WAG S/O Mean coaches

[Deleted member D3987]

well stated. ^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[iwannacoach]

....their head coach has never expressed an ounce of disappointment in a meet performance - but plenty of honest discussions with girls about work/conditioning/skill development and such.

The kids who care seem pretty good at being disappointed at their own performances when they have a fall or miss a skill. The kids that don't care, for whatever reason, will care even less when the coach drops a disappointment bomb. My reality tells me it's better to keep some disappointments to yourself and help the kids channel theirs into motivation and hard work.

There are coaches who can get so frustrated that they say things they likely regret......
Part of being an adult working with children is keeping your own feelings out of it.....

Regrets are a B****!!

 

[LizzieLac]

Our coaches mean well, are generally good people, and have children of their own. However, IMO they say some pretty stupid things that are not very helpful. I have told DD that sometimes people say things because they can't think of anything else, or they feel they have said everything else and have run out of "good" ideas.

It is not an excuse. In the perfect world it would never happen, but it does. I feel saying stupid things is different than being truly mean and most of us can spot the difference.

 

[Flipflopz]

After dd left her former gym, another girl still there told her HC was making fun of dd in the gym. Some of the other coaches participated in laughing. That told me everything I needed to hear about solidifying the decision to move on. It helped dd move on emotionally because she knew she made the right choice in leaving. She was 12.

 

[Amusibus]

If my daughter heard this, she'd want to quit gymnastics. One other thing that I don't think has been mentioned yet - kids age 7 or 8 and under will not really distinguish between an adult saying "You are a disappointment" versus "I am disappointed in your work ethic". My bet is most kids this age have no idea what "work ethic" even means. Just like they don't really understand "point your toes" or "hollow body".

 

[Seeker]

If my daughter heard this, she'd want to quit gymnastics. One other thing that I don't think has been mentioned yet - kids age 7 or 8 and under will not really distinguish between an adult saying "You are a disappointment" versus "I am disappointed in your work ethic". My bet is most kids this age have no idea what "work ethic" even means. Just like they don't really understand "point your toes" or "hollow body".

I have heard some pretty hilarious stories about what some younger kids thought 'hollow body' meant. Most young kids (under 9 or 10) don't have the vocabulary skills to know what a lot of the corrections mean or the chutzpa to actually ask "what does that mean?", so they just keep on doing what they're doing hoping someday they'll get it right.

 

[3LittleGymmies]

My daughter can take a lot of critiquing/corrections and is very tough in that way, but she is still nine and sensitive inside. We just found out that her coach was saying really hurtful things to her about an event she was struggling on (not constructive and not just being tough on her, the things she was saying were absolutely unnecessary/uncalled for/inexcusable and it was all season, every practice day... it also explained why she was given so little help on this event). When we found out, she was done there and that was her choice. Had it been one comment one time, it would have been different. We could have probably worked through any issue BUT that one because my kid's heart and confidence come first and as parents leaving their child in the care of someone else in a teaching position that many hours a week, it's just plain unacceptable, We were then told that she could have told her coach she didn't like being spoken to that way. Right, because sweet 9 year old girls challenge authority figures every day. Sadly, she thought it was okay because she was the coach and that's why she didn't tell us sooner. We were met with a lot of backlash when we left about how abrupt it was. But my child comes first and always will and it became more about the lesson that it is never okay to be treated in a way that makes you feel badly inside and that it is perfectly okay to say (in words or in action, ie leaving), "no, you can't treat me like that" and start fresh with someone who doesn't. She understands that this coach made a bad choice repeatedly and forgives her and even likes the person in ways, but just doesn't want a coach like that. Who would?

 

[sce]

Right, because sweet 9 year old girls challenge authority figures every day. Sadly, she thought it was okay because she was the coach and that's why she didn't tell us sooner.

This, yes! Coaches need to understand this. Kids are taught to listen to authority figures. Kids don't know when to question those people. If an authority figure is being mean, it is an abuse of authority and not the kids job to fix!