Parents I really need some help here

[GymMama]

My daughter just turned 8 years old this week, and is on (new) Level 4. She has been in gym since she was about 3 (off and on when she was younger) and competed last year for the first time as a (old) Level 4.

Last year she had an amazing season! Worked hard, stayed focused (as much as I would expect from a girl her age) and really seemed to enjoy herself! By the end of the season she was scoring well, made it to state and placed. We are so proud of her and loved watching her enjoy herself. She had such enthusiasm!

This summer everything has changed. She moved up a level... But is still with the same group of girls on her team. I have spent the last two months watching everything fizzle... She has no drive. No ambition to get better. No focus. When I watch her practice I want to cry because she just spends most of her time wandering... And is the slowest girl on the team. She is always the last girl out of gym because she won't hustle through conditioning anymore at all. And new skills? She just won't try to get them. When she falls, she just lays on the floor and rolls her eyes in defeat.

Her coach talks to her several times during practice, just to get her to pay attention... Like she's lost in another world. And when she works with a coach on a skill, she often just gets moved on because she won't make corrections, stay tight, focus, etc... I see her coaches "writing her off" in a sense because they have many other girls there who care about trying hard.

I don't want her to be the best. I have learned to not say anything to her about this because I want it to be her sport. But I do want her to try. I want her to give it "her" best! With the amount of money and time sacrificed for this sport, I want to know that she still loves it, has fun and tries hard!

I don't see any of this anymore. At first I thought it was an adjustment or something. But it just gets worse and worse every week. About a month ago we talked to her just to let her know that if her heart isn't in it, we are totally ok with that. She flipped out, saying it is still her dream and she loves it! She wouldn't ever want to quit! She also never complains about going to practices. Always seems happy to go... Just not happy to be there?

I don't want to push her, or really even approach her yet. Because I just don't know what to say or do! How do I approach this? Help?!?

 

[gymdog]

Take at least a two week break. Don't pay August tuition yet. I would explain ahead of time you've noticed she is not doing well in the practice, but she says she still wants to do it, so you want her to take a break to clear her head and rest somewhat and make sure it is what she wants to do. And ask if you can pay for August after the break.

 

[Kiwi]

Does she have the same coach? Is she overtired?

 

[juststartingout]

I have not had any experience with this with my gymmie but I did have kind of the same situation with my 10yo this past season with all star cheer. I noticed the lack of motivation last season and of course with that the decline in skill. I asked repeatedly if she wanted to quit that her heart didn't seem in it any more and she would always say the same thing "it's my life no I don't want to quit I love it". She said this all season yet her actions showed something different. I told her when the season was over that she was taking the summer off of cheer that she could tumble but not do cheer and then after summer if she still wanted to go back she could. I think inside she was actually relieved. It seems she was ready to move on but was scared and didn't want to lose her friends. She never did take any tumbling classes and the other day I told her that she better get back in some tumbling classes if she planned to go back to cheer before she lost all her skills and she said she wasn't going back that she wanted to dance. I know my daughter and I knew all last season that she had checked out and was no longer invested in the sport. I feel bad because I feel like part of the reason she stayed is because she thought I would be disappointed because I had so many friends there too. This may not be the case with your daughter but maybe a few weeks break will give you a good idea. If she's begging to go back then she could just be going through a slump, if not then maybe it's time to talk about what's next.

 

[armbmom]

Talk to her about her friendships on the team. There may be something going on with her friends on the team that you may not be aware of.

My dd was on a pre-team a couple of years ago and things seemed ok and then all of a sudden things changed. It took several weeks of me watching practice and gradually getting info from my dd and another mom who was also trying to get info from her dd. Basically, we found out that there was a kid causing problems on the team. There was name calling, pushing, shoving, bullying, etc. that none of the parents or coaches were aware of. Once we were made aware, and notified the coach, she kept her eye out and finally caught the kid in action. The trouble maker finally left the gym to become somebody else's problem and then moods and attitudes improved.

Good luck!

 

[Jenny]

Might be worth checking out the medical side too just in case. Summer is prime time for allergies including hayfever (which can trigger asthma). These can drain kids of energy and motivation without them knowing why. And there can be no other obvious signs other than those you mention. Mild asthma can also cause poor sleep quality (as could some other things) which would cause symptoms you mention. Just a thought.

 

[Flossyduck]

Agree with what Jenny said.

When I read your post, my first thought was that it sounds as though there's something other than a motivation issue going on here. She still has that passion, to respond the way she did when you suggested giving up, and she is happy to go and never questions it... and the lack of 'energy' and motivation in the gym sounds out of character.

She sounds as though she's struggling to maintain focus in the gym. My dd gets like that towards the end of school term and I see her standing on the beam staring into space or getting more easily distracted than usual.

It may not be medical, but diet, or lack of sleep, heat, or growing, or something else on her mind, could all be draining.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

You have spent the last two months watching and now her production is down? Try dropping her off, perhaps your presence in taking the fun out of it. We ask all our parents not to watch workouts except for every once in a while for this reason. Now it could be just a coincidence or not... But failing in front of your mom over and over again is self defeating and leads to disinterest in some kids. So step one, start dropping her off and picking her up at the door for a few months and see if there is a change. Won't hurt to try it.

 

[emorymom]

Complete physical, blood work. Is something affecting her heat tolerance?

 

[lovelife]

How are things going in other areas of life? Does she still have energy and focus when she is doing other things. If this is really only a problem with gymnastics then I agree try dropping her off and leaving. There is really no harm in trying that. Just let her know she is a big girl now and can go to practice on her own. Also was she just more motivated because she enjoyed competitions ? Summer training can be hard. Also did her hours increase a lot.

 

[gymboymom]

You've gotten good advice so far. I too would look at sleep, what she is eating, the heat, allergies?, other exercise she is getting (a lot of bike riding or swimming?) Does she have the same coach? New kids in training group? A physical might be in order as well. What about watching some gymnastics on tv to re energize her? Or video from one of her meets? Have you talked to her coach? And if you are watching a lot then it is good advice to just watch sometimes as well. Good luck and I hope she gets her passion back.

 

[level9mom]

Mono? My dd went through it this winter and had many of the same issues. It was horrible.


Every awful story begins with "we were on beam and..."