Parents Advice about a coach needed please..

[Ex member]

I wasn't sure wether I wanted to post this on here but I can't deal with it myself and haven't got anyone else to talk to and get advice from.

My youngest dd had a bit of a run in with her coach over a misunderstanding (I was called in to a meeting) - sorry don't want to go into too many details (I have told a few by PM) as it is long and don't want to write it all down again, my dd hadn't been naughty or anything like that just made a mistake on how to handle something.

We returned to the gym today to help empty the pit (shutdown week), dd's coach was there and this time was the first time we had seen her after the meeting (that ended well with no bad words and some understanding), the coach completely blanked me and my oldest dd today and even my youngest (who is coached by this person), she said hi and the coach didn't say anything back, we were in the gym 4 hours helping giving up put free time as that is what the girls wanted to do.

I left this gym feeling tired and deflated, not one person said thank you and left feeling hurt and puzzled over this coaches behaviour, dd still wants to do gym and be with this coach and I am feeling torn, I want dd to stay doing what she loves but don't want her to be treated like this (dd says the coach speaks to her during sessions), I don't know what to do, I feel like the coach has a grudge against us.

Maybe I am over reacting over this or maybe not, I won't be put out if you say I am worried over nothing as it will put my mind at ease, but I don't know what to do if the coach does have issues with us, I know the coach is only human and can have an off day but she was fine with everyone else but us.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I would definitely have a problem with this. For the staff not to thank you for helping is rude. For that coach to shun you after a small problem was supposedly worked out is not good. Do you have other options?

 

[Ex member]

No other options then taking dd out of gym and breaking her heart, I don't want to make a big deal of this but I am so confused, the gym is closed until next week and oldest is in next Monday and youngest next Tuesday.

 

[Frase]

I have had heated run ins with our coach previously and I've got to say for a while after, I deliberately did all possible to avoid any contact - verbal, eye or otherwise. They probably didn't even notice and I wasn't being childish or anything like that, I just felt I would be acting in a contradictory and fake fashion if I went back to our normal happy chit chat whilst it was still raw. For us things eventually got back to normal.

I'm sure once the dust settles it will all be fine. Chin up and enjoy the rest of your week off.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

unless knowing the whole situation, from both side we can offer nothing but sympathy really. You may think your daughter's behavior was right/acceptable, the coach may think it was totally unacceptable, a third party may see it somewhere in between, we are all subjective beasts

Were there lots of people there ? Maybe she didn't ignore you per se, maybe she was just busy with someone /. doing something else ? Maybe she is a right Bat (for want of a better word), we just cant tell or don't know, but worrying does no good and your daughters will pick up on it. I would be tempted to let it ride but file it away and keep it add to the whole picture if you understand me.

 

[MeetDirector]

Tiny -

Obviously what you finally end up doing is up to you, but ...

If you left your one-on-one meeting satisfied with the outcome, then I would probably write this off to a bad day and move on. I would definitely file the experience away and watch out for other negative experiences, but I would try and move forward.

Good Luck.

 

[Gymsanity]

Not knowing any of the details of what your daughter did, or what was discussed with the coach, or what resolution was reached, it's a bit hard to comment. I will say that it's possible, being this fresh, that there are still some lingering hurt and hard feelings. Pulling her out of gym over a misunderstanding that was supposedly resolved, seems a bit extreme. I would just give it some time with the attitude of 'this too shall pass.'
PS. Not excusing the coaches behavior, by the way. Once something is resolved in my book, it's resolved! Let's learn from it and move on, life is too short!

 

[Ex member]

I can give you the short version of what happened to lead to the meeting..

Dd had a busy week last week splitting her time between gym and dancing rehearsals for her show that was this weekend, they didn't have dance rehearsals on Thursday but dd had gym between 10:30am and 3pm and my oldest had gym between 12:15 and 2:15. I left youngest dd at gym and went back later with oldest dd and briefly say youngest dd as she was heading back from lunch with her team mates, youngest dd went back into the gym after lunch and I didn't see her anymore until 1:30 when she came up to me and said she was tired etc. (understandable as she is only 7 and has been on the go all week), dd wouldn't go back into the gym and her gym coach was too far away across the gym to tell her about dd. I got dd to go back into the gym after a while and the coach sent her straight back out for the rest of the session and we had to wait until session ended for both dd's then I was called into a meeting without dd. The coach gave dd a warning and a 2 week trial as she thinks that dd has issues with beam and always has long breaks around beam time. You all know dd has had fear issues on the beam many months ago but she go over that and has been ok and never refuses to do what the coach asks, she has had no more than 4 long toilet breaks where she has either gone back in after a short break or stayed out due to illness.

The coach informed me of dd's warning etc before giving me a chance to explain what happened, dd was tired and she hadn't eaten her lunch and had burnt out, dd's only mistake was coming to me instead of the coach when she stayed out, I now understand that dd must tell her coach but she didn't as she didn't know she had to as I was there (the coach can see us through the viewing glass). During the meeting she sung dd's praises and even had dd sit in on the meeting at the end so she could talk to her as well (we had to have another member of staff to sit on the meeting) and we all left happy enough and though that was that until today.

We are not back into the gym until next week so will see what will happen.

 

[Ex member]

Were there lots of people there ? Maybe she didn't ignore you per se, maybe she was just busy with someone /. doing something else ? Maybe she is a right Bat (for want of a better word), we just cant tell or don't know, but worrying does no good and your daughters will pick up on it. I would be tempted to let it ride but file it away and keep it add to the whole picture if you understand me.

The coach was right by me several times and walked past a few times and still ignored me and even ignored dd when she said hi (I hope that she didn't hear dd otherwise she comes across as rude), dd is never comfortable talking to her coach outside gym session and the coach knows she is shy and this doesn't help her confidence.

I really hope I am worrying over nothing as I am paying for gymnastics I don't want to be paying someone who has issues with dd.

 

[2G1B]

Um. I'm not OK with that at all. If the coach is indeed still holding a grudge against a 7 year old this long after something like that, then I'm not sure I'd be OK with that coach. That is extremely childish. That being said, I'd possibly see how things go the first week back. I'd try to stay and watch so that I could get a good feel. I'd also consider asking for another meeting to ask if the issue is resolved or if there is some remaining issue.

I'd be annoyed as hell if we went in to help clean a gym and were not thanked.

 

[cbifoja]

You've admitted in the past that you tend to worry over little things. My advice is to take a deep breath and don't read more into this than there is.

My DD got "kicked off" pre-team briefly and still has had a fairly successful career so don't let this early stuff get under your skin so much. So much of the early stuff is just learning how to conduct yourself in the gym environment!

Just judging the situation by what you've said, it doesn't seem to be a big deal. Kids get reprimanded all the time for that kind of stuff. It's just a learning experience.

 

[twinklytoes9468]

I would just let it go for now.If your DD is exhausted, then the coaches probably are too.See what happens after a week off when things have had a chance to blow over and everyone is feeling more refreshed.

 

[Ex member]

Just judging the situation by what you've said, it doesn't seem to be a big deal. Kids get reprimanded all the time for that kind of stuff. It's just a learning experience.

That is exactly how I saw it and even said it to the coach during the meeting that it was a learning curve for all of us, dd mow knows to go to the coach first, I put the whole incident behind me until today, I didn't expect the coach to ignore me and my dd's today, the coach new we were coming in today to help and we had a joke about it in the meeting so cannot understand what today was about.

 

[cbifoja]

I just always assume that if a coach doesn't pay attention to me or the kiddo in the lobby that it's just because they are preoccupied with important gymnastics stuff.....you know...leo colors, which new bag to get.

I just don't take stuff like that very personally but then I can be rather obtuse about such things so what do I know! LOL

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I see a couple of issues here.
If indeed the coach was actively ignoring you and your DD, I would not be cool with that, just let me say that right away.

One issue is what your DD was reprimanded for in the first place. It would absolutely be unacceptable for a kid to go out and sit with mom for any amount of time (or leave practice) without asking the coach. This is taught to all gymnasts, from the tiniest tot classes. It's something we enforce and remind the kids of, so there is no confusion. It's also in the parent handbook, so if for some reason some kid should be confused, the parents know. As a coach, I too would have spoke to the parent regarding it in the scenario you describe.

The second issue is that the coach feels your DD takes long, "convenient" breaks. We notice. That would also be absolutely unacceptable at our gym, especially in the developmental/preteam groups. Restroom breaks should basically only happen when there is a drink break and the coach always needs to be told and allow it. Anything other than a super quick visit to the restroom would not fly. If for some reason the child is ill enough to need to go home, that needs to be communicated to the coach. I forget, is there a medical reason for this? (I recall someone a while back saying they stay for practices because there is an intestinal medical issue). If so, the coach needs to be well aware of this and make appropriate rules regarding leaving and have some understanding for the issue, of course. If there's no actual medical reason, I would have a long sit down with DD and chat about how much she actually wants to do gymnastics because a kid who takes long bathroom breaks and then feels too ill to return to practice would be a red flag for me, both as a parent and as a coach....

Hope next week back at the gym goes well! If you don't notice anything out of the ordinary regarding the coaches behaviour then, I would simply chalk this episode up to having a bad day or being wrapped up in the task at hand. Some people are more socially awkward and may not realize they are in fact being rude. If you notice a continued "attitude" towards your DD I would schedule another meeting and ask for another coach or owner to sit in so you feel comfortable voicing your concerns. I would sit DD down before next week and make sure she is well aware of the rules and have her be on her best behaviour. No more breaks. And yes, of course if our kids are being actively bullied by someone, anyone, we should be their advocate.... But also try to relax and let the coaches be coaches in the gym without "rescuing" your child from things that may be absolutely nothing.

 

[GymSoccerSkiFun]

This is my first post on this forum as I'm new; so bear with me if I overstep anything or speak out of turn

Just wondering if you said hi to the coach, and she still ignored you anyway? I don't think you mentioned if you also tried to say hello to her. It sounds as though neither one of you said hello? If that's the case, I wouldn't be offended - the coach may have been really busy at the time and her mind could have been on other things.

Have you perhaps considered not staying at the practices? If I understand correctly, it sounds as though you stay through them and it might help your daughters to have some independence if you aren't there as much. That way, your daughter won't have the option of coming to you - if that makes sense?

Again, forgive me if I am not understanding everything in terms of the posting rules. Plus I don't know the background of your gym situation so you can always ignore my comments

 

[sce]

I would see how things go next week. Sounds like the coach does need some maturing, but if the coach treats your dd well during practice then I would just let this incident go. Also, just as your dd is shy socially maybe the coach has some social issues as well?

I do agree that your dd should not be leaving practice without talking to the coach.

 

[Ex member]

Thanks for the advice, dd came to this group from rec, we have no parent handbook and have no idea of gym rules so learning as we go along and did chalk this up to a learning experience and dd will be reminded of it. After reading your reply it clear that dd and I are in the wrong and I did say to the coach during the meeting that I was to blame, if I wasn't there waiting for older dd to finish then dd would have go to the coach and not me.

I was not ignored by the coach in the lobby and will always avoid the coach when she is walking through the lobby unless she stops me as I know how busy she is and respect that. We were ignored while helping in the gym and there were only a handful of people in the gym helping.

Thank you for your advice, it is clear I am overreacting again!!! Lol. I think I must be more exhausted then I thought and not thinking straight., I have been helping at dancing all week and then helping at gym today with no break. I am now feeling better about this, thank you helping me get my head straight.

 

[Ex member]

This is my first post on this forum as I'm new; so bear with me if I overstep anything or speak out of turn

Just wondering if you said hi to the coach, and she still ignored you anyway? I don't think you mentioned if you also tried to say hello to her. It sounds as though neither one of you said hello? If that's the case, I wouldn't be offended - the coach may have been really busy at the time and her mind could have been on other things.

Have you perhaps considered not staying at the practices? If I understand correctly, it sounds as though you stay through them and it might help your daughters to have some independence if you aren't there as much. That way, your daughter won't have the option of coming to you - if that makes sense?

Again, forgive me if I am not understanding everything in terms of the posting rules. Plus I don't know the background of your gym situation so you can always ignore my comments

No I didn't say hi to the coach either, I must be equally as guilty, didn't think of it that way lol.

I haven't been at gym for youngest dd's practices during the summer (and I found I like it that way) but had to be there that day for a little while in the afternoon as oldest dd had her disability session.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Don't feel bad. It's impossible to follow the rules if you're not made aware of them until they are broken! Equal "blame" to the gym/coach in that aspect!!