Parents Advice about a coach needed please..

[sce]

I guess I'm confused here. What rules did you not know. Not leaving practice without telling the coach? Taking an extended break in the middle of practice? In any activity my kids participate it would not be acceptable to do this. As well, I would never want a teacher, coach etc to not know where my kid is. Also, I don't want my kids to think they can leave whenever they feel like it.

 

[Ex member]

I guess I'm confused here. What rules did you not know. Not leaving practice without telling the coach? Taking an extended break in the middle of practice? In any activity my kids participate it would not be acceptable to do this. As well, I would never want a teacher, coach etc to not know where my kid is. Also, I don't want my kids to think they can leave whenever they feel like it.

Dd did not leave the building during practice, she just made the mistake of sitting with me for a few mins saying she was tired, I was hoping after a little rest she would got back into the gym but she didn't until a little while longer, one of her team mates came out and said that the coach wanted dd to come back in and dd went back in a few mins later (after I told the girl that dd was feeling a bit tired and would be in soon), dd went back in and was sent back out again until end of session.

Dd was visible through the view in glass and the coach new I was there but I see the coaches point of view about going to the coach first as the way I see it I am paying for the coaches time and dd should be under her care until after session and if there is an issue then the coach contacts me.

Mistakes were made by me and dd. It wasn't dd's fault as she didn't know what to do. Like I said dd know better now.

Dd did not leave when she felt like it, I would never take her out of the gym without notifying the coach or desk person first no matter what happens.

Dd suffered from burn out and I suffered from a communication breakdown, maybe if things like this happen then dd should not be in the gym, we both keep messing up somehow.

 

[NMNorskie]

I'm wondering if it's possible that the coach didn't hear you when you said hello. I'm hard of hearing, and an echo-y place like a gym is a really tough place for me to hear. I would eventually get used to the degree of echo and find ways to adjust...but if you're cleaning, I'm guessing mats are being moved around and stuff, which changes the degree of echo. You probably wouldn't notice if you have normal hearing, but for someone like me, a very small change can be a BIG deal, hearing-wise. I even notice when I put our extra couch cushions in the wash, because it changes my hearing in the living room. You can't always tell who has an issue like this; people are often surprised when I tell them (and I only tell them if a situation requires it).

I am super paranoid about people thinking I'm ignoring or snubbing them when I really just didn't hear them, so this was the first thing that popped into my head.

 

[Bess]

I certainly wouldn't throw in the towel over some possible miscommunication. Your dd loves gym and I would just keep on keeping on. No one is perfect and mistakes were made and lessons were learned from it. I would go back in the gym with a smile on your face and with the happy dd in tow ready to meet the trial/challenge the coach set in motion, head on as they say. Good luck!

 

[Aussie_coach]

Coaches can be immature. There is a saying "it is easier to forgive someone for their mistakes than it is to forgive them for having witnessed their own".

If this coach feels guilty in any way, or feels like she has made you mad or alienated you then perhaps she is projecting that onto you in an effort to save face herself. There could be a hundred misinterpreted things going on in her mind.

From here I would observe further. Are you able to observe practice? Or are you able to watch their interactions in some situation like meets? If so I would be observing a bit and seeing how she is with your DD, does she treat her the same as the other gymnasts? Or does she only speak to her in order to correct her?

 

[sce]

Dd did not leave the building during practice, she just made the mistake of sitting with me for a few mins saying she was tired, I was hoping after a little rest she would got back into the gym but she didn't until a little while longer, one of her team mates came out and said that the coach wanted dd to come back in and dd went back in a few mins later (after I told the girl that dd was feeling a bit tired and would be in soon), dd went back in and was sent back out again until end of session.

Dd was visible through the view in glass and the coach new I was there but I see the coaches point of view about going to the coach first as the way I see it I am paying for the coaches time and dd should be under her care until after session and if there is an issue then the coach contacts me.

Mistakes were made by me and dd. It wasn't dd's fault as she didn't know what to do. Like I said dd know better now.

Dd did not leave when she felt like it, I would never take her out of the gym without notifying the coach or desk person first no matter what happens.

Dd suffered from burn out and I suffered from a communication breakdown, maybe if things like this happen then dd should not be in the gym, we both keep messing up somehow.

Now I see where some of the confusion lays. To me, leaving the gym area and coming to the viewing area is leaving the class. She is no longer with the teacher and the teacher does not know why. Sitting with Mom is not being in class, kwim? To me that is leaving class because she felt like it. It would never have occurred to my kids to come to me because they were tired. Sick yes, tired no. Even if they did not feel well, they would tell their coach before going out of class.

I guess I'm still confused whys he did not know to tell her coach/teacher. What does she do when she needs to use the restroom, tell the coach or just walk out?

It could be that the amount of dance and gym your dd is doing is too much for her at 7yo. What happens when school starts too?

 

[COz]

There are so many points of miscommunication here. I would try not to worry about it.
In particular, we all know how reliable messages relayed by young gymnasts can be, so who knows what message actually arrived with the coach "she's tired" is probably all that arrived, which of course would sound rude to the coach, who then probably overreacted.
Don't ask for another meeting, not unless something else comes up. All that another meeting now would do is annoy the coach.
A lot of coaches don't really know what to say to people when they're not actually training. It's hard for them to know how they fit in to things with parents etc.
If your child knows how to behave (now that it's been explained) and is happy with the classes, then keep calm and leave it all alone.

This might make you feel better. I had an absolute shocker on the weekend. I went to an extended family type gathering and was fairly exclusively talking to someone I hadn't seen for ages, sitting next to them at a table. The kids were falling asleep and I decided it was time to go. I saw the guests of honour were up from their table and took the opportunity to go and say goodbye, then walked out. I completely and utterly forgot to say goodbye to the person I had been sitting with and talking to for an hour or so. I didn't even realise until I got home! I'd like to think that this isn't something that I'd normally do, but it's possible for anyone to do something silly like this when they're distracted.

If you act friendly and say hello to the coach on a regular basis they will probably feel more like you like them and be more friendly to you. I've been watching parents near me complain that the new coach isn't friendly, but then they make no attempt to be friendly to her and she's somewhat scared of them. They're used to a very friendly coach who they've known for years. The ones that have started to be friendly to her have noticed she's being more friendly to them.

As long as DD is happy, don't worry. It will settle down. If it doesn't, then take action then. Now is not the time to act.

 

[Popcorn]

If your dd likes the coach and feels that the coach communicates with her during training, then your feelings about it are just that: your feelings. I have had teachers at my kids' school that I didn't like, but if my kids like them and are being taught well, then it would be a disservice to put my feelings on them.

As a parent who is new to team-level gym, sometimes it's a tough shift from rec coaches (who can be a bit more social) to team coaches. At our gym, the highest-level coaches are the least friendly (but I try to remember that they are not there to be my friend, they are there to be my kids' coach).

On the issue of cleaning that foam pit, however, my hat is off to you and I wish they had thanked you!! That's the worst job in the gym. Free band-aids and hair-ties though

 

[sce]

On the issue of cleaning that foam pit, however, my hat is off to you and I wish they had thanked you!! That's the worst job in the gym. Free band-aids and hair-ties though

Socks too, bleh

 

[OzZee]

I don't think it's a big deal unless she starts ignoring/behaving differently to your dd once gym goes back, it could easily have been a misunderstanding/bad day.
One thing to add though - does your dd feel comfortable enough with her coach to have told her that she was feeling overly tired/needed a break if you had not been at the gym?
From what I think you have said as well as the dance stuff your daughter was doing a lot of extra hours of holiday training? So understandable if she wasn't coping with it.
If you hadn't been there what would she have done?
Is she too shy to speak to the coach about it (I know my youngest would be even though she is very comfortable with her coaches/teachers, she would have just carried on and on not wanting to disappoint them and too shy to say anything) or is it that she wouldn't feel comfortable enough with the coach to speak to her? Or do you think she was just trying to get out of something she didn't want to do?

 

[lovemygymnast]

I agree with pp. I know my DD always tells the coach before she goes to the restroom, to get water and the only times she has ever come to me is when she was sick or hurt and the coach sent her to me. Now, I don't really know why the formal meeting and warning, I believe she could have just mentioned the rules to you unless she panicked when she couldn't find your DD.

I don't think there's any need for another meeting. I would seriously think she's having a bad day. If you think it's more than that, be overly friendly...you know the old saying, kill her with kindness. I don't mean be fake but genuinely friendly and act like nothing ever happened. If it continues, she's ugly to you or your DD's or ignores any of you, address it then with scheduling a meeting with just the 2 of you.

I do think it was stinky of her not to be grateful about pit cleaning. It's not like you have to help. That was really nice of you and your girls to do that!

 

[my4buffaloes]

There is the possibility that she was having a really bad day and it had nothing to do with you at all. I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

 

[gymdog]

I don't know if you're over-reacting but if she praised your daughter during the meeting and said the beam stuff is an issue, I would just make a plan with DD so she can make sure she's on her A game on that event. Have her practice asking for help or clarification, going over different scenarios that might crop up.

It sounds like your coach might be a little tough for the level she is teaching. Maybe that is just her style/personality. Might not be the best fit but it sounds like your daughter isn't bothered enough to quit and maybe has just gotten used to this personality and bonded with the coach. It sounds like she uses trials or not getting to do things to motivate the kids. Not sure about that but it seems that way. We prefer to just address it with the kids, "Susie, going to the bathroom during beam is not going to work any more because you are not practicing your cartwheels. Tomorrow, you will need to use the bathroom before beam." Then tomorrow we would remind Susie during the break before beam to use the bathroom. I guess in a way that is sort of what your coach did but a bit more tough.

 

[Ex member]

Thanks guys, it has been an heck of a week and I are both tired and that makes me more irrational than usual.

I think the summer hours were a bit much for my dd, I will be happy when they go back to normal hours, only 1 more week left after the shutdown.

Going back to the beam issue, I finally asked dd what scared her on the beam and what she said surprised me. I fully expected dd to say that she is scared of falling off and getting hurt, dd is scared of the coach shouting at her while she is on beam. I guess that makes sense as dd has not refused to do anything on the beam and is not one of the last ones to finish the required amount of forward rolls on high beam. Dd knows why the coach shouts sometimes because the coach is pushing her and wants more out of her.

Helping cleaning the pit was quite fun and got to speak to other coaches I never got the chance to on a less formal basis, there were plenty of old socks, strap bands, hair bands and bean bags, I even found a babies rattle and my dd's found some money (which they handed to the head coach), when I got home a found bits of foam and dust in places that I never though I would lol. It was nice to see the pit empty and clean and see what is on the bottom - soft bouncy foam flooring with names and dates on them from previous coaches, some of the dates went back from the year dd was born. I must admit that I am aching all over from chucking foam from the pit and my lungs feel like a cheese grater, I should imagine I looked a funny sight trying to get out of the empty pit, it was nearly my height deep (I am 4ft 11 1/2) and not fit in anyway so could just jump out, I had to scramble out in an undignified way lol.

Thanks again guys for listening to one of my dramas again, I appreciated all the responses.

 

[cbifoja]

You are going to give yourself an ulcer with all of this worrying!

You'll know when you need to intervene. You will feel it burning in your soul. Everything else is just gymnastics. I don't know if you all have the term "helicopter parent" across the pond but be careful you don't assume that role in your DD's gymnastics or you will drive yourself INSANE or worry yourself sick. And it's important that you allow your kids the room to learn how to fix these kinds of things by themselves.

Most of the time, it's all good and everything will be fine.

 

[rosettasmom]

It's so hard to step back and let things play out. However, if your daughter can work this one out, she will have learned a good life lesson

 

[Seeker]

Shouting is not required in coaching -- especially when coaching younger kids. I think that sometimes kids think anything above a speaking voice is classified as "shouting" and in a loud/active gym, a louder voice is often required in order to be heard. It's more what they say than the decibel though. Is the coach really shouting -- as in yelling at the kids? Have you witnessed or observed the type of yelling that would frighten her?

 

[Ex member]

Shouting is not required in coaching -- especially when coaching younger kids. I think that sometimes kids think anything above a speaking voice is classified as "shouting" and in a loud/active gym, a louder voice is often required in order to be heard. It's more what they say than the decibel though. Is the coach really shouting -- as in yelling at the kids? Have you witnessed or observed the type of yelling that would frighten her?

When I said shout I was just going with what dd told me, I didn't hear or see what was going on and dd's definition to shouting might no be the same as ours. I think everything is going to be ok, I left a message with another coach for dd's coach to get in contact with me via message (to remind her of something as we didn't speak yesterday) and she got back to me which I didn't expect and thanked me for helping yesterday and seemed to have no issue or attitude so will just chalk it up as one of those things yesterday. I will keep an half eye and one ear open for the first day back but apart from that I will just forget about the whole thing.

Thanks again for all you advice.

 

[cbifoja]

I think that sometimes kids think anything above a speaking voice is classified as "shouting" and in a loud/active gym, a louder voice is often required in order to be heard.

This is SO true! Gyms are noisy. They are usually big buildings with high ceilings filled with girls and boys hitting spring boards, landing tumbling on beams, and just talking. Plus most of the time, there are lots of groups. I don't know how a coach could be heard if they didn't raise their voice.

And yes, kids do interpret these things wrongly. My DD thought her first L3 coach was yelling at her. But the girl is just loud. Loud laugh, talks loudly, etc. But to hear DD tell it, she would say that the coach was yelling AT her.

 

[wheezy]

This is a very emotional sport for the kids, the parents AND the coaches. So there was some mis-communication. So your 7 YO is not cooperating with the coach they way she would like. So the parent is being a 'parent'.....YOU ARE FORGIVEN! don't worry about it....I have voiced lots of 'feelings' to all the coaches in DD program ant one time or another. My kids can act up too. Whenever i get a bit gym-psycho, i make it a point to stop thinking about gym and minimize coach communication. I tend to try to cut back on Gym time and leave my DD to work alone with the coaches. Perspective, this is a children's sport.....don't put TOO much of your business into it.
If the coach is a good one, and been around for a while chances are she wont hold a grudge for long.