Parents Advice needed on how to get my daughters spark back!

[balesinks]

This is my first time posting but I stumbled across this site and thought who better to get advice from then other parents of gymnasts. My daughter competed level 7 this year. It was a pretty rough year for her. She has only been competing for 4 years. She skipped 5. She has been with most of her team mates since then. They are super close. Two days ago she found out that she and one other girl are repeating 7 and all the rest of her friends are moving to 8 (including her two BFF's). No big deal we kind of figured that would happen and were actually hoping that would happen with the year she had. She HATES beam and that series with a back handspring got the best of her. Last night after practice she told be she wanted to quit and that she is not having fun anymore and its to much pressure. The HC's put to much pressure on her to get the new skills. I asked for more insight on why she thought that was. I told her maybe they do that because they know you have it in you? I know my daughter loves gymnastics and I don't truly believe she wants to walk away. Her tears tell me otherwise. She is 13 and hormonal and moods change rapidly. I am at a loss. I have reached out to other parents on the team but since their kids are not going through it they don't get it. I want to be supportive if walking away is really what she wants to do but how do I know that and not some rash decision made off emotions. I offered her to go to Xcel for less pressure and she refuses. I offered looking at other gyms for different coaching styles she refuses. She was working on her back tuck on beam the other day and landed it and was on cloud nine. I am sure this is stemming from the change up of girls moving and her feeling she is left behind. I tried to tell her its only a year then they all going possibly be back together next year. I want her to love it again. I want her to want to go to practice. I don't want her to walk away and regret it. I did tell her she would have to stick it out for the summer then before the season starts we can revisit secretly hoping she finds her spark again. HELP!! Advice?

 

[gymbeam]

If this frustration and desire to quit all new, then I'd try and negotiate a few more weeks of practice before making a final decision.
But other than that, its her decision. She's in the driver's seat. Everyone else can be in the car with her- but she's gotta have the wheel.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Big decisions need time. So set a time down the road to revisit and then if she wants to be done, let her be done.

I would have see how off season goes, perhaps 3/4 way through to revisit.

 

[LLmom]

Did her season just end and did she take any time off? Imho the end of season is the best time for a short break, for both physical and mental refreshing. Take a week or two off and then send her back?

Our head girls coach has a great "quitting" plan here...if someone wants to quit they have to take 2-4 weeks off (it's usually 4), then they have to come back for another month. At the end of two months if they still want to quit, they are "allowed" with the understanding that they are always welcomed back if they change their mind...at whatever level they are at. For most...after a month of missing the gym and then being back with their friends and their sport they are super happy to be back!

But I'd definitely advocate for a short break either way .

 

[sce]

A few things: why is there pressure to get skills if she is repeating? Also, off season just started a time that should be fun, not pressure. Have you talked with her about it? Is it possible she has thought about quitting fur awhile, but is just me speaking up?

 

[munchkin3]

New skills is a great way to get the spark back.........any coach that declares 'repeating' now is stupid......the season just ended.....the summer hasn't begun......who knows who will get what.......
Take a vacation and do not utter the work 'gymnastics'

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Did her season just end and did she take any time off? Imho the end of season is the best time for a short break, for both physical and mental refreshing. Take a week or two off and then send her back?

Our head girls coach has a great "quitting" plan here...if someone wants to quit they have to take 2-4 weeks off (it's usually 4), then they have to come back for another month. At the end of two months if they still want to quit, they are "allowed" with the understanding that they are always welcomed back if they change their mind...at whatever level they are at. For most...after a month of missing the gym and then being back with their friends and their sport they are super happy to be back!

But I'd definitely advocate for a short break either way .

Love that coach

 

[Kristie]

Is anything else outside of gymnastics going on in her life that is causing her frustration also? It might be that there is just too much for her to handle and the easy thing to do is call it quits. I agree with the break. Perhaps she just needs a little bit of time to get her life back under control.

As adults, I think we forget that kids are people too and get the same emotions we do, only they haven't had the experience to cope with many of the crap that gets thrown their way.

You're being a great parent by wanting to get her through this. It's a life lesson and I applaud you because so many people would be either "You have to do this no matter what" or "Fine, quit". By trying to figure out the issue, you're telling her that some times, we just need to sort things out first before we throw in the towel and that is a skill she will use for the rest of her life.

 

[gymmom41]

Also agree with setting a date in the future, a month or 2 down the line, and if she's still sure then probably important to respect it. A couple years ago my DD wanted to quit. Apparently she wasn't happy with her tumbling but never said anything to me or the coaches. She could do the skills but they weren't as good as her teammates. But she just told me gymnastics wasn't fun anymore. Anyway, we said she had to finish the season before quitting. Her tumbling got better and she's been happy she didn't quit ever since. I'm sure we'll go through it again at some point so at least I'll know to question her a bit more about what's going on at gym.