WAG I feel so alone...help :(

[superflipgirl]

This is a LONG vent, so please bear with me.....

High school gymnastics season just started....which normally I would be SO excited for, but after our first practice today, I just don't know. A little background: I'm a senior, so it's my last year. Did club gymnastics for 10+ years when I was younger, quit when I got to high school and I did cheerleading for two years. Absolute worst decision ever. I know I can't change the past, but especially now I realize how bad it was that I took two years off. I've pretty much lost all my skills, I was on prep op but almost a level 7 skill wise right before I quit, and now I can barely do anything, not to mention that I grew 3 inches during the time I quit so now it's even harder. I developed some really bad fear issues during cheerleading due to an incident that put me under a lot of pressure to get harder skills. My first year on the high school team was last year, my junior year, after I quit cheerleading and I actually somewhat regained some of those skills, and could even do a lot of the skills from gymnastics I hadn't done in years(like a back walkover on the high beam). All those skills are pretty much gone.
That's not really what's making me upset though(although it certainly doesn't help). Last year, when I joined the team, everyone was SO supportive of me, the coaches and all the teammates. They really helped me feel like I had been a member of the team as long as they had. And at that time, I still had a lot of my skills, so they actually seemed really happy to have me on the team. But for some reason, in the middle of the season last year, I don't know what happened but it seemed like they didn't like me as much. And to be honest, I think it's just some of the things I said. I didn't say anything rude...what I mean is I think I might have tried a little too hard to fit in. I went through two depressing years with a very unwelcoming group of girls in cheerleading, and felt under SO much pressure to fit in with the team and find a group of girls who I was close to. For some reason, I seriously think everyone on the team, including the coaches, thinks I have issues. Well not issues, but like, over-anxiety and they think I'm immature. I've tried not to seem too intrusive, which I feel like may have been the problem because I was just trying so hard to become friends with everyone. But I'm the oldest on the team, the only senior, and everyone talks to me like I'm a little baby who just joined the team. No one believes that I used to be really good, and I don't think anyone realizes what I've been through with cheerleading. This one girl last year would always tell me that I need to "think about what I say before I say it"...a girl 2 years younger than me talking to me as if I'm a kindergardener. And I offered to help her with something a few days ago and she said "No, it's okay I don't need your help" in an aggressive tone. And last year I kept telling the coaches that I was planning to put certain skills in my routine because I thought I could still do my old skills at the time, and of course I found out I wasn't as good as I used to be, so the coaches assumed that I was one of those over confident people who thinks they can do more than I could, and to be honest they never watch what I'm doing anymore unless I ask them for corrections. Everyone assumes I don't know how to do anything...whenever I'm helping with moving equipment, the girls on the team talk to me as if I don't know what I'm doing, they'll say that I'm not trying hard enough and if I walk away from the mat I'm moving for one second, they'll be like, "Um, can you please help us? We're doing all the work." I actually think I'm one of the most helpful people on the team, and no one else realizes that. The coaches will like thank other people and say you guys were such a big help, without even looking at me. I give suggestions for other people's routines(I know all about high school gymnastics because I've read all the rule books) and even if I have a really good suggestion everyone will ignore me because they think that I don't know anything because I've only been on the team for two years.

Sorry for the long vent, but you have no idea how hard this is on me. I went through two years of this with cheerleading, and last year I really thought I had found a group of girls and coaches who I felt close to. Nobody realizes that if I say "dumb" things sometimes it's because NOBODY ever listened to me when I talked to them in cheer, and I'm just trying to fit in and feel under so much pressure to do so. Nobody cares about how nice I am to everyone, how much I offer to help with mats, etc., that I'm a straight a student and I work so hard in school and I put so much pressure on myself with school and college...and they just assume that I don't know anything and treat me like I'm the youngest on the team. This is my last year on the high school team, probably my last year of gymnastics, and I'm already not enjoying it as much as I hoped I would

I really, really appreciate it if you read this whole thing....I'm in tears just after typing this :'( I can't talk to anyone about it, not even my parents, because my parents were so upset about how the girls on cheerleading treated me, and just seemed so happy with my gymnastics experience from last year, and I do not want to take that happiness away from them and for them to stress out over me.

Again, thank you to anyone who read this all, and I would love some advice

 

[gymdog]

I think you should try to talk to a counselor at school first in order to organize your thoughts and have them help and support you with the next steps of a meeting with your coaches to express your concerns. From there you may be able to do something like hang out with the friendliest girls one on one, or in a small group outside of practice.

 

[vagymmomma]

I really like the advice that gymdog gave. High school is a crazy time -- I have some great friends from that time, but I would never want to go back because it is really hard transitioning from child to adult and learning what that really means. Friendships should be easy though. You should not have to worry all the time about what you say or how you say it, and you can't always make it work no matter how much you want it to.

First, you must have faith in yourself. Know you're a good person and try your best. I guarantee you every person on this site has made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. There's no expectation that we be perfect. Find someone to talk to live - whether family, school counselor, or maybe a priest just to give you some things to think about in a more personal setting. And don't be so hard on yourself. It's amazing how your own confidence impacts how others see you.

Good luck - let us know how things are going.

 

[coachmolly]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this and had such a rough time with cheerleading. I coach a HS gym team and know all too well that certain groups of girls can be very clique-y in the right setting, especially in a competitive sport like gymnastics. I also competed for 1 year on my HS team as a freshman (many years ago) and had a great deal of difficulty even talking to my teammates throughout that season because I was so intimidated by them. It's hard when you go into something not knowing anyone, or at least not feeling like you have a friendly relationship with at least one person.
I would second the suggestions others have made about going to talk to someone to help sort out some of your experiences and maybe relieve some of the stress you are piling on yourself about gymnastics, school, and friendships on the team. Is there one coach you feel at least a slightly closer bond with? Maybe you could work towards talking to him/her about what you are feeling. Because if a girl on my team were experiencing what you are going through, I would absolutely want to know about it. Though be sure to word it in a way that isn't "blaming" the other girls in the team. Saying things like, "I feel like this" rather than "They all hate me". That way the coach can see how important this is to you and that you are looking for ways to improve, rather than looking for ways to "improve" the other girls.
Keep doing what you need to do- working hard, being kind, and accepting corrections. Think about what you love about gymnastics and focus on those things. Show the gymnasts and coaches through your example that you love gymnastics and know what you're doing. And try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Keep us posted, I hope things get better soon!

 

[raenndrops]

I can really relate to the ignoring your helpful suggestions part... I went through it in college with my "Cohort Group" as we were doing field placements in the area schools. We would share ideas, but everyone ignored mine and tuned me out. I know how you feel. I agree with the consensus that you should talk to a guidance counselor to organize your thoughts and feelings. Then you can approach a coach (or maybe the counselor could facilitate a meeting).
Good luck...
And, don't give up on gymnastics. In college, there are gymnastics opportunities (not College Varsity gymnastics... but like club gymnastics).
Check out NAIGC http://www.naigc.net/basics.php

 

[superflipgirl]

Thank you so much everyone!

To be honest, the girls actually aren't clique-y: I was hoping it wouldn't come across that way. They were incredibly supportive last year. And the whole team definitely isn't like this, some of the girls are still incredibly supportive. In fact, they all are. It's more that I'm overly sensitive. I don't think anyone else would be as offended as I am by what they're doing. They aren't treating me like a baby to be mean, they're treating me like a baby because they think I am one and they think it's the best way to talk to me. To be honest, I'm embarrassed to talk to people about this....my parents, my doctor, my counselor, my best friend who I tell everything to: they all know what I've been through with cliques and it's just so painful to even make it seem like I might be having a problem with another one...and like I said, they aren't really "clique-y!" I'm definitely not left out of anything, and it's not like all of the team against me. I know this is a bad idea, but I want to be strong. I want to feel like a captain as the only senior on the team, gain lots of my skills back, have people look up to me. And if I tell the coaches that they're being "mean" when it's more like I'm too sensitive, I feel like I'm going to look even more like the baby of the team. If the coaches were to end up talking to the girls, I also don't want to put them in that awkward position where they feel like they have to be nicer to me. I wish the coaches would just SEE me as the person I want to be seen as...a strong leader who loves being a part of the team. But because I joined the team late, they know the other girls better and see them more as leaders. I also have some bad fear issues and I'm not really that good compared to a lot of the people on the team, so they see me as that anxious kid who always needs help with everything.

 

[coachmolly]

I 100% relate to what you're experiencing, I'm also very anxious and prone to overthinking how others act around me. And I also know the feeling of being talked down to because I am very shy and nervous, especially around new people or a group that has sort of already established a group dynamic. I think people who haven't experienced that kind of anxiety personally really just don't know what to do with people who are anxious, so they baby them instead of treating them like an equal. Though in my experiences, even those somewhat misguided reactions to anxiety can show that a person cares about you and wants you to feel included. So I would take it as a good sign that they care enough to make an effort.
Perhaps if you don't want to talk to your parents or a guidance counselor about gymnastics specifically, you could just mention to them the very general problem of feeling that you are overly sensitive to others and feel that sometimes your peers baby you. It's a pretty normal thing for a shy and sensitive person to experience and my guess would be that they could offer some suggestions.
In the meantime, show them how much you care about the team and want to improve by your work ethic. Lead by example by being a hard worker in the gym and a supportive teammate. You don't need to be the best one on the team to have a leadership role, you just need to add something positive to the team. You obviously love gymnastics, you wouldn't be here if you didn't, so don't be afraid to show that love in the gym. Don't worry about what skills you can or cannot do, but instead focus on what you can do to improve. Good luck!

 

[superflipgirl]

You pretty much described my feelings perfectly! Thank you so much!

 

[superflipgirl]

Okay I'm feeling a little bit better...but I'm still really frustrated about how much I've regressed(read first paragraph of my first post). I'm for some reason just unusually scared to do a lot of skills. I've had a back handspring on floor since I was 9 or something, and yesterday I was scared to do it on a cheese mat...just 3 years ago I was working back layouts. And I used to be the most fearless person on my club team about acro skills on beam, I could pretty much do any acro skill, and I'm nervous now to do back walkovers even on low beam, even though I could do them on high beam last year after not having done them for two years. I'm really frustrated because last year I didn't get to compete that much since we had a LOT of good people on our team, but we don't have as many this year so I thought I would get to compete more but right now I'm just so frustrated. Can I have some advice please?