Parents New here and looking for advice.....

[srsjbs]

Well really I should say I'm newish, I've been lurking for awhile now Anyways my DD is 6 years old and has been competing at a level 4 this year. She's only been in gymnastics since last March and absolutely eats it up. My question is meets. At every meet she's been to she has placed on at least 1 event and been in the top 25% for all around. Which is awesome! BUT every single meet results in a major meltdown on the way out the door. She holds herself together very well during awards but as soon as it's over she loses it. She just wants a "gold" medal so bad. And like every other little girl out there right now, she is sure she is going to be the next Gabby Douglas lol! Her dad and I have NEVER told her she has to win or even mentioned placing, just talked about having fun and being a good teammate. Before every meet we talk about good sportsmanship and how the most important thing is to have fun. And she does love it! She sparkles when she is "performing" for the judges. But she's 6 and she doesn't really get that she is A LOT younger then most of the other gymnasts. As horrible as it sounds its embarrassing to have the kid in tears all the time. My other 3 children are not in the least competitive and she really has me at a loss as to how to help her deal with it all. I'd even be happy if she'd just make it out to the car, and then she is more than free to meltdown, if that's what she needs to do.

Plus, next year levels are changing. Her coach is planning on having her "repeat" level 4. She's told us that my daughter is ready and they've been working on the skills all year. I'm a little on the fence about it. Part of me would rather her "move down" to level 3 even though they only compete in about half the amount of meets as level 4 and up. I haven't metioned it to her coach or her about my thoughts, but I know my daughter will be crushed if she "moves down" and will probably be bored training at the gym. I'm not sure of the "line" of when to speak up, or when to shut up and listen to what the coach is telling me. And she's telling us our daughter is ready for the next level.

Advice experienced gym parents?

 

[GymnastCentralMom]

It sounds like you're saying the right thing to your daughter...I would just keep trying to re-focus her...maybe talk about what she did well ("that ROBH was awesome!"), and, if that doesn't work, maybe pull up the scores for the meet so she can see how well she did in comparison to others?

I would definitely share your concerns with the coach though. The more her coach knows about your DD, the easier it will be to make the decision about what's best for her.

Good luck!

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

Have you told the coach about the meltdowns? perhaps they will be able to help.

 

[OzZee]

I think that's the thing, she is 6, and that's awfully young to understand the bigger picture. (as is 7, 8, 9, lol) They see that gold medal (or any medal) and they want it, they can't really understand why they haven't got it. And I'm sure the same it's very quickly forgotten afterwards. I love how once home these medals are easily forgotten (well after showing them off at school the next day). I remember one young girl offering to give another girl one of her medals after a competition - because she had 3 and the other girl didn't have any, already she didn't really understand what they meant.
Hopefully she will be able to hold it in that bit longer, I know my dd did, she'd save any disappointment for the car.

 

[gymgal]

I think I would talk to the coach about it so they are aware. They may feel it would be best to repeat the level to give her more confidence and success, though i doubt it if she is doing so well. But I would also talk to her about expectations - it is not ok to have a pity party in public. Once she is in the car, fine. Let the tears roll. be firm with her - if she can't keep herself composed, maybe she needs to hold off competing until she can control it better. often times, just letting her know you mean business will be enough to stop it if she is going for sympathy.

Sent from my AT100 using ChalkBucket mobile app

 

[sleeping judy]

My dd cried almost every meet in level 4. She was also really young. It wasn't so much about not getting first on every event, but that she was tired, hungry and it is a very emotional experience. I am always exhausted after meets She is now 9 and on her third year of competing and does much better emotionally at meets and at practice. It has been a few years of talking her through it and some maturity.

 

[SignHere]

We have thus problem too , with the crying. The thing is , I tell my daughters , two things - 1 . Gymnastics is not worth crying over. Are you hurt? Is there blood? Then yes, you can cry. Otherwise, save it for home . There are much more important things in life to cry about. 2. If you are on the podium, NO MATTER WHAT PLACE. , you plaster a smile on your face and present to the audience like you are the gold medal winner. It is hugely insulting to every girl there who placed lower than you if you do not, and part of being a good sport.

It does take some time, but I think these are valuable lessons our children learn in gymnastics. There are winners and losers, but every meet is different and anything can happen. I think that your daughter may surprise you if you are very clear with her about your expectations and the consequences . If course she wants a gold medal!!! And that's great! It's great she's placing now.
Good luck, and enjoy the ride!

 

[srsjbs]

Thank you everyone! I think we will sit her down and have a firmer talk with her before next weekend. I have mentioned it to her coach but she smiles at me and says "Well, she is 6, it will come with time." She is also pretty firm in her beliefs that a child should never compete below the level she is capable of, which I get. But as the parent, we all know how our children's behavior can be the thing that makes us the most proud or be wishing for a hole to open up and swallow us

 

[SignHere]

I totally get you! It sounds like her coach is very nice... In contrast to that, my DDs coach pulled me aside when she cried at a meet to tell me that it was just unacceptable. I needed to get her to stop and perhaps DD didn't have mentally " what it took to do gymnastics"

Best of luck to your DD ... Sounds like she has "the fire in her belly" to win!

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

Next year is a long way off. Hang in there and see what transpires over the summer skill and maturity wise.

 

[srsjbs]

Just a quick update. We had a meet this weekend and we had a very firm talk with her before hand, but she ended up winning 1st on beam, vault and bars and 1st all around. So there were only smiles. It was very exciting! However, it was very small meet in comparison to other ones we've been too and are going to. So now I'm more nervous then ever about our next meet in 2 weeks....I guess we will have another reminder talk with her and keep our fingers crossed

 

[iwannacoach]

Here's a view from a gym coach/not gym parent. but still a "parent at large."

You sound like a pretty level headed gymmom.....are you sure you're in the right sport? Just kidding about that, well sorta just kidding. It sounds like your dd is a born competitor, and that while you're reserved about her public displays you wisely allow her to react emotionally to her competitive fortunes....both the good and bad.

I'm with you on the crying while exiting the building, and that it should wait until she's in the car and hopefully out of sight, but once there she should be allowed whatever emotions come here way. I don't think you should try to console her, because what she's crying about can't be consoled away until she wins....it's as simple as that, well kinda.

Here's the deal. She's six years old and wants to win, and seems to have many of the tools she needs to do so. She'd benifit by adding a few other tools to her kit, like experience and maturity, and in time she will. Until then, being six and gymnastics able with passion is about all she can be at this moment....

Keep trying with tear control, but let her know that it's ok in the proper place. She'll eventually evolve from crying to talking, and then you may wish she'd never stopped crying.

As far as next year is concerned..... I'd prefer a six year old not be so ready to move to next year's level 4, but if she's genuinely ready, she needs to move up. That's just my humble opinion, based on the premise that adults should concentrate on helping kids do what they do, and refrain from deciding what they do when they (the kids) are just doing their thing in a constructive way. Consider the message she may get if she works hard, shows herself capable, and emotionally invests.........only to repeat last season's routines.

That's what most people do when they have a dream, and I'm worried you're about to implicitly tell her she's wasting her time, heart, and energy.

 

[srsjbs]

Here's a view from a gym coach/not gym parent. but still a "parent at large."

You sound like a pretty level headed gymmom.....are you sure you're in the right sport? Just kidding about that, well sorta just kidding. It sounds like your dd is a born competitor, and that while you're reserved about her public displays you wisely allow her to react emotionally to her competitive fortunes....both the good and bad.

I'm with you on the crying while exiting the building, and that it should wait until she's in the car and hopefully out of sight, but once there she should be allowed whatever emotions come here way. I don't think you should try to console her, because what she's crying about can't be consoled away until she wins....it's as simple as that, well kinda.

Here's the deal. She's six years old and wants to win, and seems to have many of the tools she needs to do so. She'd benifit by adding a few other tools to her kit, like experience and maturity, and in time she will. Until then, being six and gymnastics able with passion is about all she can be at this moment....

Keep trying with tear control, but let her know that it's ok in the proper place. She'll eventually evolve from crying to talking, and then you may wish she'd never stopped crying.

As far as next year is concerned..... I'd prefer a six year old not be so ready to move to next year's level 4, but if she's genuinely ready, she needs to move up. That's just my humble opinion, based on the premise that adults should concentrate on helping kids do what they do, and refrain from deciding what they do when they (the kids) are just doing their thing in a constructive way. Consider the message she may get if she works hard, shows herself capable, and emotionally invests.........only to repeat last season's routines.

That's what most people do when they have a dream, and I'm worried you're about to implicitly tell her she's wasting her time, heart, and energy.

Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer so thoroughly.

 

[iwannacoach]

My pleasure ma'am!