Parents Bribes and incentives

[NGL780309]

I have always heard and read that bribes and incentives to perform are bad for kids. They should do what they do just because they want to. I may have even seen this discussed on here. I was sitting at the Dr's office and I read an article about a study that was done regarding bribing children to perform. I can remember who did the study or even what magazine it was in, but the results were very surprising to me. Basically they bribed kids with money to make good grades. Not only did it work in the short term, it continued to work after they stopped giving the bribes.

Interesting huh?

I will say honestly that I have given my kid incentive to do things. If she finished all her work she can have a treat, etc. I have even used it at gym for behavior. If I see that you are staying on task and working hard you can get a treat after practice etc. I find it works well for her and I don't have to do it very often. I will do it after a rough practice or when I know she's tired and she needs a little incentive to get through practice.

 

[nettyinpa]

I've done the same thing. I think it helps give her the incentive to go that extra step, focus a little more, etc. I don't do it very often but I'm guilty of it, too!

 

[Bajanswife]

I think we all do this to some extent, even with ourselves. I sometimes need incentives of one kind or another to get a task done that I've been putting off. I exercise better in a class where my incentive is keeping up with my friend or the instructor, vs at home alone.

I have found with my kids that incentives can be powerful, but they shouldn't be overused, or the kids start relying on them. I guess you have to find the right balance.

 

[3stars]

I've done it. I don't do it a lot but I admit that I have done it. Usually when I offer a bribe or a reward though, it is for something that I would have done anyway. For example, my daughter's favorite "reward" is when she gets a new leotard. I only offer that as a reward when she either needs a new one or I can tell she is really getting frustrated by a skill and is very close to acheiving it. She doesn't ask for it for every skill, nor would I ever offer that.

 

[cher062]

Lets face it we all like a little incentive item when we do a good job. I'll work for chocolate!! LOL

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

I'll work for chocolate!! LOL

Love the way you think

 

[mariposa]

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/question-answer/12509-reward-vs-bribe.html

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/parent-forum/15136-guilty.html

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/parent-forum/23096-coming-clean-i-bribed-her.html

 

[Gymnasticsgirl521]

I bribe / reward dd. We just wont discuss the level of bribs. We already have deals in place for States this year. DD has told her Daddy to be prepared to pay up

 

[MaryA]

I think it's nice to recognize a new skill or moving up to a new level or qualifying for sectionals or states or whatever. I have a "Got my Kip" pin set aside (she did her first one today... hopefully more will follow?) for the right time. I try to avoid particular "incentives" at meets... like I always give her something little at a meet, whether it's one of the balloons or candy bags that they sell there, or something I've bought ahead of time, like a charm for her charm bracelet, but it's not tied to achieving a particular score or anything. When it comes to meet time, I feel like I should just recognize that she put herself out there and tried her best. If scored well, she'll get medals or whatever, but from me I just want her to know that I'm proud of her, period, regardless of her scores. If she's having an "off" meet, it takes more guts to keep giving it her all than for those meets where she's "flying high," right?

 

[bogwoppit]

I am so past worrying how my kids do in gym, they get ice cream after a meet, they get a popsicle after a hot work out. I buy a new leo when we go to camp or a meet. But the gym stuff is theirs to own. Nice if they do well, but they have no control over what the judges think and frankly the skills are all about them. As long as they enjoy gym and keep working hard that's fine.

I only see them do gym at meets about three times a year, it makes it really easy to let go.

Ya'll do whatever works for ya!!!

 

[LizzieLac]

Nope, no bribes or incentives for sports and activities. Just don't believe in it. I may treat for smoothie after a long hot practice. But my feeling is they need to be internally motivated to excel. Doesn't mean I don't acknowledge their hard work, because I am both of my kids biggest fan.

 

[bogwoppit]

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/chalk-bucket/25788-articles-motivation-how-motivate.html

The above is our stickied thread on motivation, a great collection of articles. After all, motivation is what this thread is really about, whether it be the parent's or the child's!!!

 

[Bobby]

I don't think anyone was ever in any doubt that bribes/incentives "work". It's just viewed as counter-productive in sports/arts/etc because the side effect of bribes is that they reduce the intrinsic value of the activity, as rated by the child.
Ie: Why bother encouraging achievement in an optional extra-curricular activity (like gymnastics) by using a strategy that is known to reduce enjoyment of it?

 

[Aussie_coach]

I don't think that there is a parent on earth who hasn't given the occasional bribe, which is often quite harmless.

But when done too often it can be detrimental. Kids soon pick up that they have to do the wrong thing to be bribed to do the right thing. If we offer a kid a bribe to listen and work hard at training, it generally means that at times they have not been listening and working hard at training. They quickly learn that kids who just listen and do everything right don't get bribed because it isn't a problem. In many ways we are rewarding bad behavior. Kids need to do the wrong thing first before we decide to bribe them to do the right thing.

Rewarding for a comp is also something best avoided, in most cases our kids do the best they can in a competition whether they are bribed or not. But if we reward for placing or success it says we value the place more than the effort. Or that we value our kids more for winning, or that winning means a lot to us. I think if you want to give a reward for a comp it should be for their effort in general not their placing or if they stayed on beam.

I also get really concerned when some parents buy their kids a gift because they don't get something. Life can be so much about always getting something with kids these days rather than about wonderful experiences.

 

[Midget's Dad]

I have given bribes/incentives for things before, sure. But I try to be very careful about how I do it.

I do not give bribes for placement at meets, Midget gets a small gift from us after every meet. Usually a small bear or doll or something else fairly small and inexpensive.

What I will do is when Midget is working on a skill that she wants to get really bad, and has been working on it so hard and long that she is getting a bit frustrated, I will offer her an incentive. Again it is always pretty small but it seems to pep her up and get her back on track for working on it.

The one time I do bribe her is to get her to try new foods. That girl would eat pasta or chicken fingers every meal if she could.

 

[Megley]

I have tried using bribes/incentives but it has never worked with my dd so I've given it up. If she doesn't want to do something, no amount of bribing or incentivizing will get her to do it. If she does want it, she works hard for it and doesn't need bribing. She is naturally a rule follower who generally pays attention, works hard at gym and tries her hardest at meets. I think for her the incentive really is getting that next skill so she can move onward and upward. I know this summer has been all about getting Level 7 skills so she can get her own floor routine. That seems to have been incentive enough!

 

[NGL780309]

I don't think anyone was ever in any doubt that bribes/incentives "work". It's just viewed as counter-productive in sports/arts/etc because the side effect of bribes is that they reduce the intrinsic value of the activity, as rated by the child.
Ie: Why bother encouraging achievement in an optional extra-curricular activity (like gymnastics) by using a strategy that is known to reduce enjoyment of it?

Well that was the interesting part. The kids in this study continued to do well after the bribes stopped. The bribes encouraged them to work hard and when they saw the rewards of working hard and how it made them feel they continued that behavior even WITHOUT any bribes. That was the interesting part. I've always known bribes work temporarily. I'm a teacher. It was surprising to me that everything I've heard about the long term effects such as not enjoying the activity without bribes proved to be wrong.

 

[cher062]

Hey I know I've bribed/rewarded my kids - If I didn't they still wouldn't be potty trained LOL and with my oldest in College that wouldn't be good at all LOL

 

[mariposa]

I would love to see that study. I do not believe in rewards for the most part. I have used them a few times in our life (sticker chart for no temper tantrums, sadly it didn't work long term) and I don't do it with gym at all. I love Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards. http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/pdf/Punished by Rewards.pdf

I searched for this study, but only found a study sponsored by Times Magazine that showed they worked, but there was nothing on the long term after they stopped. They worked for some while they were still being paid for reading, attendance, behavior, etc, but they didn't address what happened to the kids after they stopped getting paid for those things. My bet is that once the payments stopped, so did the behavior.
Pay for Grades: Should Parents Bribe Kids in School? - TIME

 

[NGL780309]

DD will be going back to the Dr in a few weeks and I'm going to look and see what magazine I read it in. Who knows how old it was.

I've been pretty against bribes myself. I grew up in an environment where I was expected to do well because it was the right thing. I remember never getting paid for my report cards and I never made a B my entire school career. Meanwhile my friends were getting big bucks for their A's.

The only situation where I have found it to be effective long term with my DD is when she lacks the confidence to do something. She will try because she's focused on that little incentive and then she surprises herself. I have found with this situation that she forgets there was even a bribe involved because she's so happy with herself for having done something new etc. For example she wouldn't vault unless her coach was standing there. It's just the L4 vault so she wasn't in any danger of hurting herself. The coach told her she could have a popsicle after practice if she did it alone. She did it and we got halfway home before DD remembered she didn't get her popsicle after practice. Vault was their first event so she had to wait till the end to get it. At that point she didn't care. Now she vaults alone.