Parents Clingy child and competitions

[OzZee]

My youngest is a mummy's girl and we have had tears with one of her sports with regards me leaving her. I think I know most of the triggers, strange places, not sure what she should be doing (umm let her coach tell her), different people, and mostly just wanting me to be there.
Most times recently we've worked through this with me staying until she is well into warm up.

My concern, she is meant to be competing this year.
How will she not cry at a competition?
Surely, not having me with her, going off with her coach and a couple of team mates (she is younger than most competing so is unlikely to be in a large group) into a strange 'room' with lots of strangers (other competitors) will be too much for her?

She wants it so (so!) much and believes she won't cry, but she also says that about training and then on a bad (a lot of) days she can't follow through. She says she doesn't know why she cries, she just wants me. (whether I am there or not).

So has anyone's child who was like this successfully competed? I just can't see her going off and doing it no matter how much she wants it.

Anything I can say to her?
I do want to help her follow her dreams, but a lot of me I have to admit just wants to throw in the towel and surely if I find the tears stressful so does she. (as it's her stress I'm feeling I guess).
btw she is just 6.

 

[gymmomtoo]

Talk it up about how well she's doing. And when it gets closer talk it through. What will happen, which coach will be there, where you will be sitting etc. I know for young kids some parents do the kiss to the hand so mom is always with her (and your daughter is young so she might like that). And if after a meet or two she is really stressed there is nothing wrong with stopping competitions and waiting a year!

 

[krisnkids]

My daughter was like that when she was younger, but by the time she was competing her coach was her second mom so it was no big deal. She actually loved it when she was at a competition by herself w/ her coach, I was so thankful for such a great coach for her.
Do you stay to watch practices? If you do I would start weaning yourself away from it so she gets used to you not being there and doing gymnastics. If she has a problem, she needs to go to the coach etc. You should also let the coach know your concerns as well.

 

[OzZee]

Thanks I'll try the kiss to the hand thing for practice tomorrow, I can see her loving that.

Oh I have no problem with stopping competitions for both sports for at least a year (or many more, lol, we are just about to start comp season here, and omg I am dreading it), but she is so focused and adamant about doing them. I just dont' see it working. I don't see how if she can't gain that confidence day to day sometimes how she will in a stressful environment (my older dd went into her first comp thinking it was the best thing ever, came out hating competing, hated the stress of it, and why should she have to do that to train the thing she loved doing).

edited to reply to krisinkids
- no I don't stay all practice, I have other kids to get to their activities. In one sport she is pretty good at separating (more friends, they start into warm up quicker) but the other is pretty bad and I've done not staying at all to staying till she is warming up (which works better) but at the end of the day I can't do any of these things at a comp, she has to go off with her coach and maybe team mates and lots of strangers and compete, and maybe not even be able to see me.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

I would just keep doing what you are doing and preparing her for when she competes. When you get to the competition show her exactly where you will be sitting, maybe have a secret hand signal that you can do to each other so you can connect. Wear something bright that she will be able to pick out in the crowd. Ultimately, she is either going to cry or not. You won't know until you get there and it actually happens. If she does, she does. She will not be the first, nor the last 6 year old who cried or didn't make it through a competition. The world won't end and the sun will come out tomorrow. You just never know what kids will do. She could surprise you and rise to the occasion. She knows at practice that she has access to you, and she knows at a competition she doesn't. If she wants it bad enough she will do it. I have a six year old that won't compete for another year. They are so young. Waiting another year wouldn't be the end of the world either

 

[my4buffaloes]

It might help to go to a competition before she actually competes in one. This way she can see how it all works, she can ask you all sorts of questions, you can explain things, etc. and then for her competition - get there early to let her get accustomed to the new place and see where everything is and get a feel for how that comp will run. Good luck!

 

[OzZee]

LOL yes I guess she may react completely differently than I expect.
my4buffaloes, she has been to many competitions as a sibling so I think she does sort of understand how it works - though not sure how much that's just been playing with her friends, but I've mentioned venues and how she couldnt see her sister/and vice versa, but she says it'll be fine she can't wait and wants it so much.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see,(would love to hear from someone where it has worked, lol, as I'm so sure it wont') lol, hate wasting money and stress though.

 

[Natasha]

Several years ago my dd's gym "little sis" cried at her first L4 competition (age 6) and did not do the first comp. She did manage to compete a few competitions that year and did okay. Fast forward 3 years and she is a very good L7 rocking out all her competitions with no separation or anxiety issues. For her she just needed a little time to mature.

 

[BlairBob]

Umm, she is 6 years old. It's Level IV or whatever in Kangarooland.

If mom or dad is in the crowd, I let them get a hug before we walk on the floor. If said kid wants to grab a hug on downtime, no problemo.

If said child needs a hug and we have time, I let them go get one quickly.

She is 6, a first year competitor and entry level. Big whoop.

 

[OzZee]

Well quite frankly I find that extremely rude and unnecessary!

Umm, she is 6 years old. It's Level IV or whatever in Kangarooland.

If mom or dad is in the crowd, I let them get a hug before we walk on the floor. If said kid wants to grab a hug on downtime, no problemo.

If said child needs a hug and we have time, I let them go get one quickly.

She is 6, a first year competitor and entry level. Big whoop.

You may not care about my daughter (or our country obviously) but I do care about my daughter. If you don't have anything constructive to say do not say anything at all. Being rude is not nice.

 

[OzZee]

Umm, she is 6 years old. It's Level IV or whatever in Kangarooland.


She is 6, a first year competitor and entry level. Big whoop.

I so hope you have never let this attitude of yours follow through to your young competitors. It is a big whoop to them and I am horrified to think that as a coach (though I gather you aren't coaching anymore) that that is your attitude to your young kids.(or not so young beginner kids - for each of these children it isn't about the level they are at, it's about the work they put into it and doing their best and for every single one of those kids it's a big whoop. NO matter what country they are from, their level or their age)

 

[Quadqueen]

While BlairBob probably didn't exactly choose the right words, I think when he was saying "big whoop," he meant, you as her mother need to take a step back and relax...in the whole scheme of things, this isn't a big deal, and is not uncommon at this age/level. I don't think he meant it's no big deal to the child. I do agree he could have said that another way

 

[SignHere]

No, I took it to mean, Big whoop if they run get a hug even if they aren't supposed to even talk to their parents during competitions.

I be pleased as punch if my DDs coach were that understanding . Another instance of the Internet forum allowing for miscommunication because of lack of tone of voice, body language, etc.

 

[spgymnastics]

Well, clingy is my DD's middle name. Was anyway.. She was older when she started to compete but we had this annoying routine where she would be super excited at home before practice jumping up and down can't wait to go etc. and the minute we got to the gym she would start crying not wanting me to leave.. (she has been like that with new places in general).

We never had an issue in her meets. What really helped is that her coach explained to them that once they get to the meet they are theirs and parents are Not allowed. That clear boundary and te fact that she kind of had to tell me I am not allowed to walk in with her etc. really helped.

 

[iwannacoach]

I totally understood, from BlairBob's post, that he was suggesting solutions as well as saying don't worry about her clingy behavior as she's only six and the issue will resolve itself over time. Ya know, one way or the other we're all in this together..... parent, coach, and child, and the solutioins offered should be tolerable, if not welcomed with/for/by any coach who isn't sitting on a high horse looking down upon anything that that doesn't quack like a future elite.

Taken it at face value, he admitted he doesn't know the level system.... or whatever.... where you live, and then offered solid advice, and finished by "blowing off" people who don't "get it" by regarding them with the "big whoop."

 

[BlairBob]

Ok, to clear things up:

1. She is 6 years old.

2. This is her first year of competition. Technically L4 is supposed to be considered Competitive-Recreational here in the US though in practice a big majority of parents and gyms treat it that it's a must to have a 38AA or you will not make it as a L5.

3. I mean you don't need to tear your hair out because it's the first year of competition and she is 6.

I understand it's a big deal to them and if I'm the L4 coach, it's a big deal to me (because ultimately it's my reputation and job on the line) My goal for my L4's is to let them have fun, ENJOY competition and training, and get some medals or ribbons. I am not downplaying how much competing means to them.

I have no problems if they need a hug from mom, dad, grandma/dad, etc. I would encourage it. I need them functioning and if that means I gotta walk them to mom or dad in the stands, so be it. Fortunately, most 6yo can get there themselves by this age. If you can't get to the bathroom and water fountain by yourself, you will not make it in my group.

This first year of competition may be like her first day of school in that regard. She will have and end up learning how to stand on her own in the gym and at competitions. It's actually a little bit easier in the sense that at least you will still be there in the stands.

If it's too much, I guess she could become a non-competing gymnast that travels with the team or have her go and watch from the stands.