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For Parents She said the C word!

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msl529

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As some of you know, dd has been on a break from competitive gym for the past couple of months. She has been waffling on whether or not to go back to it.

Yesterday, on the way home from the mall, she says to me, "Mom, would you be upset if I wanted to try Cheerleading?"

I said, "ummm....okaayyyyy.....why the sudden change of heart?" She has vehemently denied ever wanting to try it before. During this 'break' of hers, I mentioned it once or twice, along w/ other sports, as an option to try if she decided not to go back to gym. She has flat-out refused to look into anything else other than possibly Tramp & Tumble.

So, after covertly dialing the number of the 'little men in white coats' to come and 'take away' my dd (so she can be treated for her teenage schizophrenic disorder, lol), we chatted about it. It seems that her older sis (non-gymmie, HS- age) has a friend who has done cheer in the past and is trying to get back into it. This friend has been to our house a few times, and has chatted w/ dd about it. As dd puts it "the only other cheerleader I knew was a bratty, girly-girl, so I didn't have a good opinion of cheer. But now that I know 'so and so', I have a better opinion of it. It sounds fun, because there is tumbling, which I love, and some music/dance, which I love"

I thought I'd share w/ you all so that you could get a good laugh out of my dd's wide behavioral swings!

On another note, as far as trying out the team where she is doing her rec tumbling: Apparently, while hubby & I were out Thurs. nite, dd received a call from her tumbling gym to the effect that the new HC would be there Fri. eve for a practice session. DD neglected to tell me about it until we were on our way to the mall on Fri. afternoon, & were obviously not going to make it back in time. She said, "I don't want to go today. I want a day off, and it's too long, I can't handle 1.5 hours of gymnastics". I was mad. Not so much that she disssed the practice. I said, "it sounds like you don't want to do gym then, let's move on." She said "but I still might want to try the team for a while" . To which I said, "well, here it is, and you are skipping it. This tells me you don't want to do it! I am tired of living in limbo w/ you on this, make a decision already, geez!"

IMO, if she didn't care about showing up to the first practice (granted, it is not really an 'official' practice yet, the HC has not quit her old gym yet, as she has girls going to regionals in a few weeks, she was just coming by to do a workout w/ her girls and any new ones who were interested), then dd obviously does not have her heart in this anymore. It's really fine w/ me, but I would like her to finalize her decision, and quit stringing-along myself, and the owners of this new gym!

She also says she may want to try the Tramp & Tumble team they are starting up at the gym. Her tumbling coaches have been trying to recruit her to it. Or, she says, "I might just rec tumble 2 days a week because I like that too". ARRGGHH!!!

Sorry for the loong post, I am just getting a bit weary of this child....thanks for listening! :eek:
 
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Granny Smith

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She would probably do very well in cheerleading and would be a standout with her tumbling!

I can see that you are fine with whatever she chooses as long as she is happy, I guess she just has to decide what it is she wants to do!

The dreaded "C" word may not be that bad at all... ;) just stay away from the crazy cheer moms! :eek: kidding, I think!
 

TnTTaxi

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Jan 18, 2009
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Oh Man, is that what I have to look forward to with my dd's that sounds really frustrating. Lack of decision is bad enough, all the options would drive me crazy, and she keeps finding more!! I really feel for you. Good Luck
 

gym law mom

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We know you love your dd, but probably at this point you are having to restrain yourself from putting your hands around her throat. Sounds like she's at a point where she wants to do something, doesn't know what and is afraid to totally let go of gymnastics. All I could say is you feel she owes it to the new gym and herself to at least try a practice or 2 with this new coach when she moves there. If she doesn't like it---done. I'm sure in TX, you would have no problem finding cheer programs(isn't it like a religion there?) to check out. I think I would give dd a deadline(maybe the end of the school year) to pick something she will do for 1 year and stick to it.

I think there is a bottle of wine with your name on it!!!
 

Gymmonkeymomma

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We did the dreaded cheering thing this year, and although I personally HATED it....it made my pre-teen-hormonal-going-crazy-not-sure-if-she-wanted-to-stay-in-gymnastics DD a happy kid again. We struggled with the schedules and there was alot of juggling, but DD was really happy and as Granny Smith pointed out, having the gymnastics background really gives them an edge to be a great cheerleader as far as the performing & tumbling aspects.
 

gymjourneymom

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I can understand that you feel frustrated... I think your DD is feeling frustrated too. I think it's the age & realizing the time comittment only increases as you move up in gymnastics. My DD is starting to make noises too, about scaling back to a "less competitve form of gymnastics". I never thought I'd hear that from her. DD is "dabbling" in track right now & really loving it. She's so happy doing a school sport, with her school friends. She still loves gym...but the stress & time comittment is getting to her. Knowing she's going to highschool next year & all honors classes, I think she is starting to mentally wean herself off gymnastics. I know she doesn't want to give it up totally, but you can't just do "a little bit" of competitive gymnastics...it's really all or nothing. I know she wouldn't be happy in a rec. class. I think your DD, probably does still love gym...but is at that cross roads..."is this how I want to spend all of my time?". And I think it's is a justifiable question for a young girl. She's probably confused too. I'm sure she would make a great cheerleader! And she'd get more involved in school that way too. But I do agree with GLM. DD should at least try this new gym & coach before she totally makes her decision. Hang in there Mom!!! That bottle of wine sounds like a good idea too GLM!!!Good luck to you & DD as she wades through her options!
 
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msl529

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... ;) just stay away from the crazy cheer moms! :eek: kidding, I think!

No kidding! I have heard some convo's while sitting & watching dd do her 'rec' tumbling. There are quite a few girls trying very hard to get their tumbling skills for cheer tryouts in her tumbling class. Some moms--normal. Some---you'd think their dd was the only child in the universe, and they clap & cheer for them thru EVERY SINGLE tumbling pass for an entire hour. Child give mom the 'drama' look, Mom mouths--'you can do it! Keep trying!!' & then goes on to talk non-stop about child & her cheer experiences, until the next tumbling pass, at which time all conversation stops and Mom holds breath for child. Repeat for an entire hour, you get the picture!

OK, I've 'been there, done that' a bit w/ dd & gym skills, I admit! It's just so cheesy to me now....!!

But anyway, I have been 'facebooking' w/ flippymonkey's mom a bit, and she assures me there are enough normal moms to go around, & that I should gravitate towards the ex-gymmie ones, as they are a bit more relaxed, & know, after years of gym & then switching, that it's just about the kid having some fun times!
 
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msl529

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We know you love your dd, but probably at this point you are having to restrain yourself from putting your hands around her throat. Sounds like she's at a point where she wants to do something, doesn't know what and is afraid to totally let go of gymnastics. All I could say is you feel she owes it to the new gym and herself to at least try a practice or 2 with this new coach when she moves there. If she doesn't like it---done. I'm sure in TX, you would have no problem finding cheer programs(isn't it like a religion there?) to check out. I think I would give dd a deadline(maybe the end of the school year) to pick something she will do for 1 year and stick to it.

I think there is a bottle of wine with your name on it!!!

I like your advice--thank you GLM! I LOVE the deadline idea. Very smart.

I hope she does give the gym team at least one or two tries. At least to give these sweet people from this gym who have been sooo good to her, a bit of respect. They are letting her do all kinds of stuff for free there (working out on other equipment, even coaching her privately if they have time after her rec class). I think they'd like to have her on the team. Not so much that she's an amazing gymnast or anything, but they keep telling me how sweet she is and they like chatting w/ her so much, etc. I'll feel extremely bad if she doesn't stay there in some form or another, but she has to do what she wants to do...

As for the 'religion of cheer' here in TX, I am thinking you are probably right! I am not sure I fully know what we may be getting into here. It's going to be hard to 'screen' for gyms that aren't super nutso over it. It may be hard to find one that is mellow. And try-outs for the school cheer team are over-that would have been a great solution. Oh well!
 
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msl529

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We did the dreaded cheering thing this year, and although I personally HATED it....it made my pre-teen-hormonal-going-crazy-not-sure-if-she-wanted-to-stay-in-gymnastics DD a happy kid again. We struggled with the schedules and there was alot of juggling, but DD was really happy and as Granny Smith pointed out, having the gymnastics background really gives them an edge to be a great cheerleader as far as the performing & tumbling aspects.

That's great! I am so glad she enjoyed herself! Is she going to do gym and cheer again next year?
 
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msl529

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[/quote=gymjourneymom;69881 but you can't just do "a little bit" of competitive gymnastics...it's really all or nothing. Hang in there Mom!!! That bottle of wine sounds like a good idea too GLM!!!Good luck to you & DD as she wades through her options![/quote]

Thank you so much, gymjourney! And so true what you have said about the 'little bit' of gymnastics just not happening...unfortunately!

Good luck to you, as your dd faces decisions herself! She is a year ahead of my dd in school, so yours is truly facing big decisions for sure, as she heads to high school. I would totally respect her decision, whatever it is. Having gotten to know your dd thru all your posts, she is one dedicated, hard-working, tough kid. IMO, w/ all she's been thru w/ that coach of hers, & the fear issues, she has earned the right to choose something a bit more relaxing for her life! She's such a trooper.

Lastly, YES GLM & gymjoureny...enjoying that bottle of wine as we speak! :D
 
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MdGymMom01

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Mar 5, 2008
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Ahhhh, the "c" word. It's funny cause we came from cheerleading (3 years of it) and needed a break so we did gymnastics this year. To tell you the truth, dd and I are starting to miss it again (Ducking and running for cover from all the flying objects that cbers aretrying to throw at me LOL). Don't get me wrong, dd loves gymnastics but there is something about cheer that is so addictive and enticing. I would say go for it and let your dd try it--she will have a ton of fun and it is nice to have that team atmosphere. Just stay away from the crazy cheer moms. Try not to "stay and watch practice", that is what causes all these moms to get crazy. Try to stay away from the gym as much as possible!!! When you spot an over-involved cheer mom, run the other direction and don't get sucked in. I know that sounds really bad, but a lot of it is true. But, there are a lot of normal moms also that learn how to let go and let the coaches coach and all that. There was a post that I started regarding cheer moms. It is so funny to read because it goes through the stages of the crazy cheer mom. I'll have to find it for you.
 

MdGymMom01

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Mar 5, 2008
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Here it is. This is not mine but from a very experienced cheer mom on another cheer board:

First year: first year cp is clueless, and mom is clueless. It's all fun and games. The novelty comes from wearing a cheerleading uniform at a young age and getting to wear big glittery bows and glittery makeup with bright lipstick. Mom has no clue about the sport, has no concept of what a scoresheet is, what level play is, what body positions are, and is pretty oblivious to other gyms in the area because she chose the one right down the street from her house. The focus is not on winning at all.....all concern is placed on her own cp and whether or not she will make it through the routine without running off the floor crying or having to go pee pee.

Second year: cp has gained some skills, and mom is starting to learn a little. Mom understands a little about level play and is so tickled that her cp has learned some skill. However, all cp's friends are learning some skill too and the worry sets in about her cp keeping up, or falling behind. Mom also starts to notice that other gyms in the area might have teams that are good and starts to question whether or not this gym is the BEST gym around. She now knows cp will make it through a routine, and starts to crave winning.

Third year: PEAK PYSCHO YEAR: cp has gained more skills, and mom is excited but still nervous because some of cp's friends have gained more skills. Mom gets hard on cp, putting pressure on her to "get better" tumbling, jumps, body positions, etc. Mom is starting to understand score sheets, now knows how to look up performance orders like a pro, stalk you tube and picture websites to see what her cp's team is up against. She is full flegged into having her cp be on a winning team! Now the mom knows all the weaknesses of her cp's gym, and will take every opportunity to point out those weaknesses!! Talk about changing gyms is rampant, unless cp's gym has a winning record. Even if it does there will still be issues mom needs to complain about and the thoughts about whether the grass is greener at the other gyms sometimes wins out and they move. Complaints about other kids, coaches, methods, other parents, etc is at it's peak!!!

Fourth year: Mom is still psycho, but cp is progressing even more and that is enough to keep mom happy, especially if there was a gym change. Mom is into full flegged cheer mania!! She wants that win bad!!! Relationships with other cheer moms have developed, even moms from other gyms. She may still be putting tons of pressure on cp to fix this and that, get this and that etc.

Fifth year: Mom still has hidden anxiety but has stopped telling everyone about it. She has met some other 3rd year psycho moms and realize how insanely idiotic they act. She has come to terms with her own cp's level and has started taking away the pressures, but still quietly encourages improvement. She enjoys some quiet conversation with other 4+ year cheer moms. She fully understands by now what it takes to win, and has accepted that kids develop in different stages. She also understands now that kids will have strengths and weaknesses, including her own cp, and they can all contribute to a team beautifully.

Sixth year: Mom has settled nicely into a happy group of other veteran moms and laughs out loud at the 3rd year moms. She still wants the win bad, but she realizes now that winning is not everything. She has found a peace with her cp, and gives her the tools she needs to succeed, but no longer pushes so hard. This peace continues through the rest of cp's cheer career.

Now obviously there are exceptions, and lots of them. But I have seen this pattern from soooo many moms. Too bad we can't go from 1st year to 6th year and skip the years in between
I guess my advice is, if you enjoy her as a friend, be patient and she will settle back down. If you don't think you can wait a year or two, cut her loose until she's a 5th year mom...haha.
 

Gymmonkeymomma

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That's great! I am so glad she enjoyed herself! Is she going to do gym and cheer again next year?

Little Monkey definitely will not do cheer again except maybe for football games although she will be Level 6 and that is a fall season.

Big DD ....I don't know. Psycho kid now tells me she wants to stay in gymnastics (forever) but when she gets to HS she wants to cheer there instead of the gymnastics team :rolleyes: If you ladies think that rec cheer moms are nuts, you should see the HS ones around here!!
 

gym mom

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Sep 8, 2007
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Sounds like she is wanting to explore some .I think she would make an awesome cheerleader.Whatever she decides I would make her commit up to a certain amount of time so many months.My dd does not like changes ,I have tried to get her to try something else but she will not give anything else a chance.
 
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gymnut1

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I actually think that cheer mom breakdown could apply to some gym moms too. It is a sort of a cycle. Perhaps everyone has to go through the feelings but most manage to keep them to themselves!
 
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cher062

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Even though we want our children to make decisions sometimes the parents have to take control and steer our kids down the path we know they will like and do well in.

Being on the TEAM has some prestige to it and most that do a non team want to try it at some point. I have to say from what you describe here your daughter likes the idea of competing but doesn't seem to want to put in the hours needed to do so. That should tell you as the parent something. Like you I don't care what activities my child does so long as they are enjoying what they are doing. The deadline idea is a great one to help kids decide what they want to do - you might want to throw out in the decision process that it's ok not to do any activity too and just take a break and hang out. Sometimes not doing anything helps them see what they really want to do. You can certainly take some choices off the table too. Too many choices can make it hard for a kid to choose.

I know all the girls on our team LOVE everything about being there and they spend 16 - 20 hours doing this every week. It is always their first choice of activity and they love to be at the gym. I think at the competitive levels its something the girls need to really love and give their all for I don't think its something they can do half way.
 
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msl529

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Thanks, MDGM. Your post on the 'stages of a cheer mom' made me laugh. But, there is a lot of truth to it also. I think these 'stages' probably generally apply to any parent who has a kid in a competitive sport. Good to be reminded that we need to sit back, relax and just support our kids without getting too psycho!
 

mariposa

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I love watching cheer, but not sure I would want my daughter to do cheer, especially competitive, flying, dangerous cheer stuff. LOL.

That said, I think you already got the best advice, to listen to her, but also that she needs to choose and commit to something. Hard to be a parent sometimes.

MdGymMom-the cheer mom thing was great, definitely applies to gym moms on some level as well. LOL.
 
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msl529

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Thanks all, for the good advice & support. I appreciate my CB buds so much!

I called a few cheer gyms yesterday, and one wanted to see her that day. Their official tryouts are over but they were willing to let her try out privately. We went, they assessed her tumbling & jumps, and told us they would love to have her on the team. She then was able to attend a work out w/ the girls in her level. She liked it, and I thought the atmosphere there was good--supportive, positive, professional coaches, hard working & friendly girls. They charged me no money to assess her, and said she can come for one more class for free, to see if she still likes it. They would like to know by April 25th what her decision will be, as they are setting up their various teams.

Meanwhile, another cheer gym would like to see her today. They also already had their try-outs. However, they want to charge me a $70 fee to assess her! I am inclined NOT to go. Why should it cost that much for them just to watch her tumble for 30 min.? I think they are gouging, but maybe I am not familiar w/ the cheer world....???

I think, and dd agrees, that she saw enough yesterday to help her decide whether or not cheer is going to remain on her list of possible comittments for a sport/activity next year.

I am very nervous, though, to have only tried one place! If she decides to do it, am i crazy for not having her try a few places, at least for comparison? There is a third gym which is having their official tryouts this weekend. They are charging $210!

Now I am losing my mind. I will be sad if she leaves gymnastics, and it's a least something I am familiar w/. I am very nervous for her to be committing to something I know nothing about! Even tho cheer is only 5 hrs a week (as opposed to 15+ w/ gym), which is a plus, I just feel so....like....I am stepping into a scary, unknown place!

They are very clear at all the cheer gyms I have researched, that your commitment is for one year, and you are financially responsible for all of it. Plus, if you quit before the year is out (except for injury), you may not try-out again at that gym. I mean, what if she hates it after a couple of months! No way will dh let her get into any other financial comittments in the same year.

I think she liked it, but is not letting-on just how much she did. B/C she asked me, honestly, what I thought she should do this next year, She phrased it this way: "I know you just want me to be happy, forget that, what is your personal opinion/ wish?" I said, honestly honey, I would still love to see you do gym, but not if your heart's not in it. That's too many hours and no fun if you are miserable. "

But I tell you, she came out of the cheer try-out after two hours of trying out and working out, happy and smiling, & not tired. She has been leaving the tumbling gym pleased w/ the tumbling class, (one hour), but "I'm sooo tired, I don't want to stay and work out on any of the other equipment" (which they have offered to let her do, anytime after tumbling class).

I am just sick over the reality that seems to be looming here. She really seems 'done' w/ gym. Now I am kicking myself for ever letting her take a break! But I do believe things happen for a reason, I'm just surprised she is hitting this issue now. I thought she'd keep at gym at least another year....

Sorry for the ramble. I know you all understand the 'loss' feelings assoc. w/ gymnastics. ugh.
 
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