At what point can you just not keep your mouth shut?

[NGL780309]

There's a lot of talk about trying to stay out of the gym drama etc. But is there a point where you can't sit there and keep your mouth shut? Do you ever hear anything so ridiculous that you have to speak up?

The examples that have come to my mind lately are parents sitting in the viewing area and trashing coaches, trashing the owner, trashing the judges from the last meet, spreading inaccurate information about other gyms etc.

I have found myself hearing so much crap lately and frankly I've been having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I know it's better, but sometimes I just can't.

There was a team this weekend that really dominated the meet. They are from our state, but not our area. They have always had good gymnasts and have a quality program. The parents from our gym were pretty blown away. Having been around gymnastics for a long time, I was not blown away because I already knew that there were really great gyms in that area. So one parent was telling everyone that they pay $1000 per month and they train 40 hours a week. I nearly spit my diet coke out. That is so false! They are a good gym with quality coaching. They do have a homeschool program, but they definitely do not train 40 hours a week at level 5 and they absolutely do not pay $1000 per month. Even their level 10's don't train that much or pay that much. As stupid as it was I didn't say anything, but gosh I really wanted to.

Trashing coaches and judges makes me open my mouth though.

 

[maryRS]

I just wouldn't say anything, because you will just get more frustrated. It's not like you will convince them, because their version is much more interesting.

There's a lot of talk about trying to stay out of the gym drama etc. But is there a point where you can't sit there and keep your mouth shut? Do you ever hear anything so ridiculous that you have to speak up?

The examples that have come to my mind lately are parents sitting in the viewing area and trashing coaches, trashing the owner, trashing the judges from the last meet, spreading inaccurate information about other gyms etc.

I have found myself hearing so much crap lately and frankly I've been having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I know it's better, but sometimes I just can't.

There was a team this weekend that really dominated the meet. They are from our state, but not our area. They have always had good gymnasts and have a quality program. The parents from our gym were pretty blown away. Having been around gymnastics for a long time, I was not blown away because I already knew that there were really great gyms in that area. So one parent was telling everyone that they pay $1000 per month and they train 40 hours a week. I nearly spit my diet coke out. That is so false! They are a good gym with quality coaching. They do have a homeschool program, but they definitely do not train 40 hours a week at level 5 and they absolutely do not pay $1000 per month. Even their level 10's don't train that much or pay that much. As stupid as it was I didn't say anything, but gosh I really wanted to.

Trashing coaches and judges makes me open my mouth though.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I would also keep my mouth shut too (or at least try to inbetween busting out laughing because 40 hrs a week and $1000/mo at level 5 (or any level) is just absurd and preposterous). If they want to miss-quote information and just outright lie about stuff--let them. They will get busted in their own time. When people lie like that, they just make themselves look like loons--it does not impress anyone. Common sense will tell you that. Think of it as free entertainment!!!

ITA that trashing coaches or judges is totally NOT cool.

 

[bribri514]

I understand what you mean though, everyone wants to keep out of drama but sometimes it's soo hard to sit back when you hear things that are downright nasty to other people and wrong. If you were going to say something I'd just respond to every negative with a positive. When they say how awful --- coach is say something like, oh I saw them giving the girls a really positive pep talk and I think that helped. Or say you really respect the other gym because they treat their girls well. You don't need to come off as confronting the nasty parents, just saying positive things that will make most of them rethink what they're doing. Hope that helps just a little. What an awful situation though, I'm sorry!

 

[sportzmomov3]

These are called Haters. They run rampant on this big Earth. Whenever someone does better, Haters must find an illegal or insane reason why they were beaten badly. In gymnastics, it must be mean coaches and 40+ hrs training. Couldn't simply be that the coaches are superb/the training is excellent, and the girls are talented.

Walk away. Just walk away.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yep^^^as far as i know, the pharmaceutical companies have not made a product yet that abates verbal diarrhea.

 

[cher062]

I hear you . Sometimes Its all I can do to keep my mouth shut too, but I learned a long time ago unless it directly affects my kid and her gymnastics and her training then I just walk away. Not an easy thing to do when you just feel the urge to join in.

 

[bogwoppit]

I have to say I been very lucky in this regard. The parents at our gym mostly knew nothing about gym and complaints were rare. Plus most of them speak no Enlgish so that limited the converstion a lot. We have had some rough meets and we know our gym could never train the number of hours that city gyms do due to long cummute times etc, so I guess we learned to suck it up way back. BUt when your club clearly obtains good results it is hard to listen to that talk.

I know it must be very hard to hear trash talk like that, but as the above poster said "haters gonna hate", they are probably like that in all areas of their life. Too bad as they ruin any chance of building great relationships within the gym. Try to plug your ears and I do like Bri's idea of promoting the positive things you see happening in your gym.

I imagine those parents will be gone from your gym before too long, they sound like the type who may indulge in gym hopping. You can always hope.

 

[bookworm]

Try not sticking around in the waiting room to have to hear any of the garbage....I grocery shop, go to the mall, go to the library and then come back to pick her up by swinging through the parking lot...keeps what i hear or have to hear to a minimum.

 

[bogwoppit]

Try not sticking around in the waiting room to have to hear any of the garbage....I grocery shop, go to the mall, go to the library and then come back to pick her up by swinging through the parking lot...keeps what i hear of have to hear to a minimum.

Well that always worked for me too.

I think it helped that our gym had no viewing area, just a small wooden bench in front of the beams with your back on the cold windows. NO room to sit or stand without hindering the beam work.

 

[MdGymMom01]

These are called Haters. They run rampant on this big Earth. Whenever someone does better, Haters must find an illegal or insane reason why they were beaten badly. In gymnastics, it must be mean coaches and 40+ hrs training. Couldn't simply be that the coaches are superb/the training is excellent, and the girls are talented.

Walk away. Just walk away.

Yup--there are haters everywhere. I found this quote somewhere and it sums up haters in such a great (and sad) way:

HATERS = Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

 

[bookworm]

Yup--there are haters everywhere. I found this quote somewhere and it sums up haters in such a great (and sad) way:

HATERS = Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

So true...

 

[NGL780309]

I do keep my mouth shut 99% of the time. There have been a few moments lately where I've had to say something.

I spoke up about the judge trashing in what I hope was perceived in a positive way. A lot of parents who are new to this sport simply don't understand scoring. So they like to think that judges are crazy and have favorites and as one mom said, they just pull scores out without really watching the routine. One parent was complaining because a girl from another team fell and several of our girls had 2 to 4 wobbles, but stayed on the beam. I explained to her that a wobble can be up to .3 and a fall is .5. So big wobbles can add up to much more than a single fall if everything else is clean. She seemed to appreciate the information.

I think parents complaining about judging is one thing in this sport that will never change. Gyms really ought to have an educational meeting on judging. Just some basic guidelines for deductions so they have a general idea. They often have zero understanding of where the scores come from. A routine that scores an 8.0 looks no different to them than a routine that scores a 9.5.

 

[Blackie6]

Such silliness! If I were you I really would just try to stay clear of the nonsense & drama no matter what. I know when my DD was a newbie in L4 we were blown away by other gyms, comments, judges, ect...but over the years I really just don't hear it anymore, not impressed, or I am just not listening. In lower levels, but some higher ones too, some adults just like to blow things out of the water trying to impress others around them. They lie about tuition, their DD's skills, levels, scores, hours in the gym, whatever & who knows the reasons why. Maybe the comments about the high tuition were supposed to impress all of you, but good for you for for NOT spitting out your diet Coke (because I am totally addicted to it myself and wouldn't want you to waste a drop!) and being the better person. Since you have BTDT at least you know it will get better down the road, but it must be difficult to start all over again, LOL

 

[cathiann]

Oh I know what you mean! Thankfully we don't have parents like that at our gym (at least none that I've heard--of course my daughter's a higher level now, so I don't sit there through 4.5 hr practices and listen to people), but even just hearing people at meets sometimes drives me batty.

I have heard people say things in the stands (the few times I've hung around for a little while at practice) that's been inaccurate (but only through ignorance--not flat out lying) and have corrected them. Other times I just smile to myself and shake my head that they really believe that.

You could always agree--in a way--"Yeah, that team is so good they look like they'd practice that many hours, don't they! But I know they only go..." (if you really can't hold your tongue anymore)

 

[flipper's fan]

People who want to be negative willt ake a little informaiton and use it the wrong way. Can't you just picture parents harping on their kids about little deductions when they know where they came from? The coaches often don't tell the lower level or youngest girls about every little thing because they want them focused on certain bigger things.


I think ignorance can be bliss. When I think someone is trashing coaches, judges or clubs, I just pull out my skeptical brow and say " I'm not sure that is exactly true." "I'm sure that's what you heard but I'd be surprised to find that it is true." " I can't tell an 8.5 from a 9.2 so I really can't comment on that. I'm sure the judges know what they are doing"...(even if I don't fully believe it myself)

 

[bar princess's mom]

I cannot take the negativity anymore. It drives me insane. I avoid sitting in the gym lobby at all costs these days since I believe people just want to find something to complain about. I have gone so far as to tell a couple of the REALLY negative ones to go to the other gym if they are so unhappy and it's so bad at our gym. Probably not the best solution but at least they don't sit next to me at meets anymore

I do find it amusing that none of them actually leave. I wonder if it is the state championship banners that are hanging in our gym and not the other one...

 

[gymgal]

personally, I think it's the nature of the beast when you get a bunch of women together - they talk and if they don't know each other well, they are going to try to find common ground. Unfortunately, that tends to be negative. Not sure why but it is. I have been caught in it myself because where we are. I am trying hard this season to stay away for the talk and drama but it is HARD!!! Thankfully, while we have some of it in our gym, it's not bad.

When it happens, I think you have to figure out if it's being done deliberately (lying) or if it's misinformation. If I think it's misinformation, I have no problem correcting it in a gentle way. I know if I was quoting incorrect information, I would want someone to let me know. But if you know the parent is deliberately lying, I'm not sure I would get into the middle of it because it is just going to cause problems - especially if you aren't part of the conversation in the first place. You're not going to change that parent's viewpoint anyway.

Sometimes the negativity is true (judge/coach bias, gyms competing their girls at lower levels than they should be). When that happens, it's hard not to get involved in the talk. BTDT. Now I just try to change the subject or just not participate. If I am asked my opinion, I try to put a positive spin on it - what we can do as a team to improve our chances of success.

 

[JessLW]

personally, I think it's the nature of the beast when you get a bunch of women together - they talk and if they don't know each other well, they are going to try to find common ground. Unfortunately, that tends to be negative. Not sure why but it is. I have been caught in it myself because where we are. I am trying hard this season to stay away for the talk and drama but it is HARD!!! Thankfully, while we have some of it in our gym, it's not bad.

I'm new here but I had to jump in and second this. My kids are too young to be doing any sort of competing, but I see this a lot at work. When a group of us co-workers get together it is more likely to gripe about our job than it is to sing its praises. It is very easy to get caught up in a cycle of complaining and negativity, probably in part because, at some level, being negative is more fun for some people than being positive. Just look at negative/drama threads on forums -- not just this forum, but any forum -- versus positive ones and look at the number of replies/views for each and it is easy to see that people just enjoy drama. I'm an expat and I post on an expat forum and there's a thread that is about "what's making you happy today" and a thread about "what's got you upset today" and the upset thread has at least double the views of the happy thread.

It is really just the nature of the beast. All you can do is try to stay above the fray, but that's hard when people are spreading outright lies and misinformation. I would try to gauge whether what is being said is harmful or damaging in some way, and if so, say something, but otherwise just ignore the haters.

 

[Natasha]

I speak up when there is misinformation, griping, negativity, etc. The reason I speak up is because if no one speaks up then a whole new group of parents who join team get at best bad information and at worst the idea that compaining, griping, competitiveness & crazy gym mom attitude is all okay. We used to have a couple of moms who were a little more extreme and the one I did confront her misinformation. She stuck to her claims, but at least the other new moms around got to hear some other information. I don't hear any negative talk at our gym anymore. I'm pretty sure it still happens some, but pretty much none of the parents will say anything negative if I am around...probably because at our Booster Club meetings every year I remind our parents that as team parents we represent the gym and if parents have issue with the coaches, concerns, etc, they need to talk the coaches directly rather than venting about it in the lobby. We also do a lot with our BC to educate parents especially on what to expect at meets, how judging works, etc.
When my dd first joined team, I sadly got caught up in the negativity and even could (now) see warning signs of a CGM developing. My dd did not do pre-team, she went straight to L4, so being new, I got most of my info from the parents who also had dd's competing L4, but had been on team for a couple years. Since all the sane, experienced, well-balanced parents avoid the gym, there was no one else to get info from or learn from. I have since learned a great deal, all of the parents from my dd's L4 team are now gone. Now I work hard to help make sure that our parent group is a good one and that there are some sane, experienced parents around to offer support to the new parents coming in.