Parents Need some perspective... When you are done with gymnastics but your child is not....

[Trixiebelle]

Title pretty much sums up how I am feeling. DD is L7 training L8 and just turned 12. She is in honors classes in MS and the homework is adding up. She is training 16 hours per week and seems exhausted. She has Elite dreams (i haven't crushed those yet) and eat, sleeps, breaths chalk. She is struggling with fear issues learning her yurchenko and is going through a rough patch on her giant giant flyaway. I believe Her fear issues are well founded - especially with the vault and my tolerance as a parent for the danger of this sport has become very low.

We don't discuss the fear- but she did broach the subject with her dad showing him some videos of what she is working on and then saying she hope she doesn't break her neck and become paralyzed. We have always offered her the chance to leave this sport and I really pushed her to play intramural field hockey this past spring, hoping she would see that there is life after the gym... Unfortunately, she broke her thumb in hockey and had to sit out her last few meets.

Tonight I spoke with her again and asked her if she is having fun. The answer was an emphatic yes. So I am in a funk. I love her passion for this sport, I love how much she has learned and how far she has come, but I cannot get past MY fear for her and questioning if this is all worth it in the end. The hours, the injuries, the sacrifices she is making. She doesn't hesitate to say it is all worth it, but I don't feel the same way. Would it be a mistake to share my thoughts with her? She quit hockey because she wanted to focus entirely on gym and won't consider another sport, nor has she the time at this point.

Any advice from parents who have felt this way?

 

[Amusibus]

Maybe you should be asking these questions to ex-gymnasts instead.

 

[SGMOM]

I have no advice, but a ton of empathy. I do my very best to stay positive and supportive, but it's tough. My other kids just do "normal" activities that require an "average" commitment level, and it's a whole lot easier. There are many days that I really feel done with gymnastics too.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

as i have posted before, i have no regrets, my wife has no regrets and each of our own parents have no regrets.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Well as a parent of a child your daughters age who left the sport 2 years ago ( my daughters decision at the time). I think that we both regret she did not stick it with it. She has told me she misses it but realistically we both know it would be very hard to return to at this point. She is busy doing many other things which also use up time, yes she likes doing other things ecspecailly the school sports but she has told me she misses gym and although I enjoy watching her do other things they do not compare to the excitement and beauty of watching a gym meet. If she still loves the sport I would keep your thoughts to yourself and let her do what she loves. As a parent of another child in high school doing field hockey I have to say that the practice and time commitment is not that different to gymnastics they practice 5to 6 days a week with games 2x a week this was a real eye opener to me. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

 

[gymmomof1]

Glad you are venting here and with parents who feel like you. Like Pandagirlsmother I have 2 in highschool with one making the volleyball team which practices 6x a week @ 3hrs wow was I surprised. So hang in there since your dd is still very much into gymnastics. There are days my dd (training l8) is frustrated or scared yet really enjoys the sport and all I can do is go along on the rollarcoaster ride with her and of course be here with my Cb pals for support lol

 

[sglemon]

It needs to be her decision. From what I have seen, when kids make the decision for themselves, they tend to be happy with it. A gymnast knows when she is done. My DD quit at age 10 and has never looked back. Now when I see gymnasts who quit from outside circumstances like money, parents, etc, it is much harder.

 

[wallinbl]

Coming from someone who quit the sport I was passionate about too early, I'd just say that regret is no fun. I made that choice on my own. Had my parents influenced that choice (even unintentionally by sharing what you've shared), I'd probably harbor resentment over it still. If she's passionate about it and having fun, then let her pursue it. It's about the only time in life when you have the freedom to really pursue what you love. The rest of life has too many responsibilities.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

ain't that the truth ^^^ well stated.

 

[gymjourneymom]

I've gone through the exact same feelings about my DD doing this sport. She struggles with fear issues & it's so hard to watch her her put herself through this torture sometimes . I know there are so many other things she's good at, that would be easy for her to do. But that is exactly the point she has made to me when we've discussed her retiring from the sport. She doesn't WANT to do what's easy for her...she loves the challange, both physical & mental, that only the sport of gymnastics gives her. It's personal for her. She has personal goals that she sets for herself. Who am I to not indulge such good work ethics in my child? Yes, gymnastics is expensive, but since I have the means, I'm willing make this investment in my DD's self esteem & character building. Maybe she hasn't progressed at the rate everyone "expected" of her. But she has become a strong, focused, goal setting/attaining young woman. She's part of a team that is a 2nd family to her. I had to learn to back off & just let her develop her independance in the sport. I let this be HER sport. And she has made me proud everyday

This is just my experience going through this. I know not everyone is able to make the financial & time expenditures for their DD to continue if she's not progressing as "expected". But my DD's coaches have been happy to continue coaching her & having her as a member of the team. They actually admire her persistance & love having her in their gym because she is such an inspiration to other girls who maybe struggling with fear issues. My DD is a senior this year. Her goal is to finish out this season with her team mates that she started with...her "sisters". Then she can close this chapter of her life in the way she has choosen. Looking back without regrets & ready to move on to her bright future .

So yes, I've had the same feelings as you Trixiebelle. I think I've been through every emotion while my DD has been in this sport, LOL! But I wouldn't change a thing!!!! PM me if you ever need to chat/vent. ~GJM

 

[MeetDirector]

T-belle -

I echo everything everyone else has said - it has to be your DD's decision not yours. If you try to force her to make a change, it won't be a good result.

I don't mean to cause additional worry, but training level 9 and eventually level 10 is even more "scary"; my dd is training 9 and I flat could not watch practice this past summer.

This is where one of the topics I harp on a lot comes into play - trust. We, as parents of upper level gymnasts, have to have a very high level of trust in our daughters' coaches to keep them safe as they train these harder and crazier skills. It takes time to reach that ultimate trust point, but when you do it is like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. We do not worry about our dd's safety anymore; we know that she has the best coach in the State to train the skills she is training and that he has her best interests at heart. Do girls still get injured? Yes, but the intense conditioning program keeps those injuries minor and they rehab fairly quickly.

Good luck to you and your entire family as you watch your gymnast travel the rollercoaster of the sport.

 

[gardenia01]

Trixiebell, I feel like I could have written your post as well! My daugher is also going to be competing Level 8 this year and though she isn't in middle school, the work in 5th grade is definitely more than last year already and we are only in the beginning of the year. Plus she trains 20 hours a week. She too is struggling with the yurchenko and I totally agree with you - it is very scary! Not only is she struggling with it but she seems unable to stop beating herself up about the fact that she cannot do it consistently. Same thing with the front layout front tuck series on floor - some days great, some days not and she makes herself crazy about it. I cannot understand why she wishes so passionately to do a sport that makes her so upset at times. Anyway, I too am ready to be done with gymnastics! How much easier would life be without the expense, time and angst associated with it. I haven't shared these feelings with her and I guess the advice here is not to do that. I do however try to check in regularly to make sure this is something that she still wants to do. I have no advice, just wanted to sympathize. I guess we need to just hang in there and support our daughters even though it is very difficult to watch them struggle.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Oh, I forgot to mention that although my DD won't be doing gymnastics in college, her gymnastics experiences has really helped her college admissions prospects. She has discussed her "fear struggles" in the sport during college admission interviews. The admissions officers have been highly impressed by her maturity, dedication & diligence saying it "speaks VERY well of her character in general"

 

[Muddlethru]

"It is foolish to pretend that one is fully recovered from a disappointed passion. Such wounds always leave a scar.". As a parent, it is my ultimate wish that my children find something they truly love and makes them happy. No matter what it is, I would do anything to feed it. Dance is my ultimate passion. After over 20 years of traning and having pursued it in graduate school, I wish I could have done more. I enter a dance studio and the smell of sweaty feet and the moist in the air stirs so much emotion and pleasure. Funny thing is walking into my daughter' gym andsmelling the aroma of gymnasts feet and sweat does not stir up the same emotion. Wonder if feet from different activities have their own distinct smell.

My oldest daughter who is 9th grade is in JV soccer and club premier/Div 1 soccer practicing about 18 hours a week. She is in a school play and in student government. She altar serves on Sundays and is a a regular volunteer at the soup kitchen and other charitable events. She is a straight A student with an 8th grade GPA of over 98% and is in all honors classes. I am not bragging (but I am very proud of her) but trying to point out that we don't know what our kids are capable of until we let them find out for themselves. As a side note, my daughter has to work hard at everything. Nothing comes easy for her. She never ceases to amaze me.

 

[iwannacoach]

It's about the only time in life when you have the freedom to really pursue what you love. The rest of life has too many responsibilities.

Ala James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, with the dramatic inflection that only he could lend to a scripted line....

May....we all.....never grow up!

Now get me out of her Scotty.........

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I have a just-turned-12 as well, completely passionate about gym, also has high hopes for herself.... she would never consider quitting, occasionally mentions fears and stress, has dabbled in other sports (street hockey and wants to try field hockey) but in ADDITION to the 20+ hours of gym, not instead of.

My oldest was around 11, level 7 training 15 hours when she started to think about quitting. As a parent, it is somewhat sad to think about all the time and efforts that they have put in. At first, we talked her into sticking it out. Then we told her she could quit if she really thought she wanted to... she stayed until her 2nd Level 8 season when she finally decided she wanted out. She had many many more fear issues, combined with poor coaching, lack of discipline as a team, alot of girl drama. Basically, it didn't look like she was progressing....At that point, as much as I was "done" with the BS around the whole situation, we ultimately let her decide. She left gymnastics for a month when she turned 13. She tried soccer. It was not as easy for her as she thought it would be to walk away. I think it is just as hard for a child to let go as it is for the parents. Decided to come back to gym, switched to a different program and competed for another year before finally deciding it was over. Another year has gone by, she is now a Varsity cheerleader (thanks to her gymnastics background), runs track and participates in several school activities, honors classes, volunteer work. When you ask her if she misses gym, she will say yes. If you ask her if she wants to go back, she will tell you no!

As for dealing with their tough and scary skills, I close my eyes when I have to....LOL.

 

[Aussie_coach]

If she loves it and feels it is all worth the sacrifice then she is probably getting something very important from the sport emotionally, it doesn't sound like she is doing it with just the goal to be elite.

To dedicate so much time to mastering such a difficult sport promotes incdredible life skills. Most gymnasts will never do the sport again once they reach adulthood, but as a result of participating in the sport they become incredible successful, dedicated, passionate, hard working and determined in anything they choose to do.

The amazing sport makes them feel like they are a part of something bigger than themselves and gives them so many goals to work for.

Fear is not bad in this sport it is good. It is what keeps the major injuries away it is what stops them going in the gym and not throwing a skill they are not physically ready for. The key is to learn to work with the fear, to decide when it is rational and when it is irrational and devising ways to work through it.

Facing fear is also incredibly character developing, she is scared but she goes anyway. She faces her fears every day, this too will help her to become a successful adult who is not afraid to step out of her comfort zone.

If she dearly loves the sport, many ex gymnasts go on to enjoy other gym starts right through adulthood including cheerleading, trampoline, sports acrobatics or even martial arts or dance.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I agree with everyone else--it has to her choice--and even by bringing up your fears, you influence her decision. Heck, I think by asking her repeatedly whether she still likes it, she's going to get the hint that you don't want her there anymore.

And, yes, she could injure herself in gymnastics--but with good training and learning good technique, her chances decrease. And you know she risks the possibility of injury every day, doing anything--I think her chances are probably higher of getting injured in a car accident (although I honestly have no hard stats to back that up!).

Vent here to get out your worries. Talk to her coach, if you need to, to feel better about the safety there. And don't watch practice much

 

[gymmomtotwo]

A look at the safety issue. She got hurt in field hockey. It can happen in any sport. If you make her quit her passion she actually may never really get over it. I know that sounds dramatic, but if my parents had made me quit my chosen sport at 12, I would not have gotten over it and probably resented them at least some for the rest of my life. I swam, and like a previous poster said about dance, the minute I step in a swim pool and smell the chlorine, my passion for the sport comes back to me. As a kid I didn't want to be anywhere else. To have my career cut short by my parents would have been devastating.

If she chooses to leave the sport, it's a whole different issue. You are the parent, so ultimately it is your decision, but I think you would regret taking it away from her in the long run.

 

[Trixiebelle]

Thank you all so very much for sharing your opinions and commiserating with me. I plan to follow up with her coach one on one to discuss MY fears and keep my mouth shut around DD. gymmomtotwo - you are right about the repeated questioning. She knows I will support her no matte what so if I keep asking her if it's still fun will start to wear at her. Again, thanks all for your insight, it is very appreciated.