Parents Advice for ADHD child on team...maybe too immature?

[LJL07]

My husband and I are super frustrated with our daughter. She is in first grade and will be 7 in a couple of months, so she's still young. She is immature for her age behaviorally as far as being silly and having no impulse control. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and has a learning issue too despite being a bright kid. I found some helpful threads about ADHD through a search that were helpful.

We are at a new gym that we really like so far. She is talented. She learns super fast and is one of those kids constantly tumbling and upside down. The old gym spotted her at 3 as having loads of potential. She just does not have focus or self motivation. The practices are 3 hours long and maybe that's too long for her with the ADHD and immaturity. Last night, my husband was waiting outside to pick her up from practice. The girls were supposed to be working their splits, and the coach asked her three times to do them, and she just kept chattering and didn't do it. She was the only one. I'm embarrassed by this behavior. ADHD is no excuse to be rude. We can't correct her bc parents aren't allowed in the gym.

This is an ongoing issue from our other gym, and we have been battling this all year. I have a 4 year old meanwhile who would literally behave better if she were on team now. The 4 yr old is always trying to do more in her class and works so hard. I hate to compare, but it's so frustrating!

So my question is: should we pull her from gymnastics until she matures behaviorally? Gymnastics is a reward for her. Pull her from team and try again in a couple of years? Plan is to do level 3 next year. Put her back in developmental classes? I hate to keep rewarding this behavior by letting her go to gym. Thanks-

 

[Midwestmommy]

What do the coaches think? Did she have problems at just the very end of practice or all the way through? Just that night or every night? She's a teeny little kid doing a tough 3 hour workout. So there is more to be proud of than embarassed about! Ask the coaches, they will probably appreciate that you respect their opinion about whether she is ready and how she is doing.

Have you tried a reward charge on the fridge? Maybe if the coaches agree there is a problem, you could get a very simple system going....green, yellow, blue. Green focused well, gets 2 points. Yellow, OK practice with some attention struggles. No points. Blue means lots of focus problems at practice, take a away a point. Get to 20 points and she earns something.... for example., 2 hour game and popcorn night with you (her choice of games), or movie night, or a shirts she wants....whatever works for your family.

Ducking for cover now from those who don't like "prizes" and prefer intrinsic rewards being enough. I myself have found bribery...um I mean rewards, evey very small ones.... quite effective over the years.

 

[Midwestmommy]

Just to clarify, I am not talking about reward for skills or scores....just for good behavior... Heck while you are add it, add a few things you want at home to the charge (clean room, etc.)

 

[LJL07]

The coach at the old gym placed her on level one for team due to the maturity/behavior stuff. We talked to him several times about managing her behavior, but he really took a very hands off approach. He felt like she was young and they don't want them to hate gym by making it too strict. We left the other gym due to gym issues mostly. Not that the gym seemed to be a good fit for an ADHD kid anyways.

I'm really not sure what the new coach thinks. She was very "good" initially because it was new and she wasn't quite comfortable yet. Now she's comfortable and us back to acting silly. To be clear, she's not a deliberately mean or disrespectful kid. She's just all about the fun.

I completely understand that you meant rewards for behavior. I really don't mention scores to my daughter. She could care less what place she comes in as long as she gets some bling. They use the color for system at school, and she does pretty well. Of course she is on medication and that helps tremendously. By the time she gets to gym, the medication has worn off and she is probably even more hyper than usual!

 

[LJL07]

Oh, and yes! Behavior is definitely worse by the end of practice. It's almost 8 pm by then.

 

[EastCoastGymMom]

A three hour practice is a long time for a six year old, regardless of adhd. I think even a two hour practice at that age is tough - especially after a long day of school and going until 8pm. I don't know much about adhd, but it may be that you and the coaches have to lower your expectations a bit. If the coaches are okay with her behavior, then I wouldn't worry - they are the ones who should be correcting her behavior during class or talking to you about it if it's a problem. Maybe they understand that she is young and tired/bored/wired/low on meds by the end of the class and are giving her a bit of slack. I see the young girls mature so much between age 7 and 8 years old - it's remarkable! I wouldn't "punish" her by taking away gymnastics - she might be doing the best she can, and what more can you ask for?

ETA- and if she's anything like my dd, she will be bouncing off the walls if you take away gymnastics! My dd is not adhd whatsoever, but she drives me crazy when practice is cancelled for snow or holidays!

 

[aerials]

I have the same daughter. She is ten now and we still have our moments. Her inability to focus at gymnastics (plus school and everywhere else) was one of the reasons we went to a doctor. She takes her medicine in the morning and like you said it wears off by 4:00. She now has another pill she takes at the end of school and lasts until 8:00. There are also meds that last 10 or 12 hours instead of the normal 8 hours. You may have to do something like this. This has made a huge difference in her in gymnastics and off days too.

 

[purpleleomom]

Don't forget nutrition. I have a similar kid, and her meds dull her appetite. She would not know her body was hungry, but her focus and emotions would be all over the place in the evenings. Extra snacks, Pediasure, etc are helping a lot. Don't want kids to get "hangry."

 

[LJL07]

ETA- and if she's anything like my dd, she will be bouncing off the walls if you take away gymnastics! My dd is not adhd whatsoever, but she drives me crazy when practice is cancelled for snow or holidays!

Yes, that is exactly what will happen. Which is why we were sort of at a loss for how to handle the behavior without just letting it go.

Thanks for putting it in perspective. I know she is only 6, and it is a long, long day. She probably is hungry and certainly by the end of practice is hungry. I thought about trying a short acting medication too. She's on focalin xr. It's supposed to be long-acting. She's doing so well at school and is little for age, so I'm hesitant to add more medication just yet. Maybe when she gets a little bigger. We need to chill out, but we sure don't want her being disrespectful (or appearing that way) to her coaches by ignoring what they are asking her to do. She may not have heard them because she was too busy chatting.

 

[Sasha]

It would be a shame to give up gymnastics! There are a few recent threads on here regarding 'dealing with difficult / problem children' and what coaching strategies work best for discipline in class.

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/threads/what-to-do-with-a-problem-child.44425/

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/threads/coaching-rec-and-naughty-kids.44761/#post-280712

The parents who chimed in who have ADHD children seemed to agree that those same strategies (clear explanation of expectations + firm, consistent application of consequences) were just important for their kids, if not more. Along, of course, with specific praise when they are behavior desirably.

Perhaps this coach is not super consistent with making rules clear and exercising consequences for not doing what is asked? ADHD or not, a kid who likes to push the rules will run all over an adult who isn't clear and consistent!

If the coach knows you are her supportive ally and you work together to communicate the clear rules (which are set for everyone!), and what will happen if they aren't followed (sitting out for a time, extra pushups instead of working a skill, leaving class for the day, whatever is decided), your DD could learn the path to proper respect in class and do great. I'd say she deserves that chance!

 

[LJL07]

Thank you, Sasha! I had followed the first thread but not the second and found some much older ones too.

The current coach is very young and probably doesn't have as much expertise with handling ADHD kids. Actually, except for the gym owner at the old gym, the coaches over there were also quite young (one was a high school student). My daughter is also the youngest one on team at the current gym by at least a full year and as someone pointed out, that year can make a difference (at least I hope it does!). I think my child is relating to these younger coaches like she does her favorite babysitter and likes to jump on them and give hugs etc.

I'm kind of wondering about her doing level 3 next year though. Those routines are more complex than level 1 to say the least, so maybe we should not push that.

 

[aerials]

In our situation more complex/challenging gymnastics are better for my daughter than situations where she is bored. You might be better off putting her in level 3 than holding her back.

 

[LJL07]

In our situation more complex/challenging gymnastics are better for my daughter than situations where she is bored. You might be better off putting her in level 3 than holding her back.

That's a good point. I go back and forth. She can do the skills. I just didn't know if getting the form and tiny details right would be an issue with the focus problems. Even though she has the skills above level 1, she isn't necessarily placing super high at all the meets because of the tiny details. If that makes sense.

 

[Sasha]

That's a good point. I go back and forth. She can do the skills. I just didn't know if getting the form and tiny details right would be an issue with the focus problems. Even though she has the skills above level 1, she isn't necessarily placing super high at all the meets because of the tiny details. If that makes sense.

If scoring placement isn't a huge deal to her, then keeping her moving up skill-wise (if coaches agree) seems wise to keep her engaged. It also depends if the tiny details are toe points and pretty fingers (then no big deal) or if it's general lack of strength or understanding to make/hold the required body shapes or land (looks 'floppy'). If the latter, then some kids need to work more on that tightness or start to find the new skills harder and get frustrated. If your coach says she's ready to take on a higher level, though, that sounds right.

And yeah, a young inexperienced coach will need to learn how to correct behaviors along with form - it's part of the gig! Or coach will not last long since I'm sure your DD will not be the first or last to not be a perfect listener by nature

 

[3LittleGymmies]

I had a friend who had this exact same issue last year with her daughter who was the same exact age. She repeated old Level 4 this season (in Level 3) and has done SO WELL. It's like night and day compared to last year. Hang in there, mama.

 

[aerials]

My daughter still has problems with form at times, this may just be an age thing. I solve this with the occasional private lesson.

 

[iwannacoach]

The first thing you need to understand is that she behaves as she does because she has ADHD. I'm certain you'd agree that given the choice for your child to have adhd or not, you'd definitely say you'd prefer she not have it. Just a little tough love here..... Do you really think she prefers to have adhd, to frequently or constantly be told she's misbehaving or rude, to feel she's singled out by her peers and the adults who are charged with her care.

A snowball in hell has a better hell to make it unscathed through a day than you child. A few too many of these days will bring her to the point of giving up because she'll figure out that no matter how ashamed of she may be, no matter how badly she'd like, and no matter how often she tries...... she's going to fail in the eyes of peers, teachers, coaches, and parents.

Adhd does as adhd is. It's a handicap/disability that no child want, and she is little different than a child who relies on crutches or a wheelchair. I said little different because while no child prefers to be disabled/challenged, there's something to be said for the advantage a wheelchair provides, because at least people recognize the child's need and open doors for them that are nearly slammed upon the hapless adhd sufferer who tries, but doesn't quite make it through the door as it closes.

Start from there and figure out the rest.

 

[LJL07]

The first thing you need to understand is that she behaves as she does because she has ADHD. I'm certain you'd agree that given the choice for your child to have adhd or not, you'd definitely say you'd prefer she not have it. Just a little tough love here..... Do you really think she prefers to have adhd, to frequently or constantly be told she's misbehaving or rude, to feel she's singled out by her peers and the adults who are charged with her care.

Feeling chastened. You are absolutely right. She does get very frustrated with herself, and I've heard her say, "i can't do anything right!" She's always the first one to spill her drink at the dinner table, and her teacher calls her "miss chatterbox." I'm just going to make sure the new gym knows what is going on, and I don't want her using ADHD as an excuse to blow off a coach telling her to do something.

As far as form, it's hard to say. A lot of it seems to be the toes pointing in the right direction. I wouldn't say her ROBHS is great form yet. Her legs tend to be apart when she does them. She really doesn't care about placement. She is just as happy in 3rd place as 6th place because they all seem to get medals. I'm sure that will change when she gets older.

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

Just my two cents:

I have an ADHD daughter and although we have gone the extra medicine route and it does work we have also found that having an older gym buddie helped too. Her gym Buddie was a few years older than her and her job was to remind her what to do. Remind her it was her turn to quit talking..... It worked really well until that child left the gym. I would much rather that anytime than the extra meds but whatever works....

 

[cbifoja]

The first thing you need to understand is that she behaves as she does because she has ADHD. I'm certain you'd agree that given the choice for your child to have adhd or not, you'd definitely say you'd prefer she not have it. Just a little tough love here..... Do you really think she prefers to have adhd, to frequently or constantly be told she's misbehaving or rude, to feel she's singled out by her peers and the adults who are charged with her care.

A snowball in hell has a better hell to make it unscathed through a day than you child. A few too many of these days will bring her to the point of giving up because she'll figure out that no matter how ashamed of she may be, no matter how badly she'd like, and no matter how often she tries...... she's going to fail in the eyes of peers, teachers, coaches, and parents.

Adhd does as adhd is. It's a handicap/disability that no child want, and she is little different than a child who relies on crutches or a wheelchair. I said little different because while no child prefers to be disabled/challenged, there's something to be said for the advantage a wheelchair provides, because at least people recognize the child's need and open doors for them that are nearly slammed upon the hapless adhd sufferer who tries, but doesn't quite make it through the door as it closes.

Start from there and figure out the rest.

The teacher in me loves this post! Such intelligence and compassion shown, especially in the second and third paragraphs.