Parents Purposely messing up a skill so they don't have to compete it

[Avasmom]

My daughter has her robhs and her coaches want her to compete it. She is on xcel bronze so its not required. At practice last week she messed it up on purpose when coaches were doing evaluations for floor routines. It was at the end of practice so I was there when it happened. She didn't even attempt a backhandspring but fell on her back. On the way home I asked if anything happened that made her scared and she started crying. She said she didn't want to compete it so she messed up so she wouldn't have too.

I was in shock because she is 7 and never done anything like this before. I talked to her about safety and that she should never mess up purposely because she could get really hurt. Then we talked about gymnastics being a 100% sport, that her dad and I expect her to always give 100%. Then I told her that we would always be proud of her and that she didn't have to do if she didn't want too but then.....

I went in to practice and talked to the coaches. They both agree she is ready physically to do it. They want her to work up to it. So I am seeking advice from any of you that may have been in this situation.

 

[sce]

Honestly, leave it to the coaches to work with her on it. Clearly, there is a fear issue involved.

 

[gymdog]

I don't think she jumped on her back on purpose, or at least I don't think it's very likely. I think that she lost the sense of the timing of the skill (a vestibular problem) and that was the excuse she gave or maybe even made herself believe because she is not sure how else to process it. If she wasn't doing it on purpose I think she would have just done a roundoff. And when they do that, usually it's not on purpose. It's very common.

 

[duyetanh]

Only you know your child. Maybe in her mind that is what happened. But based on your post I think differently.
The ROBHS is forever being corrected, re-corrected, re-directed, and changed, depending on what is going on in routines and what different coaches want. It's one of those gateway tricks that can't be rushed, even if she is ready physically. Something is holding her back mentally, and until she overcomes it, it will not be secure. I believe my child lost the dang thing four different times, or maybe one more or less; I did not keep score, but I know it was more than once! And even when she quote, unquote, "had" the skill, she didn't always do it.
Isn't this sport just awesome?

 

[MILgymFAM]

I have no idea about whether she did it on purpose or not, but I do know this- being physically ready to do a skill isn't the same as being ready to do the skill. My DD has been told that if she balks doing a skill repeatedly, that means that she is not ready to do it, mentally. The coaches won't let her compete it until she is ready, so I wouldn't worry about that part. Hugs to your DD. the mental aspect of this sport can be just so very hard on them...and on us parents who make to make them feel better.

 

[Avasmom]

Only you know your child. Maybe in her mind that is what happened. But based on your post I think differently.
The ROBHS is forever being corrected, re-corrected, re-directed, and changed, depending on what is going on in routines and what different coaches want. It's one of those gateway tricks that can't be rushed, even if she is ready physically. Something is holding her back mentally, and until she overcomes it, it will not be secure. I believe my child lost the dang thing four different times, or maybe one more or less; I did not keep score, but I know it was more than once! And even when she quote, unquote, "had" the skill, she didn't always do it.
Isn't this sport just awesome?

Well according to my daughter YES! Even when they have a mental block on a skill there is plenty of other skills they can work on though. She hasn't learned floor yet but I hope she will get to compete it at least once this competition season but if not I'm ok with waiting until next year in silver. She was really upset about messing it up though and told me she did it on purpose. Whether or not that is true I don't know but when she did her round off she fell flat back. I am leaving it to her coaches. They will know when she's ready.

 

[duyetanh]

Yes, they will. And that is the hardest part about being a parent in this sport...the waiting. I hope she gets it solidified soon!

 

[gymdog]

Well according to my daughter YES! Even when they have a mental block on a skill there is plenty of other skills they can work on though. She hasn't learned floor yet but I hope she will get to compete it at least once this competition season but if not I'm ok with waiting until next year in silver. She was really upset about messing it up though and told me she did it on purpose. Whether or not that is true I don't know but when she did her round off she fell flat back. I am leaving it to her coaches. They will know when she's ready.

This is what I think happened. She attempted it but lost the timing in the middle and landed on her back. She doesn't know why. Which is common. It just happened. The coach probably said "are you okay Ava? Do you want to try again? If you want to compete it, show me a good one" or something along these lines, maybe she tried again and purposely just did a roundoff because now she was scared and no longer wants the pressure of competing it, or she said "no" (she doesn't want to try again) and that is what she meant by "on purpose."

It sounds like it would be out of character for her to originally mess it up on purpose. I think she feels guilty or like she did "on purpose" because she didn't know why and thinks she should have done it successfully again but didn't and is now disappointing parents and coaches. This is why she cried.

It is important to tell her that these things happened and she will get it back by taking her time and doing the drills. Tell the coach what she shared with you and say she might not have understood or explained it right, and ask what the coach thinks. This happens all the time and is very common. When the children are young they don't understand and feel guilty and cry because they think they "should" be able to do it. They don't understand why previously they did something fine and now can't. Other things in life aren't like this.

 

[duyetanh]

Well said gymdog....much better post than mine.