coach. The parents are bad mouthing this new coach who was a level 10 gymnast and a college gymnast... Saying she is no good and doesn't know what she was doing... Mind you these are the same parents who until recently called a back handspring a flippy thing.
So now what has broken me today is one of the little girls was doing round off backhandsprings the coach asked if she needed a spot the girl said no, and well she is on her way to the ER, she had broken her wrist last April... But these parents are blaming the coach... And thinking about leaving gyms...
There is a new gym opening up close by that is run by a former coach from here...
I just really needed to type this instead of totally screaming at these parents who are spreading negativity...
How do I keep my sanity

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Ignore the fruit loops, let them run off to their new shiny gym. As I tell my little one, its not about what Suzie is doing, or Sarah its about you.

Give it time, many will not be there this time next year.

 

[kandkfunk]

I've been in your position and it's not fun. If at all possible, remove yourself from the situation. Can you sit somewhere else or not stay for practice?

Transition periods can be very difficult. A coach leaves and people feel a little lost. It almost always stirs up talk and issues and for some reason people usually blame the gym and rarely seem to think the coach is in the wrong (at least in my 12 years of experience with this sport at 3 different gyms). If your DD stays in competitive gymnastics for any length of time, you'll probably see several coaches come and go. It's just the nature of the industry, especially for compulsory levels.

as Iwannabemargo said, most of these people will not be around in a year or 2. They'll either move to the shiny new gym where the grass won't be any greener or they will drive their child to quit.

Hopefully, letting off some steam here on CB will help alleviate some of your stress. Hang in there! This too shall pass...

 

[wallflower]

Just ignore them. It gets better as the girls get to higher levels.

 

[mimi]

Don't watch practice and then you won't have to listen to/get caught up in what the crazies are up to.

 

[Tbrov]

I absolutely agree with everyone who has said to avoid the gym for a while - drop off your child and don't stay to watch practice. It will settle in a bit, and then you can start to hang out again if you want.

 

[wnl256]

This is one reason why some gyms do not allow parents to watch team practice. We had a situation a few years ago where a few of the moms were badmouthing the coaches while watching from viewing area. The HC/gym owner reacted by sending out a very sternly worded letter to all the team parents that said, essentially, "stop doing that."

Best not to confront them directly: it will only start an argument. Just move out of earshot and let them be crazy.

Iwannabemargo is right: many of those folks won't be around in a year.

 

[Haismom]

I can stay away some, but what bothers me most is this gym has an excellent program, it also bothers me that the developmental team parents are present and I hate to see some of these parents scared off, by this nastiness, I actually think one of the parents might be leaving she just messages me to ask me about the payment schedule that we received several weeks ago...
I don't want to sound mean, but when you need me to explain to you why we need to pay USAG fees and coaches fees, as well a paying for meet registration, after I hear the coaches explain it to her every practice...
I really do think I am going to have to stay way way way far away from the gym, but I might have to email the head coach... Because there are some really great developmental girls who could be competing but were just brought up from rec

 

[LucysMom]

 

[wnl256]

I really do think I am going to have to stay way way way far away from the gym, but I might have to email the head coach... Because there are some really great developmental girls who could be competing but were just brought up from rec

If you are on good terms with the HC then you should consider mentioning it. You are absolutely correct about the developmental kids: those parents are still very new to it all and comments like that could leave them with an very uncomfortable feeling. Also, if there are parents of recreational kids in the room overhearing that and they decide to leave, that's money flying out the door. It does no one any good to complain about coaching in the waiting area, whether it is about coaches from your gym or another gym.

 

[GymMomSue]

Cant help laughing!!!! I loved the comment about calling the back handspring a flippy thing! Good one!

 

[happychaos]

I would say that if the inadequate coaching continues, the parents have a legitimate complaint. But the parents need to give the HC some time to find a replacement. And complaining in the lobby never helps anything.

If I am reading your post right, and these are parents of girls that don't even have backhandsprings yet, I think you are in for a rough couple of years

 

[Haismom]

It's been a rough summer... The HC just came back to the gym after graduating college, it is her families gym... The girl who was coaching left suddenly so she wasn't planning on coaching yet but is and is amazing, my dd loves her...
My dd trained with the level 4 group all summer, but we decided that it would be best to let her compete level 3 and be a star instead of struggling at level 4...
The level 3 girls most have a spotted BHS there are 12 girls and 7 of them can do the BHS, 5 consistently... So yes we are in for a long ride... Thankfully we don't have a meet until December 19-21

Thank you ladies for bringing my mood around....

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Don't sit in the parent area.... Problem solved.

 

[RAMS]

I agree with others about not being there. If you are not there to hear it, you will never know about it. If your daughter and you are happy at your current gym, that is all that matters.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

we have a lovely Cafe in our gym, with a big screen TV to watch the girls on. The focus is a bit off and you can really only see the floor and a bit of vault and beam ( bars are just too far away), but there is one mum of two girls who is very private and she sits in her car all practice and reads a book. I sometimes go out and have a quick word with her to ask how the girls are doing etc, but she likes to keep out of everything.

 

[profmom]

Crazy parents are happily not your problem to solve. With girls this early in the process, they will do one of three things: weed themselves (and their daughters out), progress in their craziness to the point that they become "those parents" to the coaches, who will intervene to solve the problem, or settle down and lose the crazy. If you can see that they are being unreasonable, others can as well. I have learned through . . . interesting . . . experiences over the past year that the most helpful things to do are to refuse to engage in negative talk and to lead by being an example of positive talk or complete disengagement.

 

[my4buffaloes]

If someone is speaking with just me, I try to counter the negative with a positive. That usually shuts people up. I try very hard to see every side of the situation, which it sounds like you do too. If you are just hearing another group bad mouth I would just avoid them as best you can. Chances are good half of them won't be at your gym this time next year.

 

[lovemygymnast]

We have had that problem at our gym at times. First, I've distanced myself from them immediately. Like "oh, let me go say hi to so & so" or "oops! I need to run an errand!". Second, and especially this year, I'm staying away the majority of the time. It's hard because DD wants me there to watch her but I try to come 15-30 minutes early for pick up to watch a little and every few weeks, I'll try to watch the majority of a practice.

To be honest, the idle time of sitting there gives some people too much time to critique. If their kid isn't getting treated the way they think they should or the coach isn't spending as much time with their kid, etc, it starts the negativity. I think our worst year was a summer the gym had a lot of turnover with coaches, not for bad reasons. We live in a college town and many coaches are here through graduate degrees and then on to a career outside gymnastics. Anyway, that summer was bad. The girls got nothing accomplished. But parents were complaining constantly to the owner about every little thing. One cussed the owner out and broke her contract. She took her DD to another gym and she's now, no longer doing gymnastics at all. She was also one of those moms that compared her kid to the other girls. It was good riddens when she left! And like others have said, those folks don't last at other gyms either. It's really sad for the kids!

So far, I have a very positive feeling about the parents on my DD'steam this year. I don't know any of them well enough to hear the negativity, so yay!

Good luck! I know it's really hard not to get sucked in to other peoples issues .

 

[Haismom]

I told DD I was going to come in late today (she rides a bus from school to gym) and watch for a few minutes before pick up...

Hysteria ensued... I guess I set a bad example over the summer, when I would go and stay the whole time, usually I was the only parent in the viewing area, and I used the gyms wifi and worked (I own my own business) now she wants me there...
At 9 you would think this separation wouldn't be as bad as it was this morning...

Life goes on...