Parents When is it time to call it quits?

[gymmommy72]

Question: As a parent I am wondering if it isn't time to have my daughter start looking at different sports, leaving gymnatics behind. This is not an easy thought...I know we would both miss it, but she is 9 1/2 just finished level 5, with an AA high of 35.5, she is more than likely repeating level 5. I am struggling with the repeat because I feel if she were truly talented, she wouldn't have to repeat multiple levels. Just frustrated!!

 

[KarenUK]

Is she still enjoying it?

 

[MdGymMom01]

I agree that if she is still enjoying it, then let her continue. And if it makes you feel any better or puts things in perspective for you, my 12 YO (who will be competing as a 13 YO this next season) will be repeating Level 5 (Level B for her league) for the 3rd year in a row. Her league is an optional league so she will have different routines and new floor music to break up some of the monotony, but she still enjoys it (at least for now). My dd is also heavily into ballet and we have decided that this season will be her last for gymnastics, so that she can focus more on the dance when she hits 8th grade and high school. We have taken it year by year (sometimes month by month) to see if the interest, passion, talent and feasibility of the schedule is still there. I understand your frustration of having to "repeat" levels, but repeating is very common in gymnastics. It does NOT mean that the child is not talented or should quit gymnastics. Some kids just take a little bit longer to get certain skills. Hang in there--if she still enjoys it, then let her be and chances are she will have a leg up on the competition and really shine this season which is always a great motivator and confidence booster for any gymnast.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Why do you think she is repeating Level 5? My DD never scored higher than a 34.9 the entire season (she is 11) and she is most likely moving up to Prep Op or Level 7. (our gym scores out of Level 6).
Does she have all her L6 skills?

Alot of girls struggle with compulsaries but make amazing optional gymnasts!

Is she still enjoying gymnastics?
Most girls are going to go through some times where things do not come easy. This is no reason to quit if it is something she enjoys

 

[cathiann]

Does your gym have a higher move-up score than required by USAG?? And I'm with the others--if she's enjoying it, then who cares what level she is? Many (probably even MOST) gymnasts repeat levels--a lot repeat more than once or more than one level. That doesn't mean they should quit the sport. And your daughter must be doing fairly well to be getting above a 35 AA score.

 

[gymmommy72]

Her coach hasn't come right out and say she's repeating, but with talking to her coach, the impression we are left with is that she will not be moving up. As far as level 6 skills, she stuggles with her kip cast, she can kip and she can cast, but struggling with putting the two together. Floor is great...we good...she can ro bhs bt and starting lay-outs, fhs good, ft needs work...lands in squat position. Beam..bwo is good...she still a little nervous but she can do it. Vault...hit or miss...in level 5 she'd vault only 8.75...she's better during competition then she is in practice. Her bars are okay..she can do the fly away and just learned (b/c never practiced it) the free hip (or clear hip). I think she's on target which is why I am having issues...b/c I really thought she'd be moved up. I do try to stay out of it all, but it's hard to justify not moving up when I can see others who are better on bars, but she's better on beam and floor.

Does she still love it...yes, she's not ready to quit, but I am sure I could convince her to move on...although I haven't tried. She has given up all other activities just for this one....which tells me she really enjoys it...although she says she doesn't want to repeat level 5 but she also doesn't want to quit...we are in a pickle (LOL). She really loves the gym...coaches are very good with all the girls. I just think with all the time invested (past, current and future) would it be best to let it go and start doing more with school friends (b/c currently...no time with school friends).

Thanks Just venting...if anyone has been down this road, your opinions are welcomed. If she moves up...I will let everyone know. LOL...but not holding my breathe!

 

[lilgymmie7]

Her coach hasn't come right out and say she's repeating, but with talking to her coach, the impression we are left with is that she will not be moving up. As far as level 6 skills, she stuggles with her kip cast, she can kip and she can cast, but struggling with putting the two together. Floor is great...we good...she can ro bhs bt and starting lay-outs, fhs good, ft needs work...lands in squat position. Beam..bwo is good...she still a little nervous but she can do it. Vault...hit or miss...in level 5 she'd vault only 8.75...she's better during competition then she is in practice. Her bars are okay..she can do the fly away and just learned (b/c never practiced it) the free hip (or clear hip). I think she's on target which is why I am having issues...b/c I really thought she'd be moved up. I do try to stay out of it all, but it's hard to justify not moving up when I can see others who are better on bars, but she's better on beam and floor.

Does she still love it...yes, she's not ready to quit, but I am sure I could convince her to move on...although I haven't tried. She has given up all other activities just for this one....which tells me she really enjoys it...although she says she doesn't want to repeat level 5 but she also doesn't want to quit...we are in a pickle (LOL). She really loves the gym...coaches are very good with all the girls. I just think with all the time invested (past, current and future) would it be best to let it go and start doing more with school friends (b/c currently...no time with school friends).

Thanks Just venting...if anyone has been down this road, your opinions are welcomed. If she moves up...I will let everyone know. LOL...but not holding my breathe!

If your DD is still loving to be in the gym, I really think that speaks volumes. Many gyms move up girls too fast IMHO. I think perfecting the basics is really important because they definitely transfer to the upper levels. Repeating a level is not a definitive of whether a gymnast has talent or not. I do believe most coaches do know what they are doing when they consider moving/not moving up the gymnast.

At DD's gym, I have been told that the girl's level is really not determined until they get closer to competition. DD may very well repeat level 5 again. I put all my trust in her coaches completely. They know what she is capable of doing. Today alone she did her FF on high beam and did a few round off flip flop fulls into the pit. She did the fulls because her coach held a 'carrot' in front of her and said if she did it the entire gym would get an open gym on Friday. Of course DD HAD to do it. Her skill is well above a level 5, but at her gym they are big on uptraining and not so big on rushing the kids. What I noted happening is that these girls on DD's team turn out to be solid gymnasts. That is what I want for DD. I don't want to just say, "Hey DD is a ...gymnast at 7/8/9..." If she is to stay in gym, there has to be a 'rhyme' to it. It sounds like you trust her coaches and she loves being in the gym doing gymnastics. That right there is your answer. Many kids repeat levels. There is nothing wrong with that. And just because she repeats now does not mean she will repeat all levels. Give it time and you should see how much she improves. Good luck to you and keep us posted on what you both decide.

 

[bribri514]

I have to say, only let her quit if she's no longer enjoying it! If she's not liking it because she's not progressing, be careful that outside attitudes may be rubbing off on her. It's important with kids that they know you don't equate success with scores. Learning a new trick, or helping a teammate, or learning discipline to work through something hard. These should be what's celebrated in gym, not just getting on the podium. That's the attitude I have with my DN, even though she just started. If the end of the season, she winds up hating it, I'll let her quit regardless if she was able to skip L 6 or had to repeat L 5. For me I quit gym twice, once because I couldn't uptrain at another gym and had problems with my HS team and wanted to cheer, and the second because the doctors and trainers and coaches said I had to. My mom stayed out of that, although she was behind me and helping me 100% of the time.

Gymnastics is a long, difficult sport. You need lots of patience! (which is strange b/c I've been told I've very impatient, gym must have taken it out of me!) You can't expect a super star in a year.

That said if your DD is in gym just to be a super star you might have your priorities wrong. You're not alone, it's just sad because it keeps so many kids from getting what I think the true benefits of gymnastics are!

 

[bribri514]

Does she still love it...yes, she's not ready to quit, but I am sure I could convince her to move on...although I haven't tried. She has given up all other activities just for this one....which tells me she really enjoys it...although she says she doesn't want to repeat level 5 but she also doesn't want to quit...we are in a pickle (LOL). She really loves the gym...coaches are very good with all the girls. I just think with all the time invested (past, current and future) would it be best to let it go and start doing more with school friends (b/c currently...no time with school friends).

Thanks Just venting...if anyone has been down this road, your opinions are welcomed. If she moves up...I will let everyone know. LOL...but not holding my breathe!

Sorry I missed this part! I usually read everything before posting, promise. I don't know what state you're in but when I competed there were two rec leagues CARA and EAGLES (Colorado) and while my DN is doing JO there's also Mason Dixon (Virginia/DC area). There are loads of local rec leagues elsewhere in the country that she could do if she loves gym but is frustrated by L 5. Maybe then she could go back to USAG after a year of that if her skills progress? Some girls benefit from the relaxed and fun nature of the rec leagues and are able to quickly learn skills they struggled with. It's definitely worth checking out! Just don't let her quit gym because she's not acing a few skills, it would be such a tragedy. Especially since she seems to like it, having quit everything but this! Good luck, let us know!

 

[Empowered]

I understand your frustration, I honestly do. My daughter, also 9 is a dreadful compulsory gymnast and always will be. Love her to death, but you people have seen her videos so let's call a spade a spade here. She isn't a dancer, she isn't flexible and she doesn't have great form. Her high as a L4 was in the 35's and it was the same for L5. She was moved to L6 because she picks up skills very quickly and though she will likely still score poorly as a L6, she'll move to L7 because she has many of the skills already and I don't see her not getting the few she is missing.

Is it hard sometimes, having one of the few kids on your team who couldn't sniff a 37 with Cyrano de Bergerac's nose, yeah... that's hard (especially when there is that one loud parent who is always mentioning your child's lousy scores), but she loves it and I love her ergo I pay the bills for as long as she wants. Her teammates don't like her because she scores high, they like her because she's fun and she likes gymnastics because she gets to learn cool tricks, not just because she's winning.

Who knows, maybe one day two years from now we'll both be talking about how our daughters finally hit L7 and lo and behold they did have great scores in them and it just took them longer to figure it all out. Or maybe they'll still be scoring 35's and still love it... but don't give up on her just because she isn't the best or she's moving a little slower than the others... She just might surprise you in the end

 

[bribri514]

Sharks I wish I could like that more than once! That made me smile so much.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

sharks i wish i could like that more than once! That made me smile so much.

ditto !!!!

 

[cher062]

If she loves doing this and still wants to do it then what difference does it really make if she repeats? does she have to be that talented superstar gym queen or can she be the average gymnast who just love doing the sport?

My DD repeated L4 at 6yo. she will never be the superstar gymnast but she does have some talent. Unlike some of the really talented kids who get a skill just by thinking of it my DD has worked very hard and it took her longer to get alot of skills from L4 - L6. She repeated L7. During this past season things just clicked for her and she has placed in the top 10 at every meet. At states her best event was bars where she placed 2nd and her worst event I think was vault where she placed 10th. And what happened to all those really talented kids from L4 - 6? Most hit L6 and all of a sudden things got hard and they started dropping like flies. The ones left did one season at L7 and didn't place like they use to and the skills they now had to work really hard at instead of just getting them and most of them too quit. Out of all the girls my DD started with who were considered the "really talented" I know of only 3 that are still with it.

What I have seen is the girls who are "average" and have to work really hard for their skills are use to doing that and when they make it to the Optional levels and they have to still work hard they are use to it where as the kid that things came easy for are easily frustraited.

For me unless my DD said she didn't want to do it anymore i would let her keep at it. She doesn't have to be the superstar she just has to have FUN. That goes for any sport or activity she does.

 

[gymmommy72]

Clear things up a little, it's not her scores that make me want to move on to other things...it's repeating every level. It takes at least 4 hours of our day four days a week...because we live far enough that we don't come home between drop off and pick up...if the gym was 10 minutes and we came home in between, I would say doing it for fun to be okay. But the time we spent away from other members of the family is taxing. If she's doing it just for fun...it's starting to wear on me...however if she's doing it to progress and having fun...then I am all for it. She isn't asking to quit....but if she just having fun I feel like we could find other things for fun. I at times feel she needs more of a social sport...to encourage interaction. She has a hard time with how "some" of the girls treat her...she doesnt understand how they an be so mean...she is sensitive to it all due to previous experience. Sorry for the long post...just trying to make good decisions. I do appreciate all comments it does help make sense of how I feel as a parent. Glad to have a place to ask questions and get opinions. Thanks everyone. Oh..I do not expect her to be the super star...but I do expect her to work hard and progress. I want her to do well and feel good about herself...nothing more

 

[jdf]

My daughter has been injured for the last 4 months, and I have to admit that while I of course want her to be all better, I love having her home those 4 hours a day, and I do not miss the commute at all. So I know what you mean that this sport is a heavy commitment of time away from family for you both, and you are right to question if it is worth it. I think everyone on the team is talented, but of course some have more success than others. I think you have to define success on your own terms, and see what your dd is getting out of the sport besides scores and medals. I love the whole process of learning a new skill: It is impossible to do, then with a lot of practice you can do it, more practice you can do it well. I think that that process gives the gymnasts such confidence in their ability to attack any new skill in school or life.

 

[cathiann]

Is her coach approachable? I'm thinking you should set up a meeting with her (him) and just ask what they are thinking in terms of level she'll be competing this year. And if they say repeating level 5--then ask what she needs to move up to level 6.

That said--it sounds more like you are concerned with the drive rather than repeating. If that's the real issue--is there no gym closer to your home? And if the drive truly is a killer and you want her to quit, then make that decision--don't base it on whether the drive is worth it because she's really doing well skill-wise. IMHO, it's a family choice and what makes it worth it--is whether she's loving the sport and doing well emotionally and growing personally. You said she's always chosen gymnastics over other sports. Is that still true? Have you asked her again recently if there are other sports she'd like to try?

 

[Aussie_coach]

Repeating in gymnastics is not like repeating in school, the levels aren't designed to take 1 year exactly. Repeating doesn't mean she isn't very talented.

All gymnasts get stuck at a certain point. Some take ages to get the basics down and then zoom through the higher levels, some zoom through the lower levels and get stuck on some of the advanced skills.

Getting stuck is not a bad thing, it develops the kids in ways they never would if it was all easy. When the child quits because she is not progressing as she should it doesn't teach the best life skills. But when a child is struggling at some point, but works hard and pushes through and becomes a better gymnast because of it then she will take that with her for the rest of her life.

She won;t get these same positive lessons at school, the advantage of gymnastics is that the kids truly love it. And when you truly love something the dedication and passion allows you to succeed. This is something gymnasts then take with them for the rest of their lives and apply to all that they do.

 

[ThreeGirlsForMe]

I understand your frustration, I honestly do. My daughter, also 9 is a dreadful compulsory gymnast and always will be. Love her to death, but you people have seen her videos so let's call a spade a spade here. She isn't a dancer, she isn't flexible and she doesn't have great form. Her high as a L4 was in the 35's and it was the same for L5. She was moved to L6 because she picks up skills very quickly and though she will likely still score poorly as a L6, she'll move to L7 because she has many of the skills already and I don't see her not getting the few she is missing.

Is it hard sometimes, having one of the few kids on your team who couldn't sniff a 37 with Cyrano de Bergerac's nose, yeah... that's hard (especially when there is that one loud parent who is always mentioning your child's lousy scores), but she loves it and I love her ergo I pay the bills for as long as she wants. Her teammates don't like her because she scores high, they like her because she's fun and she likes gymnastics because she gets to learn cool tricks, not just because she's winning.

Who knows, maybe one day two years from now we'll both be talking about how our daughters finally hit L7 and lo and behold they did have great scores in them and it just took them longer to figure it all out. Or maybe they'll still be scoring 35's and still love it... but don't give up on her just because she isn't the best or she's moving a little slower than the others... She just might surprise you in the end

I swear you are talking about my daugher here! I can SOO relate to this! She is strong but her form, well, it stinks! LOL

I keep hoping for the day that she decides to care about it because only then will it change.

 

[eme777]

Well, after reading your original post, I was thinking "heck yeah, she should stick with it!" My only suggestion would have been, if she's not moving up, make sure the coaches continue to let her up-skill all year. You hate to lose progress that was made over the summer.

After reading your second post, I'm not so sure. It doesn't seems like the gym is a good fit. I understand the driving part, since I've been doing that myself. It just doesn't seem worth it, though, if she's not happy socially. I know girls should learn to work out social issues, but for the amount of time & money being invested into the gym, it's not the appropriate place for your DD to have to deal with them. Is there a closer gym or a different gym that's the same distance? It sounds like she still loves gymnastics, but some sort of change is in order.

 

[gymmommy72]

Eme777.....changes gyms is not even an option. She loves the coaches and says she knows there will always be girls that are not very nice. She loves the sport and is not ready to quit...being a good mom...I will push through this valley and hope her coaches see she is so close and move her. As a parent, I feel I need a break..lol. I just watched the doc Ali video and think I need to just cheer her on and not stress so much. I just want her to do her personal best and I really feel she gets bored without being challenged. A few of you mentioned how your daughters are perfectionests...nor is mine...but she does have skill...or so I thought...but I began to question everything when realizing she may repeat L5. I will hang in until she's ready to hang up her "Leo". Thanks for letting me vent and get opinions.