WAG Changing Gyms Giving Notice

[windydays]

I am piggybacking on the recent Changing Gyms at Upper Levels thread.

When you do decide to change gyms at the upper level, what happens after you give your notice? We have a 30-day notice agreement that we signed. I would hope that coaches and gym would continue a professional relationship with the gymnast and his/her family. Have some of you just paid the tuition and walked away?

 

[bookworm]

I am piggybacking on the recent Changing Gyms at Upper Levels thread.

When you do decide to change gyms at the upper level, what happens after you give your notice? We have a 30-day notice agreement that we signed. I would hope that coaches and gym would continue a professional relationship with the gymnast and his/her family. Have some of you just paid the tuition and walked away?

Never "give notice" because in many cases , you will be shown the door on that day. In our first gym move, i (stupidly) gave notice in the first week of the month (that I had paid for) and my girls were treated so horribly by their adult coaches ("don't talk to them because they're too good for us and they're leaving"..."no one is allowed to coach them bc they're leaving") that we were done on that day.

My advice to you is make your change , and send a polite, thankful email that you are done, period. There are coaches on this board that will say to give notice but sorry, been there, done that , not EVER having that happen to us again.

 

[Gymnastisism]

I think 30 days notice is a little too much. If leotard and meet costs are starting to come in, decline being competitive this year. I think telling the coaches on a Monday "this is our last week" is plenty. Give a little bit of notice, you don't want to be in a position where you leave without saying anything and end up competing against that club in future meets.

 

[Natasha]

Unless you are physically moving (as in out of state), most gyms do not want the gymnasts in the gym once they tell them they are switching. They are too concerned that others will follow and it just gets too messy for everyone. The 30 day notice is that they expect the money (which I completely understand as the gym needs time to fill that spot to keep the revenue coming in to pay the coach.) Many families that switch end up paying tuition at old gym and new gym for the first month.

 

[happychaos]

When DD switched gyms, I (stupidly, like bookworm) gave notice, but in our case only a week. We didn't have a contract, but for some reason I felt it was polite and courteous to give SOME kind of notice, and I wanted to leave on good terms. Lesson learned. Never again. Even DD's favorite coach made snide remarks. I honestly had NO idea that adults that work with children for a living would ever think it was appropriate to talk to a child that way. And this was a gym with a strong track record of producing great, high-level gymnasts. It's not like these coaches just fell off the turnip truck or something.

 

[Gymnastisism]

When DD switched gyms, I (stupidly, like bookworm) gave notice, but in our case only a week. We didn't have a contract, but for some reason I felt it was polite and courteous to give SOME kind of notice, and I wanted to leave on good terms. Lesson learned. Never again. Even DD's favorite coach made snide remarks. I honestly had NO idea that adults that work with children for a living would ever think it was appropriate to talk to a child that way. And this was a gym with a strong track record of producing great, high-level gymnasts. It's not like these coaches just fell off the turnip truck or something.

That's horrible they weren't civil with your DD.

I guess you need to assess the situation OP, if you're DD is moving to another gym to compete a level that is not supported at your current gym the coaches might understand a little more/wish your DD the best, however if you feel the gym just doesn't cater to you DD's needs and you find another gym that is 'better', I still think you should be the bigger person and say you're not coming back before your last training session

 

[Aussie_coach]

I am horrified to read this, for coaches to treat children like that is ridiculous and I am sure if this happens it just helps the parents to realise that they made the right decision in leaving.

If I child tells me they are leaving, even to go to another gym they will always be coached and treated just the same as any other child for as long as they are with us. If we happen to run into them at a competition it is always a friendly experience and go over and say hello, chat and congratulate them on any success they have.

Often they just think the grass is greener on the other side, and if you treat them well and they have a positive exit, they will come back when they discover it wasn't what they thought it was. ben if they don't come back they are still out there in schools, in the community and in the gymnastics community and they talk to people. If gyms treat them poorly the word will get around and this will really affect the reputation of the gym.

 

[kandkfunk]

If I child tells me they are leaving, even to go to another gym they will always be coached and treated just the same as any other child for as long as they are with us. If we happen to run into them at a competition it is always a friendly experience and go over and say hello, chat and congratulate them on any success they have.

It's great to hear from a mature, adult coach. Unfortunately, I've heard and seen so many crazy things, it makes my head spin. My DD's former coach had a policy that the girls couldn't acknowledge former teammates that switched. She actually told the girls to ignore them. I instructed my DD to ignore that rule. That's not the way we behave in our family.

When that coach left our gym and started her own gym, I knew we were in for some crazy, rude treatment. She far exceeded my expectations. She actually went out of her way to stand near our girls when they were competing and stared them down. She would make sure to be in their line of sight at all time. She would have her entire team line up and watch our girls compete with glares on their faces and arms crossed. It was rather creepy. Thankfully, by the end of the season, she sort of got over it and quit her antics, but the behavior just reinforced my belief that she was not a good role model for my child.

 

[fuzi]

I am horrified to read this, for coaches to treat children like that is ridiculous and I am sure if this happens it just helps the parents to realise that they made the right decision in leaving.

If I child tells me they are leaving, even to go to another gym they will always be coached and treated just the same as any other child for as long as they are with us. If we happen to run into them at a competition it is always a friendly experience and go over and say hello, chat and congratulate them on any success they have.

Often they just think the grass is greener on the other side, and if you treat them well and they have a positive exit, they will come back when they discover it wasn't what they thought it was. ben if they don't come back they are still out there in schools, in the community and in the gymnastics community and they talk to people. If gyms treat them poorly the word will get around and this will really affect the reputation of the gym.

This is how it is at my gym as well, and I am glad to hear this. The world is small, the gymnastics world is even smaller. Be civil, people.

 

[Hayleigh]

Depending on the terms by which people leave our gym, if we see them with their new team at a mixed team training session or a competition she always gets us to say hi to them and cheer them on as they go out to compete. it's just the way she is.

 

[lovethelord]

Coaches are invested in these gymnast so to find out a month prior that the gymnast is leaving for another gym would be hard for both the coach and gymnast. Hopefully you have gone to the coaches/gym owner with concerns and they've had a chance to resolve the issue and/or give you their input. It's hard either way but time does heal wounds that may occur from leaving.

 

[gymjunkie]

The reason that gyms don't want team kids to stick around if they are planning to leave is it causes dissension among those who are staying. If you are upfront and give notice, then it's public knowledge. That's not good because the kids (and maybe the parents) will want to know why you are leaving. Common answers are: BETTER coaching, BETTER equipment, BETTER team, etc. That hurts the morale of the kids who are staying, because their gym has just been called inferior. It also plant the seed that Gym X is a BETTER gym (maybe it is, maybe it isn't). Some parents blindly follow. Some parents who are leaving actually try to get their gymnast's teammates to go with them so that they can leave with a friend. If you are planning to leave, but keep it a secret -- word will quickly get out. No matter how much you bribe your child to keep quiet about the upcoming move, they won't. It's always the kid who shares "their secret" with at least one teammate (by the end of the night everyone knows). A teammate on the receiving end of the secret news will naturally ask the gymnast why they are leaving, and once again word gets around about the BETTER gym.

Even if your child keeps their mouth shut, it's not uncommon for gyms where your child is trying out to call your current gym and ask if there is anything they should know about you/your family before they take you on (problem parent? problem kid? outstanding balance?). Even if that doesn't happen, it's very common for a kid at the gym your gymnast is trying out at to recognize them and call their friend at your current gym to tell them your gymnast was trying out for their team last night.

Something else about the small world of gymnastics that parents should know. Us coaches are generally friends or at least friendly with the coaches from other gyms. We all put up with a lot of CGMs. If your gymnasts (or you as a parent) was a problem at our gym, don't think your new gym is not going to hear the entire story from us over a latte. I have even had coaches from other gyms who took on one of our crazies (will full knowledge) call us every so often to give updates on the kid/CGM (updates that they thought we might enjoy, because they were not positive). In the end, coaches are more loyal to other peer coaches -- not to the families of the kids we coach. That changes when you have been with a good kid/family for years and have taken them from pre-team up through optionals, but most of the "come and go" kids/families do not fit that description.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Yep, Try this, When you have done your research, watched a few workouts without your DD, talked to the HC of the new gym without your DD. already made your decision to leave or tryout, Then talk to your HC, see if anything can be worked out, be very honest. Your HC won't be happy but if you make it clear that at this point, you have not included your DD, they will understand that it is between the two of you. Everything will be out on the table. You might be surprised at the answers you get from the HC and the reasons why things are the way they are, and may be worked out. I really can't see a head coach throwing a tantrum at this point when it is just between the two of you. Then give it a few days, go tryout if you still want, but call the HC the night of the tryout and tell he/she you are leaving. That way your child does not have to return to the gym and be put in a position of having to lie to the coach about where she was, because by that time they will already know. Bottom line is you are not going to completely avoid anything, but being upfront and communicating is the best route for your child.

 

[Short Balding Guy]

The reason that gyms don't want team kids to stick around if they are planning to leave is it causes dissension among those who are staying. ......Something else about the small world of gymnastics that parents should know. Us coaches are generally friends or at least friendly with the coaches from other gyms. We all put up with a lot of CGMs. .....

+1. Plus we see the athletes ALL the time.

I, our gym, believe that good hello's and good goodbye's are the same. We welcome a gymnast and say to goodbye to a gymnast with a similar voice and intent. I provide the everyday message to our team athletes that respect for yourself, teammates, competitors, gym and staff is the basics of what we are. Good goodbye's are meaningful as we see the gymnasts FREQUENTLY at meets, training camps and even during travel. I have many current gymnasts who have friendships with athletes at other gyms - no worries!

It has been quite a read for me of the replies of this and the Changing Gyms at different levels. I have withheld reply, until now, as I am shocked with replies that speak to what I believe to be a few poorly executed gym changes examples. Let me speak that it is possible to change gyms for the right reasons and execute it well. I have witnessed and participated in such events were discression, empathy and excellent execution by parents and gym business gave respect and credit to all. Coachp gives his examples that would lead me to trust a phone call to his gym and a gym change would not produce huge anxiety. My empathy to those who have been wronged, but be assured this is not universal in the gymnastics business.

But make no mistake, it is personal when a gymnast (family) leaves. As coaches we spend 1,000+ hours/year for many years with the gymnast toiling and suffering the trail of this magnificent sport and it's life lessons. I am passionate with each gymnast as they work each day. Tough days - excellent days - all the days - athletes and coaches share the experience in the gym. My investment is filled with optimism, respect, effort and passion. Should a parent choose not to value that I am truly disappointed. It is personal - every occurrence. I have had gymnasts move to other gyms in our local area and come and visit me before they had off to their D1 or D3 scholarship opportunities. These events reassure me that the worlds human capital is to be appreciated.

Make no mistake it is also business. Team business does not pay the bulk of the bills, but it too is business. Integrity of the program, staff and team members is prized. When you leave, we discourage you from coming back by reminding you that the issues you had on leaving still remain. I believe our program to be consistent and high quality, hence if you ask to return, the concerns you had still remain. This does not make for the beginning of an excellent business relationship or athlete/coach long term relationship. Business keeps the short term in the eye, but the long term in the mind and bank. One client (family and athlete) leaving will not cause the business to fail, but I will protect the balance of the business strongly from disparaging/misleading influences. It takes years of effort, energy, resources and integrity to build a business. That investment IS important.

All the best to those making difficult decisions. It is personal to all involved. Be respectful and show integrity.

Best, SBG -

 

[profmom]

All of this makes me appreciate even more our boys' program director, who maintains friendly relationships with the handful of boys who've left our program for another gym in town. He always approaches them when their team is at a meet with us and checks in to see how they're doing. We even have a family with one boy who's on the other team because this gym's program wasn't a good fit for him. He just wants to see boys continue in gymnastics, and he is happy if it's working out for them somewhere else.

But certainly I can understand how difficult it is to get the message from a family who's been in your gym for years that your program isn't serving that child's needs, especially if the message is that you're not training at a high enough level to satisfy the child's and/or parents' ambitions. It's difficult to deliver that kind of message with humility and grace, and difficult to accept it in the same spirit. I agree with CoachP and SBG, though, that making the effort to communicate is well worth it, even if it doesn't work out well.

 

[Muddlethru]

Ok coachp, I get it about the lying. I honestly think if we parents knew letting the coaches know before hand would not adversely affect the treatment of our child, we would approach the gym switch differently. I never want to advocate lying. Though I stand my ground that withholding the truth is necessary in some situations. But if informed ahead of time about a potential gym switch, what exactly would you do with that information? Would training and your feelings for the gymnast remain unchanged? Would it matter if the gymnast leaving was talented as opposed to not talented? Would you prefer they leave immediately or stay another two weeks? Would you set boundaries on what the gymnast can tell her friends? How about the parents, will they be prohibited from speaking with other parents? What exactly happens after you are advised a gymnast is thinking of switching? Would you allow them to skip practice to check out another gym? I am assuming you will be truthful given how you feel about lying.

 

[happychaos]

==
read the last sentence in my post you are referring too.... Not to mention the OP asked and seems to be willing to handle the situation as best they can....

I wrote a post about how I think communication could fix a lot of these issues in the other thread. I won't rehash it. The problem is that I feel like you are condoning "bad behavior" by a coach, unless parents communicate on the coaches terms, in the exact manner the coach desires. I have not seen you express any concern for the children and families who have been humiliated, sneered at, shunned or otherwise harmed by these coaches. It seems you just want to blame the parents...and excuse the coaches. School teachers invest mightily in their students. Imagine a teacher humiliating a departing child in front of the class. At least at our school (non-union) the teacher would be fired immediately.

I need to stop posting on this now, but I would like you know that it not okay for a coach to treat a child in a way that demeans, belittles, or humiliates them, ever. I don't care if the child's parents are the biggest lying jerks in the world. Even if the parents have been backstabbers and rumor-starters, it is NOT okay to treat a child the way many here have been treated. In my mind, your refusal to condemn this behavior equates to acceptance.

SBG- your post is perfect. I wish every coach would print it out and reference it frequently. THIS is the attitude I expect of a professional who works with children. Thank you!!!!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Ok coachp, I get it about the lying. I honestly think if we parents knew letting the coaches know before hand would not adversely affect the treatment of our child, we would approach the gym switch differently. I never want to advocate lying. Though I stand my ground that withholding the truth is necessary in some situations. But if informed ahead of time about a potential gym switch, what exactly would you do with that information? Would training and your feelings for the gymnast remain unchanged? Would it matter if the gymnast leaving was talented as opposed to not talented? Would you prefer they leave immediately or stay another two weeks? Would you set boundaries on what the gymnast can tell her friends? How about the parents, will they be prohibited from speaking with other parents? What exactly happens after you are advised a gymnast is thinking of switching? Would you allow them to skip practice to check out another gym? I am assuming you will be truthful given how you feel about lying.

=
thought I pretty much explained it in my post. so here comes a novel.
First off,
According to everything I said, the child has no idea, this is between a parent and a coach. I am going to use this time to try and explain to the parent why what we are doing is correct for the child, they are going to question and ultimately make a decision. Once they decide to leave,,, they should leave, I mean why would you remain for weeks ? Understand also that in the past we (coaches) have had numerous problem with parents sitting in the stands and drumming up trouble as they prepare to leave in an attempt to get others to do the same. So for the sake of protecting a business and the team, when you decide to leave you should do so. Prohibit a parent for speaking to others? NO we live in America so we can't do that, but we don't really want you sitting in the stands for two weeks face to face stirring everyone up, and make no mistake it does happen often if you let it. And obviously if a parent is using the "reply all" button from a gym email to blast out hate mail to everyone, we will request them not to, (yes this has happened)..... Set boundaries for a gymnast? NO again we live in America and kids will always be friends etc.. Talent or no talent? Kid is a kid, but sometimes the kids with less talent have the parents who are most unhappy, so the discussion is a little different. It's not easy to tell a parent that one child has more or less talent, (doesn't go over well).
This is all I am saying (and again this is just my opinion), do your homework, talk to the coach before you talk with your DD. Try and work it out. If not then tell them you are thinking about leaving but you DD doesn't know YET. Bottom line is after everything you are not happy, so you are leaving anyways, take your DD to her tryout and tell the coach that night what you did and you are leaving. done....

I don't hide who I am here, I have seriously had kids sneak out and try out then comeback and lie,, and yes I notified the parents that they were no longer a part of the team. (I am not mean to the kids, but am usually a little offended that they lie to me, so don't expect a party when you leave). I have also had two athletes who left and i took them back, the parents were very nice when they left, couldn't handle the drive then came back. I also have had a few others leave the same way but for the "going to the better gym" reasons. I wasn't jumping for joy but I talk with them whenever I see them.
So to some this may sound horrible, and that we should just be robots and no matter what happens be full of joy and professional,,, ,, well easier said than done when emotions are involved. It's a slap in the face, literally when a parent/ child leave . OKAY! Probably not the best analogy but,,,,, the following analogy will at least give you an insight into the emotional aspect. Divorce,,,, (no! leaving a gym isn't quite as harsh or drastic but again just hear me out about the emotional aspect) If your husband wants a divorce (or you want one), and you talk it out and talk about separation, it will not go well! but probably a lot better than if one of you gets caught cheating on the other! lol! right? Again, not quite the same, but I am trying to get people to understand that EMOTIONS that are present. A lying and cheating husband is going to suffer a much worse break up than the one who tries and tries and then ultimately asks for a divorce prior to cheating and sneaking.... Not to mention you probably are not going to want him/her around the house for another couple of weeks!!! That was a joke. So obviously I wouldn't consider leaving a gym as horrible as a Divorce, but I also wouldn't consider it to be, buying groceries at another store, or hiring a new contractor or getting a new client,,,,,, Some coaches do go overboard and I am not defending them, but most of the time the parents, sneak the kid around then the kid lies and we are left hurting. Then we are chastised for being upset, although some may take it too far...

Here is a real story from my past and a prime reason why I have this opinion,, this happened to me and was the last time I allowed a parent to continue working out in the gym after they gave notice.
Here Goes... The mom actually did meet with me and let me know that they were considering leaving. I did my best, but found out a week later that they were already actually over at the other gym training, but she wanted to finish out the week (I think it was two days).
I reluctantly said okay, and expressed my concerns that her DD was in fact a very nervous kid and I could completely tell over the last week that something was wrong with her, she looked very jittery and was falling all over the place on things she usually could do, her vault entries were very nervous and dangerous etc... her mom said, "oh yea she pulled in on her flyaway at the other gym and smacked both shins on the bar but she was fine after that etc...." I replied, "well it's probably in her best interests that she just say her goodbyes now and be on her way, I don't want her getting hurt". Her mother was pretty set on her finishing the week and frankly I just didn't want to argue about it. So fast forward about an hour to my bar rotation with her child. Naturally we are all working giants and flyaways, and her little DD (who already competed it) was in line, I asked her if she would rather go to the pit bar and do them, she said she was fine and laughed. So here goes,,,, Giant, giant , Pull in missed her head by a fraction of an inch and I caught her in a cradle position and we both could have gotten seriously injured. So i was a little annoyed and sent her to the pit bar because everything that I thought was potentially going to happen had just happened. Nothing more happened and she gave everyone a hug and left at the end of workout..... Fast forward the next day and a flash email was sent out the entire team on how "I almost didn't spot her kid and then sent her away from the group to work on the pit bar and how awful I was for doing that".. I am not sure how you almost don't spot someone but apparently that is what I did... The only problem was the entire group saw me cradle her, and heard me send her over to the pit bar. So the kids actually banned together in an uproar against the child.... lasted years... Anyways,,,, lesson learned....

 

[Muddlethru]

Coachp, I am somewhat confused and feel you missed my point and/or did not respond to my questions. Further you completely validate our decision to lie.

Once again I get all the consequences of "lying" between coach and gymnast. That is not my question. I was inquiring what a coach would do if a parent were to discuss possibly switching gyms. What would/could a coach do with that information? How would it affect the treatment of the gymnast? The family? The possibility of staying after more research is done? All my questions were geared towards approaching a gym switch as you described, by being honest first before actually switching. But it seems like to you there is no middle ground. Your post is exactly why parents find the need to sneak around. It is evident you want them out the moment they look around. As such, it appears to me it really has nothing to do with the gymnast lying to you.

 

[gracyomalley]

this whole situation is difficult. I do have to say that with recent gym change for DD I did not tell her I was contemplating it until I had decided. I did not sit down with her old HC to discuss it because my reasons had to do with our family (had 2 boys already competing for 4 years at her new gym as it has the only boys program) and issues I had with the old HCs behavior with the girls which I think would be disrespectful to plaster all over this forum. I have not discussed these things with DD much either as I don't wish to ruin her memories of the coach she loved/loves and who in most instances was a very good coach for her - but whose behavior I didn't want her exposed to as she got older and more aware. I'm not a prude - this was over the top, recurrent behavior and effected the girls involved more as they became aware of it.

Turns out that she had several friends whose parents were also aware of the above behavior who were also waiting until after the end of the season to move their daughters. All of them Level 7-8 and early adolescents. None of the parents discussed any of it with me prior to the move, but actually the day after DD moved the dam broke (not really, just 4 kids). Looks like a bunch of CGMs who planned it out, eh?

However, all were waiting until this time (after end of the year awards, before summer sessions) in order to be respectful of their commitment to the team and coach. All were doing what they thought was in their daughters best interest for her long term health and happiness - with the hopes that gymnastics would go well also, but not because the "grass will be greener".

Every situation will be different, and all we can do is be respectful of each other and the decisions made. I expect DD will handle herself well around her former team, as she has been gracious to the girls on her brothers' (now her) team for 4 years, and they have treated her kindly as well. The HCs hate each other and as a family we were in an untenable situation, so I have to honestly say that I feel great sadness leaving that gym family, but relief as well that I finally knew it was the right thing to do.
So, coaches, yes some parents may be sneaking, looking for the team that will make Suzy an olympian, and trying to get others to move with them. Some just don't know the best way to handle this sticky mess. And sometimes when a group of girls leave at the same time it just might be about the coach and not the girls....in any case, I want my DD to learn to behave in a professional way with those she works with when she is an adult, and a kind one. We have done our absolute best to do so in this instance and hope all parents and coaches would as well.