Parents DD BWO block and MY Frustration!

[cadybearsmommy]

I'm going to be honest here. I think you need to take a giant step back. I've been there done that and yes I've been the mom to put pressure on them during blocks too and trust me it will make things so much worse. A fear in gymnastics can be really intense, and yes it can get to the point where they don't even want to step foot on the apparatus anymore.

Let her coaches handle it. Stay out of the gym. She needs to go back to very basics on this, very simple progressions. If you are in there watching her and she knows you are getting upset with her, she will only become more fearful.


If it's still a big issue after a month or so, look into the Doc Alli fear program. But only if she wants to do it and is willing to do the work that goes along with it. It really helped my dd but I had to step back and let her do it, only stepping in to help if she had a question or needed a partner for an exercise.

I'm not trying to be harsh but I'm speaking from experience. This is very common and it will not be the last time your dd deals with a fear or mental block. The less involved you get in it, the less stressed she will be and it will more than likely resolve more quickly. If you continue to call her out and give her a hard time, threaten to make her switch gyms, move to excel, etc this one small fear could blow up into a bigger overall confidence issue and start affecting other events as well. I've been that mom. I've seen it. Take a huge step back, stay out of the gym and let her coaches handle it.

 

[mommyof1]

Just throwing this out there--hearing from someone other than you and her regular coaches that blocks are normal and can be overcome with time might help her cope. My kid never believed me or her coach when we told her that growth spurts can throw things off. Then one day we went to a (non-sports) seminar led by an M.D. who spent several minutes explaining to the girls that many athletes experience coordination issues when they hit their big tween growth spurt, that this causes many girls to quit their sports, and that girls who hang in there and wait it out will eventually get their skills back and experience success again. My kid turned to me with big eyes and mouthed "REALLY?" Just hearing it from a neutral third party was very powerful--it was like a light bulb went off. Hopefully she'll remember this later on when she really needs it.

Maybe parents of kids who use Doc Ali can comment on whether this topic is covered in the Doc Ali materials?

 

[flippingtogether]

You asked for advice of those that have been there, done that. And you've gotten the same thing from everyone.

She IS giving 100%. Right now, on this skill and event, this is her 100%. It might look like nothing to you, but she is killing herself inside for not being able to do it. And standing up on the beam not being able to do it is NOT going to help. It will make it worse. Telling her you love her, but if you don't do this skill on my timeframe then there will be consequences, is not supporting her.

So push, make her stand up there for 30 minutes crying in front of everyone. Make her start to hate gym...and her coaches....and you....for not understanding. But mostly she will hate herself for not being able to do what everyone thinks she should do. This is the worst part - my dd went through a period of self-loathing that was becoming unhealthy. I almost pulled her from gym NOT because she couldn't get the skills but because she was beating herself up so badly that it wasn't a healthy place for her.

Punish her (because that is what it will feel like to her) for something she can't control and move her to the other gym, where the issue will continue or get worse. Then in a year, she will be done. You will be "right" and she will be done. Hopefully she will find another sport or activity that means so much to her and that she loves, until you kill that love, too.

Or, listen to the many wise parents here that have been going through this for years.

^^^^^^ This times a million.

She isn't doing a skill because she can't. There are many reasons why that might be the case - here are a few things to read so hopefully you can understand it better:

http://completeperformancecoaching.com/2017/01/01/mental-blocks/

https://www.competitivedge.com/overcoming-performance-fears-and-blocks-gymnastics-0
This second link explains a lot about the need for everyone to back off, and for the gymnast to do the skill where she is comfortable (like floor beam with stacked mats, or a line on the floor - doesn't matter). I actually called Dr Goldberg as my DD was REALLY REALLY stuck and just talking to him made me feel better. He is NOT a hard-selling guy, though he does sell materials. Two other moms I know have talked to him on the phone - complimentary "what do you think?" calls - he is very very helpful.

Good luck!! And listen to all the smart folks posting here - we have been through this!!!!

 

[Ali'sMom]

I didn't read all of the responses, but I have a gymmie who went through this.
Developed a HUGE block and paralyzing fear the summer going into L6.

She would get on the beam like you're thinking she should.
She would raise her arms up over her head to go for it. Rock back and forth. Waiting for her body to listen to her head.
She would wipe her hands on her shorts and put her hands back up there. And try. And rock. And wipe her hands. Then be wiping her face from the frustration tears. Then put her hands back up, and start again. And NOT go for it. and get told she might as well get back down (in her head it was interpreted as "Because you're stupid and a bad gymnast and can't even do a freaking BWO". Although never meant that way)
One day a mom who was at practice texted me and said she timed DD standing on that beam - she stood with her hands up, and rocking, and fixing her shorts and hands back up for TWENTY minutes. And when she got off, her body was shaking so hard from crying she had to take a few minutes to compose herself.

They finally took the BWO out of her routine (no, I'm not suggesting that).
We had a good season with CW.

As soon as states was over, it started again, because they wanted her to get it.

So together a plan was made. "This many BWOs on floor beam for this many days". "This many on fat beam for this many days". You get the idea.
Well, once she hit the point that it was time to bring it to the crank beam, she couldn't. Absolutely could not. SO, to prove that she was "working on it", she was doing 20-25 a day on the low beam. She was PROUD of herself that she could show that she was working on it. And in the next breath, complaining about how much her back hurt.
The X-ray showed a stress rx in her spine. The beginning of a stress fracture (pretty much). Very healable, etc. She came back and had another great level 6 season (She also sprained her ankle as soon as she was cleared from her back, so she was out of hard landings for a long time, and didn't want the stress of the giant on the real bars so close to meet season, so she chose to repeat).

I'm not trying to scare you - that's not my point. But, visably/physically working on it not necessarily what she needs.
A brain break from trying could be what she needs. No pressure.

A mental block and fear is quite different than not trying. I can't tell you how many times DD cried saying "I"M TRYING!!!! My head is doing it, but my body.just.won't.do.it." And then failure would make it worse.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

To OP: I know it probably feels like you're getting hammered here, but it really is good advice. But I want to say to you that I GET IT! You're not crazy. It is frustrating. This sport is wonderful and infuriating all at once, and I can't imagine that there is one parent who can honestly say that they haven't felt the way you feeling now are at some point. We can't help how we feel, but we can help what we do with it. And I've learned that I have to genuinely calm myself down not just fake it because kids are smart. They take their cues from us. They can read our body language and feel our frustration and no kid wants to feel like they're letting their parent down. Right now Puma Jr is killing me with her freaking casts. In USAIGC, bars are the biggest difference from what I've seen so far, and bars happen to be her strength. She is seriously a good cast away from putting herself in a position to be State Champion or better since high 8s/low 9s usually win based past scores what I've seen. It only has to be a little above horizontal! That's it! And something she's easily been able to do for years, but apparently it is a big problem right now?! Arrrrr But..I'm in the process of just letting it go. My kid is happy and healthy and she'll either figure it out or she won't. It is what it is. This thread is helping me and I'm sure others too! You got this. Vent away, then hopefully you can reframe it. She'll be good! GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[GymMom4]

Yes, it is frustrating and I have been in your situation before multiple times.

My daughter has had blocks on different skills and I have learned that the best thing for me to do is to bite my tongue unless I can be encouraging and just let her and the coach work it out. Sometimes the coach has had to back off and let my daughter figure it out, and this she has done on her own multiple times. It seemed that when the pressure was off and it was just up to her she figured out how to do the skill. She did this with her flyaway out of her giants, moving her bhs to the high beam and with flipping her vault into the pit.

Give her time and space, don't focus on it and she will figure it out. It is hard to watch and we often think they should just be able to get the skill but it's not that simple when they are dealing with a block.

 

[NutterButter]

Let me be clear. We have said we love you, proud of you, relax, it will come eventually. I could go on..... yep, there are strings. If my kid is not giving their best effort and no longer wants to give 100% we can move to a closer, less expensive gym. I teach life lessons. If you do not perform well at your job, you do not get rewarded. I never said she has to get x skill. I said I need to see she is giving her best effort. I do not understand why holding my child accountablle is an issue. Is it fair to my other child who sits though hours of gym and also has an hour in the car drive. Some things effect a family. I am ok with a block. I am not ok with avoidance. If my child sprained an ankle I would still expect her to condition. So yes, I expect to at least see her standing on the beam vs sitting on the floor. I asked the question because I was trying to understand a block vs inattention and avoidance.

You seem to have bigger issues with gym. I understand the family and financial commitment. I'm 5 years in and still question this from time to time. Mostly I dream of what else I'd be doing with the $10-$12K/year that I spend on gym. It's fun for me to fantasize about a trip to Hawaii or remodeling the house. Maybe the closer/less expensive gym really is a better option for your family & lifestyle. What attracted you to the further one in the first place? I'm assuming it's a combination of their reputation, ability to coach higher levels, ability to produce college gymnasts, etc. Sounds like you got held up on a name and a dream for your kid but now that the dream may not be going according to YOUR plan, you are having second thoughts.

You have gotten consistent and good advice about blocks from those who have BTDT. Blocks are so hard to understand. What you see as inattention and avoidance is really a symptom of that block and part of the process for your athlete to work through it. Blocks are a normal part of gymnastics but they do seem to affect some gymnasts more than others. Hard to tell if your gymmie is one of those. You say the coaches are frustrated too and have given her homework assignments? What's up with that? Are you at some sort of intense, highly successful gym? This right there would be a red flag for me and would have me questioning whether the gym has what it takes to help the more fearful ones through the levels. The only homework assignments should be for some conditioning specific to your DD (mine for example has gotten 'homework' for ankle stuff before). In your first post you say that one cannot continue to progress when lacking on an event. Yes and no. Not sure if you are channeling your gym's philosophy or what but there is so much wiggle room there. And the kid will progress through a block with the proper treatment by both coaches and parents.

I just watched my DD go through her entire L8 season competing FHS vault. She had her yurchenko last November, but it wasn't consistent enough for the coaches to allow her (and her teammates) to compete it until January. Well she just lost it the beginning of the year. It left the station. Gone. Struggles with timers now. Am I frustrated? YES! Indeed. Although my DD still had a successful season, her AA score is capped by vault. She still places in AA, but it's keeping her off the podium. Oddly enough, vault is probably her strongest event. Were her coaches frustrated? YES! They know she is physically capable. They know it's a strong event for her. Her coach told me recently she has the best yurchenko in the entire gym BUT she will show it on her terms when she is ready. It is what it is. If her coaches push too much, she regresses. They know this about her. Never once have they lost faith in her. They have never given up. They allow her to progress on her terms. No punishments by them. No strings by me. I honestly can't imagine taking gym away from her because of a perception of avoidance. I also know that DD would not be welcome in some programs because of all her fears. I'm so thankful that she is where she is.

I believe you are sincere in wanting what is best for your DD and I know it is so hard to see your kid struggle with blocks. Just be careful of misplacing your frustration with your gym situation on your DD's fears. Separate issues. Maybe you all would be better served by a gym change. Maybe not. Just another opinion from an online poster.

Oh - ETA - Don't watch practice. Ever. #1 mantra of parenting through a block. Trust me on this one.

 

[josie55]

I have not been in your situation, but I have seen very normal, sane moms practically lose it over seeing their kid go through this. You are not alone! It must be maddening. And like everyone says, in every one of those situations the kid eventually gets through it and in some cases, once that happens, ends up surpassing her teammates who never had a block.

I am hoping that after reading through threads like these I will be able to take all of the advice when the time comes (it seems inevitable at some point), but I'm sure it will be hard.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Been there before (ODD), still there now (YDD). In fact, you've been referenced already to a thread I started about my YDD. It's hard to be a gymnast and it's hard to be a gym parent too. My YDD just finished her season yesterday. She is still blocked, but what she has accomplished is to stick up for herself. She can say without embarrassment that she is trying her best. She stood up to her coach and insisted she scratch the event at states where she is blocked rather than be embarrassed like at the last meet. She is slowly coming back to her skill (BT) in her own time. For awhile she couldn't do it even in a belt, with a coach standing there to boot. Now she can do them without the belt and with a mental spot. Slow and steady doesn't just win the race, it's the only way to even get through it.

I understand the aspect of how much the whole family gives up for gym. It's something that I regularly tear myself up over. My kids are in this and we are NOT a family who can actually afford it. So I get it, big time. But the one thing my kids know- I say it repeatedly and mean it every time- is that I expect nothing for the time/money except that they have fun, be amazing teammates, and try their best- and I know that trying their best doesn't always look like adults want them to.

As for beam specifically, my ODD had a terrible block on BWO on beam. She would be forced to stand on that beam shaking and crying for hours on end. Once she got through enough to be able to do them- they weren't nice at this point- she was forced to do monstrous repetitions. They got better and she was forced to immediately learn bwo-bwo and the cycle continued. She quit her gym and hasn't done BWO in about 7 months and she still shudders at the thought of them. It took her 3 months for her back to stop hurting. It was so, SO not worth it.

 

[notthatmom]

My number one piece of advice would be to stop watching practice. If and when your DD wants insight from you on how she's doing, she will tell you. Same with the coaches. If they sense a true issue that is beyond something they feel they can fix, they'll tell you. At our gym, the policy is "no news is good news" if there's no issues, we hear nothing, when there is an issue (i.e. Suzy isn't ready to compete x skill safely etc.) they'll tell us, otherwise all is good. If the coaches took the time to talk to each parent after each practice about their kid's progress, they wouldn't have time to do anything else.
The one thing that you said that really irked me was how you compared this to having a job. These are in no way the same, she isn't getting paid to do this, therefore it's not the same thing.
She also shouldn't have to worry about how much $ you are spending, this is not her concern. If it really is that much of a financial burden, then find a different gym.
We are in the process of switching gyms right now mainly due to financial reasons, but also due to coaching reasons. It doesn't matter how great the gym is where we are now, anywheee else we go is going to be better for my wallet, AND more importantly better for DD's well being.
Their well being is incredibly important and it's your job to ensure that issue is taken care of.
Take some deep breaths, have some wine, huh and encourage your DD, and do what is right and best for her and your family.

And stop watching practice....like right now

 

[GymDad9.9]

My number one piece of advice would be to stop watching practice. If and when your DD wants insight from you on how she's doing, she will tell you. Same with the coaches. If they sense a true issue that is beyond something they feel they can fix, they'll tell you. At our gym, the policy is "no news is good news" if there's no issues, we hear nothing, when there is an issue (i.e. Suzy isn't ready to compete x skill safely etc.) they'll tell us, otherwise all is good. If the coaches took the time to talk to each parent after each practice about their kid's progress, they wouldn't have time to do anything else.
The one thing that you said that really irked me was how you compared this to having a job. These are in no way the same, she isn't getting paid to do this, therefore it's not the same thing.
She also shouldn't have to worry about how much $ you are spending, this is not her concern. If it really is that much of a financial burden, then find a different gym.
We are in the process of switching gyms right now mainly due to financial reasons, but also due to coaching reasons. It doesn't matter how great the gym is where we are now, anywheee else we go is going to be better for my wallet, AND more importantly better for DD's well being.
Their well being is incredibly important and it's your job to ensure that issue is taken care of.
Take some deep breaths, have some wine, huh and encourage your DD, and do what is right and best for her and your family.

And stop watching practice....like right now

The job comparison was something that jumped out at me as well. Apples and oranges trying to compare an adult in a job having the benefit of significantly greater experience, education, and maturity behind them versus a child trying to work through a difficult skill.

 

[meganliz77]

Lots of replies already that I whole-heartedly agree with... I felt the pressure from your initial post OP. My DD has been dealing with backward skill blocks for the last year - on and off again. She wants to do it more than ANYTHING, but her anxiety and brain get working overtime and she just CANNOT do it. It took a full year for her overcome her fear of BWO on beam. This whole comp season she competed her BHS with a spot (no touching, but she HAD to have her coach walk up to her 'just in case'). Kiddos dealing with blocks will sometimes do anything to avoid doing what they are scared of... I mean, that sort of makes a certain amount of reasonable sense, doesn't it?? The stuff our kiddos are doing IS scary after all... Please, I would just encourage you to separate yourself from this and allow your DD to work through it. Sometimes working through it means back to the tape on the floor.

First - why is she practicing at home? I would stop that now. That is just adding pressure she doesn't need.

Second - kids that have blocks don't have them because they aren't trying. They want more than anything to be able to go. They just....can't. My kid has had blocks on EVERYTHING. BWO on beam, then BHS on beam. Then BWO-BHS connected, then BHS-BHS. And we won't even get into the whole "giant on bars" fiasco.

What I've learned over the past 4 years watching these struggles is --- stay out of it. Do not focus on it. Don't ask about it. She will work through it in her own time. Or she won't and she will quit. But she will NOT work through it any quicker with you becoming irate or the coaches telling her to work them at home. In fact, that could make it last even longer

The best solution is to take all the pressure off. If she can't get it, then she will likely repeat L4. And if she does repeat, it won't be the end of the world.

Gymnastics is a LONG journey. It took me a while to realize it is HER journey and that I should be there to support, encourage, and write the checks. She is the one out there doing incredibly scary things and she needs to do them in her own time.

I will say - one benefit to a kid that gets blocks early is that if they stick with the sport, they DO learn how to work through them. Kids that have a block like this appear for the first time in higher levels often have a much harder time because they have no practice working through them. My dd has LOTS of practice, LOL!

This response is dead-on.... and several others have given you fantastic advice. This is your DD's journey. Listen, we all sacrifice a lot for our gymmies ( I drive 45 min. one way to gym for instance not to mention cost, travel, etc.) But never would I make my daughter feel as if my support of her was contingent on her success or failure. I hear what you are saying about the focus/effort piece but every thing else you have shared tells me that she really is just scared to do the skill right now and her perception of your response to the situation might be a bit different than what you are hoping to convey.

Good luck to you and your DD. Blocks are TOUGH. And being a gym parent is also SUPER tough...

 

[NY Dad]

If my child sprained an ankle I would still expect her to condition. So yes, I expect to at least see her standing on the beam vs sitting on the floor. I asked the question because I was trying to understand a block vs inattention and avoidance.

Unlike many here I (my dd) haven’t been at this for years. I don’t agree with your injury analogy assessment.

When my dd broke her elbow her doctor said she should stay off her feet as much as possible for the next 10 days. I’m not a doctor, he’s the expert. When I questioned him he explained how easily her bone could slip and make it worse and take much longer to hear and require surgery...

In your case there’s no expert to ask. There’s no one that can tell you exactly how long this will last, what will happen if she keeps getting pushed, when she should try again (not even your dd). However, the best you’ve got is the advice from many others that have been there before there before, here on CB.

I feel very fortunate that we have each other to get various points of view. In this case (which is very rare) there seems to be a consensus... Don't watch practice, don't bring it up with her.

Vent here, get it out (I do it all the time). We all feel for you and your dd.

 

[Ali'sMom]

If my child sprained an ankle I would still expect her to condition. So yes, I expect to at least see her standing on the beam vs sitting on the floor. I asked the question because I was trying to understand a block vs inattention and avoidance.

Conditioning would be the only thing she could do with a sprained ankle.
Sometimes sitting and staring into an abyss is the only thing a gymmie can do with a block. And sometimes avoidance is what should be done.

Repeating Level 4 would not happen in our gym if a gymmie scored out of Level 5.
If it continues and would keep her from Level 6, it might be time to talk with the coach and ask if they'd allow a substitute skill for Level 6.

 

[LTB~Mom]

Every gymnast I know has had some kind of block at one time or another... and that includes girls from L3 to elite. It's part of gymnastics. The block could be on any event - vaulting (FHS, flipping vaults), bars (flyaway, jump to high bar, giants, releases), beam (Everything! mostly cartwheels, bwo, bhs, sometimes full turns), and floor (back tumbling, twisting). Your dd's block has nothing whatsoever to do with her level of effort. I'm sure if your dd could do it, or even attempt it, she would. Standing on the beam "trying" to do a bwo is not going to help a block, only make it worse. When they have a block, they cannot make themselves go no matter how much they want it or how much effort they're putting into it. When my dd had a block (one of many!) she said her brain would literally prevent her body from going and she could not override it. She would try to go and her body would not respond. She was more frustrated than anyone!

 

[flippingtogether]

Unlike many here I (my dd) haven’t been at this for years. I don’t agree with your injury analogy assessment.

When my dd broke her elbow her doctor said she should stay off her feet as much as possible for the next 10 days. I’m not a doctor, he’s the expert. When I questioned him he explained how easily her bone could slip and make it worse and take much longer to hear and require surgery...

In your case there’s no expert to ask. There’s no one that can tell you exactly how long this will last, what will happen if she keeps getting pushed, when she should try again (not even your dd). However, the best you’ve got is the advice from many others that have been there before there before, here on CB.

I feel very fortunate that we have each other to get various points of view. In this case (which is very rare) there seems to be a consensus... Don't watch practice, don't bring it up with her.

Vent here, get it out (I do it all the time). We all feel for you and your dd.

The injury analogy assessment is prob. one of the most important things to understand as a parent. It might help the OP to better understand what is going on by understanding WHY blocks like this have to be treated like and injury. She needs time and space from what is hurting. Yes, she still goes to the gym and (ONLY) does what is comfortable, and what her body will allow her to do.
Her brain and nervous system need time away from what is hurting her (the scary skill) so you just drop it for a while, back off, don't talk about it - and importantly let her have FUN and build up CONFIDENCE on everything else that she can do.....THEN, when the time is right (and she will know, her coaches will know) the scary skill is reintroduced in a very slow, non-pressured way.

Like I mentioned before my DD is the QUEEN of long term blocks. When she is ready, she lets her coaches know.

And yes, DON'T WATCH practice. You actually need time to heal from this too!! (I've been here! I know!!)

 

[gymbeam]

there is a rule at my daughter's gym about standing on the beam.
they are only allowed TWO seconds or you get down (or get yelled at- ).
i'm sure most of that is because any longer than that will get you a deduction in competition.
but, i've also thought it was a great way to keep that fear hesitation at bay.

two seconds may be extreme, but my main point is standing up there unable to do it is reinforcing it.
they need to take it back down to the floor and s-l-o-w-l-y work it back up.

(and all the other stuff everyone else has advised.)

 

[duyetanh]

I know it ia frustrating for all involved. I am sorry that she is struggling so much. So many people have given you great advice...i know its hard hearing it because you just want the problem solved. But this is not a quick fix. And it has to come from within the child and ONLY the child.

The homework thing is a huge issue for me honestly. And, said nicely, you are very lucky the block hasnt spread across other events. It shows what tremendous will and mental strength your child does have. I would take a different approach and gently applaud the effort and then move on...ig will definitely alleviate a lot of pressure. Because she is trying...the fact that it hasnt spread elsewhere proves it. She is a fighter....but she alone can win the fight.
Good luck to you all.

 

[jenjean70]

So, from my experience with blocks, she IS trying. And if it is a real block, it is more exhausting standing there thinking about it that those kids that can do it.

Story: A girl at my son's gym developed the same block. She could not go backward on beam. Started with BHS, went to BWO. Nothing. Coaches said she wasn't working hard enough, mom said she needed to try harder. She was sent home a lot. Took a 2 week break. nothing. In fact, the block them moved to floor, and to her flyaway on bars. She worked hard on everything else in gym. All the time. But not on backwards.

Then, the mom stopped talking about it at all. The coaches worked around it. They worked other skills to put in place, and took deductions as needed. She started doing bwo again on floor. She started doing standing back tucks. Finally, now, a year later, she is working BHS on beam with a spot.

It truly took everyone letting her work through it for her to get over it. She is an amazing gymnast. But really, fighting through a block can seem like not trying.

Now, I dont know your dd, but that is my thoughts.

Let me be clear. We have said we love you, proud of you, relax, it will come eventually. I could go on..... yep, there are strings. If my kid is not giving their best effort and no longer wants to give 100% we can move to a closer, less expensive gym. I teach life lessons. If you do not perform well at your job, you do not get rewarded.
I never said she has to get x skill. I said I need to see she is giving her best effort. I do not understand why holding my child accountablle is an issue. Is it fair to my other child who sits though hours of gym and also has an hour in the car drive. Some things effect a family. I am ok with a block. I am not ok with avoidance. If my child sprained an ankle I would still expect her to condition. So yes, I expect to at least see her standing on the beam vs sitting on the floor. I asked the question because I was trying to understand a block vs inattention and avoidance.

I was in the same place you are in September. My son was learning new skills that were scary to him- he could do them but it was scary EVERY SINGLE TIME...the coaches were pushing him to do the skills by himself because he had done them many times. He wasn't ready to do them without a coach nearby- After that he started to freeze...he couldn't make his body go for the skill, he couldn't make his body do the skills he had competed for years that led up to scary skill. He would sit at the event and do NOTHING!!! Then he started to lose skills in other events. The coaches were frustrated, I was frustrated. He got sent home, he got yelled at, he got punished. The coaches felt he was being defiant so he got punished at home. Car rides to and from gym were probably a nightmare for him as I yelled, questioned, nagged and threatened all the way home. It wasn't until somebody on here suggested that I look into a website: www.competitivedge.com that I began to understand that he couldn't help what he was doing, he literally couldn't control it. He couldn't make himself do the skill no matter how much he wanted to and the pressure the coaches and I were putting on him was making it worse. I bought the books and read them and copied them and gave them to the coaches. Luckily the coaches were open to suggestions and accepted and incorporated the information from the books into their coaching style. We talked to my son and he decided he felt more comfortable repeating the level he did last year. We all backed off and let him take control of his gymnastics. He had some fears creep up during the season on a skill he had been competing the entire season prior and up to that point. He began to freeze again but the coaches backed off and didn't call attention to it. I stopped saying anything about his progress and let him tell me if he felt like it. It took him a few weeks to work through the fear of the skill but he did it. He continued to work on the higher level skills from the level he was originally going to compete while competing the skills he was comfortable with. He ended the season making top 3 in 5 out of 6 events at regionals- gold on floor and vault and 2nd place AA. He made goals according to the books I bought and achieved those goals. I have never seen him more proud of himself and ready to get back in the gym and work on the "higher level" skills. He has been much happier and relaxed and excited to learn. Fear is a crazy monster that creeps into your mind and tears you down. Good luck! I hope you are able to work it out together.

 

[jenjean70]

Me too. Sometimes when dealing with my kid the life lesson is for me to learn.

She has an injury. You want to be punitive to an injury. You are having a battle for control and making it about winning and you want to win.

The life lessons and natural consequences in gymnastics are in the gym.

So move her closer. Probably won't help the skills come any quicker, likely to make it worse. So that war will continue. There likely be a hit to your relationship with your kid. And I'm sure she will learn something, not necessarily what you would like her to learn. But you will have won the battle.

Again, your kid, your family.

But for me, the life lesson I have learned as a parent, especially of a gymnast, is patience and to let go. I smile. I ask how was practice? I get good or OK or a shrug. And we move on. If she tells me something is an issue I say, you'll get it when you get it. That's it.

She does skills that many can not do, including me. She leaps and flips on a piece of real estate 4 inches wide. She has flipped on the floor and crashed and she keeps at it. Watches other kids get injured, has had her own and keeps going. So who am I to decide what is quick enough to get them. She gets them when she gets them.

If her crash has taken a bit of power from her tumbling for a bit so her floor score has taken a hit and she moves down in placement. But she keeps going. That is her life lesson.

Mine is patience and support. Her BHS comes and goes. I figure until I'm ready to work BWOs and BHS on a beam, I need to stay out of it.

And I would put the home beam away and out of sight.

I agree- the life lesson with my son's fear issues was MINE to learn. I am so glad I learned it!