Off Topic OT for parents:Cell phone monitoring

[sce]

My kids don't have phones yet. When they get them, I will monitor them in some way. One, I want to teach them how to responsibly use the technology. Two - there are those out there who do not have good intentions. They can be tricky and kids might not realize there is a problem until it's way too late. This is not a trusting the kid issue, its a protecting the kid issue.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You let your children have your passwords? This shocks me. My email includes private conversations about them and banking information.

In our home ( a two adult parent-like situation) adults have privacy, the children have NO privacy. Any and all communications telephone, electronic and written are monitored almost continuously. They do not have cell phones. They do have an android tablet with a very limited approved list to skype and it is monitored closely.

Not to everything. But yes we have each others passwords to our smart phones. My daughter currently has a tablet/itouch, with wifi. And we know her passwords, she knows our passwords to smart phones.

So she has access to our messages and email (if we don't log out). My husband and I have access to each others stuff. Its just not a big deal. The child can't get into our bank accounts or anything. She can't order anything without our actual account information. She is actually my text/secreatary, when driving as I don't have blue tooth. She knows she is to inform whoever she is messaging its her, not me. So yep if you have something of a private nature to say to me. You would need to have an actual private conversation or send me a letter.

Really, we just don't have private text messages period. Its texting, between autocorrecting ridiculousness and the ability to accidentally and far far to easily message the wrong person. I would not dream of having personal stuff via message. Just got a text today about ordering uniforms. It was from a police officer friend of mine, she texted the wrong friend.

 

[Gymnastisism]

You let your children have your passwords? This shocks me. My email includes private conversations about them and banking information.

In our home ( a two adult parent-like situation) adults have privacy, the children have NO privacy. Any and all communications telephone, electronic and written are monitored almost continuously. They do not have cell phones. They do have an android tablet with a very limited approved list to skype and it is monitored closely.

Your entitled to your own methods of living life, but I feel like giving your children "no privacy" is a bit of an extreme approach. Have an open conversation with your children - let them know the expectations and the consequences of not adhering to those expectations because instead of actually communicating with your children, it sounds like you stalk them instead to manipulate them emotionally. Were your phone calls and private conversations monitored as a kid/young adult? Not allowing children to have a safe private place where they can just chat to their friends can be emotionally cramping. I'm not sure how old your children are, they could be 6 and 8 y.o for all I know, but rummaging through their things either in real life or digitally can cause a lot of problems later on if they are older. It also depends on the approach. Do they get in trouble if they're talking to someone from school you don't approve of? Do they get in trouble if they vent about how they don't like one of the other girls at school and don't want to sit with her anymore? Do they get in trouble if they're "dating" someone?
Not allowing your kids to have any privacy isn't something your children will “understand” later; you may not be forgiven, you will not be confided in. You will create trust issues for your children for their future relationships. As you said yourself there's private things you don't even want your own children to see. Private conversations about *them*. What is there to hide? Nothing? You probably just don't want people going through your personal stuff and have someone call you out and analyse everything you do. It's the same for anyone. Even kids.
If you violate your child's privacy in this way you'll never earn their trust, you're just creating a better liar. If they get in trouble for texting someone - they'll just delete the texts from that person so you don't see them. If they get in trouble for calling someone you don't approve of - they'll just use their friends phone to make the call next time.

 

[kecks]

wow, cultural differences... in germany it would be highly unusual and considered a breach of privacy to randomly check a kid's phone. most parents here would only do that if they seriously think their young one is doing something seriously wrong, like dealing drugs or other illegal things. as a teacher here i would never ever recommend checking a kid's phone without his/her consent. you want your kid to trust you so you have to trust them (on an age appropriate level). they are little persons and have a right to keep things private, just as much as you do. kid's learn mainly by watching you, they do as you do. do you want them to become controlling or trusting adults?

 

[txgymfan]

Your entitled to your own methods of living life, but I feel like giving your children "no privacy" is a bit of an extreme approach. Have an open conversation with your children - let them know the expectations and the consequences of not adhering to those expectations because instead of actually communicating with your children, it sounds like you stalk them instead to manipulate them emotionally. Were your phone calls and private conversations monitored as a kid/young adult? Not allowing children to have a safe private place where they can just chat to their friends can be emotionally cramping. I'm not sure how old your children are, they could be 6 and 8 y.o for all I know, but rummaging through their things either in real life or digitally can cause a lot of problems later on if they are older. It also depends on the approach. Do they get in trouble if they're talking to someone from school you don't approve of? Do they get in trouble if they vent about how they don't like one of the other girls at school and don't want to sit with her anymore? Do they get in trouble if they're "dating" someone?
Not allowing your kids to have any privacy isn't something your children will “understand” later; you may not be forgiven, you will not be confided in. You will create trust issues for your children for their future relationships. As you said yourself there's private things you don't even want your own children to see. Private conversations about *them*. What is there to hide? Nothing? You probably just don't want people going through your personal stuff and have someone call you out and analyse everything you do. It's the same for anyone. Even kids.
If you violate your child's privacy in this way you'll never earn their trust, you're just creating a better liar. If they get in trouble for texting someone - they'll just delete the texts from that person so you don't see them. If they get in trouble for calling someone you don't approve of - they'll just use their friends phone to make the call next time.

The children are elementary school and most of the open communication is to prevent them from being pulled back into what was once an abusive situation ( they do not understand how bad it was, they think much of the adult's behavior was normal, it wasn't). They love and stay in touch with their abuser but that person is sneaky, manipulative and vindictive . They do not have phones and cannot text anyone except on the tablet. If any texts are hidden or deleted they will lose that privilege. They can talk to to their friends in private at school or during playdates, even then an adult is often in hearing distance. When they are mature enough to recognize emotional abuse and we are 100% positive they will report physical abuse ( and not be afraid of getting the person in trouble) then they will be given more freedom.

They do not talk on the phone to anyone we don't know and are far to young to consider dating. As for venting, that's fine, we encourage them to talk about who or what is bothering them. If a situation goes to far we will intervene.

As for my rights as a child. I grew up pre cell phone and did not talk on the phone privately until I was older than they are.