Parents Anyone else REALLY want their DD to quit?

[SHELOVESGYM]

I am wondering if I'm alone in this. I helped her get to where she is (on level 3 team, most likely repeating the level next year). I signed her up for her first beginners rec class. When the gym suggested pre team I signed her up -she really wanted to do it. And here we are. The sport is way more $$ and way more difficult and time consuming than I ever expected. It is also more stressful than I ever expected. And I never expected to feel such a responsibility to always get her to the gym on time, plan vacations around gym/meets, etc. It's been a big sacrifice for our family. She did not do well this season, which I'm OK with, as the plan is for her to most likely repeat level 3. I expect that she can do much better next year, but I also feel like what's the point? She LOVES gymnastics. And that's great, I love seeing her be passionate about something and I see what she has gained from it. But still, the sacrifice is really feeling like more than the gain right now, and I really really wish I could convince her to quit. She won't hear of it and of course I wouldn't take her out against her will. Has anyone else felt like this? Wished they'd never walked in the gym for a beginner class to begin with?

 

[bookworm]

Yes, and yes...I think sometimes "wouldn't it be nice to have a normal life?"... but they always loved it so we had a gym life.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

There are certainly times I think about it, but no I don't want her to quit. At least not yet. Although I really can't imagine her doing it for 20+ hours a week in the future. I guess I do kind of hope she wants to stop before then. but right now she is going 12 hours a week, doing great in level 3 and loving every minute of it.

However, one of her teammates moms definitely feels how you do. I think she is just looking for something to happen to justify her pulling her dd out. Her dd still wants to be there, but I would be very surprised if she stays on after the season ends.

Have you thought about a less competitive program? Maybe Xcel?

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

Have you thought about a less competitive program? Maybe Xcel?

I have suggested xcel to DD but she won't hear of it.

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

Yes, and yes...I think sometimes "wouldn't it be nice to have a normal life?"... but they always loved it so we had a gym life.

Yes exactly! A "normal" life. That's what I've always wanted….but somehow we are here. And I really want to go back to normal!

 

[exgymnastmomx3]

I am wondering if I'm alone in this. I helped her get to where she is (on level 3 team, most likely repeating the level next year). I signed her up for her first beginners rec class. When the gym suggested pre team I signed her up -she really wanted to do it. And here we are. The sport is way more $$ and way more difficult and time consuming than I ever expected. It is also more stressful than I ever expected. And I never expected to feel such a responsibility to always get her to the gym on time, plan vacations around gym/meets, etc. It's been a big sacrifice for our family. She did not do well this season, which I'm OK with, as the plan is for her to most likely repeat level 3. I expect that she can do much better next year, but I also feel like what's the point? She LOVES gymnastics. And that's great, I love seeing her be passionate about something and I see what she has gained from it. But still, the sacrifice is really feeling like more than the gain right now, and I really really wish I could convince her to quit. She won't hear of it and of course I wouldn't take her out against her will. Has anyone else felt like this? Wished they'd never walked in the gym for a beginner class to begin with?

 

[mariposa]

Yes, I've hoped for my daughter to be done with gymnastics sometimes. And I've said many times that I don't know if I'd take her to that first class knowing what I know now. I have a love hate relationship with the sport for sure. Sometimes when she has struggled with fear issues I've hoped she'd finally retire from the sport. I never imagined she'd get as far as she has in the levels, she isn't a natural gymnast and always stuck out compared to her teammates, but she loves it, so I keep doing whatever it takes to keep her doing what she loves. I'm sure I will miss it a little when she does finally retire from the sport, but I won't miss all the stuff I don't like about it.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Yes! Me, me, me

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

If you feel that way, and you feel the financial and committal strain already at L3... You need to make that decision. You can involve your DD in the discussion but basically let her know that at this point, it's a lesser cost/commitment path (Xcel?) or nothing. It IS an expensive sport, no doubt about it. The cost only goes up. At our gym, L3 is NOTHING in comparison to L4/5 and then Optionals...oy! L3 is our "intro" level to test the waters. If you are already overwhelmed, there's no way you're going to cope fine with L4 and beyond. I mean that in the nicest way!

DH has wanted DD (L7) to quit for over a year now. I'm starting to come around to his POV as the cost only rises and the commitment doesn't exactly go down....

 

[juststartingout]

Every day last year! My dd did level 4 last year. The gym was an hour away on a good day. I had to pick her up early from school twice a week, feed her in the car, homework in the car.... It was a hot mess. Then I spent 4 hours trying to entertain myself since we couldn't watch and it was too far to go home. Then I got up early on Saturday and did another 4 hours. Every time I turned around they wanted more money. I finally had to make a decision for our family. I have 2 other little ones at home and it wasn't fair to them. I knew this year would get worse since level 5 is 5 days a week. I told her she could continue but that we would have to go to the gym that is literally 3 minutes from my house, it's a USAIGC gym. She wasn't happy at first but now she's happier than she has been in a long while, she is doing so much up training. At the gym she was at last year they did no up training. If she didn't agree to switch gyms she probably would have had to quit.

 

[Kcanflip]

I've thought about it more this year than ever. My DD is working towards level 5 score out so she can do level 6. Having fear issues and just slow going in general. Does 4 days a week so seems like we don't see her much. But I think I feel that way because she is in a bit of a rut. I'm sure I'll love it again when she is over the fears and in a good place again. It's a roller coaster!

 

[Pirouette]

Yes, I think about it -- every time I get another invoice with a big dollar amount due and a due date of ASAP. New undergarments, new hairbow, new comp leo ($300!!), new warm ups, and on and on it goes.

DD struggles, too. She is 12, 5'2", and gets to watch all the littles succeed much faster than she does. I hate to watch her struggle, but so many things come easy to her that I actually like the fact that she is so challenged by this sport she loves. And truly, that's the reason we're still in it. (She's XCel silver this year, 12 hours/week, was pre-team L2/L3 last year.)

OP, I do feel your pain. Don't let the sport drive a wedge between you and your daughter. Make the decision that is best for your family. Good luck.

 

[IreneKa]

Yes exactly! A "normal" life. That's what I've always wanted….but somehow we are here. And I really want to go back to normal!

What's "normal"? Last year DD was doing 20 hours a week, in gym 4 weeknights plus Saturday. Yes, it seemed crazy, she was never home, barely had time to do her homework.
This year she switched to Xcel, only practicing twice a week. The days when she doesn't have gymnastics, she spends all afternoons watching TV. Drives me crazy! I would much rather prefer for her to be at the gym on those days.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Never.

I see the confidence, physical fitness, strength of character, emotional growth, friends and confidence that gym has given her and it is worth every hour spent running her round (6 days a week now), every penny spent, every emotional crisis, everything I do without (we never eat out, go to the cinema, I buy clothes from discount stores/ebay/thrift stores).

Because I chose to be in this situation and I make it work.

But that is me and my family. I know my sister thinks I'm bonkers and would never swap her life for mine, that's why its her life. You have to make it work for your family. If that means telling her its xcel, then I would not hesitate to tell her. I am still the parent and I make the decisions.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

IrenaKa, I know what you mean. My DD is still doing 4 days and when she's home, its tv and snacks. I keep thinking if she quits, then what will happen with her weight? Dr already said to stay slim. Lol

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

How old is your daughter? Not that it matters tremendously, but age is a greater predictor of quitting/staying than anything else. Independent of level, meet scores, progress, etc. As kids get older there are simply more options for activities, and often more things they want to be involved in. So, if she is closer to 6yo, you may want to encourage a move to Excel or find an alternative sport, because the longer she stays in the harder it will be for you and the family. If she is closer to 12yo, she is more likely to quit voluntarily after next year anyway. Less than 10% of the gymnasts at our state meets last year were over 13. So, if she is approaching middle school, and you know it probably won't be a bigger commitment for at least a year, then you might figure out a way to support her for another year and then decide. On another note, I feel every dime and every hour has been worth the sacrifice. The life skills they learn and the self-confidence they gain are totally worth it. However, we are fortunate that it is not a huge burden for us financially and grandparents help with transportation. If it was putting a strain on any part of our family life, I would reconsider.

 

[Committed]

Definitely no.

First of all, I live in a very "sporty" area where many kids spend their afternoons and weekends on travel teams (multiple). So, it's something we probably would have done for soccer, albeit a couple years down the line.

Next,it is DDs passion. At school, she's doing a project titled "my favorite place" (3rd grade) and she wrote about her gym- especially the bars.

Not to mention, all the things iwannabemargo said. Yes, it's costly, but she's learning so many life skills.

And.....I think my support gives her permission to have bad days. I know gym is rough, I can't imagine confiding in someone who wants me to quit.

 

[NutterButter]

Yes! But not until this year and mostly it's because I'm just tired of seeing DD struggle with fears and I'm weary from watching DD hustle between school, gym and homework. There are so many positives of course for DD but sometimes I have a hard time seeing them. DD is a L7 and this will be her 4th year on team/competing. I did not at all feel this way when she did Xcel Silver or L4. The skills were easy back then and this was pre-middle school so there wasn't as much homework or real grades to worry about.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I've never wanted my DD to quit gym, but I have secretly (and less than secretly too) wanted her to quit other expensive time consuming activities. As much of a time drain and expense gymnastics can be, some of the alternatives are much worse . I also think it provides a pretty high return on the time investment (results/progress/fitness) compared to other activities too.

ETA - My DD has never really had any significant fear issues yet - if she was crying constantly over skills I may change my mind.

 

[ROMfan]

Reading your post --you signed her up, got her involved, allowed her to join the team...and she in turn found a sport she LOVES (your words) and will not consider quitting. And now you want to pull her out after her first competitive season? Didn't you do any research into what team involved before signing her up? If you didn't, well...

I just think--having been a gymnast and loving time in the gym above everything--how broken hearted your dd would be if you took her out. And I am a parent so I understand that aspect as well. But---you put her in this scenario. Now that she has a passion why on earth would you make her stop/switch to xcel/whatever ?

So many parents of kids living so called "normal" lives would prefer a child on a routine and being active every day. Would you rather her come home from school, sit around, watch TV and play video games and surf Internet? It sounds like she is learning time management, teamwork, perseverance, as well as getting physical activity

You say you don't feel that you are getting anything out of it to justify the sacrifice. Maybe you're not. But your daughter seems to be.