Parents Unintentionally embarrassed my gymmie.

[Mom2-4]

So yesterday I was picking up Dd. I was about 15 min early and was chatting about various things with the owner of the gym. I didn't realize that the boys team coach was just inside the office and overheard our conversation. What we were discussing was the toll pre teen and teen changes take on gymnastics. Teens leaving the sport due to physical changes and school opportunities. I mentioned that Dd had grown about 3 inches and gained about 15 lbs this year and that it has helped her tumbling but she was really struggling at bars. So the boys coach who tends to be a little sarcastic told my Dd. She came out after practice angry and said "thanks for talking to people about me, behind my back." She said the other coach seemed annoyed and said in front of the boys team and her teammates. "Your mom is out in the lobby bragging about your gymnastics since you gained 15 lbs." She didn't go to practice today. Now I am embarrassed I don't want to go into the gym at all. I am also a little angry at the other coach. Who is most at fault here and will time fix it? What to say to daughter? Or just let it blow over. BTW she is 12.5

 

[gymmomx2]

So yesterday I was picking up Dd. I was about 15 min early and was chatting about various things with the owner of the gym. I didn't realize that the boys team coach was just inside the office and overheard our conversation. What we were discussing was the toll pre teen and teen changes take on gymnastics. Teens leaving the sport due to physical changes and school opportunities. I mentioned that Dd had grown about 3 inches and gained about 15 lbs this year and that it has helped her tumbling but she was really struggling at bars. So the boys coach who tends to be a little sarcastic told my Dd. She came out after practice angry and said "thanks for talking to people about me, behind my back." She said the other coach seemed annoyed and said in front of the boys team and her teammates. "Your mom is out in the lobby bragging about your gymnastics since you gained 15 lbs." She didn't go to practice today. Now I am embarrassed I don't want to go into the gym at all. I am also a little angry at the other coach. Who is most at fault here and will time fix it? What to say to daughter? Or just let it blow over. BTW she is 12.5

I would have some words with that coach. An apology should be due to your daughter.

 

[curlygirls]

I would have words with the owner. There is absolutely no excuse for the coach's nasty behavior. What an a-hole!

 

[OzZee]

Seriously if that's what the coach said (or anything close to it even with teenage girl interpretation) then you need to speak to the owner. That is not acceptable.

 

[sce]

That coach was WAY out of line. Based on what you state here you did not say anything inappropriate about your daughter.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

You said nothing wrong, that coach was wayyy out of line!! I'm angry for you.

 

[Momof2]

I would defiantly talk with the owner. That's unprofessional and unacceptable. It would make me wonder what else he says to the kids.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I would talk to the coach first and see what he says. (Make sure what was said was exactly that). Then do whatever you feel is appropriate .

 

[lovemygymnast]

You should be able to speak to the owner without a coach being so childish as to repeat it! Obviously, this coach is an idiot!! Everything is embarrassing to that age group!! I'd be chatting with the owner about this coach and definitely an apology is due...although, that may be embarrassing too!!!

 

[Mom2-4]

I kind of feel like this might be coming from a general dislike of me. This coach and DD's former HC are good friends. Old HC and I had a few instances over the years of disagreements which I thought we had sorted through before he left. Still inexcusable to say things about me to my daughter. I haven't decided what to do yet I don't want it to become a bigger issue to her. Although I feel uncomfortable going into the gym now. Like do the coaches talk about me to each other. It's a very small group of optionals, much smaller since old HC left. I don't have anyone to talk to parent wise so I will probably just drop and pick up at the car. I think my daughter will be back on Monday. This coach or one of the newer boys team coaches may be spotting her this summer on a few skills and I don't want anything sarcastic said about her weight. I feel guilty for even bringing up the topic of body changes with the owner. I am sure boys are less sensitive about this stuff and maybe he says things to them like this all of the time. I think I will lay low but if I hear of any other rude comments I will talk to the owner.

 

[esor]

The coach repeating what you said is ridiculous and would definitely say something. I am frustrated for you as well!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

You should not feel guilty or embarrassed, that coach was out of line. I would speak to the owner and tell him/her you didn't appreciate your conversation being repeated to your DD by the coach. Doesn't really matter to me whether the coach used those exact words or not, any mention of your convo with owner was not meant for that coach to share with anyone else!

 

[duyetanh]

I would still quietly talk to the owner...because if this coach will be spotting your child in the future, you do not need further comments to be made. And with those type of people, if you don't stand up to them, more comments will be made...it is part for the course. Say you were and are disappointed about the lack of professionalism. I would almost email it so you have proof and a copy, and make sure you reiterate that YOU have no problem with this coach. I am disgusted.

 

[Mom2-4]

She has a stomach ache so no practice again today. Don't know if it's related.

 

[strawberries]

I agree with all of the sentiment here. The coach's behavior was absurd (although it couldn't hurt to hear his side of things).

But additionally, the coach was wrong about this being an embarrassing issue. If your daughter grew 3 inches, I would be more concerned if she DIDN'T put on any weight.

 

[duyetanh]

She is old enough to level with you about the stomach ache being related. Ask her.

 

[auswi]

She is old enough to level with you about the stomach ache being related. Ask her.

With anxiety related stomach aches the person just feels the pain- there is no differentiation in the type of pain from anxiety compared to the type of pain from other causes- which is why the GP runs a variety of tests to rule out other underlying factors before diagnosing tummy pain from anxiety.

Therefore if the OPs daughter is suffering from anxiety causing the pain it can still make her really miserable, and she won't necessarily know that anxieties the problem.

Still mummy brain would definitely suspect a link. Really important for your Dd, OP to see you taking steps- even if your step is to leave it- with an explanation why.

I would definitely be speaking to the owner in a quiet way, as this was in no way professional behaviour.

Good luck

 

[gymmomtotwo]

As someone who has seen way too many people suffer with eating disorders in sports, this is appalling for your daughter. She course she is growing and gaining weight. She is supposed to be. And your statements were legit. It takes time to adjust to normal growth and weight gain. To mention this conversation this to your daughter and in such a cruel way is absolutely horrendous. She does not want to set foot back in that gym, and at her age and its vulnerabilities, I don't blame her. Don't make her. The risk and the stakes are too high. I'd get her out of there, pronto. Find a new gym. I speak from experience. Careers and lives can be ruined by bad coaches. The tummy ache is a real physical reaction from her telling you that she is vulnerable from this experience with the coach. There is so much more at stake here than gymnastics.

People many think I'm over reacting, but that is my advice.

 

[gracyomalley]

This year basically our entire Optional level team (about 25 kids) (and several of the L5s) all either started or finished going through puberty - certainly the conglomerate weight gain/height gain/change in body shape and of course emotional swings would be astounding! Tons of kids struggling with skills issues/body image/confidence and the dreaded "no short" Friday! The few who haven't started growing/changing are also feeling it!

Any good coach has figured out that this is what coaching girls through tweens/teens is all about - and if there are still nasty comments occurring its not ok. Definitely worth finding out what "really" happened - but there are plenty of coaches dealing with this compassionately.

 

[duyetanh]

With anxiety related stomach aches the person just feels the pain- there is no differentiation in the type of pain from anxiety compared to the type of pain from other causes- UOTE]
Yes but she is old enough to also know. My 7 year old had a stomach ache after being bullied at school. She and I both knew she was not ill. She admitted to me that she didn't want t to go to school that day because of what happened the day before. When I said I would talk to her teacher, suddenly the pain lessened.