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For Parents Almost lost one......

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Gymmonkeymomma

Active Member
Proud Parent
Mar 7, 2008
1,991
Region 7
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USA
A gymmie, that is! After my glowing report about the bar fairy a couple of weeks go, last week started off diastrously. I don't know if something specific happened in the gym, or DD (oldest one) was just having bad night. She had a complete meltdown the next day, telling me she wanted to quit gymnastics (the first time she ever said that in all these years) and that it was all "too hard". I'm talking about meltdown as in hysterical crying. She said she wanted to just tumble and go to open tumbling, be on the non-competitive "team" and do cheering. I told her that there is no way I am paying for her to go to OT to waste her talent there. There is no way her coaches would accept her as an OT knowing what she could be as a gymnast. I told her there is no way that I would pay for her to be a non-competitive gymnast either! UGH. Yes, I am a mean mother sometimes! If someone told me that she has no future in gymnastics, I would save my money and let her just do cheering. But that is so not the case. She is just having serious fear issues with bars. I found out after she calmed down that there were things being said, alot of negative remarks coming from coaches to try to "light a fire" under her and some other girls. This in the past has always done more harm than good for kids like my DD.

Anyway, I went to the gym and talked to the program director who in turned talked to the coaches. There was a big pow wow between the HC and the Level 8 team. The PD also talked to my DD and together we got her to agree to try working with a new coach... At first she was not even open to having a private because in the past, privates have been torture - the few that she's had have been me paying a coach to yell and scream at her for an hour. I convinced her to try C (the new coach) b/c I had heard that he had a completely different philosphy from the others. With a little bribery on my part DD agreed to work with C and it was actually a very positive session. He broke down skills for her into specific steps and she now understands what she's been doing wrong and how to correctly do the skills. Tonight, C was coaching bars and for the first time in a long time, I watched DD go back up to the pit bar again and again. In the past, she was happy to linger by the chalk bucket and try to remain invisible! I took this to be a good sign. After practice, C came out and talked to me about what they had been working on (something no other coach has ever done before). I told him that to see her go back for more instead of spending time playing with chalk was a big step for her!!

On a really good note, little Monkey told me that she doesn't like town-cheering because all they do is yell (the coaches who are high school girls) and after this yr she never wants to do it again!! Yay!!
 

bogwoppit

Former Admin
Gold Membership
Former Gymnast
Feb 26, 2007
16,724
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I really feel for you both, fear is such a wierd intangible and nobody really gets another persons fear. Thank goodness you got the right response from the gym and that they had a great new coach who was willing and able to start working o the issue.

I am impressed that you managed to get her to go back, I know that must've been tough, especially when your own feeling got in the mix. Hopefully this is the beginning of a love affair with bars for your DD. Like math, it only takes one great teacher to put the fun back in.

Hopefully this will also reduce some of the negative coaching too.

Great about the little one not liking town cheer, maybe she could feel the negative karma!!!:D
 

Gymmonkeymomma

Active Member
Proud Parent
Mar 7, 2008
1,991
Region 7
Country
USA
Hopefully this will also reduce some of the negative coaching too.

I hope so too! Just to give a little background, we had a similar problem last year, and at that point, I was seriously looking at other gyms because of the negativity. Since then, one coach (a very seasoned one but with bad attitude) has been fired. Last August, just before the start of L7 DD and 3 teammates were told that they were not "as good as A" and would be repeating L6 while A competes 7. This is something they constantly do, they pit these girls against each other.

When I was talking to their beam coach last week in the midst of the drama, she started telling me what a great gymnast DD is and how she is the closest one to getting certain skills and how she does these beautiful wolf jumps, etc. So I said to her, does anyone ever tell DD this? She just thinks she sucks at everything! I honestly don't know how much of DD's negativity about her own abilities is from her own fears and how much is what she perceives is being told to her. The PD (who btw came from our old gym) says that with certain kids, it takes 200 positive things to overcome one negative thing that is said to them.

Another thing is there have been alot of changes within our gym lately, and this has really had a huge effect on girls like my DD and a couple of other L8's who have been there for a long time. So this on top of everything else, including the hormones, is really affecting many of the kids.
 

melmonette

Active Member
Aug 16, 2007
636
omaha, ne
awwwwwwwwww I am sorry your gymmie was having a tough time:(
I am glad she decided to stick with it though... We sometimes go through that too...
 

gymmomntc2e6

Moderator/Proud Parent
Aug 25, 2007
2,842
North Carolina
I am glad she seems to be doing better w / the new coach. From what I can tell our gym does not compare the gymmies to each other - that I don't think promotes teamwork at all.

Best of luck w/ her new coach and hopefully a gym full of new attitudes.
 
F

flippymonkeysmom

Guest
I'm sorry to hear she is having a tough time. I hope the changes work and she is a happy gym monkey again soon.

Throwing the hormones of this age into the mix makes whatever they are doing oh so much fun ;)
 

Ingymmom

Active Member
Jul 12, 2007
981
:relieved: whew! Glad to hear it all worked out or now... bars can be a very scary, tough event, and (like bog said) fear varies from one to another so no one else can always understand it. It does not help when a gymmie has to listen to a negative comment while going through something I have no doubt SHE would give anything to not be going through... poor baby, virtual hugs for her &

Best wishes and lots of bar sprinkly dust to help her continue get through this.
 

vmom

Member
Feb 15, 2008
130
I'm sooo glad she was able to work with this coach and feel positive! I hate when coaches start comparing the girls to each other. The girls should be building each other up, not tearing each other apart. It's not fun to be at gym when all you're thinking is, "I'm never going to be as good as so-and-so. Why bother?" There is a lot of that going around DD's gym and she is so discouraged. :mad: Good luck to you guys!
 

Gymmonkeymomma

Active Member
Proud Parent
Mar 7, 2008
1,991
Region 7
Country
USA
The girls should be building each other up, not tearing each other apart. It's not fun to be at gym when all you're thinking is, "I'm never going to be as good as so-and-so. Why bother?" There is a lot of that going around DD's gym and she is so discouraged. :mad: Good luck to you guys!

Exactly! When it comes to "flight or fight" my dd is not a fighter! There are 2 girls that are highly motivated and it works for them. The others just get discouraged.

I'm sorry that your dd is going thru the same. Hugs to her!
 

hunde2

Active Member
Nov 5, 2007
664
Sorry to hear your daughter having a hard time.We went through a few of those before too.Luckily we have coaches that are very patient with the kids.There is never any yelling and if one teammate is mean to another and the coaches find out about it thekids are being talked to.
From what I'm reading from your post is that she did not get very much attention from the other coach on bars and it sounds like your gym did the right thing and made some adjustments.
 
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