Parents found the antidote to stressing about my DD

[dani4]

I've always felt that my DD doesn't really try that hard in her gymnastics class. I mean, she'll put forth a big effort and then just goof off for a while and not really try to do what her coach tells her. She's only 6 years old, and I recognize that many 6 year olds have not found that focus yet. But she's in a class with 4 and 5 year olds who seem more focused than she. It's a pre-pre-team class and I've suggested maybe switching to rec but DD wants to be on the team track (though at this rate she may never get there.. which is fine I guess..)

Anyway the point to this thread is that I'm going to mentally back off my daughter and cut her some slack from now on, because I've had a little taste of my own medicine. I've recently started getting back into rowing, and now I'm rowing exclusively in singles while in the past I was always in bigger boats. And it's totally kicking me in the pants and I just do not have the mental & physical energy to focus as much as I want to & think I should. I can do everything right for about 3 strokes and then it starts to slowly unravel, and I realize that if I could just stay focused and keep trying I could definitely do better! Rowing singles, it turns out, takes a LOT of mental energy- more than 8's and 4's and even doubles. Mental energy at the same time as physical energy- kind of like gymnastics (though without the fear factor, or the insane flexibility- well there's a little fear in the beginning when you're first finding your way down a river in the dark in a tiny little boat with tiny lights on your bow and stern and there's big scary rocks on shore and giant barges carrying construction materials- but not the same as fear of falling on your head).

And then I realize.. hey wait a minute.. that's what I think about 6 year old DD too... and she doesn't have the experience to understand that working hard really will make her better in the long run, and her brain isn't even fully developed yet. It's hard stuff, this mental & physical toughness, for me and even more so for her.

And now I am even more impressed by the little kids who have this thing, this ability to focus and persevere.

(FWIW I have never voiced any of my thoughts to my daughter about being more focused or tough- I know that would be unproductive. It has to come from within. I just lament that she doesn't seem to have that thing within her. Well now I know how hard it is to just get.)

 

[gymdog]

Once in awhile, I try gymnastics and I am immediately humbled. Although, my excuse is that kids are better at gymnastics so I will continue to not understand the crazy stuff they do anyway Seriously, it's definitely an interesting perspective.

 

[auswi]

I'm sure dani that your Dd will develop better concentration as she grows- but every now and then a child has a medical issue - so I'm wondering how her concentration is in other arenas?

Possibly worth checking in at school to see how she is concentrating there.

 

[Committed]

I thought the antidote was wine

 

[Amusibus]

I am impressed by your introspection. This is a skill many people will never have.

 

[duyetanh]

I was sure you were going to say drinking or chocs.
I rowed varsity 2 years in college. Talk about insane in the membrane...
...and I keep hitting the wrong smiley faces and then can't figure out how to delete them...too bad my kid is asleep, lol....

 

[dani4]

I'm sure dani that your Dd will develop better concentration as she grows- but every now and then a child has a medical issue - so I'm wondering how her concentration is in other arenas?

Possibly worth checking in at school to see how she is concentrating there.

That is a good observation... and it is something that has occurred to me. I have actually checked in with her teacher on occasion to ask about possible learning disabilities. But her teacher insists that she is doing just fine and is completely on track and has all the age appropriate skills.

Also, to be fair, this kid takes after me completely. I was exactly the same way when I was 6. A bit day-dreamy, and not very competitive or ambitious- and I still have it in some ways. And yeah, it means that I will never be at the top of my organization, even though I'm probably smart enough and skilled enough to be- I just don't have that kind of drive, focus, and energy. I am ok with that, because I am productive and doing interesting things and still developing new skills in my middle age .

 

[dani4]

I was sure you were going to say drinking or chocs.
I rowed varsity 2 years in college. Talk about insane in the membrane...
...and I keep hitting the wrong smiley faces and then can't figure out how to delete them...too bad my kid is asleep, lol....

I'm really glad that I didn't row D1 in college.. most people I know who did that are scarred for life and will never erg again . Lots of folks at my club will only scull because sweep brings back too many painful memories.

 

[dani4]

I am impressed by your introspection. This is a skill many people will never have.

I'm like Hamlet, all introspection and no action. Is it any wonder my daughter spends so much time staring at the rope and so little time climbing it? She is totally my mini-me... I'm gonna stop worrying about her now. She's happy, the kids like her, the coach likes her, she will probably grow old in that pre-pre-team class...

 

[dani4]

I thought the antidote was wine

I tried that, and unfortunately I'm a mean drunk. Chocolate just makes me fat and gassy. The only thing that works for me is to keep gaining physical strength.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I am impressed! Most parents don't get to the point of realizing this. Me included. I get it, I really do. But sometimes when my kid is goofing off it still makes me angry and I forget it for awhile. Thanks for helping me remember yet again how hard this sport is.