Trapped (long vent)

[juliasmom]

I was wondering if anyone else is unhappy at their gym, but has no where else to go. There is one girl at my daughter's gym who always gets special treatment. My daughter can always do the skills first, not that her coach ever sees her do them because he is usually not watching. Our coach always works with the "special girl" until she gets it perfect. Sometimes I feel that he thinks she is the only one who matters. I would love to go to another gym, but there is not another one within driving distance. My daughter is very talented and loves gymnastics. She won 1st all around at most of the gym meets last year. We only have one coach for levels 2-7. I think that is part of the problem. I can't go to the owner because the coach is the owner. I don't know what to do, but just stick it out. Today my daughter did a new skill for the first time. She is the only one on her level that can do it. I asked her if her coach saw it. She said no, but she tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen. He NEVER watches or corrects them, except the one girl. I think she could be really good if someone would just help her. It's almost like he wants the "special girl" to beat her even though we are all on the same team. He not only neglects my daughter but others on the team as well. My daughter is very sweet and will do anything that he asks. I just feel so sorry for her. What can I do?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

how old is the age group you're speaking of?

 

[juliasmom]

They range from 7-13. My daughter is 7. She is a level 5. Levels 3-7 are all in the same class. The girl who gets special treatment is also a level 5. There's about 15 girls in the class.

 

[Bobby]

I relate to your frustration over the 'chosen one' syndrome - from both sides. My (nearly 6 y/o) DD is a favourite. She gets lots of motherly attention and just blossoms under her coach's instruction. But I do feel really awkward because I'd probably be stewing over it if I was one of the other mums. They all comment on it - in a nice way. I admire their restraint and the way they don't seem very resentful of us personally. I wouldn't blame them if they complained.
My younger DD rarely gets glanced at (in kindygym) and it drives me nuts. She's very capable but the same couple of (other) girls get all the attention every week. I don't really get why this happens - but I think it has as much/more to do with bonding of personalities than of perceptions of talent.
I wonder if coaches are aware when they do this?
From where I sit the best person to point it out would be a fellow coach.

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

I don't have to deal with the "chosen one" syndrome, but I do sympathise with the feeling that you have no where else to go. We are in the situation where there have been some coaching changes and now what was working for us, is not working so well. This gym really is pretty much our only option, the only other possibile gym is a two hour return drive away. It just wouldn't work for our family/work/situation to do that several times a week.
Different situation to yours I know, but it is incredibly frustrating to feel that there is no other option. Is there another coach you can talk to?

 

[cher062]

Have you ever voiced your concerns to the coach/owner? If not there is no reason you shouldn't have a meeting to tell them how you see things (in a nice way of course).

We have had our share of gym queen favorites and my DD not being the queen too. It's hard to watch but I guess the question is does DD notice it? Is she feeling slighted by it?

Your in a hard situation where there isn't any other gym within driving distance. If your DD is ok with it and she really wants to do this then I don't see that you have any other choice but to voice your opinion to the owner and just deal with it.

How far is the next closest gym?

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

It's hard to watch but I guess the question is does DD notice it? Is she feeling slighted by it?

I would be thinking this as well. Does it bother your DD? Has she ever mentioned it? If it doesn't bother her and she is enjoying her time at gym well then maybe its not something worth tackling.
If it is bothering her, well then I think you have every right to approach the coach.

 

[Gymdad2]

If there is no place else to go then you choice is either deal with the hc/owner or keep quiet. Before you go to the owner, I would find out if any of the other parents have noticed the same with their dds. If so, then you might go as a group to talk about it.

 

[juliasmom]

Thanks for all of the comments. I'm am not one who normally complains about things but this really gets to me. Yes, my daughter has noticed, and it just breaks my heart. She loves her coach and wants him to notice her. I know at least 2 of the other 7 year olds have noticed. They all feel slighted. One of the other moms takes her daughter to another gym 2 hours away for extra lessons once or twice a week. The mom of the special girl is not humble. She brags on how good her daughter is and tells me how the coach says she's the best he's seen in a long time. She also tells me how jealous her daughter gets of mine. The special girls is always trying to beat my daughter in practice,and the coach always makes a bid deal about it when she does.

There are only 2 coaches at our gym. One coaches Recreational Gymnastics and tumble. Our team coach coaches the gym team and the all star cheer squads. There are no other coaches. He does sometimes have student helpers. The next closest gym is 1:15 if the traffic is clear. I have another child and it would be impossible for me to make the drive 4 times a week.

I have talked to the coach about the problem. He says that the special girl demands the attention. I really don't think he realizes that he treats her that much different. Also, last year I asked if my daughter could come one day for some private lessons and just go through her routines, just the two of them. He told me no. I found out later that the special girl was allowed to come for free and practice extra a couple of days a week.

It's not fair. All of the girls should receive the same amount of instruction. I actually pay more than the special girl's parents. She even got to take for free one year. It's just so frustrating. The coach has told me that my daughter is the strongest and most flexible of any of the girls at that gym. He has told me it is very likely that she will be one of the few that makes it to optionals. I don't see that happening if he doesn't start paying attention to her.

Thanks for listening. I'm starting to cool off now.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I would be so frustrated. Things have a way of working themselves out though so hang in there. Do you have a YMCA program close to you if you can't drive to another club?

 

[juliasmom]

The closest YMCA that has gymnastics is probably 4 hours away. Gymnastics is just not that popular in our state. We don't really have a lot of options. Some parents drive 45 minutes or more to get to our gym.

 

[juliasmom]

I am planning to take my daughter to a 3 day camp next month. That way she'll get to do gymnastics for a few days without that one girl being there. I think it will be a good break for her.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Just hang in there. If it is the best that you can do for your daughter now, then that is all you can do. You never know what is around the corner. I feel for you though.

 

[bluesocks]

Can you address the issue as a safety issue? Has one of the other girls (or your DD) fallen because of poor form? I think that is how I would approach it--not about the other girl at all. Something along the lines of "I noticed that my DD almost hurt herself because her form was off. Is there any way you can be sure to watch her to make sure she is getting it right and not getting hurt next time?" YMMV.

blue

 

[juliasmom]

Any time I have said anything about her form, he tells me not worry about it he is her coach and will take care of it. I have seen my daughter fall on her head off of the beam from the waiting area. I had to go and tell him because he was busy talking to someone and never knew it happened. Some days are better than others. We will stick it out for now. I have tried to talk to him but it doesn't seem to matter. I really think that I could take my daughter out of gymnastics and would get no argument from him. I guess I'll just be thankful that there is a gymnastics program that my daughter can participate in. Most of the parents never step foot in the gym. They simply drop their daughters off and pick them up in the parking lot. I might have to become one of those moms so that I don't know what's going on. I rarely stay the whole time, but I usually drop in from time to time to see what's going on.

 

[ZJsMom]

It sounds like a safety issue to me. 15 girls with one coach is too many. I think especially when there are a range of ages and levels. When everyone's working on different things, it's even harder for the coach. I would talk to the coach, not about the one girl in particular, but I think I would tell him you think the group's gotten too big and your dd isn't getting adequate attention and instruction. In my opinion, he should split that group in two.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

One of the other moms takes her daughter to another gym 2 hours away for extra lessons once or twice a week.

The next closest gym is 1:15 if the traffic is clear. I have another child and it would be impossible for me to make the drive 4 times a week.

Could you car pool with this mom?

 

[CoachAngela]

Since you've spoken to the coach, have things changed at all?

Obviously your 7 year old sounds talented. If she is placing first AA with little attention, maybe things are working for her this way. I am not suggesting that this is the only/good way for the coach to behave. Playing favourites is never okay. But, she sounds very independent and that is a wonderful trait for a gymnast to have.

 

[jdf]

If your dd really loves gymnastics, I would stick with it and try to wait it out. Seven is really young- maybe the favorite will get frustrated with the harder skills and drop out.

 

[bogwoppit]

15 to 1 is crazy!