For Parents So disappointing...

lovofu

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Jan 8, 2009
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I am White with an Asian kid. I knew/know they are a Black family. He wasn't hiding who he is.

And because I am Mom to an Asian kid who has lots of friends of color. I too am not surprised any of it. Sad and mad, but not surprised.
I never said he was hiding who he was, just asked a question. Sometimes a question is just a QUESTION without agenda
 
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Sk8ermaiden

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May 6, 2013
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You are getting extremely defensive here. I don't think any of these comments have the negativity you're attaching to them. I think what people are trying to get across is that if you took a show of hands of people who were involved in that thread, over whether they were aware that Ty's dad was black, it'd be pretty unanimous that we were. Even the poster of the comment did not try to say he didn't know he was black, only that he didn't mean it "like that."
 

lovofu

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You are getting extremely defensive here. I don't think any of these comments have the negativity you're attaching to them. I think what people are trying to get across is that if you took a show of hands of people who were involved in that thread, over whether they were aware that Ty's dad was black, it'd be pretty unanimous that we were. Even the poster of the comment did not try to say he didn't know he was black, only that he didn't mean it "like that."
So sorry you felt I was being defensive, I was merely trying to clear something up in regards to my motive/intentions. As we have all learned these last few weeks one persons perception can be different than yours even while reading the same statement.
 

wandrewsjr

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Sep 4, 2009
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Please DON'T put words in my mouth. I never condoned that comment, merely asked a question.
I did not mean to imply that you condoned that particular comment. I was only trying to say that the race of the parent should not matter in that particular situation. I was being to be a bit too much of a smart *** for the subject.
 
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mommyof1

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Jan 31, 2012
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I once witnessed a JO coach scratch a group of optionals from the rest of a meet because he overheard them joking around, one using the N word. That is the kind of leadership that is missing.
That coach had his priorities straight. I wish more coaches would remember that the "J" in JO stands for "Junior," and that the primary purpose of youth sports is youth development, not winning medals.
 

gymgal

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Aug 22, 2008
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I think what people are trying to get across is that if you took a show of hands of people who were involved in that thread, over whether they were aware that Ty's dad was black, it'd be pretty unanimous that we were. Even the poster of the comment did not try to say he didn't know he was black, only that he didn't mean it "like that."
actually, that's exactly what the poster did say:
"That angle/interpretation had not even occurred to me. That your daughter was black is something I had not noticed. My comment was not remotely intended that way, but it is completely understandable that it read that way. I was wrong to make that comment without giving it more thought, and you were right to call me out on it.
I apologize to @Ty’s Dad anybody else who was offended"


I believed the person because the post had turned into a male/female debate, quite sexist in my opinion and the comment was made in that regard. Frankly I did not pick up on Ty's Dad's profile pic either. I don't pay attention to the profile pics. But even if I had, I would not have made assumptions based on it. Lots of diverse families in our world. I only realized it after Ty's Dad commented and I am really surprised at the number of people who are now saying they noticed. The poster was correct in apologizing and admitting that the comment was not well thought out. Bottom line is, we all need to be better with thinking before we speak/write and really consider how others mine view our comments based on their own experiences.
 

Sk8ermaiden

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Oh sorry! I just remembered the "not intended that way" part, thanks for the correction.

I also agree that the thread had become very sexist. It was bothersome.
 

bookworm

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Oct 3, 2009
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On my couch either reading or doing nothing...
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So here's a gem of a response on Twitter from Auburn HC Graba....

"I believe if you're blessed to lead young people you should LEAD. This is how I feel. I was born into white privilege and that's not my fault., my sister was not (she's adopted) and this was not her fault. My experience is nothing like hers .
I am not perfect but am committed to recognizing where I'm getting it wrong and working on myself and helping the people around me. We all need to look in the mirror & take responsibility in order to be better"......

....so Jeff how about starting with eliminating the "it's not my fault" statement from your defense of your gymnasts trashing others with racial slurs ? And you acknowledge your "adopted" sister had a very different experience that's "not her fault"... but you don't LEAD by example at Auburn by having ZERO tolerance for racist comments to your gymnasts by just about everyone involved in your program ....instead you suspend and toss the gymnasts for being the subject of the racism and having the guts to demand it stops.

I don't know what's going on down there at Auburn, Alabama , Florida and LSU but my child would never set foot in those places with what's going on there that we've heard ...imagine what we haven't heard ...
 

bookworm

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Oct 3, 2009
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Another day, another disappointing comment from a college coach...back to one of the originals, Dana Duckworth....in an article by Sports Illustrated , Tia Kiaku says how she had some meetings with Dana and the coaching staff about the racial slurs/ behaviors which culminated in a meeting in the fall of 2019 , where Dana told Tia it "might be best if SHE took a break from the program" ....let's blame the victim here...

Then , a few days after this, Tia's mom gets a call from Dana (that the mom thinks is to address the issue) and she says people are " telling me things about Tia" , asks if Tia has friends and then proceeds to say to the mom "Tia is sleeping around and I thought it was important for you to know" ...and still not addressing the racist issue on her team , Dana launches into " is Tia's father around? Because I've never seen him at meets and maybe this is how she is acting out because her dad is not in her life" . Tia's mom tries to get the conversation back to her concern for her daughter and Dana stops her with " I have a program to protect, I have all these girls to look out for , we are spending too much time on this and I need to worry about winning a National Championship" .....so evidently Tia is not one of the girls Dana is "looking out for" and spending too much time on getting rid of racist behavior from her program is a No-No as well as a single mother who is supportive of her college enrolled daughter....

SHAME ON YOU DANA ! That program needs housecleaning from top to bottom ....fruit of the poisonous tree in Tuscaloosa.
 

cmg

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Jul 2, 2018
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So here's a gem of a response on Twitter from Auburn HC Graba....

"I believe if you're blessed to lead young people you should LEAD. This is how I feel. I was born into white privilege and that's not my fault., my sister was not (she's adopted) and this was not her fault. My experience is nothing like hers .
I am not perfect but am committed to recognizing where I'm getting it wrong and working on myself and helping the people around me. We all need to look in the mirror & take responsibility in order to be better"......

....so Jeff how about starting with eliminating the "it's not my fault" statement from your defense of your gymnasts trashing others with racial slurs ? And you acknowledge your "adopted" sister had a very different experience that's "not her fault"... but you don't LEAD by example at Auburn by having ZERO tolerance for racist comments to your gymnasts by just about everyone involved in your program ....instead you suspend and toss the gymnasts for being the subject of the racism and having the guts to demand it stops.

I don't know what's going on down there at Auburn, Alabama , Florida and LSU but my child would never set foot in those places with what's going on there that we've heard ...imagine what we haven't heard ...
It will be interesting to see how long it takes for the racists remarks from coaches or athletic directors or the lack of adequate responses from colleges in general effect recruiting. From what I can see it is all sports in several of these schools. I am having the same thoughts as Bookworm in terms of where my kid should go to school, if she can even make it to the college level.
 

Geoffrey Taucer

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I was called a big Ape in this group a couple months ago and nobody but one person said anything. Just some people are more open about their racism then others, a lot hide it
I was the one who made the ape comment. At the time and in the context of the thread, the racial implications of the statement were not intentional and in truth had not even occurred to me at all, but that does not excuse anything. I apologized then, and I want to reiterate that apology now, and thank you for calling me out on it.

I think one thing that I have been learning lately -- and learning is always a continuing process -- is that "not being racist" isn't enough. As a white man, I have to actively work to be anti-racist. I have to actively be aware of how what I say can mean one thing to me, and something different to somebody else. It's not anybody else's job to interpret what I say in the best light -- it's my job to watch what I say to avoid hurting people. My "ape" comment had no racist intent whatsoever, but it came across as racist, and it's on me to watch what I say so that doesn't happen.

We all -- but especially those of us in power and privilege -- have to work to be better. And we all have to hold each other accountable. So to @Ty’s Dad , thank you for holding me accountable, and helping me to learn to be better.
 
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coachmolly

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Jan 18, 2009
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I'm not a big Twitter user but I have been following this atrocity pretty intently. It's completely heart breaking that these girls have worked the majority of their lives for this chance only to be treated terribly by teammates and coaches. I don't know how they held it together for so long and am so impressed by the ability of all of them to speak up now. And I think what we're seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm sure there are plenty of other girls out there who are choosing not to speak out of fear of losing scholarships, retribution of teammates/coaches, or not being believed. So much more needs to be done. I'm sure universities are going to jump into to offering "trainings" so they can use that to cover their own necks, and maybe it will help a little, but if these coaches do not see anything wrong with their behavior and aren't willing to actually invest in doing the work personally, nothing will change.
I used to work in a very white and rural part of Virginia and had a group of high schoolers at one point who made a comment about "acting black." I remember saying something to them suggesting that kind of remark wasn't okay, but I'm kicking myself for not turning it into more of a teaching moment. But I can't even imagine a kid using the N word and I really was not aware that was such a common occurrence among college kids. And not even behind closed doors, it sounds like it's happening with coaches present. And the back of the bus comment?! Who says that kind of thing "as a joke"?! Maybe I'm just an ultra sensitive "Yankee" but what kind of world are you living in that something like that 1. crosses your mind and 2. you think it's okay to let it come out of your mouth?
What an awful mess. I'm glad that so many of these girls seem to be receiving positive responses, if not from their own teammates and coaches, at least from gym fans at large as well as some other NCAA gymnasts. I hope they can use their voices to spark some change because this sport surely needs it.
 

duyetanh

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Feb 21, 2015
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The racial crap started in our world in around 5th grade. The school bus is one of Dante’s rings of he&&
For us it started in kindergarten. Yep. Awesome. Ironically my child has dealt with racism and discrimination, and I have been discriminated against and dealt with racism because I am not my child’s race.
Fun times.....
 

M2Abi

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I asked my daughter today (7th grade) if she had ever heard any racist terms or seen any racism in school, gym, or anywhere else. She said no. My experience is the same as hers, I don't see or hear it. I know it exists, but we are blessed that in the area we live, it is not blatant.
 

Flippin'A

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Has anyone looked at what Chalk Warrior is posting on twitter? They asked black athletes and parents to send in statements and they're tweeting all of them. Really interesting, often heart-wrenching stuff. I was particularly struck by how many of them mention never seeing a single black judge in their entire gymnastics career. I've long felt that our requirements for brevet judges were far too strict to prevent conflicts of interest, but it sounds like we have a massive need for increased diversity throughout the judging pool. Definitely something USAG should actively work toward.
 

mommyof1

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Jan 31, 2012
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I asked my daughter today (7th grade) if she had ever heard any racist terms or seen any racism in school, gym, or anywhere else. She said no. My experience is the same as hers, I don't see or hear it. I know it exists, but we are blessed that in the area we live, it is not blatant.
It can be hidden in plain sight. There was a racist incident in my daughter’s fifth-grade class that she didn’t notice, even though it affected a close friend of hers. I heard about it from the friend’s mom, who was shocked that I didn’t know what had happened. It occurred on the playground and was the kind of behavior that would have been totally obvious to anyone who witnessed it, so it‘s possible the perpetrators were careful about who was watching when they did what they did. Our local media has also failed to report on some pretty terrible events.
 

bogwoppit

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Feb 26, 2007
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It can be hidden in plain sight. There was a racist incident in my daughter’s fifth-grade class that she didn’t notice, even though it affected a close friend of hers. I heard about it from the friend’s mom, who was shocked that I didn’t know what had happened. It occurred on the playground and was the kind of behavior that would have been totally obvious to anyone who witnessed it, so it‘s possible the perpetrators were careful about who was watching when they did what they did. Our local media has also failed to report on some pretty terrible events.

It also can be the subtle digs that really do the harm. Stuff that we might not notice, because we are not the victims. BBC posted this poem yesterday. Touched me.

 
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