For Parents Roller Coaster might be dropping again.

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Livinatthegym

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Feb 4, 2008
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I'm pretty excited for this season, and dd2 has been working a lot of "C" skills for her level 8 routines. Then, last night, dd2 said she didn't want to go to Regional Training Camp (okay), and that she's thinking maybe she should be done after all. She just doesn't like having something big to do after school every. single. day.

I'm disappointed, but then I'm relieved. For two kids, I was looking at gym, diving, band, jazz band, voice lessons, two sets of piano lessons, dance team, madrigal and all state try-outs/prep, work, and church. Umm . . . sounds like a recipe for killing off old mom, if you ask me. Dh can only do so much because his job is one of those 24/7 deals with lots of night and weekend obligations. So, except for gym drop-off, most of the stuff falls on me because I get off work at 4:30.

So, ladies and gents, I'm trying not to push dd2 one way or another, but I'd like a decision before the end of the month when team fees are due. Seem reasonable to you? And, of course, if she's done this time, there is absolutely no going back, except for a tumbling or other rec class. Again, seem reasonable to you?

Oh, and the mom of my extra passenger is probably going to pitch a major hissy if dd is done. If you've got extra some armour lying around, I could use it.
 
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bogwoppit

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It seems like a very reasonable demand. To have it all finanlised for both of you is a good thing.
 
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Billy

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I can't believe how busy your kids are! How did you not all go crazy long before now? :D And absolutely, asking for a final decision by month's end is entirely reasonable.
 

Livinatthegym

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Feb 4, 2008
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Region IV
I can't believe how busy your kids are! How did you not all go crazy long before now? :D And absolutely, asking for a final decision by month's end is entirely reasonable.
Dd1 seems to have made a goal of staying just as busy as she was when she was in gym. Last fall, her school schedule, plus gym, kept her busy 6:40 am - 8 pm. This year, it was only 6am-6:15pm, so she added some work hours at the gym, decided she had time to try out for madrigal . . . .

I went crazy a long time ago.
 

gym law mom

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Livin---We will all pray for what is left of your mental health. I would say yes, she needs to decide before team fees are due and understand if she walks away this time, there will not be a return. She sounds old enough to understand that. Of course, I would ask her what she now plans to do after school since after 1 month off from gym this summer, she was bored. Maybe she sees dd1 doing all these different activities and figures it would be fun to do multiple activities and not just gym. Of course, there goes what's left of your sanity!
 
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flippymonkeysmom

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I would absolutely insist on a decision before team fees are due. If not and she decides she wants to quit after the fact you will either be out the money for nothing, or she will finish the season miserable not wanting to be there.
 

mariposa

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I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for a decision before team fees are due.

And WOW. You are a busy mama!
 

kristilyn73

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Jan 17, 2008
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Living at the gym....

I think it is well within your parental rights to have dd2 make a decision before the end of the month...sometimes we do have to 'nudge' our kids into making decisions. That is why we are the parents.. if they were able to make big decisions on their own then they would be considered adults long before the age of 18!
 

Aussie_coach

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Wow, that is a big desicion and likely to have a big impact on her life. Gymnastics is a huge committment that our kids make and when they stop it can sometimes leave a huge hole which can be hard to fill. They are used to having so much time in the gym, they can feel empty with the time now empty, many strong friendships are tied up in the gym, they get most of their fitness and exersize from the gym. Even more so many gymnasts define themselves as gymnasts, they are known at school as "the gymnast" and it is a very big part of who they are. This is a big decision.

Has she thought about how she will fill those holes when she no longer does gym, the extra time off? Hopefull she isnt planning to spend it in front of the TV or computer. What she will do for exersize? How she will cope with the loss of such a big part of her life. I don't always think its a great idea to say "Once you quit there is no going back". Because sometimes a child needs to quit in order to discover that it really was what they wanted to do. Many gymnasts go through a stage where they wonder what life would be like outside of the gym, to have free time, not say no to friends when tye cant go out, try other activities and so on. Then many discover that they really do love the gym more and want to be there. They then go back to training with more drive and fire than ever before.

On the other hand your kids seem to be very, very busy indeed. No wonder your daughter wants a break.
 
S

Smile :)

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I think it's fine to set limits on how much is too much to be involved in. I think some kids would just fill the day with activities that spanned greater than twenty four hours if allowed and it is up to parents to step in and remind them that a special 36 hour day has not been created just for them. I think the key is letting them pick what is prioritized where (after certain nonmodifiables like adequate sleep, sufficient time for school and family--or whatever things you feel fit here). One of my sister's non gym friends (who we have known longer than she's been friends with my sister because we know her family) has swum competitively since she was little and is extremely talented. She also played club soccer which she eventually abandoned to run track/xc because her parents wouldn't let her do all three. She probably could have pulled it off for awhile but in the long run it probably would have been a personal and family disaster and her mother had no problem pointing that out. I think they were secretly pleased that soccer was what she dropped because travel soccer apparently gets out of control between U-12 and U-14 and they kind of needed a break. (I also think that if she had chosen to stay in soccer they would have addressed that).

As for the timing of the decision, I completely understand your time frame however, if she hasn't gone back to school yet then she may not be able to make the best decision. How much are your team fees? Can you allow her to make a decision later (if this is also not putting the rest of her team in an awkward position if her team requires an August commitment then I think she has to honor that but if their commitment date is later then can she have more time to make the best decision for her?) Or if you ask her to decide by the end of the month could you do it without the no going back clause? I'm not advocating that you allow her to be in and out of the gym on a monthly basis. I think making/understanding commitments is a big part of growing up and if she's going to be on the team then I would presume that carries certain obligations and expectations and she needs to see that through.
 
S

Smile :)

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Wow, that is a big desicion and likely to have a big impact on her life. Gymnastics is a huge committment that our kids make and when they stop it can sometimes leave a huge hole which can be hard to fill. They are used to having so much time in the gym, they can feel empty with the time now empty, many strong friendships are tied up in the gym, they get most of their fitness and exersize from the gym. Even more so many gymnasts define themselves as gymnasts, they are known at school as "the gymnast" and it is a very big part of who they are. This is a big decision.
I probably needed to read this about 9 months ago...although I did eventually realize that we were really taking away something important pretty unintentionally. I'm still biased in that I will always see her as a person first and everything else after that.
 

gym law mom

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Just to update Smile and Aussie_coach. This dd(not mine) "quit" gymnastics in May, then went back to the gym in July. The gym has let them be on a month to month basis, but now team fees etc. are due and this mom is frustrated and asking "what now?"
 

Livinatthegym

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Feb 4, 2008
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Region IV
Just to update Smile and Aussie_coach. This dd(not mine) "quit" gymnastics in May, then went back to the gym in July. The gym has let them be on a month to month basis, but now team fees etc. are due and this mom is frustrated and asking "what now?"
That's it in a nutshell. She "quit" at the end of May because she felt overwhelmed. In additional to optional level gymnastics, she'd played in jazz band (squeezed it in in the 40 free minutes she had after school before she had to leave for gym), been on the math bee team (they call themselves "mathletes"), played softball, took piano lessons, and was in confirmation. She was burnt out. When she quit, it all came to a screeching halt (ok, piano lessons and softball in the summer). She got bored and went back. However, with school starting this week, she knows she can't keep the schedule she kept last year. So, what to give up? She'd be fine if gym were just 3 school nights a week, but it isn't.

What would she add for fitness? She'd keep softball. We could join a health club with fencing classes for about 1/4 what we pay for gymnastics. She'd like to try Kung Fu (but NOT Tae Kwan DO--not sure why one and not the other). She'd also like to do wrestling (that might be an Iowa thing as wrestling here is huge). And she'd take a tumbling class with another ex-team girl. I'm not worried about her becoming a couch potato. I won't let her try them all at once, but she's interested in enough to keep her occupied.

FWIW, she is not interested in becoming a college gymnast.
 
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Billy

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FWIW, she is not interested in becoming a college gymnast.
And that is what makes the major difference. If she's not aiming for college gymnastics, then she'd be quitting sometime in the next few years anyway. If she wants to quit and try other things now, why not let her? If she were a strong contender for a college scholarship in gymnastics I think it would be a different story but that doesn't sound like it's the case for her.
 

Livinatthegym

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Feb 4, 2008
204
Region IV
If she wants to quit and try other things now, why not let her? If she were a strong contender for a college scholarship in gymnastics I think it would be a different story but that doesn't sound like it's the case for her.
Believe me, this isn't about me "letting" her quit. I'm not pushing her to stay in. I just want a decision, and I want one soon.

Would she stay in, she probably would be a strong contender for a scholarship as she could easily be a level 10 for 4 years and have enough experience/skills to market herself. However, I am totally against pushing a kid to keep doing something just because she's good at it, especially if her heart isn't in it.
 
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Billy

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Well, then I would sit her down and talk. Explain to her what you expect of her- that you need her absolute and final decision by x date because the money is due then and it is non-refundable. Offer to discuss the situation and all the options, including your opinions, if she needs help making the decision, so that she can make a choice she can live with and not regret later.
 

hunde2

Active Member
Nov 5, 2007
664
I know it is hard when you come to the point of quitting when not only the child but the parent put alot of time into the sport.I would also sit down and try to find out the excact reason for quitting.My daughter wanted to quit at the beginning of her Level 7 season.Said she wanted more time with her friends,sisters and family.Also wanted to try another sport.We knew that she loved gymnastics and that that was not the real reasion she wanted to quit.We sat down with the coach and talked and told dd to finish out the month.Well it turned out she was afraid of her giant flyaway.She did master it.Competed Level 7 and went to Level 8 the following year.Made it to Regionals.Trains for Level 9 know and can´t even imagin to quit.
I would tell her to make a dicision before teamfees.
 
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